A/N: Again, my profound thanks to my reviewers: MsRainey, Kisdota-The Freak Gamer, koalababay, kissychan, Drink. Juice, cloudlover2989, punkiemonkie, chinatulip, amos whirly, bluMaverick, vx-Luna-xv, Creative Spark, Rend, CallMeClandestine, goatgod, Sorrelstar, Nymphadora, midnitestarz, and Anarani.
"Tifa! Cloud!" Marlene ran out of Barret's house in Corel and flung herself on both of them. "You're back! I've missed you so much!"
Tifa laughed and kissed the crown of her head. "Missed you too, sweetie." She looked up as Denzel exited the house, his hands in his pockets and a grin on his face. "And you too," she said, pulling him into a tight hug. "Have you been eating your vegetables?"
Cloud couldn't help but chuckle. Five seconds back with the kids and Tifa was automatically in mother mode. He had to admit, as he ruffled Denzel's hair, that he had missed them, too. His and Tifa's two week honeymoon had been amazing, but it was also good to be picking up the kids and heading home again.
"Yes," Denzel answered Tifa in resignation. "And brushing our teeth, and taking showers, and all that other stuff."
"Hey, it's the lovebirds!" Barret came out of the house and crossed his arms.
Tifa let go of the kids and stepped forward to hug Barret tightly. "Thanks for holding down the fort, Barret."
"Pshaw, ain't nothin'. It was good to have the kids around." Barret lifted Tifa off the ground and squeezed her hard enough to make her let out a muffled "eep!" before setting her back and holding at arm's length. "Well, Spiky, guess you done good; I ain't never seen Tifa glow so much."
Tifa waved him off and a smile touched Cloud's lips.
"Why don't you stay for dinner, 'less you're in a hurry to be off," Barret said.
"That would be great," Tifa said, stepping toward the door. "Do you need help with anything?"
"You jus' stay outta the kitchen," Barret told her. "I handled feeding the kids for two weeks; I think I can handle feeding you two without givin' you food poisoning or somethin'."
They had a pleasant meal, and then packed the kids and their bags into Barret's truck. He gave them all a lift over to Rocket Town, where Cid was going to fly them back over to Edge. It had either been that or try to take a boat and rent cars to get across the sea, but taking the Shera was decidedly the fastest way. Cloud spotted a few monsters on the drive, but none that tried to attack the truck.
Despite feeling rather airsick, Cloud had a nice trip home. Marlene and Denzel were both full of energy and stories about their two weeks in Corel and the day that Barret had taken them to the Gold Saucer. Cloud was happy to sit up on the deck with Tifa leaning against him while Marlene and Denzel chattered to them.
It was well into the night before the Shera landed at the outskirts of Edge. Marlene had fallen asleep sprawled across Tifa's lap, and Denzel had dozed off against Cloud's shoulder. Cloud roused a groggy Denzel, who stumbled to his feet. Tifa lifted a sleeping Marlene onto Cloud's back. He grabbed onto her to keep her from falling off and Tifa wrapped an arm around Denzel, steering him in the right direction.
Cid came out of the cockpit to see them off. "Thanks for the lift, Cid," Tifa said gratefully.
"Yeah, yeah. You just get those kids to bed."
They soon arrived home and went inside. The smell of the bar was both familiar yet strange after being away for two weeks. "Welcome home," Tifa said, carefully lifting Marlene off of Cloud's back. She gave him a brilliant smile before carrying Marlene toward the stairs, ushering Denzel in front of her.
Home. It was the same as it had always been, but somehow felt subtly different. Cloud knew, though, that the only difference was in him. It was always in him. The longer he was there, the longer he was with Tifa, his sense of home and belonging grew and deepened. As he stood there in the welcoming bar that was covered in Tifa's touch, he knew that no matter what came, he could never go backward. This was where he had always been meant to be…with Tifa, wherever she was.
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Chapter Twelve
Tifa let go of Cloud's hand when the memorial service was over. He was kind of surprised that she had held it as long as she had--surprised that she had taken it at all. It was still hard to let go. He didn't want to let go. The whole service had left him numb and angry and aching, and the pressure of Tifa's hand had been comforting, reassuring.
Some people began to walk away, some stood talking, hugging, or crying. Marlene and Denzel were still with their friends. Marlene's shoulders were still shaking, but Denzel still had his arm around her and another girl around Marlene's age was holding one of her hands.
It wasn't long before Cloud and Tifa were approached by Reeve, who had been there to head the memorial and who had read the names of everyone who had died. "Cloud, Tifa, good to see you; I'm just sorry it's under these circumstances."
Tifa was looking at Reeve blankly, so Cloud said, "Tifa, this is Reeve Tuesti."
Tifa's hand automatically went out, and then she seemed to realize she was already supposed to know him, and she flushed and pulled her hand back. Reeve took her hand anyway, giving it a firm squeeze before letting go. "I'm sorry to hear about your memory loss. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call."
"Thanks." Tifa tucked her hair behind her ear. "You're in charge of the WRO, right?"
"I am, though there are days I wonder why." A faint smile crossed Reeve's face. "Cloud, I got your message about the delivery service. You know I'd be more than happy to help. I've got some people who can work on getting your packages to and from wherever they need to get until you're ready to take over again."
Cloud nodded at him. "Thanks." That was one load off of him, anyway; he didn't want to lose the delivery service and he had known if he didn't get some help soon, he would start losing customers. "I appreciate it."
Someone behind Reeve was trying to get his attention, and he shot Cloud and Tifa an apologetic glance. "I'll talk to you two soon. Take care."
As soon as Reeve turned to talk to the person behind him, Tifa was accosted by a short blur of flailing limbs. "Tifa! How've you been?" Yuffie disentangled herself from Tifa. She wasn't wearing her usual smile, and given their surroundings and the service they had just sat through, he wasn't surprised. "I hear you're opening the bar tomorrow. I'd offer to help--"
Cloud tried not to wince; he knew Yuffie's kind of help…it would involve some broken glass, a fight or two, and maybe some impromptu karaoke.
"--but I'm kinda busy so I'll have to take a rain check. I've gotta head out this afternoon." Yuffie hugged her arms around herself. "Have to poke into a few reports I got and then I've gotta swing by Professor Dorkus's in Mideel."
"Professor Dorne's?" Cloud corrected dryly.
Yuffie waved a hand dismissively. "Reeve's having me drop off our monster evidence to him for further analysis, 'cause he might be able to find out more about it than our scientists here could. Which is why I'll have to wait to help out at Seventh Heaven until after I get back. It shouldn't take me too long to take care of things. Just make sure you save me some of the good sake, okay, Tifa?"
Tifa was looking back and forth between Cloud and Yuffie with that mild confusion on her face, and at this last, she blinked and said, "Um, okay."
Yuffie squeezed Tifa and said, "I'm gonna say hi to Denz and Marls." She headed off toward the kids.
"What exactly does Yuffie do at the WRO?" Tifa asked Cloud.
"She's in charge of intelligence gathering and espionage."
Tifa stared at Yuffie as she stepped up behind Marlene and wrapped her in a hug. "Really."
"Don't let her fool you. She is a ninja. She's clumsy when she's trying to show off, and an endless chatterbox, but she's much smarter and more cunning than some people give her credit for. She can talk a person so upside down and sideways that she can find out a lot of things. What she can't get by talking, she gets by sneaking." Cloud paused. "You also have to watch your pockets when Yuffie's around. She has quick fingers and a fascination with shiny objects."
Tifa looked at Cloud as if uncertain as to whether he was being serious.
Marlene broke away from the other children and walked over to Tifa and Cloud. Her face was tear-streaked and her eyes were red, but she wasn't crying anymore. "Can we go home now, please?" she whispered.
Cloud nodded at her and went to see if Denzel was ready to leave, or if he wanted to stay with the other kids for a while. He opted to go home, and he and Marlene walked a little ahead of Cloud and Tifa on their way back to Seventh Heaven.
"Who's this Professor Dorne that Yuffie's going to see?" Tifa asked Cloud quietly.
Cloud shot her a quick look, wondering if she had remembered something or if she was just curious. Judging from her expression, she was just curious. Part of him was disappointed, but the other part of him was relieved. He was completely drained after sitting through the memorial and he wasn't sure he was up for reliving the first huge argument they'd had after they got married. Mideel was a place full of memories from his past and hers, both years earlier and in times more recent. Not bad memories, but…exhausting ones. Carefully, he said, "Dorne's a scientist who moved down to Mideel after Meteor. He's made it his life's work to study Jenova cells and the Lifestream."
"And the Lifestream in Mideel is right at the surface," Tifa said slowly. "Which would make it easier to study."
"Yeah. Reeve employs him sometimes when he needs to consult someone about Jenova cells or the Lifestream." He really did not want to discuss this particular subject at any more depth, not right now. Fortunately, Tifa didn't ask anything else, and they walked in silence the rest of the way back to the bar.
The rest of the afternoon and evening were busy with preparations to open Seventh Heaven the next day. Tifa normally had the bar open from noon until ten, and the bar was always closed on Thursdays for their family day together. Despite most of the other bars in Edge staying open much later at night, Tifa was never lacking for customers. The people who came to Seventh Heaven knew it was a family friendly place, and the ones that didn't soon found out.
By the time the kids went to sleep, Cloud had gone to pick up the stuff on Tifa's list, the meals for the next day had been planned, the glasses and plates were organized, napkins were stacked under the bar, and the cashbox was full of gil to make change. They were as ready as they could be for the reopening.
Despite the normality of the latter part of the day, Cloud felt anything but normal. He had been pushing himself forward all week, trying to take one step at a time, and his footsteps were beginning to drag. He was clinging to a calm demeanor, trying to keep his family together, but with each passing hour in each passing day the weight of it all just got heavier and heavier. Denzel's stark silences, Marlene's nightmares, Tifa's amnesia...he couldn't fix it. Not any of it. And there was no relief, no release. Tifa was helping with the kids as much as she could, giving comfort to Marlene and pulling Denzel into conversations--as short as they might be--but it was still difficult for all of them.
Just make it through today, he kept telling himself. Everyone's still here. This is your family and your home and you're all alive to make this work again. But he could not stop the lingering doubt or fear that maybe they couldn't make it work again. That maybe Tifa wouldn't remember him, or she would remember the painful things, that maybe she would wonder why she had ever decided to marry him. It was a small, irritating voice in the back of his mind, and he did his best to brush it away, frustrated because these were doubts and fears that he had already laid to rest. He would be damned if he let them come back to him now. He'd just been trying not to think about it. If he really let everything that had been happening get into his head, it started consuming him. It was easier to push it back, shove it down. Easier to stand strong when he wasn't being consumed with his own frustrations and pain.
Nights were especially difficult. In the past months, nights had been something Cloud had always looked forward to as time to spend with Tifa after the kids were in bed. Even if he was out on a delivery, he'd had coming home to Tifa to look forward to. But now, when night fell on Seventh Heaven and the kids were sleeping, he was at a loss as to what to do. Even sleep offered no relief, because sleeping in the guest room was yet another twist of the knife in his gut. The night before, at least he'd been too tired to do anything except collapse and crash, but because he'd actually slept decently for the first time in over week, it meant that on this night, he was completely awake. There was nothing for him to do; everything was set up for opening the bar, his bike was as tuned-up as he was going to get it. There was just him and Tifa, sitting at the bar counter.
He hated it. He hated that even the moments where he and Tifa were talking comfortably or doing something together, she was still…missing. She was missing somewhere in her mind, so close and yet so far away. Whenever he started to get frustrated, he would remind himself that he had once been in a similar situation. There had been a time when he hadn't known if any of his memories were real, when he had been confused and poisoned and incoherent, and Tifa had been there through it all. She had clung to belief that he was the Cloud she knew, had walked with him through his very subconscious and helped pick up his shattered, broken pieces and put them back together again. How had she done it? How had she done it with such perseverance and patience?
Because she loved me.
He understood a lot better now what it might have been like for her. It was hard. It was hard on either side, no matter how he looked at it.
"I guess I should go to bed. Tomorrow will be pretty busy, hm?" Tifa slipped off the stool.
"Yeah." Cloud closed his eyes and sighed inwardly. Maybe if he took Fenrir out for a spin, he'd feel a little better. A little more clearheaded. It had been a long time since he'd just had a few minutes of space and air. It might do him some good.
He was considering doing just that when he opened his eyes and saw that Tifa was still standing next to him, her hands clenching and unclenching, a sure sign of nervousness, frustration, or anger. His gaze went to her face. Her expression was one of uncertainty. "Cloud?"
He raised his eyebrows at her.
"Um…if you want…I mean, you don't--that is--" Tifa was obviously flustered, and he kept his eyes on her. It was so strange to see Tifa like this--embarrassed about saying something to him, uncertain about it. He wanted to just grab her and tell her to just say it, but knew that wouldn't do anything except make her feel worse. "You don't have to sleep in the guest room," she said in a rush. "We can share the bed, if you want to." She sighed and rubbed her temples, but when she spoke again, she sounded calmer, much less nervous. "I know it's not easy. I'm sorry. I'm trying."
Of course she was. She was always trying; she always had been. It was just part of who she was.
Part of him wondered if it would be more difficult to sleep next to her or to keep sleeping in the guest room. It wouldn't be the same as it was before, but they had been falling asleep next to each other for years, on their travels trying to stop Meteor, in caves and forests and in prisons and on dirty bar floors. Falling asleep next to her should be easy, right? Anyway, how could he say no when she was stepping out and offering it to him? That said something--it said that she was willing to lie next to him, willing to share that space with him even if she was unsure.
And he didn't like sleeping in the guest room. He did want to be next to her…but he wanted her and not the cautious wall between them.
He looked her straight in the eyes and said, "Thank you."
Tifa nodded, her hands slowly unclenching and staying that way. "Well, then, I'm going to bed." She left the bar and he heard her footsteps on the stairs.
Cloud took a deep breath and rolled his shoulders in an unsuccessful attempt to ease some of his tension. It looked like Fenrir was out for now; if he left, Tifa would probably think she had done something horribly wrong. So though he wasn't tired, he went upstairs and got his pillow out of the guest room, setting it on the bed next to Tifa's pillow while she was in the bathroom brushing her teeth. He was stretched out on his side of the bed when she tiptoed into the room, wearing pajama pants and a tank top. She hesitated in the doorway, then crossed to the bed and lifted the covers. He very deliberately kept his eyes only on her face. This was hard enough without looking at the way her clothing fit the contours of her body.
There were several long, uncomfortable minutes in which they both lay on their backs and stared at the ceiling. Finally, Tifa breathed a long, slow sigh. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her turn onto her side, facing away from him. Before too long, her breathing turned deep and even, and he knew she had slipped into sleep.
He continued to lie there, wide awake, with Tifa right beside him and a chasm of space between them.
