Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer still applies. I don't own these characters, and sometimes I quote from SMeyer's books. Don't sue me. I have no money.
A/N: Love and appreciation to all you wonderful people who take time to review. Love and kisses to my international readers who make up nearly fifty percent of my readership. And, as always, thanks to Shari (a.k.a. sirah87) for her help and tolerance during the making of this story. Special thanks to adair7 for making my new banner for this story.
Music: "How You Remind Me" by Nickelback; "Going Under" by Evanescence
Chapter 12 Peace Talk
What you see and hear depends a good deal on where you are standing; it also depends on what kind of a person you are.
~C.S. Lewis
"Don't be afraid, love. I'll be with you every moment."
I checked my watch to be sure we were on schedule.
10:30 P.M.
Sunday
April 25
I was dressed in loose-fitting hiking gear, something I'd never actually worn before despite having worked at an outdoor equipment store, and carrying a green weatherproof backpack on my shoulders. My boots felt uncomfortable and restrictive on my feet. I wished I could take them off. And possibly burn them.
"Are you sure they'll be there?" I said, clutching Edward's neck as we sped through the forest. Jasper and Emmett were flanking us, their eyes always moving over the landscape, searching for dangers. The sky was clear for a change, the moon high overhead, and my human eyes saw nothing but unending trees around me. I didn't see how Edward could be so certain about this. What if the wolves didn't show up?
"I'm positive. The Alpha gave his word," he assured me.
I pressed a soft kiss into Edward's hair and buried my nose there, inhaling his essence as the wind flew around me. The speed was exhilarating, but the aroma of him gave me such peace just then. Edward reached up with his free hand to lightly touch my cheek. "Please don't be worried. We'll keep you safe."
"Do you think they'll attack?" Emmett asked. He didn't sound nearly as nervous as I thought he should.
"With a werewolf, that is always a possibility," Edward answered.
"I should be able to calm them if they try," Jasper growled, "but I'd still rather we had come in greater numbers." I couldn't help but agree, a little. I found myself wishing for Rosalie, so that I could borrow her strength for this the same way she lent it to me during my therapy sessions.
"Jasper, you know that's too aggressive," Edward replied. "I assured the Alpha I would only bring two others along with Bella. So long as we approach them slowly and don't stand too close, we should be alright." He sniffed very deliberately then, and I felt him slow and turn.
"Edward…" I said nervously. Though I didn't think Jacob would hurt me (he was, after all, the one who'd been so worried about me in the first place), I had no idea what to expect from any of the other wolves. If vampires were their only enemy, if the animosity was ingrained into their biological make-up, would they be able to stop themselves from attacking if we made a wrong move? Would they hate me for choosing to live among the cold ones they so despised?
I was about five seconds from finding out. I steeled myself as best I could.
"We're here," Edward announced quietly. We had come to a stop in a small, moonlit clearing—the neutral zone, or part of it, at least. I couldn't make heads or tails of where we were in relation to Forks or home; it would be so easy to get lost here. Just like my dream…I gripped Edward tighter as I took in our surroundings.
At the opposite end of the clearing two hairy, Clydesdale-sized creatures loomed. They sniffed the air in our direction, and the silver-pelted animal sank into a crouch and growled. The taller one, with fur a luxurious midnight black, remained erect as he sniffed, and made an odd barking sound. The silver one retreated two steps and stood tall again. It seemed ridiculous to call these frighteningly beautiful beasts wolves. Clearly they were larger than most grizzly bears and ten times as threatening. The silver one's teeth were like the kitchen knife I'd grabbed during one of my strange flashbacks. I shivered.
Jasper's head twisted, scanning in all directions, and his brothers did the same. I guessed that the two wolves I saw were not the only ones present and prayed this wasn't an ambush. Edward had not told me how far behind us the rest of the family would be waiting in case they were needed. A mile? Two miles? Were they within range of his mental hearing, or were they further away to prevent distraction? Were they fast enough to get here in time if we were attacked?
"Good evening, Sam," Edward said politely, not setting me down yet. "If you would be so kind as to summon Jacob for me, I believe he would like to speak to Bella."
A synapse fired in my brain.
Sam.
I remembered lying on the forest floor, unable to raise my face up from the rain puddle pooling around my head. Men were calling my name. An animal came, sniffing the ground, snuffling around my head. Then it was gone, and a giant, copper-skinned, black-haired man was lifting me from the mud.
"Sam Uley?" I cried in shock. I felt two pairs of golden eyes stare up at me from my sides, and Edward's breathing stopped.
The black wolf froze for a brief second, his striking gaze focused entirely on me, then twisted his head clockwise and narrowed his eyes as if trying to concentrate on something in particular. Edward winced as though in pain and squeezed my hands slightly.
"He's the one who found me, Edward! When I got lost in the woods, he's the one who picked me up and took me back to Charlie." Edward nodded at him once. I looked at the black wolf again, and was not so afraid. "Sam?"
Slowly, deliberately, the black wolf dipped and raised his head. Beside him, the aggressive silver wolf huffed and sat back on its haunches.
"Bella?" called a scratchy voice from the trees behind Sam.
I looked in the appropriate direction, and a tall, well-muscled, half-clothed man with cropped black hair emerged from the shadows and walked halfway across the clearing, staring at me appraisingly, sniffing in my direction. It took me a long ten seconds to recognize him.
"Jacob? Is that you?"
He smiled at me strangely before his expression turned sour. "Let her go, bloodsucker. She's not your toy."
Something white flashed in my brain when he said the last word, and I jerked my head involuntarily. Below me, Edward began to growl.
"Stop it," I said, "both of you. Mind your manners."
Jacob looked up at me as if I had lost my mind all over again.
"Edward, let me down, please," I commanded.
Reluctantly, Edward released me and helped me gain my feet. He positioned himself defensively, slightly in front of me and to the right, as though expecting an attack. Emmett maintained an alert posture on our right flank, and Jasper did the same on my left.
Jacob rolled his eyes. "I won't hurt her, leeches."
"Not intentionally, mongrel," Edward murmured, a slight edge to his voice.
At the same time Emmett growled, "Not with us here, you won't." I could just feel Jasper echo the sentiment, though he kept silent.
"I understand you wanted to see me?" I said loudly, trying to get control over the situation. The irony of attempting such a thing was not lost on me.
"I see you're still human," Jacob said judgmentally, almost mockingly.
"I hear you're not," I fired back, not liking his tone one bit. This seemed to bother him.
"I'm human, Bella," he responded, troubled. "I'm just something else, too."
"If you say so." With a trembling hand, I reached up and lightly touched Edward's spine for a few moments, wishing for his courage. I didn't know what to do next.
"Say what you have to say, Jacob," Edward said with forced calm.
"Why haven't you been to see Charlie?" Jacob asked, trying to look only at me. "He thinks you're out in Spokane or something. Won't these parasites let you visit?"
"I've been a complete wreck, Jacob," I answered, meeting his eyes. "They're helping me get better so I'm well enough to see Charlie."
"Get better," he scoffed. "That's what the mental hospital was for. The doctor said you're fine."
I stiffened at his casual dismissal of what had been a life of pure torture, shutting my eyes and inhaling sharply. Edward reached up with one hand to stroke my face. "You don't have to be afraid, Bella. You're safe."
"What the…? Bella, what the hell's going on?" Jacob sounded pissed. "Why didn't you come home when you were released from the hospital?"
I opened my eyes and glared at Jacob. "I wasn't released, Jacob; I escaped. Dr. McCoig and his errand boy Jimmy were torturing me."
Jacob stared at me incredulously. "Torturing you? Bella…is that what these bloodsuckers told you? Are they screwing around with your mind? It's all a pack of lies, Bella. Come with me, and I'll take you home."
Home?
What did this boy, who'd lived his whole life sheltered by his tribe, who'd never had to move over to make room for someone else, who'd never been anything but wanted, protected, and cared for exactly where he was, know about my home? I'd been brutalized over and over again, broken, shredded, branded, poisoned, emotionally mutilated, used as a lab rat and a dog bone and a punching bag and God knew what else, and he dared to call it a lie?
"A pack of lies, is it?" I hissed furiously, stepping around Edward so Jacob would see me entirely. "Is this a pack of lies, Jacob?" I tossed my backpack to my feet and ripped open my shirt, exposing all the skin that wasn't covered by my bra, earning a series of surprised canine whines. Though I'd tried to avoid the mirror as much as possible, I knew the bleach-white skin on my chest was peppered with circular pink and white spots. Jacob's eyes popped open wide at first, then narrowed and roved over me as he focused on the marks. "Are these burns a pack of lies? They're all over my body! Or how about these?" I shrugged out of my shirt, threw it to the ground, and held out my arms in front of me, the scarred, slightly bulging veins facing up. I heard three shocked gasps behind me. "You see these? Do they look like lies to you?" In the empty space behind me, I could feel Edward half extending his arms toward me, as if wishing to cover me, but he did not touch my shaking body.
Jacob was quiet for a moment, as if coming to terms with what he was seeing. Edward stilled, reacting to something in Jacob's thoughts.
"Did that bloodsucker doctor do this to you, Bella? I swear I'll kill him myself!"
Edward, Emmett, and Jasper snarled viciously. At the edge of the clearing, the two wolves crouched low but did not advance, and a chorus of low, savage growls echoed around me.
"No!" I roared as loud as my weak, human voice allowed, reaching down for my backpack. "You want your proof, Jacob Black? Have a look at this!" I chunked the bag at him as hard as I could, watching as it landed a few feet from where he stood. As he bent to pick it up, I grabbed my shirt and pulled it back on before my teeth started rattling from the cool night air. Edward pulled me behind him again, and I realized by the look in his eyes that I'd stepped over an invisible line.
"What is this?" Jacob asked, sounding curious and suspicious as the pulled the file folders and the small Sony Discman from my pack. Thankfully the CD player looked unharmed. He retreated back to Sam's side and opened the first folder, thick with paper. Sam and Jacob peered down at the file together, examining it in the moonlight.
"That one is a copy of Dr. McCoig's private research file on me," I said miserably, my fury fading away. "I've got the original locked up to use as evidence against him if I ever need it." I hadn't wanted to really read my file, but I did look it over enough to confirm the doctor's hand in the blue fountain ink I remembered. His handwriting matched the signature on my release papers, and the hospital letterhead was the same.
Jacob looked over the paperwork, pushing Sam's nose away from a page, stopping to read some paragraphs in Peter McCoig's rough scrawl. "He gave you all these drugs?"
"Yes," I moaned painfully, grasping Edward's arm for support.
"Morphine, I know of," Jacob stated. "What are the others?"
"Sedatives," Edward answered for me, "antipsychotics, hallucinogens, date rape drugs, everything he could think of to give her. And that doesn't include the street drugs her sadistic orderly started dosing her with unbeknownst to the doctor. It took almost four days to get it all out of her bloodstream. She was near death when I found her."
"Date rape drugs?" Jacob said, sounding for a moment like the kid I remembered from the year before. "Bella, did they…?"
I looked away nervously. "Please don't ask me. I wake up crying every day. All I can tell you is that I'm lucky I got out when I did. It was about to get much worse."
Jacob didn't respond to that; he looked back down at the paperwork, then opened the second file. "What are these pictures of?" He peered at the photos more closely. I hadn't looked at those at all—I didn't need to or want to in any way.
"There's a light in the bag," Edward grumbled. Jacob heard him across the distance and sifted through the bag until he pulled out the small Mag-lite flashlight. I saw the yellow-white glow, and a few seconds later I heard him gasp. Sam's hair stood up on his back, and a ring of eerie, lamenting, howls filled the air, low-pitched and mournful. I felt Jasper and Emmett close in around me as we waited for the noise to die down.
"Bella, what happened to you?" Jacob asked, no longer disbelieving but afraid.
"Jimmy did most of that, I think," I said, trying to keep my hold on calm. "The bruises, anyway. Dr. McCoig was the one with the stun gun. That's what the burn marks are from." I felt the silent tears slip down my cheeks, and I wiped at them with the sleeve of my shirt. Edward shifted his position and wrapped his arms around me. I leaned into his shoulder gratefully.
"Bella…" Jacob said, repulsed and stupefied.
I couldn't speak anymore, so I shook my head in Edward's chest. He understood and spoke for me.
"The CD is an audio recording of two hypnotherapy sessions she had with us." His voice was pained and quietly incensed. "We were trying to figure out what happened to her; she couldn't remember it on her own because of the drugs. You can listen if you want, but believe me, you will wish you never had."
"My god," Jacob's whisper echoed across the empty space.
I stopped to take a deep, shaky breath and turned my head to face him. "I was going to let myself die. It was too much."
Jacob looked up and pointed an accusing finger at Edward. "This is his fault! You were in that hell because he left you!" Edward flinched, but did not drop his gaze. He agreed with Jacob.
Jacob was so furious, he began to shake with rage; his skin seemed to be changing color, and he looked…nauseous? Edward pushed me entirely behind him as he bared his teeth, his body tensing.
"No, Jacob," I moaned, craning my neck around Edward's form. "You've got it all wrong. Edward thought I'd be safer if he left me here. He was trying to protect me."
Jacob raised his eyebrows in surprise and ceased quivering.
"He didn't know I would go crazy," I continued breathlessly. "No one did. It's not his fault my doctor did this to me. The only reason I'm still alive and standing here right now is because Edward got me out in time. He saved me."
"If Charlie knew about this…" Jacob hissed.
"Jake, please!" I croaked desperately. "You can't tell Charlie or anyone else who might let it slip to him." It was absolutely crucial that I make Jacob understand this any way I could. "He doesn't know what those men did, and you know it would kill him if he found out he'd sent me straight into the arms of the devil."
Edward inclined his head ever so slightly and remained very still.
"Then come home!" Jacob shouted edging closer to us again. "Leave your bloodsucking demons and come home."
"It's too soon, Jacob!" I wailed, a pleading sound coloring my voice. "I know Charlie needs me, and I really am planning to go back to see him. But I don't know if I can do it yet. I close my eyes at night and I'm in that hospital trying to keep Jimmy off me. I wake up screaming and trying to kill anything that touches me. If Charlie saw me like that, it'd scare him half to death. I'm not ready."
"They say you're not ready," he growled, sneering at my bodyguards. "You look ready to me. You've got plenty of fight in you."
You don't have any fight in you today, little one. That's too bad.
I shrank back from the huge male across the field, curling into a ball on the damp ground.
"J-J-Jimmy…" I stuttered fearfully, my heart pounding painfully in my chest as I rocked back and forth, back and forth, forehead touching the mattress, or was it the grass? I peered up quickly to search for him.
The tall blond man peered worriedly at me a moment…Jasper? "She's having another one," he breathed, slipping into a rapid hiss I couldn't make sense of. I hid my face again from the angry, growling man, protecting my eyes.
Just hit me and leave, just hit me and leave, please god, just hit me and leave…
"Damn it." Edward turned his back on the large man, lifted me easily, and held me tight, shielding me with his stone body. "Bella," he whispered, "don't be afraid. You're perfectly safe. Breathe."
"What? What's wrong with her?" the sandpapery boy voice asked sharply.
"You said something that triggered a memory," Edward said over his shoulder in his gentle, threatening voice. The subtle edge would be lost on anyone who didn't know him as well as I did. "She still hasn't gained complete control over her reactions."
I kept my face covered and sobbed into my shivering hands, hoping Jimmy wouldn't feel like issuing anything worse than a black eye tonight, hoping Edward would keep him away.
"You mean like a flashback?" the voice said curiously.
Edward nodded once. "Bella, my love," he murmured softly, combing his fingers through my hair as his sweet, soothing breath washed over me, "you are safe with me. Jimmy is not here. He will never hurt you again. Calm down." I inhaled deeply, and my pulse began to return to something close to a normal rhythm in response.
"How often does she get like this?" the scratchy voice wanted to know. He sounded closer.
"Every day," Edward answered. I felt him turn to face the opposite end of the field again, where the voice was coming from, and I clutched at his shirt collar. "She's been improving with therapy sessions, but this is not something we can predict. Without the proper care, she'll only get worse."
An animal whimpered somewhere to our left; it sounded almost sympathetic as it moved. Edward shifted slightly and stopped stroking my hair.
"Bella?" I thought I recognized the voice again, familiar but full of fear now, maybe regret. I peeked around Edward's arm and scanned the scene for threats. Jimmy wasn't there. I saw my vampires immediately around me, one slowly advancing male at least twenty yards away, and two motionless canines in the distance. The large, dark man's posture was strange as he approached us. Cautious, like he thought we might bolt.
Edward did not take his eyes off the man. He held me securely, his muscles coiled and ready. Emmett and Jasper were rigid beside us. "Don't come any closer, mutt," Emmett growled. "You've scared her enough."
The man stopped in his tracks, and I examined him carefully. "Jake?" I said, still trembling.
"Right here, Bella." He stared at me, all pity and remorse and just…sad. Childlike. Like the little boy I vaguely remembered from a long-ago summer, just after his mother died. Charlie had asked me to be nice to him, to think about how I'd feel if I lost someone I loved that much.
And I remembered where I was, and why I was here.
"Oh god, Jake, I'm so sorry," I cried. "I'm trying to get better, I swear. I'm not going to abandon Charlie, but I can't let him see me like this."
"Yeah," he said, looking back down at the backpack in his hands. "Here, you keep this. I don't want it." He tossed the backpack to us, placed a hand across his face, and backed away as if to go.
"Wait!" I cried, suddenly panicked. I couldn't keep a handle on my emotions anymore; they were flying around like debris in a desert sandstorm. But I had to say one last thing.
"What is it, Bella?" Jacob said, still not looking at us, his voice muffled behind his hand.
"Thank you, Jacob."
He lowered his hand and looked up at me, puzzled. "For what?"
"For stopping Laurent and Victoria," I answered shakily, trying to breathe. "I owe you my life and Charlie's life. Thank you, all of you."
"Sure, sure. Your bloodsu—Edward said something about that. Maybe one day you'll explain it to me."
"I will, Jacob," I promised between gasps, willing my hands to stop trembling and failing miserably. "Thank you."
And with that he strode silently into the trees. Sam and the silver wolf stood watchfully a few minutes longer, looking around the edges of the clearing, and then they too disappeared, leaving us untouched in the fading moonlight.
