A/N: Final exam completed. Sigh of relief. It's funny how addictive writing can be. I wanted desperately to write when I was studying, but once I was able to actually do it I drew a total blank. Fantastic. My plot overview has been totally thrown out the window. All the pieces are there, but timeline (oddly appropriate)... well... let's just roll with it and see where this ends up...
Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin and any of its characters, are not owned by me. My characters are not nearly as interesting or likely to be turned into someone's fan fic. Just sayin.
Chapter 12:
Time is the longest distance between two places.
~Tennessee Williams
Kaoru had insisted they pack a picnic lunch. Then that they bring pretty much all of the warm clothing they could possibly carry. Then some tea, some books, a camera... Eventually the boys managed to grab her by the wrists and pull her outside, as Yahiko quickly locked the door behind her.
Kenshin couldn't help but wonder if her obsessive-compulsive need to make this a well-planned trip was a poorly-disguised attempt at delaying the inevitable. Surely she realized as he did: that every step he took to get home would forever take him further away. He hid a small smile, wondering if she was like this for all of her friends or if somehow...
No.
He would not entertain these thoughts any longer. Although it was a comforting balm to have another show such concern for him, it would only end in heartbreak. For either of them. Or both. And frankly, he wasn't sure that it would be any better if he somehow found a way to stay. True, she had taken him in for the time being, but he wondered how long it would last if she ever found out who he truly was. If she ever found out the things that he had done, would she look at him the same way? Laugh so openly? Care enough to steal his shoes?
No. He was certain.
She may have been an exceptional girl, and she certainly had an honest warmth to her, but emotions could only stretch so far before fear and disgust became overwhelming. And he had seen it a million times before.
There was more than one reason he had taken to wandering.
-o0-0o-
It wasn't very long before the band of explorers found themselves facing a surprisingly large metal and concrete parking structure.
A very cramped Sano let out a low whistle.
"Wow. Uh... Were we expecting it to be so big?", a wide-eyed Kaoru asked no one in particular.
"They seem to be expecting many people, that they do.", Kenshin agreed, trying to mask his disappointment. If this area has changed this much then...
"Huh. Well the website did say 'ample parking'.", the dark-haired boy piped up.
"Gotta give 'em points for honesty, then.", Sano remarked, "Now can we hurry up and park? My legs are going numb."
Kaoru glared at him through the rear view mirror as she slowly maneuvered the car to the first available space.
"You didn't have to come.", she growled, "So quit complaining."
"You seriously think I'd miss meeting a god and watching someone disappear?"
"You're such an idiot.", the boy muttered under his breath, his comment entirely missed by the lanky man who had already pushed his way out of the backseat and begun to stretch his limbs.
"Damn that's so much better. Hey Missy, you've got to get a better car. No offense, but this one sucks."
"I'll keep that in mind.", She growled back, calculating the exact amount of force she would need to slam him into the wall... Nope, too much. Can't afford to hurt the car.
She turned the ignition off and stepped out of the vehicle, squinting as the group made their way from the parking structure and into the glaring bright light. Overcast and a bit windy, the day was gloomy at best, but Kaoru did her best to be cheerful despite her overwhelming instinct to turn back.
As they crossed the laneway and headed toward a large gated entrance she cast a glance toward Kenshin. He seemed concerned, although no one else seemed to notice it, but the faint lines across his brow and a slight tensing of his jaw gave him away. Granted, she hadn't known him for very long, but it appeared that she was already learning how to read him. She felt a small surge of pride at that thought and wondered how many others had figured him out? She wondered if anyone ever truly had? She paused. So what if she could see he was worried about something? She still knew next to nothing in the larger scheme of things.
She turned her gaze to the ground and kicked a small rock from her path.
Stupid rock.
Ahead of them was actually quite a nice scene: A series of handsome wood and stone buildings situated amongst the dormant winding garden, the group nearly sighed in unison at its beauty. Twisted dark-wood columns reached upward to raise simple polished wood and clay roofing. The smell of sweet, musky incense drifted through and around the other people quietly milling about. Despite the gloom the ceiling of clouds had brought forth, a deep breath escaped Kaoru as she closed her eyes. Without intention, she pictured herself visiting this place if... no... when her wanderer left once again. She opened her eyes once more and turned to face him. His eyes closed, red hair blowing in wisps around him, he seemed to be concentrating.
Is this how it ends?
"Wow. Nice place."
Leave it to Sano to break the moment.
"So... is this it, Kenshin?", the boy asked, as he looked to the man who had since opened his eyes and was regarding the scene in front of them.
-o0-0o-
He didn't know. He felt it- something- but saw nothing. So he closed his eyes and focused. He felt the breeze blowing, the bodies milling around, smelled the incense... was it familiar?
He looked up at the tall trees... did they look over a hundred years old? He tried to picture the path he had taken with the Miko, the valley that they had entered, the gardens, landmarks... anything?
Anything at all?
He let out a breath. If he was wrong- if this were the wrong place- what would he do? Personal suffering he could take, even deserve for the things he had done, but the thought that Miss Kaoru, Yahiko, or even Sano might be hurt by his inability to get himself home, was unforgivable.
No. This has to be it. I have to trust this.
"Let's go.", He swallowed hard and, with new resolve, began to walk toward the temple, concentrating on every object and person he came into contact with.
-o0-0o-
They kept pace behind the red-head, who adeptly navigated to and fro through the shuffling herds of people, until it became clear that he was not going in any particular direction. Sano was the first to speak.
"Maybe we should split up. Ya know, more eyes and that kind of thing...", obviously eying a food vending stand and the pretty girl who was helping customers.
"Yeah, that sounds like a great idea.", Yahiko agreed, the smell of the steamed sweets wafting toward them and stealing any resolve he had.
Kaoru glared at them.
"Really? You just ate. You can't focus for three minutes?"
"Hey, a full stomach helps you to think.", Sano defended.
"Says who?", Kaoru countered.
"Some scientists somewhere, I'm sure...", he muttered as he wandered off.
She looked at Yahiko, who watched Sano leave with a gaze so forlorn that Kaoru sighed, dug into her bag, and gave him some money.
"Get some for all of us."
"Alright!", he cheered as he ran off.
She shook her head and muttered nonsensically, but could not stop a small smile from creeping its way onto her face as she scanned the crowd for her wanderer. Wow, could he move quickly. They hadn't stopped for very long but there was already no sign of him, and although there weren't tons of people to block her path, she still had a hard time seeing him. Sometimes being short really sucked. Doubly so when the man she was trying to find was nearly as short as her. Since she couldn't do a thing about her height, she opted instead to head to the temple steps where she could better see through the crowd.
While she saw a disheveled Sano shamelessly flirting with the pretty vendor, and a disgusted looking Yahiko waiting for him with a basket of steaming food, there was not even a hint of red hair to be found.
She bit her lip and hoped that he would find her before he left for good. She hoped he would not disappear without at least saying goodbye. Heart in her throat, she sat upon the steps and tried to calm herself. She took a deep breath.
No.
If he had any say whatsoever he would find her before he left. Of that she was certain.
-o0-0o-
Trying to focus on a place you've only seen once, a hundred years ago, surrounded by a gaggle of loud tourists was hard enough. Doing it with a group of people following two steps behind and whispering about you to each other, was beyond frustrating. So it was with a small amount of pride and relief when he finally lost them in the surrounding hustle and bustle.
The temple and surrounding buildings looked nothing like what he had seen. Not even close. This temple was much bigger, more elaborate, and more modern when you looked at the actual construction. There were none of the depictions of nature that he had seen, just a traditional altar and a statue immortalizing some unnamed god that looked like a chubby demon-cat... or something. It really was a very bad carving. Disappointed, he exited the building to search the gardens.
Although it was a lovely place, serene and timeless, it was not the kind of 'timeless' of which he was in desperate need. The worn stone pathway looked old but... well... it was a bunch of rocks. Granted he had stared at his feet a lot during his garden conversation with the Miko, but it was more 'looking past' the stone path and less 'inspection' for the purpose of recall. And also, it was a bunch of rocks.
He followed the meandering garden to another covered structure with a few sitting areas and tried to imagine the ladies that he had seen that day as they meditated, did their chores and chatted with each other. Was this the place? Maybe with a fresh coat of paint and a few repairs?
He sighed and plopped himself onto the walled edge of the simple pagoda, allowing his legs to dangle freely. Every step he took disheartened him further and further. At this rate it wouldn't be long before he drove himself crazy. At this rate it wouldn't be long before he was out of luck entirely. And at this rate, everyone around him would suffer. With that last thought, he rested his head in his hands and tried to make sense of the mess he had gotten himself into.
-o0-0o-
After Sano struck out with the pretty vendor, he and Yahiko tracked down a distracted Kaoru. Yahiko thrust the remainder of the now-cold snack into her hands, before they ran off once again to look at cheap souvenirs. Kaoru nibbled on one of the sweets as she distractedly paced the garden pathway, eventually ending up in a small, open pagoda. Perched atop one of the foundation walls was her wanderer, head in his hands.
Now that's not a good sign.
She quietly stepped onto the platform and seated herself beside him, likewise hanging her legs over the edge. She watched him for a moment as he returned his hands to his lap, but his eyes remained closed, a suffocating tension in the air. She dropped her eyes to her hanging feet, and spoke.
"Are you alright?"
He stiffened for a moment, then sighed and finally spoke.
"This one appears to be lost.", He nearly whispered, defeat apparent. "I just... don't... I thought.."
She tried to feel the pain he felt- the loss, the defeat- but instead she found relief. Here he sat completely crestfallen, looking smaller than he had the day they had first met, and squeezing his eyes closed in dismay, and she was happy. She was officially a terrible person.
A horrible, hateful, terrible person who may never have to give him up.
But that really was terrible. Logically and actually, he didn't belong with her in this world.
"Kenshin...", she spoke softly, gently placing her hand on his arm, "We'll figure it out."
He shook his head, exhaling.
"You are probably right, Miss Kaoru.", he responded, but showed no sign of faith.
"Kenshin, I mean it. We have as much time as you need. I don't want to see you go...", she paused, as she stuttered through her unplanned declaration, "...but we will figure it out."
"Miss Kaoru, it is not as simple as all of that, although this one appreciates the sentiment.", his quiet demeanor turning serious.
He was holding something back. What she didn't know, especially considering the mystery of this whole event, of his entire character. Her eyes searched his face, willing him to make eye contact.
He obliged, remaining serious in tone.
"This one thought he had more time, and so said nothing. This one is afraid that the warning given by the Miko is coming to pass. If that is the case, you are in danger as well."
He looked away, staring off into a distant and unknown place, as she watched with dread curiosity.
"What did she say exactly?"
-o0-0o-
The wind blew, quiet but steadily, rattling the bare branches in the surrounding trees. She hugged her arms and pulled the collar of her coat closer, as a deep chill settled around them. He was very quiet when he spoke and did not turn to face her.
"She spoke of time unraveling, of destruction. This one has been moved or 'removed' as she said because other lives were becoming attached in the wrong places and were becoming damaged when I shifted from place to place. Every place I was removed from, and moved to, caused more pain and suffering. Unfortunately, this one's true life has already touched and destroyed many. I thought I had reached a point where there would be no more suffering by my hand. This one was mistaken.", he mumbled, looking down at his clenched hands. He looked up at her then, a sad look.
"But now it is this one who has become attached, it seems."
Her eyes widened at his implication and, fight as she might, she could not stop the faint blush that she was convinced was quickly spreading over her from head to toe.
"And now this one has hurt you too.", his gaze once again drawn to the horizon.
She opened her mouth to argue but was cut off.
"And Yahiko, Sano, maybe everyone this one has met or spoken with."
"Kenshin... are you sure she wasn't... I don't know... exaggerating?"
He shook his head and sighed.
"This one can not explain it and it is hard to understand."
She looked out at the horizon, pausing only briefly.
"So... this 'destruction'... does it happen now when you are here, or when you leave?"
He shook his head lightly, "I honestly do not know."
The quiet sound of people speaking and laughing seemed to float by them on an icy breeze as they sat in thoughtful silence.
"It's not your fault, Kenshin.", She stated quietly, but with a decided conviction.
He smiled faintly, "This one is not so sure."
-o0-0o-
He wasn't aware of time passing or of how long they had been sitting in silence but eventually he realized the sun was much lower in the sky, the shadows longer. His stomach rumbled, proof he had been lost in his thoughts for much longer than he had intended. He looked up toward his quiet company. He had been lost in thought for too long, and now unfortunately, he had taken her along with him.
Fitting really.
One small sigh, followed by a smile he did not feel, and then he was up, hand extended to help her rise as well.
"We should walk. Maybe we will find something together."
At his words a beautiful smile graced her features, spreading warmth like a thick blanket on a cold winters' night.
Why did he feel like a small seedling leaning into the sun? For just this small moment he would allow it. Just this once. As he looked into her eyes he felt his smile become honest. It may have only been a small moment in time but he felt overwhelmed. For this moment he was blessed, like he were more than what he was. He was unworthy in every way and yet, in this moment, he felt for the first time that he could finally stop. He could be happy here.
"...Well maybe, I guess. But you ATE all of it, stupid.", the gutsy boy he'd come to know, accused someone.
They were at it again.
"WooHoo! Kaoru and Kenshin!"
"Wow. Can't leave you two alone at all, can we?", Sano teased, winking.
He watched Kaoru quickly turn pink and look down, her embarrassment obvious. What was she looking at? His eyes followed to their still-joined hands.
Oh. Yeah.
He quickly slipped his hand away from hers and up to shuffle his hair, as he damned himself for the tell-tale heat he felt in his cheeks.
Ok. Moment over.
-o0-0o-
The four intrepid explorers meandered down an old stone walkway and deeper into the gardens, around the various stone-and-wood buildings, before finding a small path leading into a line of trees. They followed each other one-by-one along the twisted path, and deep into the overgrown thicket ahead of them, a sense of excitement –or maybe something darker- thick in the air.
Once they had walked for some time, Kenshin began to hear- or rather feel- a quiet thrumming. From up ahead of them, or all around them, he wasn't sure, but he swore that out of the corner of his eye and very sightly he could see the forest pulsing.
He turned behind him to look at his entourage but they seemed to be unaffected, comfortably chatting back and forth. Twenty minutes and countless complaints from Sano later, Kenshin believed that the thrumming, that had since turned into pounding, could possibly kill him.
Through his booming headache and pulsing vision, the others continued to comment and debate... something?... He couldn't really focus on anything other than the noise that was tearing up his head. It would go away. Or he'd die. Either way, his fighting spirit told him that only a lesser swordsman would let something silly like a headache stop him. He could nearly see the raised eyebrow and hear the sarcastic comment his old swordsmaster would use to antagonize him over something like this.
He heard her voice, louder now. She asked him something. What was it?
He turned around to acknowledge her bobbing form, sure he must look like hell itself.
He saw her eyes widen and quickly her arm was around him and her cool hand on his forehead.
"No, no. I'm alright.", he muttered, pushing himself away a bit.
"Like hell you are.", he was pretty sure he heard her stubbornly respond.
-o0-0o-
He was wincing. He was pale and quiet and acting like he had the hangover of the century, and that was very, very bad. Very bad. It hadn't been that long since he had been unconscious in the hospital. Or comatose in her living room. Or half-dead in a snow bank...
She was such an idiot. Why did she think it would be even slightly okay for him to walk for so long, trudging through the frost-bitten woods, having had nothing much to eat...
She berated herself once more as she dug through her bag, producing the tea she had brought in a little silver insulated container. She poured the warm liquid into a small plastic cup and helped him to sit, joining him as they leaned against the base of a towering tree, at which point she began to obsessively worry.
But it wasn't long before he had finished his tea and some sweet-roll remnants, pushed himself up off of the ground, and announced that they were going in the right direction. Turning abruptly, he followed the path deeper into the woods, leaving Kaoru and the others to share a concerned glance before they quickly joined him.
Kenshin seemed to speed up, moving easily down the dirt trail and snaking around the outstretched branches of overgrown bushes. The red-headed man that only moments ago had looked like he was seconds away from passing out, drew his sword and began to effortlessly cut the stubborn brambles that lined the overgrown trail until they found themselves standing in a large open area. Surrounded by dormant grass and covered by an umbrella of overhanging boughs, Kaoru breathed deeply, inhaling the cool air. There was something about this place that felt very... alive.
She moved toward Kenshin and cast him a questioning glance.
This had to be it.
I KNOW, I KNOW. I'm sorry. But I have another chapter right on the next page. All you have to do is click the little "chapter" button and it will even take you there. This chapter is more like a section, and this section is much longer than I am prepared to put forth as one chapter... so you get more. Does that make any sense?
Anyway...
Everyone had such positive and great comments that I wanted to thank you for, but I'm going to hold off on the direct-response stuff until my fingers do some real work and actually FINISH THIS CHAPTER... SECTION... WHATEVER!
Otherwise you will be waiting another stupid five months for me to will my fingers to type something.
And please keep up the reviews!
