12

Knock. Knock. Knock. Penny and Nora.

Knock. Knock. Knock. Penny and Nora.

Knock. Knock. Knock. Penny and Nora.

"Hi Sheldon. Come on in. Penny's in the bedroom on the phone with her dad. Make yourself comfortable."

Sheldon sat down on Nora's couch in what was now his spot in Penny's apartment.

"When Penny's done we're probably going to order some Chinese. Does that work for you?"

"As it's Friday, Chinese cuisine would be appropriate. Will anyone else be joining us?"

"Penny checked with Howard and Raj and they're both still pretty busy cleaning their apartments, so no. It's just the three of us. Are you okay with that?"

"I am."

"Would you like something to drink?"

"A diet coke would be nice, please."

"Sure."

"Nora?"

"Yes, Sheldon?"

"May I ask you a couple of questions? Feel free to say no. I don't wish to be intrusive."

"Ask away, sweetie."

"We've spent some time together and I have come to like you quite a bit but it occurs to me that I don't know very much about you beyond that Penny met you at school and that you moved in with her after you discovered your girlfriend cheating on you. I would like to know a bit more about you, if you don't mind."

"Well, I'm not really one of those people who walks into a room and then gives their entire back story, but sure, I'd be happy to tell you a bit more about myself."

"One of the other things I was curious about is that you've told people when you meet them that you work as a bartender, but you don't seem to have gone to work as long as you've been living here."

"Okay. Well, this will all make more sense if I tell you in order. Okay?"

"Okay."

"I grew up in Portland which is where my family still lives. I got kind of tired of grey skies so I decided to move down here about a year ago and try to get some acting work. I don't expect to get famous but I get a bit of background and extra work and I'm satisfied with that. I was staying with friends for a while and got a steady job bartending at a place called Manny's. Do you know what a gentleman's club is, Sheldon?"

"I believe it's a place where women dance and remove their clothing to entertain men."

"Basically, yes. Manny's is a little different because the owner/manager is a really nice guy and he keeps the place pretty much on the up and up. That means no drugs and no prostitution and it's not connected to organized crime. It's actually kind of a nice place to work. And the money is pretty good. Anyway, shortly after I started working there I started dating Wendy who was one of the dancers and moved in with her. When I went home early from work one night I caught Wendy in bed with another woman. I had become friends with Penny when we took the same history class at Pasadena City College so I called her and she said I could stay with her. And here we are."

"But what about your job?"

"Yeah. I was pretty upset about Wendy and I really wasn't comfortable about seeing her every day so Jeff, the manager, said I should take some time off. He called me a couple of days ago to tell me that Wendy gave notice and she's leaving town after next week so I'm going back to work then."

"Will you be moving back to the apartment you shared with Wendy?"

"No, it really wasn't my place and I kind of like it here. Penny needs a roommate to cover the costs and I'm liking the new friends I'm making. Is it okay with you if I stay, Sheldon?"

"As Penny will no doubt tell you, I do not make friends easily. But I have quite enjoyed the time we've spent together and I admit I would be very sad to see you leave."

"I've enjoyed the time I've spent with you too, Sheldon. May I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"It's actually not about you. It's about your assistant, Alex. Do you know whether she's currently involved with anyone?"

"To be quite honest, Nora, I am not typically very interested in such things. Alex is a valuable assistant and will someday likely be a brilliant theoretical physicist. Beyond knowing that she hails from Iowa and that she is in good health and has paid her parking tickets I do not know very much. Are you interested in her in a romantic capacity?"

"Maybe. She seemed very sweet in your office."

"Is that why you asked Penny to invite her to Girl's Night?"

"You saw that, huh?"

"It was, after all, happening right in front of me."

"Would it be a problem if we were to become friends?"

"I don't believe so. As long as it does not interfere with her work with me Alex is free to do as she pleases."

"So you'd be okay if you maybe saw her socially a bit more."

"I enjoy her company at work. I have no objection. I should point out that she is yet another woman that my roommate Leonard has set his sights on."

"I thought he had his heart set on Penny."

"When I first met Leonard he only dated occasionally and not terribly successfully. However, since he and Penny first became involved he has been involved in a number of relationships and I believe he is now not comfortable unless he is in a relationship. However, he has always been enamored of Penny, even when he was with others."

"I get the feeling that you didn't like it when they were dating."

"Leonard is not worthy of someone like Penny. She deserves better."

Penny walked back into the living room, having completed her phone call.

"Thank you, Sheldon."

"Well, you do."

"So what have you guys been talking about?"

"I've been learning a bit more about the woman I'm 'dating'."

"Yeah, I guess today's events mean we'll need to switch gears on that."

"Yes. Convincing Amy Farrah Fowler to break up with me seems pointless now that she has violated our Relationship Agreement. Are you certain that sending a termination email will not suffice to end this charade?"

"Sheldon, while I'm sure it would work, it would be wrong. I wouldn't want to be dumped in an email and I don't think that you're really the kind of person who would do something like that. Despite what Amy's done, she deserves to hear it from you face-to-face."

"I know you're right. Will you help me prepare?"

"Sweetie, if you need me to, I'll be there with you. For moral support."

"Thank you Penny."

"We still have Leonard to contend with."

"Before I came over tonight he asked me to put in a good word for him with you."

"Are you doing that?"

"Certainly not and I informed him thusly. However he obviously believes that you will eventually reconcile with him."

"That's why we need to convince him that will never, ever happen. My dad is coming next weekend and he'll be arriving early Friday morning and he'll help with that. Leonard can't know he's coming."

"Then you shouldn't have told me, Penny. You know how I am with secrets."

"Which is why you will barely see Leonard between now and Friday. I want you to plan to sleep here and Nora will continue to have lunch with you every day. Right, Nora?"

"Right. Except I'd appreciate it if you also invited Alex to join us for lunch."

"So if I understand what we are doing correctly. I am fake-dating Nora to prevent Penny's ex-boyfriend from learning anything about what we are doing while at the same time helping her get to know my assistant Alex as a prospective future girlfriend."

"Sounds about right. But there's a bit more and this might be where you get a bit uncomfortable, Sheldon."

"Alright?"

"Obviously Leonard refuses to accept the reality that we are never getting back together."

"His statement earlier this evening evidences that."

"Do you think that if Leonard believes that I'm sleeping with someone else that he will be convinced?"

"Penny, Leonard already believes that you are having lesbian sex with Nora and that only intrigues him."

"I thought so. Do you agree with me that despite you coming over here with your pajamas and toothbrush it is unlikely that Leonard will conclude from just that evidence that you, and Nora and I might have had sex?"

"Leonard has known me for a long time. I believe that unless he was to witness it himself he would not believe it. I'm not certain I would either."

"That's what I figured. If there was evidence that I was having a relationship including sex with someone he knows very well do you think that would at least confuse him?"

"I believe that is possible."

"Nora, this was your freaking idea. Why don't you tell him?"

"Sheldon, Leonard needs to see evidence that you slept with and had sex with the both of us."

"I'm not certain I understand."

"We need to take pictures of us in bed together."

"I don't think I could do that."

"Sheldon, you don't really need to do anything. You can even still wear your pajamas."

"I don't understand."

"You would be in your pajamas but Penny and I would be naked. You've already seen both of us naked, right."

"R…right?"

"So all you'd need to do is lie down on the bed and me and Penny will do the rest."

"But how would Leonard see the photographs? I will not send them through email. And I would not want anyone to possess copies of them. That could be harmful to all of us."

"Sheldon, I thought maybe you could make them your screen saver. Your computer is password protected, right? So no one could actually remove them from your computer or access the files."

"Correct."

"And at least for the time being the only people going into your apartment that could see your screen saver are you and Leonard and maybe the two of us. All of our group activities are taking place over here. And I have a feeling that Leonard won't be making another coitus connection over there in the near future, especially not as long as he still harbors any hope of getting back together with me."

"Aside from my personal discomfort this actually sounds like a workable plan. Depending on the quality of the photographs, Leonard would have no choice but to conclude that the three of us had…"

"Fucked."

"Yes, Nora."

"And as soon as our plan has succeeded we could destroy the files and anyone would think that Leonard had imagined the whole thing."

"Penny, it seems to me that you are trying to do something more that just get even with Leonard for showing the Serial Apist clip to his friends on the boat."

"That's because I am. And you absolutely need to be okay with this. If you're not we'll just stop."

"Penny, what are you trying to do?"

"Sheldon, Leonard hasn't just been a bad boyfriend to me, he's been a bad friend to you going all the way back to the Arctic thing. I think we would both be a lot better off if he moved out."

"But he has thus far done nothing to violate out Roommate Agreement."

"Sheldon, I think that you'd agree with me at this point that your agreements are now hurting you a whole lot more than they're helping you."

"I'm forced to admit that has lately become the case."

"I think we need to make Leonard know that there is nothing for him here and that he'd be better off elsewhere. And my father's visit next weekend will seal the deal."

"Penny, I'm not sure I want to live alone. I don't wish to be cut off from regular social contact. And the thought of having to find a new roommate gives me a tummy ache."

"Sheldon, I have an idea about that too and I think you'll like it."

"Can you tell me?"

"One step at a time, Moonpie."

"So, pictures first or dinner first?"

"I prefer not wearing my pajamas at dinner."

Next: After dinner activities

A/N: As you will see if you peruse the reviews for this tale, our resident troll has resurfaced with a new identity to spread his scent. If you wish to join me in banishing them, the new pen name is SheldonH8tsShenny, User ID 1 545645. Please feel free to block and report for harassment and language. Thank you.