A Song I listened to during this chapter was "Closer" by: Kings of Leon

Chapter 12

"Fighting the Tides"

Edward's POV

I was giddy and as nervous as a school girl with a crush, which is gay as hell, but really the only way to explain this shit. Last night when I pulled up to Bella's house to drop her off I took a big fucking leap and asked her out on a date, thinking back her reaction was strange and confusing to me.

My car pulled up quietly in front of Bella's house and we sat in silence. Then rain came down on the windshield and it felt appropriate, since tears had streaked Bella's cheeks for most of our afternoon together. She was always so sad and after seeing her cry so much, much like the sky was doing now, I wanted her to do something fun. Maybe even be happy for just a little bit.

"Thanks again Edward." Bella's soft hoarse voice spoke as she reached for the door handle. "I better get inside before the rain turns to snow or the ground to ice and I fall." The way she spoke the last part was as if she was pondering to herself, I had to chuckle a little she was so cute.

"Um Bella just a second." I paused nervous. "I.. I wanted to ask you something." I looked into her brown curious and extremely nervous eyes, I could tell she was afraid I was going to ask something she couldn't or wouldn't answer.

"I know we have been spending a lot of time together, but I was hoping maybe if you aren't doing anything we could spend the day together tomorrow. I have to go to Seattle and we could get dinner or some shit like that." She looked shocked as if that wasn't what she had been expecting.

"I don't date." She blurted out quickly and then her cheeks turned bright red, I felt a thing of hurt, but smoothed it over.

"Just as friends." I smiled, even though I wanted to die. She didn't date? It was almost like we were already doing that, without the kissing and shit.

"Ok as friends."

Not a date, just friends.

I chanted over and over in my head, but it still felt all wrong. I wanted to be more then friends with Bella, I wanted to take her out, make her happy. I wanted her to be mine. I knew that it was responsible and reasonable for us to be just friends, because soon I would have to head back to California and then after that who knew where I would be. Friends.

I had used the friend line on tons of girls before and thought nothing of it, but hearing it from Bella was brutal. Did she not like me the way I liked her?

I shook my head trying to push away the thoughts as I walked up to Bella's house, I knocked twice and stood waiting. The door swung open and Jacob stood there staring me down.

"What's up?" Jacob asked eying me spuriously, his demeanor towards me was different then it was the other night, he was back to protector Jacob.

"Hey." I smiled not letting his threatening eyes phase me. "Bella here?" I knew she was, but his glare and the silence was rather annoying. He eyed me opening the door wide and gesturing for me to come in, I stepped into the living room where Charlie and Renee were taking the Christmas tree down.

"Hello Edward, good to see you again." Renee smiled brightly and it sounded so genuine.

"You too." I smiled back, Charlie gave me a side way glance and nodded his head. What the hell? Charlie and Jacob were both back to the guarded attitudes with me, what happened to the progress we made. Renee looked between the three of us and then gave Jacob and Charlie warning glances.

"I will go and get Bella." She said smiling at me and then leaning over whispering to Charlie. I imagined her telling him to behave or something along these lines. Charlie watched as Renee disappeared up the stairs then he and Jacob both were standing before me.

"What's going on?" I asked under their heavy gaze, they exchanged a quick glance.

"Where you taking Bella?" Jacob asked curiously. I smirked a little realizing what they were doing, it was like when you picked up a girl in high school for a first date. But this wasn't a date and we were grown ass adults. Well Bella and I were, I wasn't so sure about Jacob, or Charlie for that matter.

"We are going to Seattle." I answered humoring them.

"That is awfully vague." Charlie said through his teeth. I really thought the guy was starting to like me, but apparently things had changed over night. Maybe his holiday cheer was gone.

"Well so are our plans." I said kind of annoyed at this point, this was ridiculous. "Just a couple of friends going into the city for the day."

"Friends?" Charlie questioned.

"Does Bella see it that way?" Jacob asked quickly before I could answer Charlie, I raised an eyebrow at the two of them.

"She is the one who insisted we were only friends so I would assume so." They both automatically relaxed in front of my eyes and were back to the way they had been. Doing a complete one eighty on me, they were all buddy-buddy again. This was insane, but I guess I couldn't knock the guys for looking out for Bella. She had been through a lot and she could use all the protection she could get. I decided that I understand where they were coming from so I went over to the tree and started helping them take the lights off of it.

"Taking down the Christmas decorations already?" I asked making conversation, but also thinking about how my family waited until New Years to take the tree down.

"We don't need to be reminded of what was missing at Christmas for another week." Jacob said looking sad. I realized immediately how sad of a time Christmas was for all of them and understood what having a tree up any longer then necessary would mean to them. That brought my thoughts back to Ethan Jacob, wondering once again if Jacob was his father. Bella told me her and Jacob were only friends, but would a girl really name her son after her best friend? Though Bella was different from anyone else on the planet. I wished I could see a picture of Ethan to compare it to Jacob's features, but every time I imagine Bella's son all I saw was her, but as a baby. I imagined her son looking a lot like her. We all turned our heads as we heard footsteps on the stairs, Bella and Renee made there way down. Bella looked beautiful as always, she was wearing dark wash jeans that were loose around her hips and legs, she had on a dark blue sweater that looked amazing against her pale skin. Her chestnut hair was up in a messy bun and she looked so comfortable, but so sexy. I looked into her chocolate eyes to see what kind of day today would be. She looked guarded, but there was a hint of excitement there. That made me smile and she smiled back.

"Sorry to keep you waiting." She blushed.

"No problem are you all set?" I asked as a friend and not in a date way. She nodded and we said our goodbyes. Once we were in the car our conversation flowed more comfortably then I would of expected.

"So where are we going?" She asked looking at me curiously.

"Well I actually have to go get a house warming gift for Alice and Jasper." I smiled excited to tell Bella the news, I knew her and Alice were becoming friends fast.

"House warming?" She asked tilting her head.

"Yep, Jasper's gift to Alice." I smiled thinking back to how excited Alice had been when I got home.

"What a house?" Bella asked looking truly shocked, it was so cute.

"Here in Forks."

"Doesn't he like hate it here?" Bella asked and I chuckled.

"Well I actually think he just likes teasing Alice more then anything. He wanted her to be close to family." I kind of frowned thinking back to this morning when he told me about the bad news he had yet to deliver to Alice and why he wanted her near family.

"Why do you look sad?" Bella blurted out and I correct my expression.

"Just a random thought. Anyway he got her a house not far from my parents house, only a mile or so. They are hosting a small get together there tonight. I was hoping you would come with me." I glanced from the road to her. "As friends." I added and she chuckled a little, but it was kind of erratic. I was completely lost with this girl.

"Yeah that sounds fun." She sat silent for a moment and then mumbled. "A house."

I didn't think a house as a gift was that big of a deal, especially after my dad had bought my mother a private Island for their anniversary one year. Though I guess growing up in a family with unlimited amounts of money, you had a different out look on things. Plus Jasper buying Alice a house here was as much for himself as it was her. She was going to be heartbroken and lost when he tells her the news and she will need her family to lean on. I wished that I would get to be here and help, but knew I would be busy with the bar in Cali.

"So how are things coming along with the new bar, I bet you will have to be getting back soon?" Bella asked as if reading my mind. I glanced at her catching her questioning brown eyes. The brown eyes that I didn't want to ever leave.

"I haven't heard much, right now is more about a waiting game. I am waiting for the county to approve my blue prints and business plan. Once that is complete I will be heading back and starting renovations and all that fun shit." I looked from the road again trying to gage her reaction, but she was silently staring out the window.

"When do you think you will hear?" I knew she wanted to know how long we had together, because even if she insisted on only being friends we both could feel some sort of connection to one another. I wanted to tell her never, that I would stay forever, but I knew that wasn't possible.

"Any day now." This time when I glanced at her I could see the shock on her face and my stomach knotted. I hoped that by telling her that soon I would have to leave, it wouldn't make her shut down on me. I pulled into the parking lot to the huge mall forty minutes after leaving Bella's house and let out a heavy sigh.

"I am not like Alice so how about we make this fast, get in and get out." I told her smiling and she smiled back looking relived. It was good to know I wasn't the only one who hated shopping. We made our way through the department store and I was completely torn on what to get Jasper and Alice. Though when I thought about what was coming in the New Year I knew what I wanted to get them. It would be very rewarding for them, I knew they could afford to buy it themselves, but hoped getting it for them would help ease Alice. Though I knew that would be nearly impossible.

"What did you get them?" Bella asked as we meet up in the food court, we had gone our separate ways, because she wanted to get them something also. Since we both hated being in the mall equally, it made sense to split up to make it go faster. Bella and I walked towards the exit.

"Those new mini web cams." I answered shrugging as if it was no big deal, Bella stopped in her tracks. She looked at me horrified. "What is it?" I asked panicked.

"Web cams?" She said shocked and I nodded my head. "I think I need to go back and get them something else." Bella said self-conscious and uneasy.

"Nonsense." I said placing a hand on her shoulder and watched her form relax under my touch.

"You got them web cams, there is now way I am walking in there with this." Bella said shaking her head and holding up the plastic Macy's bag.

"I am sure it is fine Bella, what did you get them?" Bella blushed nervously and held the bag up to me. I peeked inside to see a coffee/cappuccino maker. "They will love that Bella." I said honestly.

"Yeah well I got it on sale and it sure isn't a state of the arch mini web cam." She said rolling her eyes, I chuckled.

"They will love it, I promise." She sighed and we continued out of the mall. The next part of the day I had planned was what had me so nervous and giddy this morning. I knew we were just out as friends, but there was something I wanted to share really bad with Bella. It was a place that my mother told me about and it sounded beautiful, I didn't know the area well, but I was fairly sure I could find it.

"Where to now?" Bella asked smiling.

"Have you ever been to the Rainbow Falls Park?"

"No I don't think so." She shook her head and I smiled.

"Me either."

Bella's POV

I was such an idiot with the whole 'I don't date thing'. Of course I wanted a claim on Edward and wanted to be more then friends, but I was trying to protect myself. I hadn't lied, I don't date. I hadn't dated since I was in college and had strictly sworn off men, they only complicated things for me. The only men I needed in my life were my dad and Jacob. Everyone else made things complicated and difficult. Though Edward was different and having the chance to spend a day with him was at the very top of my list of things to do.

Edward drove smoothly following the road signs leading to Rainbow Falls Park, I had never been, but I heard it was beautiful. My mother and father had visited it one time, but I was too busy under a car to go with them. I was never into the mushy romantic girly stuff, but I wasn't the same person I used to be. As soon as we found the end of the trail you could see the sparkling water and the plush greenery. Edward smiled at me and then walked around to open my door, which wasn't something I was accustomed to, but it made me feel special.

As soon as I stepped out of the car I could hear the sound of water running and smell everything around me. I didn't take in my surroundings I just followed beside Edward as he walked along the rocked trail, we were silent, but I could feel his eyes on me.

As we walked past the small pond under the water falls I saw the current in the water was rough, there were ducks fighting the tide to make it up stream. I pitied them, because most days I felt that I was fighting the tide myself.

Edward stood still for a moment and I looked up at him, he had a sly smile on his face. It was playful and mischievous, something I hadn't really seen him get with me. Though I had seen him like that with his brothers.

"Do you trust me?" He asked smiling a breathtaking smile and although I had a feeling the words were more serious over all then what he meant at this time. I answered him honestly without thinking.

"Yes." He smiled and I saw his eyes glisten as I answered.

"Good." He sighed as if a weight was lifted off his shoulders. He grabbed my wrist making my stomach flutter like on a rollercoaster and he pulled me along down a trail and towards a water fall. It was then that I saw the sign for the rainfall caves, which scared me to death.

"I am not going in there." I said quickly feeling my chest rise in panic. I was a bit claustrophobic and didn't do well with the ideas of caves and animals.

"You said you trust me." He said staring into my eyes, his emeralds pleading with me. I sighed and followed him along the slick rocks thinking that I would fall to a hard wet messy death at any moment. He pulled me behind the waterfall into a dark cave that was actually different then I expected it to be. It was cold, dark, but there was a beautiful color of blue to it. I was so used to everything being green here that I was shocked by the color.

"Stunning." Edward sighed and I looked up to see he was staring at me rather then around the cave and through the rushing water. I felt the blush hit my cheeks and he smiled even bigger, before I knew it we were sitting on a rock talking. I was so comfortable with Edward, he made my world brighter.

"Bella you know I would never pressure you to tell me anything, but it is killing me to know what happened to Ethan." Edward said glancing at me from the corner of his eye. I sucked in a hard breath knowing that I would have to tell him at some point. "Sorry I shouldn't of said anything, tell me when your ready." He said waving me off, but now that I thought about it, I wanted him to know. There were other things that I wasn't ready for him to know, because he was so perfect, but this I could tell him. It would hurt to say the words, but Edward's soothing presence gave me the strength.

"He was born with an extremely rare heart condition. I went to the doctor once a month my whole pregnancy, I took those huge nasty pills, I didn't drink anything, but water, and I followed everything in the book. The doctors didn't catch it in my ultrasounds and it wasn't even the doctor that caught it after he was born, it was a nurse. After I had him and they finally brought him back into my room I could see it in their eyes that something was terribly wrong. My heart sank as the doctor started explaining to me that he had a condition with a huge word that I didn't know and that basically he wasn't going to make it much longer. I held my baby for twenty four hours straight praying to a God that I wasn't sure I believed in. He lived and they allowed us to go home. We took him to every doctor on the West coast and they all said the same thing, they were surprised he lasted that long and we should enjoy the time we had with him. We begged and pleaded for a doctor to do something, operate or anything. But they said they couldn't operate, he was too small, too fragile, and his immunities were really low." I paused for a moment pushing back a sob trying to get this all out to Edward, I wanted him to know. I needed him to know.

"With each passing day I tried not to gain hope, I tried not to bound, because I was selfish and I didn't want to hurt. When he was four weeks old he smiled at me and suddenly I found myself hoping, praying, and bounding. The bound between a mother and a child is unbreakable, it was hard to resist. He became my world, he had been since I found I was pregnant. He lasted two years and those are the most amazing two years of my whole life. Even though he is gone I still feel the bond, I can't let him go. He is all around me."

The tears flowed freely and I didn't even try to wipe them away, because I was comfortable with Edward seeing them. He got up from his rock and came over to me, he knelt in front of me taking my hands into his. I looked into his eyes that sparkled in the dim light, he looked like there was so much he wanted to say. I watched his eyes as they spoke to me in the most intimate way. In one quick movement he released my hands and pulled me into a tight warm hug. His arms surrounded me like a protective barrier, his scent wafted over me closing me into him. It was so comfortable, so warm, I never wanted to leave this moment, this place we were in.

"You are so strong and so beautiful. I am amazed by you." He whispered into my hair and his breath hit my neck making me shiver, his arms tightened for a second. I didn't want him to let me go, but soon he did. He pulled back looking into my eyes, his head leaned forward and I was almost positive he was going to kiss me. I shook with anticipation, I had never wanted to be kissed so bad. I wondered if his kiss could make me forget the rest of the world existed, he was good at making me comfortable and forget stuff. I was sure his kiss would be magical, but he didn't kiss me. He leaned his forehead against mine, his emeralds staring into my brown eyes, his breath hitting my lips, he smelled intoxicating. I felt dizzy, this moment, the intensity of it was way more intimate then a kiss. I realized as I felt the butterflies and the dizziness that I was way overboard with Edward. He pulled away and sighed.

"I'm sorry." He apologized for his behavior, but little did he know that it was much wanted.

"No worries." I told him feeling the smile trying to over come my face, I held it back. I was trudging in dangerous territory, I was too attached, but I couldn't help it. I was falling and I couldn't catch myself, but I hoped that Edward would catch me. I wanted his arms around me.

"You ready to head back, Alice will shot my ass if we are late to her party." Edward broke the silence after our intense moment, I nodded my head. He surprised me reaching out to my hand with his own and I took it greedily. I wanted to feel the warmth and butterflies he gave me. As we exited out of the cave the first thing my eyes landed on was a beautiful flower, it was colorful and reminded me of a rainbow. I couldn't take my eyes off of it. As we passed a plaque I read that the flower was a Nebel's Rainbow. It was beautiful. As we walked I took in my surroundings I noticed the orange/green colors of the trees, I took in the beautiful blue and cloud spotted sky. Last I took in the beauty that was Edward.

Reality caught up with me, I had been blind to the beauty around me for so long, but now here today, Edward had opened my eyes. I could see again, I could take it all in.

We got to his car and he opened my door for me. As Edward got into his side he removed his jacket and pushed his sleeves up. Once we backed out I couldn't keep my eyes off his tattoos I was curious and wondered if his had meanings like mine did.

"What are your tattoos?" I asked without thinking. I did that a lot with Edward. Speak without thinking.

"Things I enjoy, love, or want to hold close to me." He answered honestly pushing up his sleeve so I could see them.

"So you play the guitar?" I asked reaching over and tracing the guitar.

"Yep, music was my life for years. It is something that I truly enjoy, I find myself too busy to play much anymore." I nodded looking over the other designs. The music notes and tribal designs.

"What is this?" I asked pointing to the tribal piece that went along the bottom of the three quarter sleeve and disappeared up under the arm of his shirt.

"That is a tribal tat that goes across my back and down the other arm, Emmett has it also." He said smiling.

"What's the story?" I asked knowing that if they both had it, there was a story behind it. Edward's demeanor changed a little bit as he sighed and glanced at me.

"Emmett and I have always been pretty close. We used to spend every school vacation with our grandfather, he was an amazing man. Jasper would always spend time with mom, he was a mommy's boy." Edward chuckled looking ahead. "We both would follow him around doing whatever he did. He retired fairly young so he was able to spend tons of time with us. Unlike Carlisle, whom worked a lot. I love my dad of course, he is an amazing man, but grandpa Masen was the one who taught me how to fish, ride a bike, and pick up the ladies." Edward wiggled his eyebrows, then shook his head. "When he passed Emmett and I took this tribal design that he had on his car, it was his baby and we turned it into a tat. Grandpa had a car that you would wet your pants for."

I couldn't help the laugh that blurted from my lips hearing Edward joke, it just wasn't what he was like around me. He laughed also.

"Well what was this car that I would need to change my pants over?" I asked laughing.

"A nineteen sixty four Chevelle SS, sleek and beautiful. It was the first year that car was made, he treated that car like a damn baby. It was this ugly green color, but it had a black tribal symbol that started on the hood as the main design, then filtered off along the sides and to the back in black. It was a sharp looking car, but the color green was horrible." He chuckled.

"I learned how to drive in that car, grandpa Masen taught me."

"Badass car to learn in." I sighed imagining the car in my head. I leaned against the seat and closed my eyes. "A lot better then a Volvo." I added smirking. I felt a poke in my side and opened my eyes to see Edward pulling his finger back from poking me. He was smiling this beautiful smile and his eyes sparkled like diamonds in the setting sun. I cleared my throat feeling like the moment and his beauty was all a little too perfect. We drove the rest of the way to Alice and Jasper's new house in silence.

When we arrived at Alice and Jasper's new house I was amazed by the beauty and the size of it. It was one of the newer homes in Forks and in a very secluded area, it was close to the Cullen family home. Jasper greeted us at the door and I knew immediately that something was off. We entered the living room and I had to say the atmosphere was very un-party like. I took a seat in a chair and Edward stood next to me, Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, Rose, Jasper, and Alice were all in the room. Alice looked gloom and her eyes were red as ifs he had been crying. I suddenly began to panic, could something of happened to my mother? I looked up at Edward and he saw the panic in my eyes he put his hand on my shoulder to calm me. I relaxed and looked to Alice and Jasper. Jasper took a deep breath with his arms wrapped around Alice and spoke.

"I wanted you all here early for dinner to tell you that I got called up for a tour in Iraq."

"No." Esme cried and I understood why Alice seemed so upset.

"Mom it is going to be fine, I won't be in the battle fields. I am just going to be the base physician. It isn't anything to fret over." Jasper said with a calming reassuring voice.

"How long?" Carlisle asked in a concerned voice.

"A year." I heard Alice sniffle as Jasper answered.

"But that is all the time you have left, can they send you?" Emmett asked looking concerned for his brother.

"Yeah, as long as I am back before my release date, I have to do whatever they tell me too." He sighed hugging Alice. "It is only a year and I will be back, I will get out." Jasper tried to assure them, but he was looking at Alice.

"When do you leave?" Esme asked.

"The end of next month."

"What?" It was Rose that spoke up this time, shocked.

"I leave at the end of next month, February second." Jasper sighed looking at Alice who was starting to cry again. I understood now why Jasper had bought this house for Alice so close to the family, he didn't want her to be alone. I felt for Alice, I never had what her and Jasper had, but I knew what it was like to lose people. But Jasper would be back, I knew he would.

Dinner was quiet and honestly a little sorrowful, I guess Alice had decided to cancel the party and just have a family dinner. I didn't blame her I wouldn't be in much mood for a party either. Edward had been right and Alice loved my gift just as much as his, when the night ended I told Alice to call me if she needed anything. I was the last person anyone should be leaning on, but I liked Alice and wanted to be there for her if need be.

"Are you scared?" I asked Edward as we drove to my house.

"What do you mean?" He asked not following.

"Jasper, going to Iraq. Does it scare you?" I clarified.

"I guess a little, but I know he will be alright." I don't know if Edward was trying to convince me or himself. "Mostly I am worried about what the distance will do to him and Alice.' This surprised me.

"I think those two can survive anything, they are truly in love." I pondered out loud, Edward smiled at me.

"I didn't mean it like that. What I meant was that Alice and Jasper have been together since we were kids, the longest time they spent apart was the six weeks that Jasper was at basic. This is going to be extremely hard on both of them. I just hope that they aren't too lonely or sad being away from each other." I could see he was truly concerned and that just added to the list of things that made Edward great.

"Thank you for today, it was fun." I told him as the car came to a stop, he smiled at me.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" He asked leaning towards me.

"Working." I answered leaning into him.

"What are you doing for lunch?" He asked staring into my eyes as if he could see my soul. I shrugged and he smiled brightly. "Would you go to lunch with a friend?"

"If that friend asked." I smirked.

"Bella will you go to lunch with me tomorrow?" Edward asked smiling and taking the breath away from me.

"I would love to." I told him smiling. It was so strange the emotions running through me, the way I acted around Edward, and the way I wanted to be around more as the time passed. His smile melted me and his touch warmed me. I took a deep breath of his scent before getting out of his car, I wanted to hold onto his calming scent forever.

Once in my room I laid alone on my bed staring at the ceiling and something became obvious to me.

I was in love with Edward Cullen.

Please Review it means a lot, almost as much as Edward's warm smile.