Hello again people, look im not dead! I would like to say sorrryyy so much for it being such a long wait for this chapter. Going back to university has been really stressful, especially with the workload. However the real reason its so late is in one of my units i had to write a script. It was so stressful, and once it was finished i really just didnt feel like writing and it was painful every time i tried to finish the chapter however im glad i got this section out of the way. Now its finished i actually really love this as a small break before all hell breaks loose :P (pretty please review so i can have feedback and make the story better for all you guys who have waited so patiently for me to get a move on)

I self-consciously pulled at hem of what barely passed as a dress as I made my way across the crowded room to the bar. How did I ever get convinced into doing this? I groaned in my head as I pushed past a group of incredibly drunk guys.

It's all Kayleigh's fault I thought bitterly. She'd all but pounced on me the second I was on my break, lying in wait to guilt trip me. I hadn't really paid much attention to the reason she was desperate to go out, I think it was a cheating boyfriend, but her enthusiasm combined with puppy eyes got me. I suppose it was a distraction from work, which really meant distracting myself from the Joker.

Admittedly I couldn't blame Kayleigh completely for forcing me to spend my evening so awkwardly. It was so rare I actually got to go out and enjoy Gotham's night life that I'd been a bit too enthusiastic dressing up. I'd always had a dramatic flair, I just couldn't resist the urge to dress up, even if it made me feel like I stood out. That night I ended up in a dark red lace dress that hugged my figure emphasising my every curve, but it was so short I was constantly pulling it. It didn't help that I'd combined the dress with a pair of black lace up knee high heeled boots. I'd worn them to help me look taller but that came out the price of emphasising the amount of leg on show. As if that wasn't enough I'd spent a good hour giving myself that flawless smoky eye look.

When it came to my hair the girly delight at getting dolled up had worn off, I'd started to feel a little silly. Slowly reality returned and my thoughts turned predictably to the Joker. Foolishly I couldn't help but wonder what he would think if he saw me dressed like this, but I couldn't imagine it. Why would he care Harley you idiot, he's a murdering clown my inner voice mocked. I wasn't paying attention to the sensible part of myself though. My mind blocked out rational thoughts, instead replaying his voice over and over again, calling me Harlequin. In a moment of spontaneity I pulled my hair into to high ponytails trying to get a childish look that might work for a harlequin clown. I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror and I honestly scared myself, my dark rimmed eyes stared back intimidatingly.

There was no childishness to me look, no innocence. Instead the dark edge to my appearance seemed to mock innocence and childishness. I'd never thought of myself as intimidating but here was this strange women staring back at me with piercing eyes and a strange grinning lifeless face. I practically fell on the floor laughing at the thought of me being scary, the Joker would certainly find this look more interesting. Something told me he'd love the idea of my outfit making a mockery of anything innocent. I tilted my head to the side in the mirror, taking a childish stance with my hands behind my back and smiled. I even stuck my tongue out at my reflection, giggling slightly at the sight of myself.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard the loud knock on my door as Kayleigh screamed and giggled on the other side. I'd hastily pulled my hair out letting it tickle my bare back and ran out the door. I'd let myself get whisked away into a taxi, hoping Kayleigh enthusiasm would distract me from more thoughts about the Joker.

The club itself was over crowed, loud, dark and hot. Not really the greatest mix. It wasn't really the sort of place I'd ever want to go, but I was determined to lose myself tonight. For the first time in my life I wanted to forget work. By the time I'd battled my way to the front of the bar and finally got served though, I'd lost Kayleigh in the crowd. I headed to the least crowded part of the room I could find, which was thankfully at the back of the club, so I could gather my thoughts and look for Kayleigh.

I leant back against the wall, enjoying the feeling of the cool surface on my skin. From where I was stood I could survey the room slightly better in an attempt to find Kayleigh but I quickly fell into my old favourite habit of people watching. Even though I was trying to break out of my psychiatrist mentality it was so easy in a place like this to watch and analyse people. It's not really that surprising considering my job that I found people fascinating and predictable at the same time, I loved just observing there habits and seeing how the acted. I was so lost in staring I didn't even notice the guy next to me till he was leaning in towards me with his hand on my arm.

"You alright darlin" he shouted over the music. I only just heard him because the song was so loud, but the way he was leaning in towards me spoke louder than words could.

I stared him up and down in the low light, nothing really special. Average height, scrawny with hair gelled back. The smug grin on his face was what made it an instant no though. I smiled politely at him, taking a sip of my drink to stall as I thought of what to say but he took my silence as I sign of encouragement and leant in closer, I thought he was going in to kiss my neck but instead his target was my ear.

"What you drinking love?" He shouted into my ear. Admittedly it was easier to hear him now he was speaking directly into my ear but all I could think about was the strange feeling of his breath on my skin. I tried to think of a nice way to push him aside but why should I have to spare the feeling of some guy I'd never see again.

"I'm here with a friend, and I'm not looking for anyone to buy my drinks" I replied coldly but he just smiled and pointed to his ear.

I leant into closer to him only wanting to make the point clear but obviously that had been his plan in the first place. As I leant in closer to make myself heard he wrapped his arm around my body, hand resting uncomfortable close to my butt. I instantly pushed him off, enjoying the satisfying shocked look when he collided against the wall. Clearly people didn't expect me to have the muscle strength I did. I hadn't exactly done any gymnastic competitively in years, not since leaving college but I was still a lot stronger that I looked.

The anger in the guy's face at being pushed back by someone who assumed was a weak and easily targetable blonde chick was obvious. I couldn't help but giggle at his expression but that was probably the worst reaction I could have had. He started to advance towards my, shouting insults I couldn't really hear but I didn't take much imagination to guess. I felt the cool of the wall up against my back, and it was no longer a comforting thing. Thankfully though, before it could turn into something nasty someone actually came to my defence.

The most beautiful women I'd ever seen sauntered over to us. She was so stunning even the drunken asshole had to forget his anger to stare at her. The women had a figure I knew most women would happily kill for, stunning long legs and curves in the perfect places. A small part of me sighed a little when I saw she was beautiful up close as well. It wasn't just her killer figure, she had a models face, piercing green eyes and those perfectly pouty lips. What was most stunning about her thought was her shocking blood red hair, it seemed to glow even in the dark, drawing heads as she walked over.

"Do we have a problem over here?" She asked, standing protectively at my side. The guy had clearly calmed down and knew better than to start a fight with whoever this women was, she had such an intense aura around her. Like the childish idiot I was I couldn't resist a smug smile, having only just fought of the urge to stick my tongue out at him. He just shrugged and sulked off, no doubt to prey on other women.

Before I could thank her, she grabbed my hand and forcibly started pulling me towards the bathroom. I was too shocked to put up much of a fight. I was just glad that when we went in it was abandoned so no one could see me being pulled like a child.

"I can finally hear myself, thank god. It's so loud in there." She explained and turned to me "You okay?" She looked so concerned it was kind of touching, and mildly insulting at the same time.

"Honestly I'm fine, just a drunken guy. That's pretty tame by Gotham standards." I replied with a laugh and she joined in.

"More it's pretty tame by male standards, and people ask me why I hate men." She said with clear sarcasm.

"Well thanks for the help, but I honestly can fight my own battles." I felt I needed to stress I wasn't some helpless blonde girl, but she just smiled and shook her head.

"I'm sure you can, but doesn't hurt to be nice now and again."

I stared at her, shocked that someone who looked as stunning as her seemed so nice. My experience was that girls with looks like that knew it, and that usually made them stuck up socialites but there was something about this women that screamed classy.

"No offence but this doesn't really seem like you're kind of place" I said hesitantly, hoping I didn't somehow offend her but she only laughed.

"And it's yours?" She replied sarcastically. I had to admit she had me there, since walking into this place I'd just felt out of place, like I didn't belong. "You're right though. I was dragged here by some work colleagues. We'd had a breakthrough in the lab and they wanted to celebrate. It seemed rude to not come."

"Well, I'm glad you came out though. If only for a bit of backup"

"I do wonder why you stuck out, maybe it was fate. Call me Pam by the way"

"Im…" before I could finish my sentence Kayleigh of all people stumbled into the bathroom giggling. The minuet her eyes caught me she screamed so loud I saw the red headed girl flinch.

"Harley where have you been! I couldn't find you anyway! You'll never believe how many cute guys there are here, I can't wait to test a few out"

"Calm down Kayleigh." I said, laughing at how excited she seemed to be. I was trying to hold back giggling at her, in case she'd get offended, but from the slight wobble in her walk and her over enthusiasm she wouldn't have noticed me mocking her at all. I turned back to Pam and smiled a little patronisingly.

"Well, you know my name now at least"

Pam didn't respond, just staring at Kayleigh with clear distaste. It didn't surprise me someone who seemed so intellectual and refined would look down on a loud mouth, drunk girl. They were polar opposites really, one look at Kayleigh and you'd assume she was the usual blonde bimbo wreck, she just gave of that aura. My mind fleetingly wondered what people thought when they saw me, I knew I was nowhere near the confident gracefulness of Pam, but I hoped people didn't look at me like a ditzy blonde.

While I was overthinking things once again, I'd completely missed whatever babble Kayleigh had been shouting at me. I'd just been in automatic neutral mood of nodding along to whatever she said. While she hadn't noticeable my lack of attention, even drunk she noticed Pam's clear disdain and judgement from the corner. Okay, she noticed after Pam openly laughed sarcastically at whatever it was saying.

"Harley you need to come meet everyone" Kayleigh said forcefully and grabbed my hand, physically pulling me towards the door. I could have struggled but as interesting as I found Pam, I was here with Kayleigh.

I looked over my shoulder as I allowed myself to be pulled away, cheekily sticking my tongue out at Pam as I was pulled around again for the second time. Pam was far to refined to return my childish goodbye but she did smile at me as I left.

Kayleigh dragged me over to a table in the corner of the club that was clustered with a few other girls. For the most part though I didn't recognise anyone. I noticed a large amount of guys that seemed to be hanging around the area, no doubt attracted by the amount of drunk girls all cramped into one booth. A few months ago I would have been intimated by a group of strangers like this, but I slide into the booth as though I'd known everyone for years. With a confidence I didn't even know I had, I started joking and laughing with everyone at the table.

Surprisingly for me, the night was relatively normal and kind of fun. I never saw Pam again, and after a while I stopped looking out for her. I was having too much fun. It's strange but I rarely lived my life in the present. I spend my days pouring through people's pasts to diagnose them, or planning every possible move for the future. Even before I was an official intern I was so caught up in getting the best grades and planning how my career would progress that I never just enjoyed the moment. I guess it was nice to lose myself in the music and alcohol and not worry about anything. Or maybe it was just nice to not have the Joker on my mind for the first time in weeks.

It would have been a perfectly enjoyable night, a great distraction if not for one thing. It was most likely the sheer amount of alcohol I had in my system towards the end of the night but I ended up taking a guy home with me. He'd been attracted to our group and he'd seemed fairly nice to the more sober me at the beginning of the night. He had a mop of dirty blonde hair that was perfectly arranged to look effortlessly messy and pretty blue eyes. He'd caught my attention because he wasn't loud or pushy like the other guys, he seemed slightly shy. He just seemed friendly and nice and by the end of the night that was all I needed.

However once we were in my apartment, I'd started to sober up and it hadn't seemed like such a good idea anymore. I'd had a few boyfriends before, nothing serious or long term though. I'd always been a bit awkward, but this was beyond awkward. It felt plain wrong. The whole ride home I could feel the dread building, most noticeable when he put his hand on my leg during the cab ride home but I was too stubborn to call it off.

The minute we were through the door he pulled me close into him with a laugh and pressed his lips against mine. I froze completely the second I felt his lips on mine, my body screaming that it wasn't right. I backed up slightly to put some space between us but he misinterpreted entirely. I ended up with my back pressed against the wall, his arms either side of my waist, as his tongue slowly probed its way into my mouth. Usually I would waste no time in pushing a guy off me, but the shock and alcohol had slowed my reaction. I was like a deer in headlights, feeling the nausea role over my body without even attempting to move. The guy didn't seem to notice I wasn't really kissing him back, I don't think he cared all that much.

Why are you being such a baby? It isn't exactly your first kiss Harley My inner voice said sarcastically. I knew my conscious was right, I was being a completely idiot but that didn't change how wrong I felt. Would you care so much if it was the Jokers twisted lips on yours? My mind whispered to me tauntingly and my heart literally skipped a beat. Before I could get a hold on my mind, my imagination kicked in with the image.

The Joker with one of those rough hands around my throat, holding my up against the wall. His other hand wound in my hair painfully pulling my face up to stare at his taunting face. He'd move in slowly, teasing and intimidating. He'd probably make some sarcastic remark or simply laugh at me before I felt that jagged mouth crush onto mine. And deep down I knew that if that mouth was on mine, I wouldn't be frozen and despondent, I would be kissing him back with everything I could. I'd do anything to make some sort of impression on him.

I quickly pushed off the guy who was really kissing me and pushed him towards the door, not even trusting myself to speak in case I broke down in front on some random stranger. After some confusion and a few insults thrown at me the nameless guy left, leaving me alone with my humiliation.

I was completely in love with the Joker.

It wasn't just an obsession with a patient, it wasn't ambition, and it wasn't obsession with curing him. I'd been a complete idiot not to realise it wasn't just his mind that interested me. I felt the blood rush to my face at how I'd been stupid I'd been trying to fool myself. This whole time I'd accepted my obsession, but tried so very hard to convince myself it wasn't that bad a thing. He was fascinating and engaging in a way no had ever been. I knew it had been wrong to be so fascinated by him, but he'd had made me see things in such a new light and had changed me, probably without trying. I didn't even think he was insane, yet how could I only just realise how deep my feelings towards him were? I couldn't just distract myself from that fact any longer though.

I thought back to every time I'd seen the Joker, every session, every word I'd gone over thousands of times. I'd accepted the obvious obsession I had with him, but tried to lie to myself on the reason, the depth. I'd tried to protect myself from the true extent of my insanity.

I collapsed on the floor, already envisioning myself being fired for the Asylum. How long could I honestly keep seeing him before I fucked up? Before someone figured out my attraction to him. Hell how long before he figured out my attraction to him and used it to destroy me, or manipulate me. That was if it hadn't already. This stupid infatuation of mine could quiet seriously get me killed, or worse. The worst part was I knew I wouldn't be able to leave him alone, if I could I wouldn't have tried too hard to get back on his case…..I would never be able to leave him alone when the chance was still there for me to see him.

As my entire future seemed to be crumbling around me, a dangerous thought came to my head. One that could result in just as bleak a future if it failed. In my moment of desperation though, it seemed the only outcome. If I was away from the Joker, it the temptation wasn't present any longer then I could get over my obsession move on, but as long as he was there the pull towards him was to strong. It was insane, impossible and probable the worse thing I could ever do, but clearly I was insane already. The only choice I had was the break the Joker out of the Asylum.