Me: I'm sorry for not updating for so long and I'm sorry that this chapter won't be as funny.
Shikamaru: I'm not even going to argue cause it won't stop the story from happening…Akuma owns nothing…
Me: You're no fun.
All the Naruto characters sat at the table enjoying the nice dinner for the holidays. There was a delicious spread set out on the table and everybody was happy…at least they would have been if that were what that was really doing. But instead they have to play games for their lives against their wills because some psychotic maniac named Mushroom fairy has nothing better to do.
"We've been stuck here for like two fucking months!!! What took so long?! And why the hell was that kind of intro there?! And why wouldn't this stupid thing be better put up on Halloween instead of the holidays!?" Naruto shouted at the TV.
"The authoress was too lazy to put it up then. Oh well, let's just get to the plot."
"Whoa, this story actually has a plot?!" Asked Shikamaru.
"Where were you in the intro for this chapter?"
"Enjoying the dinner described in it…"
"…I'm not even gonna ask…"
"What would have happened if this went up on Halloween anyway?" Asked Sasuke/Itachi.
"You guys would have been forced to watch Barney and Teletubbies."
"I've never been so happy to miss Halloween in my life…"
"…okay that's it! Everyone shut up so we can get on with the plot!!!"
"…someone has issues…" Said Gaara.
"Says the man who hung his teddy bears when he was a little boy."
"They were asking for it okay! And I didn't even do it they hung themselves…yeah that's it they hung themselves…"
"…okay…well the kill count from the last chapter was messed up and now we have one extra person…so we'll just kill off the one with the least amount of character development…Temari."
"Wait, what?!" Temari began to protest. Then a bullet shot through her head and she fell into a big vat of acid.
"…hey Gaara, now both your brother and sister are dead…" Naruto told Gaara.
"I had a brother and sister?" Gaara asked confused.
"Uh…Anyway, the next game will be easy, any moron even you guys can get through it. Answer this riddle: what's black, white, and red all over?"
"…uh Shikamaru, you're the genius, you answer it." Said Naruto.
"…um…is it a uh…a newspaper?" Answered Shikamaru.
"Nope! Haha, a newspaper, yeah right. It's a penguin that had its head cut off. Well, I was going to let you all go but since you got it wrong you get to play more games."
"Nice going Shikamaru, now we're stuck here." Said Sasuke/Itachi.
"Hey, you could have said something."
"I could of, but I didn't…"
"…I'm not even going to start with how retarded that comment was. And why a penguin?"
"Cause I need to advertise penguin drugs…okay, next game, first I have put you guys to sleep."
Naruto looked at the TV, "…but why?"
"It'll be easier to put you into the right rooms."
"But why?"
"To do the game."
"But why?"
"Cause you need to play for your lives."
"But why?"
"Cause I'm a psychopathic moron on crack with nothing better to do."
"…"
"Aren't you going to ask why?"
"No, that actually makes sense…"
"…shut up…any way, for the next game I'm gonna have to knock you all out." The room started to be filled with knock out gas everyone became unconscious, except for Sasuke/Itachi who was holding his breathe refusing to be knocked out, but then his face turned blue and became passed out anyway.
Sasuke/Itachi woke up in a room with a teddy bear. On the other side of the building Naruto and Hinata woke up in another room. On the top floor, Gaara and Shikamaru woke up in another room. And in the basement Sasori and Kisame woke up. In all four rooms a TV turned on, the screen was split into four parts. On the upper left was mushroom and the other three showed the different rooms each group was placed in. Mushroom started talking, "So, for the next game I've placed you each into separate room. The other person in that room is your partner for this game…for now. The goal of this game is to get to the center room of the building before anybody else and get the bottle of Mountain Dew before everyone else. But your partner must remain alive…"
"Partner? But I don't have one." Complained Sasuke/Itachi.
"Sure you do, your partner is Mr. Bear."
"Oh…hello Mr. Bear! How are you to day? I'm Sasuke back slash Itachi." The bear didn't respond but Sasuke/Itachi kept talking to it. "Yes, what was that Mr. Bear?" The bear didn't respond but Sasuke/Itachi shouted, "Oh yeah? Well, FUCK YOU MR. BEAR!!!!!!!! YOU DON'T KNOW A FUCKING THING ABOUT ANYTHING!!!!!" Then Sasuke/Itachi pulled out a kunai and shredded Mr. Bear into pieces. Red liquid oozed out of the remains of Mr. Bear.
Everyone just looked at their TVs. "…is the bear bleeding?" Shikamaru asked out loud.
Then Sasuke/Itachi replied, "No, that's just the code red that was inside him. He said it would save us all but I know he was lying, how could a bear know anything like that."
"…Sasuke/Itachi…you're an idiot…"
"…didn't I just say your partner had to stay alive…" Mushroom said glaring at Sasuke/Itachi.
"…did you?" Sasuke/Itachi replied.
"…now you have to go through the punishment…"
"…do I?"
"Yes, and now the game is unbalanced."
"…is it?
"Are you purposely trying to piss me off or are you that stupid?"
"…am I? No seriously, am I? I honestly have no clue what I'm doing."
"…you're a dumb ass…and for your punishment, you're grounded!!"
"What? Grounded?!"
"Yes Sasuke/Itachi, grounded. Now you can't play this game with everyone else, so bye-bye till the next game!!" Then the TV in Sasuke/Itachi's room turned off and he disappeared from all the other TV screens. "Now, let the game begin." Then the doors to all the other rooms opened. But no one moved because they had no clue which direction the center of the building was.
"Hey Hinata, can you use your Byakugan?" Naruto asked Hinata.
"S-sure Naruto…" Hinata replied. She activated her Byakugan and looked through the building. "Well, it looks like the building is two stories high and has a basement…we're on the ground floor on the far side of the building…so the center room isn't that far…"
"Well, that sounds easy, let's go Hinata!" And Naruto began to make his way to the door.
"Naruto wait!" Hinata shouted distressed. "There are more people than there should be here…but for some reason I can't tell who they are."
"More people than there should be huh? Well, I guess we should be careful, but then we're really close to the center so let's go!" Then Naruto started making his way to the door again.
On the top floor Gaara used his sand eye to look through the building. "We're directly above the room." Gaara said to Shikamaru. "But there's something weird about this place…can people come back from the dead?"
Shikamaru gave Gaara a weird look, "You don't even have to ask to know the answer…" Then the two of them left the room.
In the basement Sasori and Kisame were completely clueless as to where they were. "You go first Sasori." said Kisame.
"Why me?" asked Sasori.
"It's harder for you to die…" Kisame answered.
"…we don't even know where the center is…"
"Sure we do! It's in the center."
"…………………………..well assuming that there are stairs leading up but not any leading down we're in some sort of basement…"
"…or there's only one floor and the stairs lead to the attic or roof…"
"Let's just go up the stairs…" Then Sasori and Kisame made their way upstairs.
Sasuke/Itachi was completely bored out of his mind. The door was locked and there was nothing to do. It really sucked to be grounded; he was lying on the ground. Then Sasuke/Itachi started singing, "…the itsy, bitsy spider went up the water spout. Down came the rain and washed the spider out. Up came the sun and dried up all the rain and the itsy bitsy spider went up the spout again…" He sighed. He got up and walked around. He went to some random part of a wall and kicked it. He kicked the same spot over and over and over again and again and again, until finally the wall broke. There was a dark tunnel and having nothing better to do Sasuke/Itachi went through it.
Back on the other side of the building, Naruto and Hinata made their way to the center room. But the hallways were a maze. As soon as they stepped into the hallways all their charka was drained. "What kind of sick joke is this!" Naruto shouted. Then the two of them slowly made their way through the maze. They kept walking and walking and taking random turns but they couldn't find their way through. Eventually they got back to where they started. And they started all over again. Several hours later when the two of them were back in the original room.
"…evil bastard…must find and kill…" Naruto mumbled.\
"…uh Naruto…" Said Hinata.
"Yeah?"
"…there's a map of the maze taped to your back…"
"What?!" Naruto shouted then he felt his back and tore off a piece of paper. It was a map of the maze. "…a map…of the frickin maze……….."
Meanwhile upstairs Gaara and Shikamaru decided to take the easy way out by drilling through the floor then mushroom came on the TV. "You can't drill through the floor!" He shouted.
"You keep drilling, I'll distract him." Shikamaru said to Gaara. Then he turned to he TV and said, "You're in a box what are you going to do about it?"
"I'll make sure you won't live for the next game!!"
"How is that a bad thing? Your games suck, in fact they suck so bad that I'd rather be dead."
"You bastard! Do you know how long it takes to come up with these pointless games…okay it doesn't take that long, but still! Don't drill through the fucking hole………...I just got a really bad image in my head…"
"So Mushroom's a pervert…"
"How does that make me a pervert?!"
"Only a pervert could get an image from that."
"Die Nara…die a slow painful death…I swear it…"
Gaara tapped Shikamaru on the shoulder, "Uh, we have a problem…"
"What? You can't get through all the way?"
"No, I got through."
"Then what's the problem?"
Gaara pointed toward the hole, "That…" And there was a huge snake coming from the hole.
"…how does anyone squeeze a snake that big through a hole…oh right…heh heh…"
"…holy fucking shit…" Shikamaru whispered.
"And that's why I said you shouldn't drill through…"
"You could've mentioned that earlier…" Gaara said annoyed.
"I didn't think it was that important."
"What!? How is that thing not important?!" Shikamaru shouted.
"…uh…well good luck with the snake bye!!" And the TV turned off.
Down in the basement Sasori and Kisame went up the stairs. They kept going higher and higher, but there was no end to the stairs. "This is probably a genjutsu." said Sasori. So he tried to deactivate it, but nothing happened. "…what the fuck! This isn't a genjutsu! These stairs are real!!!!!!!!!" Then the two of them started running again. Several hours later the two of them finally made it to the top. Sasori, who was completely out of breath said, "Well at lest we finally made it to the top right Kisame?" He turned around but Kisame wasn't there. "Kisame? Where are you?"
"On your back!" Kisame said chibified. "Thanks for the piggy-back!"
"How long have you been on my back!"
"The entire time we were going up the stairs." Kisame answered getting off of Sasori. "It's a good thing you're a puppet and couldn't feel me on your back otherwise you wouldn't have let me on!"
"I'm gonna kill you!!!"
"Nuh-ah, Mr. Fairy said your partner has to stay alive, so you can't kill me."
"…I hate you…damn fish I swear as son as this is over I'm gonna cut you up and sell you as sushi…and then I'll use the money and buy myself a private island and you won't be invited cause you'll be dead…and you'll be dead cause someone will eat you as sushi…" And Sasori went on and on but Kisame wasn't listening.
"Oh look, a slide!" Kisame said pointing to a slide. "Let's go on!! It'll be lots and lots of fun!!" Kisame started jumping up and down from excitement.
"No, it'll take us right back to where we started. And there's no way I'm climbing all those stairs again."
But Kisame wasn't listening. "Don't worry I'll let you go first!" And before Sasori could argue Kisame pushed him down the slide and Kisame followed.
Sasuke/Itachi walked through the dark tunnel and started to get bored again. But then he saw a light coming from a little hole. When he looked through it he was shocked. "…I see dead people…" The he turned away from the hole and ran screaming into the darkness.
Mushroom sat on the floor reading Icha Icha Violence next to a dim lamp when Sasuke/Itachi ran over him. "What the fuck was that?!" He looked around but Sasuke/Itachi was long gone so he just started reading again.
Sasuke/Itachi stopped running when he came into another room. It was brightly lit and had a bottle of Mountain Dew in the center. There was big snake that had its head through the ceiling and a big shiny red button on the wall. "Ooooohhhhhhhh!! Button!!!" Sasuke/Itachi pushed the button and the snake blew up and a door opened on each of the walls. Shikamaru and Gaara fell from the ceiling, Hinata and Naruto fell through one of the doors and a loud whooshing noise and screaming came from another door.
A few moments later Sasori came through the door followed by Kisame. "That was fun!! Let's go again! Let's go again!" Kisame cheered.
"NO!!!!" Sasori said getting up from the ground, "Well, at least we got to the center room…"
"Hey look, it's Sasuke/Itachi!!" Kisame said jumping up and down. "Yay you made it to the party!"
"Yay! Party!" Sasuke/Itachi shouted.
"…why are those two the only one with ADD…and why do they have it so suddenly…" Shikamaru said to no one in particular. "Isn't Naruto usually the one with ADD…"
"Wait, we can't have a party…I saw dead people here…" Sasuke/Itachi said to Kisame. "And they were alive."
"…what?" Everyone said staring at Sasuke/Itachi.
"It was Mr. Bear…but there was more than one of him!"
"Not that stupid bear again." Mumbled Gaara.
"He's not stupid! He was my bestest friend and I loved-ed him!!"
"…but you're the one that killed him…"
"Nuh-ah! It was Mr. Stabby!" Sasuke/Itachi shouted pulling out a kunai.
"…okay…how can you be sure it's the same bear?"
"Cause he told-ed me so."
"………it's official, you're the biggest idiot I have ever known."
"Nah-ah!! Mr. Bear is right there! Along with Sakura, Kakashi, and Lee." Sasuke/Itachi said pointing to the third door. And sure enough Sakura, Kakashi, and Lee came running into the room screaming because Mr. Bear was chasing after them.
"What the fuck…" Sasori said looking at the scene.
"And there's three more Mr. Bears right there…" Sasuke/Itachi said. And no there were four Mr. Bears running around the room wreaking havoc. Several moments and flamethrower blasts later, all the Mr. Bears were dead.
"Look, Mountain Dew!" Shouted Kakashi. He went to get the Mountain Dew but as soon as he touched it another Mr. Bear came from underneath and swallowed the Mountain dew along with his hands. Mr. Bear smiled and showed his razor like teeth and bit off Kakashi's head.
"…I wuv you Sas-uke/It-ac-hi…that is why I am kill-ing an-y-one who will get in your way…" Mr. Bear said with an innocent smile. Everyone just stared at the bear.
Then the TV turned on. "Mr. Bear! You're ruining the game!"
"The game is no long-er in your hands…from now on I am the one that will con-twol ev-ry-thing…"
"But why? I thought we had something special!"
"You say that now, but you have left in the bot-tom of your clo-set for three years…you re not my friend, but Sas-uke/I-ta-chi is…now you will pay for what you have done…you have no con-trol, but I do…" Mr. Bear smiled again and his eyes glowed red, "I have start-ed my re-venge by burn-ing all your I-cha I-cha Vi-o-lence books and can-cel-ing your spe-cial sub-scrip-tion…"
"What!? You goddamn evil little bear!! I should've burned you a long time ago you hear me!! Burn you!!!"
"That is the rea-son I am get-ting my re-venge…but first to help my new friend…" Mr. Bear said looking at everyone else. Then he turned to the reader and said, "Make sure you are nice to your ted-dies this com-ing year…"
Me: Listen to Mr. Bear or you might end up like Mushroom.
Shikamaru: …Mr. Bear will haunt my dreams for the rest of my life…
Me: No, only when you're asleep…but then that's most of the time so yeah…
Shikamaru: ………………………
Me: Well, Happy/Merry late whatever holiday you celebrate and have a very not shitty New Year!
Death Count for SAW 2: Started with 7(8). Ended with 9.
Long live Mr. Bear!!!!!!!!!!
