Runaway by Kibibe

Back to Reality

He had to admit Alice had a point. Indulging in his self loathing was not going to help Bella right now. So he decided to put his emotions aside and pull her closer hugging her to him and letting her bury her head in his neck, while Alice rubbed soothing circles on her back.

He swore to himself that from now on he would do anything in his power to give her what she wanted and needed. He would totally spoil her. He would find a way to let her crawl inside him, if that's what it took to make her happy.

But they still needed to make her see that she was not dead. Her argumentation was solid. She was being so stubborn. Typically Bella. Apparently there were some things that would never change and as inconvenient as it was sometimes, it was also reassuring to know that there would always be something to be sure of.

Meanwhile Carlisle, too, was trying to come up with a way to make Bella come back to reality. They had to make her see the dream. He glanced around the room. Waiting for Bella to calm down enough to talk again and hoping for someone to help him come up with a plan. Psychology had never been his area of expertise. He was a physician after all. He might have picked up a thing or two in his years of practice and from the first few month with his wife, but this was way out of his league.

Pondering this he suddenly saw Alice's face light up with one of her mysterious smiles. Shortly before the front door was being opened and Rosalie and Emmett entered the house. He cocked his eyebrow in question. How were they supposed to help the situation? You'll see. Alice mouthed.

"I refuse to be exiled from my own home because of her. I've got every right to be here. After all I was here first." Rosalie stubbornly declared on her way into the living room. But her carefully planned out speech was cut short as soon she saw the scene before her. "Ugh. What now?" She threw her hands up in exasperation.

Bella froze in Edwards arms upon hearing Rosalie's voice and feeling the vibration of Edwards low growl on her chest at the same time. Rosalie. Suddenly her mind was bombarding her with images. Rosalie being thrown into a wall by Edward Emmett attacking Edward in turn sitting in the living room afterwards Alice leaving to go hunting sitting on the couch with Edward going to bed alone

Where did those memories come from? How did these events fit into all of this mess? Nothing seemed to make sense anymore. Everything seemed so surreal. She grabbed her head in her hands pulling at her hair in frustration. What was real and what wasn't, dammit?

"Sorry couldn't keep her away any longer." Emmett shrugged appearing behind Rosalie. But stopping dead in his tracks upon seeing the scene playing out in his living room. "Whoa! Who died?" He exclaimed but held his hands up in surrender as Edward send him a death glare.

Who died? What a strange thing to ask. Why would her mind ask her that? Suddenly she opened her eyes, staring straight ahead. "Me." She answered the question in a voice void of any emotion. " or did I?" She looked up to glance at their faces seeking an answer or expecting them to morph into something else now that her mind had started to attack this reality. But they didn't.

Carlisle claimed that she'd been having a nightmare. What if this was real like they claimed? It could very well be. Now that she thought about it, wouldn't her mind have produced a much more idyllic scenario? Instead of all those conflicts?

But dying had also felt so real. The things that happened before, however, did not. Come to think about it, the memories that just came back to her where a lot less fuzzy and made a lot more sense than the ones where Rosalie and then Victoria were chasing her through the forest.

Rosalie raised her eyebrows. "Seriously? Drama Queen much?" She muttered when Bella suddenly jumped to her feet dragging Alice and Edward behind her as she stumbled up the stairs. tripping several times in her hurry.

She stopped in the upstairs hallway staring in awe at the two huge holes still gaping in the walls, while her mind put the pieces together. Everything felt exactly like when you were alive. She had gone to sleep last night. So the whole chase thing had been a dream.

But beining here and dying out in the snowstorm could both very well be real. Couldn't it? But they could never both be real at the same time. So which one was reality? If dying was real and this wasn't, why would her mind make things so difficult? And why would the afterlife feel so much like life? Logically that would be very unlikely.

Plus now that she thought about it like that she suddenly remembered that when she'd been dying, she hadn't been wearing the things she'd been wearing when she went out into the storm, but the same things she'd been wearing when she was running away from Rosalie. So that meant there was only one possibility left. Dying was part of her dream and she woke up in Edwards arms and made a complete fool of herself.

"I am alive. I did not die in the snow storm." She concluded wearily studying their faces. They nodded looking kind of relieved.

"Yes! You're here! You're save and you're finally coming back to your senses!" Alice exclaimed excitedly enveloping her in a hug.

Bella slowly let go of their hands as she felt the heat rising in her cheeks. This was so embarrassing. What would they think of her now. Acting like a crazy person. It was so frustrating. No matter how hard she tried, she kept proving herself more and more inferior of them. Unworthy of their devotion.

"There is nothing to be ashamed of." Jasper declared at once. Startling Bella. Of course he'd know how she was feeling. All the more embarrassing.

"Rosalie is right. I was being stupid and acting like a crazy person. I'm so sorry." She whispered. Her head hung low. Not daring to look them in the eye anymore.

"Now with the self pity again? Seriously?" Rosalie exclaimed. and Edward turned to her ready to strike. But Emmett was already putting himself in his way.

"This is not exactly helping, Rosalie." Carlisle declared calmly.

"I'm just saying. You've already made your decision. You want this. You want to be a freaking part of this family. She was freaking clinging to them just now. Yet she can't let them in now that she knows they're real? She just wont reach out to get what she wants. What is holding you back, god dammit?" She demanded. "And for the record. I never said you were stupid or acting like a crazy person. I just said you were acting overly dramatic." She added.

"I'm not good enough. I know that. I always knew that. and I know that if I delude myself again into thinking that you could really want me as a part of this family, or as a mate," she looked Edward straight in the eye, "it will be so much harder for me when you realize that I really am not good enough and you leave me again." Her voice broke on that last word.

Edward was left speechless. He felt like someone had pulled the rug from under his feet. Seeing what his words had done to her. How he had underestimated her love for him and the severeness of her insecurities. In that context his words and the way he had left her had probably been the very worst thing he could have ever said and done to her. Not only had he endangered her life, driven her away from her home, her family and her friends, putting her in a position where she had to sell her body to survive; he'd also destroyed her spirit. How could he have been so blind? So oblivious? Why couldn't he see what she had been feeling? Why did she of all people have to be the one exception to his gift? Why didn't he listen to Alice when she told him that leaving was a bad idea? The very worst idea he'd ever had it seemed. Mistake after mistake.

He was pulled from his strain of thoughts by Rosalie sighing deeply. "This is as bad as it gets." You see what you've done? You've got to make this right All this drama is totally getting on my nerves, she spoke to him in her thoughts.

As much as he hated to admit it his sister was right. The situation was getting more and more out of hand. And for her to actually demand that Bella joined their family was a huge step. As much as she'd envied her for the options she still had as a human, she realized that by this point that him and her could never really function right without each other anymore. On the other hand she hadn't asked for Bella to make the transformation. Just to be part a the family. So maybe the step wasn't as huge after all.

However he had to try and amend what he'd done to her. To maybe restore some of what he destroyed and maybe even get her to accept his help and let him try to make her life better again. If he could just find a way to make her see that she wasn't the one that was unworthy. That he'd made that stupid decision in a futile attempt to protect her. That to this minute he never stopped loving her. But how should he do this? Her beliefs were so strong. Always had been.

"Bella I think you still don't really understand. I did not leave you because I thought you were not good enough. I never thought that. Quite the opposite really." He sighed deeply running a hand through his hair. Then he got an idea and at the same time he saw in Alice's mind that it would work. "I think I need to show you something." He held out his hand for her to take.


A/N: So I kind of feel bad because I had like 80% of this ready in like November. I'm a terrible slacker ... but now It's here. And I'm one step closer to actually finishing something. Not that the end is anywhere near at this point. At least like approximately 10 more chapters to go.