-AARON LIVESY - WHAT DO I DO NOW? -
"ACCEPTANCE"
-This fanfic follows on a few days after A Long Climb Back To The Top...
...
Today was the day he moved in with his mum at the pub, all his stuff was packed he just had to get it there, he was dressed in his usual attire sat on his bed, he sighed and got up and walked downstairs to Paddy. "Morning" he smiled.
"Morning mate how you doing?" Paddy asked.
Aaron nodded. "I dunno" he smiled slightly as he sat down.
Paddy nodded in understanding. "So I spoke to Hazel early this morning..."
"Oh?" Aaron frowned.
"Yeah she chose Jackson's headstone...it's getting put down today" he explained.
"Oh..." his frown deepened. "Right..."
"You okay with that?" Paddy asked, concerned as he saw the frown.
Aaron nodded. "Yeah...Yeah it's just..." he sighed. "...shouldn't be like this, him dead in the ground"
"I know but you'll get through it...you seem to be coming out of yourself more now..."
Aaron nodded. He agreed with that. "Yeah but it scares me"
"What does?" Paddy wondered.
"The whole moving on thing, I didn't want too before, part of me still doesn't I just wanted Jackson...and I still do but not in a psychotic crazy way like I was before" he smirked.
"Listen mate you'll always want him back but you have the memories of him...you haven't stopped wearing that necklace for one" he told him with a smile.
Aaron looked down at Jackson's cross around his neck and smiled. "I know...I've just gotta keep going" he nodded.
Paddy smiled. "You're right...and you will I know it don't be scared of it because you'll never forget him, it won't disappear, he's always with you"
"Thanks Paddy" Aaron replied with a smile. "Listen I-I hope you don't feel well I dunno really but cause of move you know, I don't want you to feel pushed out or that I'm ungrateful for what you've done for me"
Paddy nodded. "I don't and I'm still here just because you're moving in with your mum doesn't change anything, I'm always here for ya and you can come round whenever you want"
Aaron smiled. "Cheers, right..." he sighed. "I better start moving my stuff..."
"Want a hand?" Paddy asked.
Aaron stood up from his seat at the table. "No I'm alright; just got a few bags the rest can be binned"
"Alright if you're sure?"
Aaron nodded with a smile and turned to the door and walked upstairs to grab his stuff.
...
Chas smiled widely and held her arms out for him, in the back room. Aaron smirked and shook his head as he walked to her and hugged her. "How you doing love?" she asked.
"I'm alright" Aaron replied as they parted.
"You sure?"
"No but that sounds better than complaining" he told her matter of factly.
Chas frowned. "Hey, I don't mind you know what happened was serious, I don't expect you to be fine straight away"
"Well I'm not" he scoffed. "To be honest anything that can cause harm to me is really sticking out at the minute"
Chas sighed. "Please don't Aaron" she pleaded.
"It's alright, I'm resisting" he smirked.
"Good, so all your stuff sorted?"
"Yeah I put it upstairs...erm me and Adam are going out tonight, is that okay?" he asked.
"Yeah I know" she grinned. "I'd come but I'm busy here"
"You know what it is don't ya?"
Chas chuckled. "Karaoke yeah...I'd love to see that but like I said..."
"No...No really I'm pleased you're busy here" he grinned sarcastically.
"Oi you behave..."
"Why? It's gunna be awful and in Bar West...just too many memories" he said sadly as he looked at the floor.
"Listen love...this is the reason for Jackson's DVDs...he had sort of an idea how you'd be...and he wanted to help you he knows Bar west will bring back memories that's why he's doing it" she told him with a smile. "So you can face it and accept what you shared there and the same with what's to come on these DVDs"
Aaron nodded.
...
Ashley saw Aaron approaching the church and he jumped at the chance to try and make amends for not conducting Jackson's funeral. He walked to him.
Aaron scowled.
"Aaron...I-I just wanted you to know that because I didn't conduct the service doesn't mean I didn't like Jackson b-because I did it's just assisted suicide..." Ashley sighed, this was a difficult subject.
Aaron sighed. "Yeah I know you said just leave me alone Ashley, I'm going to visit my boyfriends grave right now and I'd appreciate it if you'd but out!"
"You cannot speak to him like that!" Edna raised his voice as he walked passed her by the main doors of the church.
He shot a glance at her. "Oh yeah and who says eh? Who the hell do you think you are anyway, always sticking ya nose in aren't ya?" he said aggressively as he passed.
Edna was furious and she shook her head frantically as he passed.
"He's going through a lot Edna" Ashley told her.
Edna nodded. "Yes I know that but it still doesn't excuse behaviour like that!" she fumed, then turned back to go inside the church.
A few minutes later Aaron approached Jackson's plot, he was nervous for some reason, he saw the headstone now but not the engraving he feared that once he saw it, it would become real...and that the images of Jackson he saw and still did would disappear and he wouldn't be around anymore. He took a deep breath and walked around the headstone, once he saw the engraved words on the light grey headstone he felt a gut wrenching sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, Loving Son & Boyfriend He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly as he got to his knees. The sick feeling remained but it was less than before. "You certainly were" he smiled. "Listen...I-I know I haven't been here since the funeral...a lot has been going on and if you've seen then I just want to say I'm sorry but I can't help it...I feel guilty all the time, I miss you every single second, you're the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last before I go to sleep. I know I can't change anything but I'd do anything to have you back..." Aaron looked around the grave yard. "I just wanted you to know that" he smiled slightly. "Now...though I have to go get ready for tonight...and yes before you say it's the middle of the afternoon but you know how long it takes me to get ready, and I suppose I'll have to eat under guard by my mother...and unpack...I moved in her with her in the pub...I know I'm surprised too..." he smiled. "Oh and I'm not dressing up to pull..." he shook his head. "Nah...I'm just gunna get smashed with Adam and do your damned karaoke" he chuckled, tears filling his eyes as he did. He caught his breath. "I love you so much" he fell silent and stared at the headstone. "I'll see you soon" he told him and he stood up and slowly walked away, apprehensive about the night ahead but he'd go and do it, whether he was drunk or sober, he had to; for Jackson. This was the start of the recovery and he hoped Jackson's messages would help him.
TBC...
Hey guys, thanks for reading and reviewing! Means a lot...Now I wanna bring a character into it...and I'd like your opinion...I was thinking Ed or Flynn, but not sure which? Or if not either of those, I can make a new character :) D xxx
