Hey everyone. :) Thanks for being patient with me - yet again. You are all so supportive and wonderful. And just for being awesome...this chapter is extra long. And action packed. I decided it was time for Bella to ditch the damsel in distress schtick. Just for this chapter at least. Time for Bella to be the hero.
Just an FYI, A zodiac, for those of you who don't watch Whale Wars, is a small water craft. Really good for zipping through the waves.
OH! Before I forget... Thank you Thank you Thank you to whoever it was that nominated You Don't Have To Hide for the Indie Awards Most Romantic Moment. I never expected it. It is an honor to be nominated. Thank you so much!
BPOV
His mouth covered mine in such sweet perfection, I never wanted to untangle myself from him. His breath became my own as we let our tongues move against each others in slow, long, deep movements. It was intoxicating contact. Every cell in my body alive.
Skin burning, eyes hazy, lips swollen and perfect. I could stay this way forever. His hands tangle in my hair and follow the curves of my face, fingertips sweet and gentle. I explore with my hands as well, feeling the lines of his strong jaw, down his neck and broad chest.
I find the hem of his shirt, lifting slowly and cautiously, searching his emerald eyes for affirmation, for the same desire I could feel in my very core. His eyes hold only trust and love and want.
I remove his shirt slowly, taking a breath at the sight of his perfect chest, his lean abdomen, the v shape of his hips disappearing into his jeans, the small trail of hair following the same path downward.
My hands follow the paths my eyes have wandered down and I feel his heart beat faster, his breath come quicker.
"Bella..." he breaths, finding the buttons on my blouse and taking his time to undress me. He is ever so careful, searching my face for permission before he slides the fabric of my shirt off my shoulders, letting it fall to the ground.
"Bella, I lov-"
The loud creak of the cabin door lifted me from my dream. Damn.
Alice winced apologetically when she noticed me sprawled out on my bed with a book flung across my stomach. I must have dozed off.
"Sorry!" she said softly. "I didn't mean to ruin your nap."
I rose groggily, sitting up in bed, suddenly noticing how the ship was groaning loudly beneath me. "No, that's okay, Ali. I was just resting my eyes."
She gave me a look that told me she knew otherwise. She was busy moving around the room, finding boots and her scarf and gloves.
"It's good I found you though," she said. "We've hit a monster storm and we need help tying down the zodiac boats."
She looked worried. We had been having some pretty horrendous weather the past few days now. Not too many of us had spent much time on top deck unless things needed to be tied down or hatches needed to be closed.
But something about the look on Alice's face today had me nervous. It must be bad today.
It had been a week since the confrontation. A week since we had our small victory against the Yushin Maru. A week since almost kissing Edward in the closet.
A long, restless week.
As we had celebrated wildly on deck at the Yushin Maru's retreat, I felt victorious. I felt useful. I felt...liberated. Everything I had done, had been for good. It had actually served a rightful purpose.
Who was I kidding....it was all for him. It was all for Edward. The triumphant, proud smile he wore that day is one I will never forget.
My nightmares had been replaced with dreams of what could have happened in that closet. What Edward's skin would feel like against mine. My dreams were filled with images of his eyes, his lips, his hands...
The need that had grown within me just to touch him was unbelievably strong. Which is exactly why this week had been filled with anxiety and restlessness.
It was the way he looked at me. He studied me carefully. I knew he was curious about the closet incident, but I was too chicken shit to bring it up and he seemed wary of my reaction if he pushed it. And so for a week we were stuck in limbo. Always friends, but stuck in our own curiosity about what we could be. If there could be more.
It wasn't awkward or strange, it just felt as though things were being put on hold. Our friendship remained steady. I still sat with him through every meal, still did chores right along side him.
Once in a while we would take a shift together in the radio room watching the radar. We would talk of everything but the almost kiss. The kiss I dreamt of every night since it hadn't happened.
I was happy to lose myself in conversation with him. I was really starting to truly know him. To understand him.
He told me about his favorite books, about the day he first came aboard The Guardian. He told me about his first time flying and about how proud his parents were when he finally got his pilot's license. He told me hated onions and that his first crush was on a girl named Lauren Mallory in the first grade. A crush that quickly faded after she broke his favorite box of crayons.
He said he didn't like rap and he wasn't very fond of country music either. He told me about the time he and Emmett got drunk and hid all of Alice's shoes in different places all over the ship when he was fifteen. He also told me about how much trouble they got in when she ratted them out for breaking into their dad's liquor cabinet.
I hung on his every word. I soaked up every piece he was willing to share of himself. Like how he loved being aboard so much he really didn't care about the normal things he had missed, like school dances and graduations. He felt privileged to be here.
And he was incredibly smart. Alice told me that he had always excelled in all of his work. Because they were home schooled, they could learn at their own pace. Edward was reading college level literature in the seventh grade.
Everything about him fascinated me. So many times I wanted to just blurt it all out and tell him, "Edward, I love you. I would have adored kissing you in that damn closet. Please let me try again."
Just the idea of those words even leaving my mouth had me blushing with embarrassment.
I could see in his eyes during our conversations that he was curious too. That he wanted to say something but held back. Several times he would break our comfortable silences and have my heart racing. Like just the other night in the radio room.
"Bella?" he said quietly, a shy look over taking his features. "I...I uhh..."
"Yes?" His face flushed pink and he averted his eyes.
"I uhh....I love that book." he said finally, defeat spread across his face as he looked down at the novel in my hands. "Rand is an excellent author."
"O-oh...yes, she's...she's great." I smiled weakly. As if sensing my disappointment, I heard him speak again.
This time he whispered.
"Bella?"
"Yes?"
"You look pretty today." he said, blushing again. Could he be more adorable?
I wore a perpetual grin all the way to bed.
We were both afraid that much was obvious. Was that because we were both feeling the same thing?
I couldn't lie to myself any longer. I was in love with him.
And now I kept having these dreams. These dreams that left me panting and heated when I finally woke. I hadn't been intimate with anyone but James. He had been my first.
When we had lived together, our sex life was without spark or flame. It wasn't horrendous, James was a ....practiced lover and I was inexperienced with nothing to compare it to.
Not until these dreams. Dream Edward could take me higher than James ever had.
Sex for him was about the instant gratification. He was detached and mechanical. I let it continue too long, praying that one day he would feel the love I felt for him. That he would truly see me, giving everything I had to him.
Often on nights after sleeping with him, I would find myself alone in bed. He didn't like to stay around too long afterwards. I always wondered if maybe it was me. Maybe I just wasn't sexy enough, or exciting enough.
I wished Edward could have been my first.
God, Bella. In your dreams.
I rose quickly from bed, shoving my thoughts from the forefront of my mind.
I grabbed my scarf and wrapped it loosely around my neck before following Alice to the mud room and throwing on some gear. I looked through the porthole window to the outside deck and groaned.
Alice was right to worry. It was dangerous out there.
It was horrible out. Golf ball sized hail was pummeling the deck along with freezing rain. The wind was wrenching the boat tarps up from their ties on the ground, flapping wildly in the wind.
My heart jumped a little as I spotted Edward out there with Emmett, he was squinting against the vicious rain that was pelting them both. He had on his heaviest gear and I found myself praying it was keeping him warm enough.
His eyes caught mine as I opened the door and felt the freezing rain meet my face. His crooked grin was enough to make me forget the cold, even if for just a moment.
I knew then I had to tell him. Today.
I had lost two year of my life. Time was precious to me. In a month I had fallen in love with Edward Cullen. I wasn't going to waste any more time tip toeing around the subject or holding anything back.
And with a future of uncertainty staring me in the face, I didn't want to lose my chance. Today, when we were warm and safe back inside, I would tell him. All this fear couldn't hold me back anymore, because when it came down to it....I had nothing to lose. Nothing to lose and so much to gain.
Alice held my hand tightly as we carefully navigated the deck, the wind screeching and pushing against us with incredible force. I was using all of my body strength to keep myself and Alice from falling onto the slippery deck.
We had to shout to hear each other over the wind.
"Bella! Over here!" I looked to see Edward shouting towards us. He and Emmett were struggling, trying to tie down a zodiac craft on the port side of the ship.
Alice and I made our way over to them, managing not to fall. I worked quickly, tying down the loose ends tightly. Even though my hands were gloved securely, I could feel my finger tips starting to numb with the cold. I put my hands together, blowing into them to keep them warm.
Mike Newton came to my side, tying off the corners of the zodiac.
"Hey, Bella!" he grinned. "Nice weather we're havin' eh?"
His attempt at humor was especially pathetic today. I turned and gave him a curt nod and a tight, polite smile, not wanting to offend him. I continued blowing warm air into my cupped hands, my teeth beginning to chatter. Mike opened his mouth to speak again, but stopped when Edward came to my side.
He covered both my freezing hands in his, rubbing them for friction until I could feel heat and feeling return to my fingers. He grinned at me as he did this, and I couldn't help but be struck by how beautiful he was.
A dark beanie was covering his usual mess of bronze hair, pulled down to keep his ears warm. His hood was pulled up and his scarf was bundled tightly around his neck and mouth. His face was wet with the rain, and his cheeks and nose were pink with the cold.
I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding.
"Are you sure you're warm enough?" he asked. I grinned up at him.
"I am now." I replied, blushing scarlet. I was still brushing up on my flirting techniques. It had been a while. But Edward made it easy.
He laughed loudly and squeezed my hand again. When his laughter died, a look of adoration remained in his eyes as he observed my face. It was like he was committing me to memory.
Suddenly he leaned forward and kissed my cheek. His nose was cold and his lips were wet with rain...but his kiss left my flesh searing hot.
"You're amazing, Bella." he said, shifting on his feet slightly, looking embarrassed and shy.
I couldn't take it anymore. My heart swelled so big I thought it might burst.
"Edward....I have to tell you something..." I shouted over the rain.
He looked worried for a moment, stopping to move a piece of my wet hair from my cheek.
"Bella...what's wrong?" he shouted in response.
Just as I was about to assure him that nothing was wrong and everything was right, because I loved him, I heard Emmett roar over the wind.
"EDWARD!"
We both turned to see Emmett pointing up to the radar equipment. The equipment they had set up on top of second deck, one of the higher points on the ship. We watched helplessly as the wind snapped its console and it came careening down with a loud smash on the deck, breaking into several pieces.
"Dammit!" I heard Edward curse as he rushed over to the mess of machinery that had landed close to the side of the boat, and in between the zodiac and the guard rail.
Everything that happened next...happened in terrifying slow motion.
My feet were stuck in their place as shock over took me. I could do nothing but scream over the wind, trying desperately to warn him....
"EDWARD!!! MOVE!!!"
His piercing green eyes found mine as I reached towards him. Realization and fear struck his expression.
But there was no time. It was too late. It all happened too fast.
The knots that Mike had tied on the corner of the zodiac came loose, flapping in the wind. The pull of the wind on the tarp tugged his line of knots free one by one, letting loose the back side of the zodiac.
As The Guardian lurched with the oncoming waves, the entire zodiac squealed loudly against the deck as its back end slammed into Edward.
I screamed as I watched the force of the hit send Edward over the rails, his form disappearing over the side.
My heart stopped beating. I couldn't wrap my head around it. He was just there. Just a second ago. And now he was gone.
No, no, no, no, NO!!!
I heard people screaming around me as I raced to the rails, looking down in the dark, icy water to see Edward breaking the surface, arms flailing in the zero degree water.
No. This isn't happening. I can't lose him. I just found him.
I will not lose him.
I snapped into action. I turned quickly to find the life preserve, wrenching it from its holder.
"Alice!" I snapped. She was screaming and crying, leaning over the side.
"EDWARD!" she yelled. I needed her attention. Now. Yanking her to face me, I yelled over the wind.
"How much time!?" She seemed to catch her breath and let herself fall into action beside me.
"W-we have four minutes until he will be too numb to swim. We need to get him out within ten. Fifteen at the most."
We worked together to frantically unravel the life line, helped by Jasper and Emmett. The ship pitched beneath us, sending us sprawling onto the deck. My knees hit the wooden floor painfully hard, my elbows crashing down as well.
I was numb to it. Jumping to my feet and hitting the rail, I threw the life preserver out to him.
"He's not moving!" I heard Jasper scream. I watched as Edward's flailing reach for the life line became slow and his movements became less frantic.
"He's losing feeling of his limbs!" Jasper shouted. "He can't grasp the life line! If we don't get him out now he could go into cardiac arrest!"
NO.
"EDWARD!" I screamed, a sob erupting from my throat. "EDWARD, PLEASE!!!"
He was losing consciousness, his head beginning to slip under...
He couldn't hear me. Not over the howling wind and the waves crashing around him.
Emmett reeled in the life line to try and give it another throw, hoping it would land closer to Edward.
But I knew it wouldn't make a difference. Edward wouldn't be able grasp it. And it was obvious he was slowly losing consciousness.
Before I could let despair consume me, or fear stop me, I turned to Emmett and grabbed the life line, securing it around my waist. I had no time to stop or think. I had to do it. Now.
"As soon as I have him, you pull." I shouted sternly, thrusting the line into his hands.
"What? Bella...." his face contorted when he finally understood the meaning of my words. "BELLA, NO!"
I blocked out his voice as my foot found the guard rail and I launched myself off of The Guardian and directly towards Edward.
I had four minutes to get to him and secure us both to the line before my limbs would lose feeling and we would both be dead.
I held my breath and squeezed my eyes shut as the dark water approached...
Hitting the icy waves was like hitting concrete. The force of it coupled with the immense cold had me paralyzed for at least ten seconds, submerged under the surface.
Icy daggers stabbed my body, the breath I had been holding had been knocked from my lungs. I felt disoriented as I choked my way to the surface. I gulped in a huge breath of air as I broke through the waves. The air filling my lungs hurt just as much as the water as it stung my throat with cold. I felt like I was swallowing cold steel blades. My eyes stung with the salty ocean water.
Edward.
I flailed wildly in the water, searching for him. I had to find him. I knew in my gut that if I didn't...If I lost him....I would never be the same.
I heard shouts from the ship high above me. Emmett was screaming at the top of his lungs. But I couldn't understand their words.
Four minutes, Bella. Hurry up.
I finally spotted Edward. As soon as I recognized his form I kicked my legs as hard as I could, and fought the icy waves to get to him. It was harder than it looked from up top. The force of the ocean was something I never usually underestimated.
Until now. When I jumped I didn't think of how hard it would be. Somehow I had it in my head that love would part the damn sea...but I knew now I had to fight harder.
Adrenaline over took me and I kicked with all I had, stroking faster through the water to get to him. The cold in my limbs had become searing pain. I pushed through it.
There was no giving up. There was no turning back.
I finally got close enough to see him clearly now.
He was blue.
His eyes were fluttering as he tried to keep his head above the surface. He was fighting for consciousness. His lips, like mine, were shaking with the cold.
"E-Edward!" I barely had the strength to gasp his name. I felt the feeling in my legs begin to disappear. Panicking, I pushed myself harder towards him until finally my arms and legs wrapped around him tightly.
Just as I told him to, I felt the life line go taught as Emmett began to yank us upward.
"E-Edward, st-stay w-with me. T-try and h-hold on to m-me." I wrapped around his body as tightly as I could and prepared myself for the painful lift upwards. The life line had ridden up around my still tender ribs and was now supporting more than just my weight. The tube dug into me painfully. Thankfully the freezing cold was taking away some of the bite.
"B-bella?" I heard Edward say my name and my heart fluttered to life. His face was buried in my neck and I could feel him trembling.
"I'm here, Edward... I-I love you.... I'm here..."
I looked down to see his eyes were closed. He was out of it. I knew he hadn't heard me but I couldn't go another second without telling him. The life line gave another lurch as Emmett hauled us up to the side.
"Quick! Grab her arms!" I heard Emmett shout. "Jasper, I got Edward, go get the stretcher..."
I felt hands tugging me over the side of the guard rail and onto the deck. I didn't let go of Edward until I knew Emmett had him. I felt Alice wrap her arms around me to help me stand. My legs were like rubber, I couldn't feel them. I was shaking like a leaf. I had only been in the water for a total of about 3 minutes. Edward had been in for 8 at least.
I saw Emmett throw Edward's unmoving body over his shoulder and race inside after Jasper. I couldn't quite feel my legs but I launched myself toward them, trying to follow. Alice called Rose over and they both helped me inside.
"A-Alice, is h-he going to b-be okay?"
"I don't know, Bella. But thanks to you he has a fighting chance."
We bust through the sick bay doors, I was anxious to see Edward. But Jasper had Emmett and now Carlisle in the room, moving quickly around him, using warm wet towels on Edward's chest and neck and head.
Jasper was using warm, humidified oxygen on Edward, administering it through a face mask. They had stripped off Edward's gear and clothes. Covering him with blankets and more warm towels. Jasper was shouting instructions as they moved carefully and quickly around Edward.
I couldn't make out all of his words as he instructed Alice on how to care for me. How to return heat to my body. I could only see Edward, pale and blue, looking as though he was at death's door.
I felt hot tears on my cheeks. "E-Edward..."
Alice hushed me gently and took me to a separate room, stripping me of my clothes and helping me dry off. I was only suffering mild hypothermia which was easy to treat. All I needed were some dry clothes and warm blankets.
The heat that returned to my body was welcomed but extremely painful. It made my limbs ache and feel heavy. Alice patched up my bloody knees and elbows from my fall on the deck.
She had me in dry, warm clothes in no time, throwing blankets around my shoulders and rubbing my arms, trying to get the heat back into my body. She used her blow dryer to try and get the moisture out of my hair, which was mostly frozen.
When the noise of the blow dryer stopped humming in my ears, I hear Alice whimpering.
"A-Alice...w-why are you crying?" I panicked, thinking maybe she knew more about Edward's condition than she was telling me. It frightened me.
I was surprised when Alice threw her arms around me and hugged me close.
"Oh, Bella. I thought I was going to lose you both!" she sobbed. "You can't do that to me again. Ever!"
I hugged her back as hard as I could and cried with her. The emotions of the day reeking havoc on my tear ducts.
~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~
We waited for a what seemed like hours outside Edward's room. I couldn't sleep or eat without seeing him. The waiting was so emotional. I felt everything tenfold, waiting for Edward to be okay.
Esme and Carlisle had both come out and wrapped me in warm hugs, each one of them leaking tears and thanking me profusely.
"You are so brave, Bella." Esme cried. "I thought he wouldn't come home to us today. I thought we'd lost him."
I paused for a moment, studying the two beautiful people in front of me. My response was simple truth.
"He is my home."
Unable to explain myself or reason with the words that had left my mouth. Esme gave me a beautiful smile and embraced me again. She gave Carlisle an adoring look before looking back at me.
She knew. Mother's aren't stupid. She knew I loved her son.
Another hour passed in an agonizingly slow fashion before Jasper came out of the swinging doors.
"Bella, how are you feeling?" he said, checking my pupils and taking my blood pressure like a good doctor.
"Fine." I said quickly. "Can I see him?" I was anxious.
Jasper sighed, smiling slightly. "Of course. He's sleeping now. And he's stable."
He held the door open for me. Just as I passed, he touched my shoulder.
"You saved his life, Bella." he said softly. "If you hadn't had the courage or presence of mind to do what you did...he'd wouldn't be here right now."
The thought of Edward not being here...not...existing anymore. I couldn't take it.
"Before he fell asleep, he was asking for you. He just keep saying your name over and over again." Jasper said, shaking me from my dismal thoughts. I couldn't hide the smile that cracked on my lips. Jasper grinned at me and nodded forward, giving me permission to go inside.
I took a deep breath and approached slowly, wrapped my blanket tighter around my shoulders as I found a seat beside the bed.
Edward's face was still pale and frighteningly still. The oxygen mask was secure around his mouth and nose, providing him with the humidified oxygen that was helping warm his lungs.
His arms were laying on top of the blankets and his legs were slightly visible as well. Jasper said it was important to warm his limbs slowly, that it could cause after shock if warmed to quickly.
I was silent as I let my eyes run over his form. Up his arms, over his bare shoulders. I blushed a little as I realized he was naked beneath all of these blankets.
Very slowly, very carefully, I reached out a shaking hand to find his. His was still icy cold to the touch.
He stirred in his sleep just slightly as my fingers wrapped around his. I held my breath as I watched his brow crease in his sleep and his face turn towards me in his subconscious.
Taking a deep breath, I pulled my chair up closer to the bed. The need to touch him, to be close to him, overwhelming me.
I bit my lip, nervous I would wake him as the chair squeaked a little against the floor. I hesitated twice before letting my hand trace his cheek. My fingers featherlight and careful danced across his skin and then through his hair.
I heard his breathing change and I froze. He was starting to wake up. I sat back in my chair and wrapped my blanket even tighter around me. It was holding me together. I didn't know I could feel this much at once.
When his eyes finally fluttered open, I wanted to cry and laugh and scream and throw my arms around him all at once.
I felt tears on my cheeks and a grin on my face as his beautiful green eyes met mine. These were tears of joy. I was so happy. So happy. He was awake. He was breathing. He was looking at me.
He was smiling.
It was a sleepy smile. A smile filled with adoration.
I cleared my throat, trying to pull myself together.
"How are you feeling?" I finally choked out.
Edward took a deep breath from his mask before taking it off.
"Cold." he answered with a laugh. I watched, unsure of how to help, as he lifted himself up into a sitting position, wincing in pain the entire time. He finally settled against his pillows, shivering slightly.
I rose to my feet and found one of Jasper's sweaters lying on a stool near his desk. I grabbed it and quickly brought it to Edward, who smiled in gratitude, throwing it on over his head.
I made to sit down on my stool again, but Edward caught my hand. He pulled me gently to the side of his bed. I sat down facing him.
His smiling eyes became serious as he looked at me.
"You...you jumped, Bella." he breathed quietly. I nodded dumbly in response. This would be a perfect time to reply with, "Because I love you." But I couldn't form words. I was too overwhelmed with this sense of relief and joy that he was sitting here in front of me. Alive.
"Why did you do that?" he seemed frustrated with me. Before I could answer him appropriately, he continued. "You could have died. Are you okay? Did they take care of you? Are you warm enough?"
"I-I'm fine, Edward." I assured him, swiftly stopping his rambling.
He was quiet for a moment, picking up my hands in his. He finally met my gaze again. His eyes were glassy with emotion. He was clenching his jaw and clearing his throat.
"I thought that was it. I was done..." he said, pausing to control the shaking in his voice. "But then I heard your voice, Bella. You...you were there beside me."
We stared at each other for what seemed like minutes, our expressions that of pure love and joy before he spoke again.
"Bella..."
"Yes?"
"I love you too."
My breath caught in my throat.
"Y-you heard me?" I covered my mouth with my hand, my face flushed red. He took the hand resting on my lips and lowered it from my face, leaning closer to me.
"Yes," he breathed. "If it wasn't for the freezing cold, I would have thought I was already dead. That you were my heaven."
His hand reached up to cup my face tenderly.
"I love you, Isabella." he said again, voice barely above a whisper. I felt his warm breath on my face as we leaned closer to each other. I closed my eyes, feeling his nose touch mine gently, his lips grazing mine softly.
They were warm and sweet as they moved against mine. I lifted my hands to his chest and neck, feel his pulse racing just as fast as mine. His tongue traced my bottom lip, sending shock waves through my body. I let mine meet his. Warmth over took me.
This was way better than my dreams.
Our mouths were made for each other. We drank each other in. If oxygen wasn't necessary, I would have continued kissing Edward until the sun came up and then some.
But breath was necessary and we reluctantly broke apart. Edward places small kisses on my cheeks and nose, gazing at me lovingly.
"I love you too, Edward." I said. "So much."
He rested his forehead against mine as he whispered, "Stay."
I nodded, laying down beside him on top of his comforter and pulling my blanket up over us both. I hoped my body heat would help warm him. I nuzzled my face against his neck, placing kisses there and hearing him hum in appreciation as he wrapped his arms around me.
Sleep came easily to us now that we were tangled in each other's arms. My heart rested easily beside his. After a day that had nearly broken it, after years that had torn and abused it, I knew now, it was finally whole again.
I think that was my longest chapter yet! I hope you guys are happy with it. All the cold water survival stuff is true. More good research came to my aid on this one. I considered making you guys wait a little longer for the first kiss, but then I realized I couldn't wait any longer! There is no time like the present to tell someone you love them. No day but today.
*Sigh* Love wins.
Keep stickin with me! There is SO much left to this story! Please review and let me know what you think!!!!
Peace &Love
Hippie
