Not pretty enough by Kasey Chambers

Lyrics altered

...

Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart too broken?
Do I fall too much?
Am I too outspoken?

...

Alex's P.O.V

"What is it Liv'? Just tell me..." I ask as my voice decreases in volume.

"Nothing Lex' now just drop it!" Olivia yells as she slams the door in my face.

I don't know what to do anymore.

Maybe I'm just not good enough anymore.

...

Don't I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?

...

I packed my clothes that night.

I thought I could handle this but it was becoming too much for me.

The sound of the door being locked made me look up.

She was finally home.

I tried not to get distracted as I shoved the clothes into my duffel faster.

But then she came into the bedroom.

"Where are you going?" She whispered.

"Away." I stated as I began to zip up my bag.

"So that's how it is?" She asked as tears fell down her olive cheeks.

"Apparently." I shrugged as I slung the bag over my shoulder.

"We've already established that I'm not good enough for you." I whispered as my voice cracked.

"I never said that!" Olivia said as her voice rose.

"Well you sure as hell implied it Liv'." I said as I pushed past her into the lounge room.

"Do not turn this around Alex!" She yelled as she stormed after me and grabbed my shoulder.

I swung around to face her and shifted a quick glance to my arm.

She had a strong grip and I had to try not to wince.

"Turn what around. I did NOT imagine what I heard. If I had we wouldn't be having this discussion."

Olivia laughed.

I tried to pull away but the bag slipped down my arm and Olivia took it.

She threw it on the couch while maintaining her grip on me.

"Liv' let me go..." I whispered.

Her fingers released me and so I rushed for the bag before she gave it a second thought.

"You're just like him Alex..." She whispered as she shook her head.

That was it.

"You know darn well that I am nothing like him! Besides if he's that terrible maybe you'd stop dreaming about him! Maybe if I was more like him you'd want me just as much..." I said as my voice lowered to nothing but a cracked whisper.

Olivia didn't look up as I left.

It was over between us.

...
I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me
I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break
I crave, I love, I've waited long enough
I try as hard as I can

...

Olivia's P.O.V

I threw things.

They smashed.

Left a trail of debris near the door where she shouldn't have been standing.

She was gone.

I'd fucked up.

Why did I still dream of him?

...
Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart too broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken

...

Flashback

I reached out to him.

I craved him.

I needed his touch.

I loved him.

Elliot...

...
Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me

...

Alex's P.O.V

I drove through the rain as tears poured down my cheeks.

Everything was falling apart.

Why'd I have to say something?

The fight was my fault and I knew it but...

It's been almost a year.

I expect her to dream of him just not in the way she does.

She calls out his name when we're lying in bed together.

She dreams as I lay wide awake.

At first I let it be but now...it hurts too much for words...

...
I laugh, I feel, I make believe it's real
I fall, I freeze, I pray down on my knees
I hope, I stand, I take it like a man
I try as hard as I can

...

"Mom." I sobbed as I fell into her arms.

It was 11 o'clock by the time I made it to her home just outside of the city.

Already in her P.J's I must have woken her however she greeted me with open arms just as she always did.

"Alex honey..." She cooed.

"You're soaking. Come inside dear and then tell me what happened."

I nodded into her shoulder as she tugged me inside.

The house was warm and I instantly felt bad for dripping rain all over her carpet but none the less she pulled me through the house to the spare room and found me some dry clothes.

"I'll be in the lounge." She said as she kissed my forehead.

...

Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart too broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me

...

I told her everything.

She sat and listened for hours only nodding when appropriate.

However when it was done I realised it was two in the morning.

Without asking she did exactly what I needed.

She let me cry in her arms for a while longer before leading me to bed, drying my tears, kissing my forehead and telling me she loved me.

I knew it was true.

I slept peacefully for the first night in a long time.

...

A/N

The similarities between your mother and the one you love are almost endless.

They'll both love you for who you are,

Say you're perfect despite your flaws,

Tell you they love you even when you've been fighting and lastly,

They'll always be full of surprises.

A mother birthed you into the world and cared for you.

A lover plucked you up and made you realise you were living but not yet alive.

To my grandmother Robyn and my girlfriend Katelyn x