Um. The moment you've all been waiting for. The reason this entire fic is M. And er, note at the end :)

Enjoy.


Chapter 12

He slides down Kanda's body, chest heavy with nervousness, his fingertips brushing gently along the older man's sides until he stops. Hands resting on clothed hips, Allen, well, tries to be sexy by getting off Kanda's belt with his teeth, but Kanda really just doesn't care about being sexy. Allen thinks he just wants his belt off and now.

"I'm glad we decided to wait. You know, a week," Allen mumbles against Kanda's stomach playfully. Really, if anything, he'd been the eager one.

"This isn't sex," Kanda manages out.

Allen kisses Kanda's abs, realizes he's shaking a bit, and smirks, "That all depends on your definition of sex."

Deciding to use his hands, Allen pulls up, kisses Kanda on the mouth as he undoes his belt, and throws it on the floor. He angles his head and licks a line under Kanda's jaw, blows on it.

"Why are you moving so slowly?" Kanda growls, shivering. "Just take the fucking pants off!"

"Okay, Jesus." Allen returns, detaching his mouth from its place on Kanda's neck. He tugs off Kanda's jeans.

"Don't rip them apart!"

"What the hell do you want from me?" Allen barks, almost completely abandoning his mission. Almost. His fingers are still hooked around the edge of Kanda's underwear. "You're like a freaking girl. Don't be so indecisive."

"I'm like a girl! You're the one about to go dow-"

Allen kisses him, because hearing him say that out loud would just – ruin him. Seriously, his very essence as a man – well, kind of man – would be crushed. "I just don't want to do it wrong. I've never, you know, done this."

"As long as there's no teeth, whatever." The black haired man says and Allen has been trying to stay cool about this but he just can't. He blushes ferociously and looks up at the ceiling. Then he inhales when Kanda says, "Well? Are we going to stand here or are you going to do something?"

"Christ! Give me a minute will you? I am new to this if you didn't hear me the first eighty times." And he's like, super nervous. Really. Half because he doesn't want to be horrible at it and half because, well, he's a big fat virgin and he's gets nervous a lot.

Kanda sighs, sits down on the bed and pulls his pants off completely, just lounges there in his underwear until Allen nods and takes a breath. Kanda motions to him and as he's about to kneel down, the Japanese man pulls him up into a kiss. Blushing, he says, "Just – do what you want."

It's an awkward statement, but Allen understands the sentiment. He smiles, pushes his hand unto Kanda's underwear and –

Hears a tapping on the window.

"That had better be a fucking branch," Kanda says, looking around Allen and angling himself to see out the window. Allen decides it's best if he just stays stark still and doesn't do anything considering there are no trees in Kanda's backyard. Then Kanda pushes him to the side and storms over to the window, opens it.

Oh dear God. Oh dear God.

"What the fuck! Are you on a fucking ladder?" Kanda yells.

"I was just curious," Lavi returns, looking demure. Yeah. He isn't.

Then Kanda puts his hands on both of the rungs and pushes. It disappears from the window and after a moment, there's a loud splash.

"Did you just push Lavi from your second story window?"

"Yes."

"You are amazing."


They ended up not doing anything because, well, the mood was kind of ruined after that. The mood was actually kind of ruined for about five or six days, where Kanda was constantly pissy and wouldn't even look at Lavi. And Allen understands completely, because he was pissed as well. Well, is pissed, even a good week later. But at least he can tolerate Lavi's presence. And at least the red-head isn't so stupid as to bring it up or tease them. Kanda probably would kill him. He's really lucky that he fell in the pool in the backyard. They aren't though, really.

It isn't really that he doesn't love Lavi, because he totally does, but he just doesn't like him a lot most of the time. The red-head's just vulgar and apparently voyeuristic. Jesus, just thinking about it gets him all flustered and embarrassed and angry. What a vulnerable moment to encroach upon.

So when he sees Lavi the week before July starts, he really doesn't want to talk with him. It's not totally unfair, because Lavi deserves to be pushed from a fourth floor window with no water to break his fall.

Lavi scratches the back of his head. He's with Lenalee, standing in front of Allen's house. Allen's about to shut the door when Lavi goes, "Wait! Just…I want to, you know, apologize. About…you know. I really didn't think you would actually be doing something, I just wanted to aggravate Kanda by being in his room."

Allen sighs, steps to the side to let them in.

"I'm really sorry, Al," he says, smiling slightly. There's an envelope in his hand. "If you'd call Yu over here, I have something I want to give you. To make up for it."

What could possibly be…oh whatever.

He takes his cell phone from his pocket, goes to recent calls, hits Kanda's name.

"What is it, Beansprout?" Kanda asks when he answers.

"Could you come to my house real quick?"

"Why?" He asks, wary.

"Lavi says he wants to make up for last week. I have no idea what-"

"Fuck that."

"You can't be angry forever."

"Watch me."

"Kanda. Get over here, please."

Kanda growls something that Allen can't hear, he's probably dragged the phone from his ear to let out a string of curses, and then he says, "I'll be over in ten."

"Thank you," Allen nods, and the line goes dead. "That better be an awesome goddamned present."

When Kanda arrives, he completely ignores Lavi, walks past straight them to go sit in the living room.

"Are you thirsty?" Allen asks when he sits down in his familiar spot on the couch.

"Whatever," Kanda says and Allen sighs, turns to Lenalee.

"Would you like something to drink?"

"Yes, please," she nods.

He doesn't even ask Lavi before walking into the kitchen. By now, he understands that when it's hot outside, all Kanda really wants is a glass of water and ice and Lenalee likes iced tea. Lavi likes coke, but screw Lavi.

He walks back into the living room, hands the drinks to Lenalee and Kanda then sits down next to his boyfriend on the couch. It feels weird to call him that in his mind, but – it's kind of true? They aren't exactly lovers, but well – whatever.

Lavi is sitting on the seat beneath the bay window, clutching the envelope, smiling slightly. He stands then, hands it to Allen.

"I understand that I interrupted an important moment," he tells them, probably serious for the first time in his life. He's still smiling though, because that's Lavi default. Smiling. He could be told he has cancer and probably smile. It's hard to hate him sometimes.

Blinking, Allen looks at Kanda. The man is trying his best not to look curious, but it's obvious he is. Gingerly, he rips open the envelope, scrunches his eyebrows in confusion at the brochure in his hands.

"Lenalee and I thought it'd be nice," Lavi shrugs. "There's a resort in Biloxi right on the beach, and we got you a weekend there. It's the first. You know, your anniversary."

Allen can't hate him even a little bit anymore. "How did you afford this?"

"I know people," Lavi grins, eye crinkling.

"Thank you," Allen laughs, standing to give the red-head a hug. "This is – well it's amazing." He looks at Kanda expectantly.

"You expect me to thank him?" Kanda snorts.

"Yes, actually. This is a fantastic gift, Kanda."

"Thank you very fucking much, Eyepatch." Kanda rolls his eyes, sarcasm evident.

"Aww, Yu. Thanks, buddy," Lavi smirks. Well, it's obvious Kanda doesn't mean it, but at least he said it. "Oh, I'm so excited," he says.

"You're excited for us, right?" Allen hopes, hopes, sincerely and desperately hopes Lavi says yes to that.

"Well, yeah!" he exclaims and Allen lets out a puff of breath. "But I'm also excited for myself and Lenalee! We're coming too! Different rooms of course, but how can we miss out? Reever's gonna drive up later, since he has work Friday until five and then Miranda's home tomorrow, so we're gonna get a room and it's gonna be awesome!"

Oh yeah, his intentions are so pure.

Wait.

"You're coming with us?" Allen asks weakly. There goes the weekend.


The thing about driving an hour and a half to Biloxi is that it's Lavi in the passenger seat and him driving, mainly to get experience, and he really just wants to run off the road and end it all. He'd do that, but Cross would kill him since they're using his car. Which brings a mind to question:

"Lavi, how do you do all this crap? Getting Cross to act like a normal guardian?"

"I bribe him with easy chicks," Lavi smiles, looking out the window. Miranda is sandwiched in the backseat between Kanda and Lenalee and she just looks kind of uncomfortable. They all do, actually.

"Everything makes sense now," Allen sighs. "If there's anything that could get Cross to do something, it'd be women."

Lavi nods, then asks, "Oh hey, are you guys hungry?"

Duh. Allen is always hungry.

"Stupid question," Lavi laughs. "Well, since it's Allen and Kanda's weekend, why don't you guys pick?"

"I don't care," Kanda mumbles, eyes trained on the book in his hands.

"Well," Allen frowns. "I'm really in the mood for pizza. But there are no drive through pizza places."

"There's Little Caesar's," Lenalee offers. "They have the pizza already prepared. It's not the best you'll ever taste, but it's fast and fairly cheap."

"Oh yeah, their slogan is 'Hot and Ready.' It's just like my body." The red-head offers, nodding.

"I can live so much easier knowing that," Allen rolls his eyes as Kanda slaps Lavi on the side of the head.


When they arrive at the resort, which is apparently called Beau Rivage, Lavi's the one to go up to desk. He gives the receptionist his information, and when he's all done, returns with a few, small envelopes.

"Here," He says, handing one to Allen. "There are two keys in there, one for the both of you. It also has the internet code if you brought your laptop."

Allen smiles at him, tucks the card keys in his pocket.

What the hell kind of people does Lavi know? He's literally never been in a more extravagant place in his life and from the looks of it, neither has the rest of the group. Even Lavi himself seems impressed.

"I guess it's to be expected," Lavi says as they walk through the shopping area. "I mean, two nights in the Cypress room is seven hundred dollars."

Allen lets out a sound of surprise, "How much?"

"Seven hundred dollars," Lavi repeats and oh god holy shit. Seriously, the place is gorgeous, and it's to be expected what with the beach right there and the Gulf so beautiful, but really, holy shit. "That's what you guys are in," he motions to Allen and Kanda. "I think it's on," he looks at a folded up piece of paper. "The twenty-sixth floor."

"Twenty-sixth?" Allen asks, and Lenalee lets out a little gasp.

"That's insane, Lavi. How did you manage that?"

"The Brennan's know the owner. They hooked me up since we did such a good job with Mardi Gras. I ended getting really, really great discounts. It was funny, because they couldn't give it to me for free, so it was all ninety-nine percent off," he laughs.

"You're fucking unbelievable," Kanda says, crossing his arms. And everything about that statement in concern to Lavi is true, because he is. With all his connections and how he never seems to run out of fuel; how he can't go five minutes without turning everything sexual and how he tends to ruin their lives completely while at the same time making it joyful.

Lavi laughs a bit and nods, "I know, Yu."

When they split, it's to go drop off their luggage in their rooms. Allen can't squash the excitement in his chest; the feeling is bubbling up inside him unbridled, vicious and volatile. Lenalee gets off on the fifth floor, and is on the phone with Reever before the doors close; Miranda and Lavi get off on the eleventh floor, and then Allen and Kanda are just in the elevator by themselves, silent. Allen smiles, and grabs Kanda's hand.

He pulls away sharply and Allen frowns. "We're in the elevator," he says, but shakes his head because that's just the way Kanda is. The twenty-sixth floor seems to take forever to get to, but when they do, Allen actually runs down to their door, his rolling suitcase bumping on the ground and twisting in his hand before he just opts to hold it. He slides his key through the lock, and it clicks open.

He pushes the door open and smiles, then kind of melts, then just kind of dies right there in the doorway. It's literally the most amazing room he's ever been in; it kind of looks more like an apartment than anything.

The room is called the Cypress Suite. The living area is spacious, carpeted in caramel with white walls and cream colored furniture. There are two windows on the wall in front of them draped in what seems to be dark, heavy velvet curtains and there's a flat screen television and entertainment center that sits in front of a couch and coffee table. On the right wall is a minibar, countertop, and fridge.

There's a dining table in front of them as well, set for two, with seats that have lush, dark blue cushions that match the drapes. When Allen steps forward to look for the bedroom, he immediately sees the door to his left; so, more slowly, he walks towards it, trying to get in as much of the room as possible. Kanda follows behind him and Allen can tell just from his silence that he is awed as well.

The bedroom is large, housing a king size bed, large window that covers most of the right wall, television and entertainment center, dresser and nightstand, while the bathroom which connects through a door on the left.

Allen tosses his bag to the side and walks over to the window.

"Isn't this amazing?" he asks.

"Yeah," Kanda nods, and Allen is surprised by his agreement.

He smiles. "Look how pretty the water seems, Kanda." He presses his fingertips to the glass and looks at the beach, the dock, the people. "I can't wait to go swimming."

Kanda snorts. "You five?" he asks.

"That would make you a pedo," Allen remarks, not even bothering to tell Kanda, yet again, that he's seventeen. He figures the guy's always remembered, just chooses to tease Allen instead. He turns on his heel, then, and takes Kanda's bag from his hand, sets it next to his own before kissing him slowly and sensually on the lips. "I'm glad we're here."

"I can tell," Kanda smirks against his lips.

"And it's only the beginning of the weekend," Allen smiles, touches Kanda's chest lightly. "This is going to be so much fun!"

He wants to – well, he wants this weekend to be special. Even if that makes him a total girl or whatever, he doesn't care, because he wants to always remember this. Even if it's only a month in, Kanda means a lot to him. But the question he can't seem to answer is:

Do I love him?

He bends back a bit, gazes into Kanda's face. He – he can't tell. What is love even? What does it mean? What does it entail? Is he supposed to feel this painful tightening in his chest? Is he supposed to want to rip Kanda's head off half the time and kiss it off the other? Is he supposed to want to give all of himself to him?

Why does he want to cry with all the emotions and turbulence in his chest, all the thoughts in his head? It's just – it's so intense when they're in these moments; when the silence is overbearing and all they see is each other.

He puts it to the side, tilts his head to kiss Kanda once more before unpacking his suitcase.


They're all supposed to meet at the steak restaurant downstairs for seven, dressed in their best, so at six Allen steps into the shower, washes his hair and body, ends up thinking too much as he does so. Because – well, how was he such an idiot before?

There's obviously only one reason Lavi made everything up to them with this.

He's pretty much creating the situation for him and Kanda to have sex. And well, Allen isn't sure of how to feel about that. Because he wants to have sex with Kanda, but there's always that doubt inside of him. They hadn't even followed through with the – ugh – blowjob; they've never really gotten past a lot of grinding and a single hand job and – why the hell is he even thinking about this? If he's so worried, he's probably not ready and there's no way Kanda is going to pressure him into anything. He kind of felt like he might at first because to him Kanda is just a sensual and sexual being, but he hasn't even really brought it up.

When he climbs out of the shower, he dries off and dresses in a black button up shirt and jeans. He brought a tie for tomorrow night's dinner, even though he doesn't know exactly where it is, but he doesn't think he'll need it for tonight.

When Kanda walks from the bathroom around six forty-five, Allen forgets to breathe. Because Allen has never seen him more beautiful; hair down and framing his face, smirk on his lips, black slacks riding low on his hips with a deep red button up tucked in.

Allen has this inferiority complex when it comes to Kanda, so he ends up just standing where he is and being awkward until Kanda gives him a raised eyebrow and asks, "You ready?"

Allen shakes himself out of his reverie and nods, says, "Yeah, I am." He grabs his wallet and sticks it in his back pocket before taking Kanda's hand and says, "I'll just hold your hand until the door?"

"I don't care how long you hold my hand," Kanda says, lowly but harshly, and Allen feels this happiness in his chest that he can't compare to any other feeling. It's tight and amazing.

So he laces their fingers together and they hold hands in the elevator even, until it 'bings' open on the bottom floor. Because even Allen isn't going to hold his hand in public. It's just…frowned upon. And there's this little hole in his heart that Kanda fills when they're together that empties again when they have to act like there's nothing between them in the open.

They meet with Lavi right outside the restaurant, see him holding hands with Miranda and Allen pretty much uses every curse word possible in his head. Because well, he could hold Kanda's hand, but he's a coward and he cares too much about what others think. Reever is there with Lenalee, too, and they aren't holding hands, but it still pisses Allen off a little. And maybe he's just really more pissed at himself rather than the world, but that's not important. He pushes it all to the back of his head because he is here with Kanda, and all his friends are here with him and for him.

Allen scoots in next to Kanda in the booth, smiles and orders water when the waiter asks for his drink. Kanda, surprisingly, orders alcohol; he's twenty-one now, so he can do it legally, but it's weird because he's never seen Kanda drink really. And he's always figured that Kanda would drink something manly, like scotch or beer. But he orders a red wine, leans back in his seat with his arms on the back of the seat, the fingers of his left hand dangling just about Allen's shoulder. He's strangely relaxed and comfortable, and Allen briefly wonders why. But well, it doesn't matter because he really adores this kind of Kanda, perhaps the real Kanda – the Kanda before Tiedoll passed. Still so rough and angry, but at some sort of peace. He leans to the side a little, angling his body so he's discreetly leaned against the inside of Kanda's arm. The contact pleases him.

When he eats, he eats a lot. He tends to do that when he's content, just eat and eat and eat and be happy. He eats a delicious fillet and baked potato and an order of broccoli and a little bit of Kanda's grilled chicken (well, a lot of it) and this really awesome desert Miranda got him that is just tier after tier of chocolate and awesome. Jesus, the cake tastes like sex on his tongue. Well, what he imagines sex to feel like. Oh dear lord he's turning red in front of everybody, isn't he?

But well, no one comments on it, and after wards, they all decide to go for a walk on the beach.

They aren't going to go swimming just yet, since it's pretty late and they can't see too well. They keep tripping over each other, though, falling in the sand, laughing. The sun already set, but there are still slivers of purple near the horizon, slipping into the dark navy blue of the sky. There are a few clouds as well, and there is a chunk of silver-gray moon rising. It's just – it's so much fun. He's holding his shoes, letting his toes curl in the sand, even though it can get kind of painful with the shells and such at points. And he doesn't care how cliché it all is, he loves it.

When they reach another casino down the beach, they turn around. Lavi notes that it's about nine, so they all agree, rather begrudgingly, to go back to their respective rooms and meet up the next day in the morning for breakfast and the day together.

By the time Allen and Kanda are in their room again, it's a bit after ten. It's pitch black inside the room, so they flip on the lights and sit on the couch. Allen cuddles up next to Kanda, rests his head on the long haired man's shoulder. There's nothing really on the television, they soon find out, so they just lie there for a minute before Allen talks.

"We're gonna stay up until midnight, right?"

Kanda looks at him. "Sure," he shrugs.

Because at midnight it'll become the first. At midnight it'll be their anniversary.

"Kanda?"

"Hm?"

"Can we go back down to the beach?"

"At fucking ten thirty at night? I don't think so."

"For midnight. I mean, I know that's not any better, but I love the beach. And just – it's dark and pretty and I love the sound of the waves."

Kanda sighs, looks away. "Whatever," he replies. "You're an idiot if you'll think I'll stay out there all night, though."

"Can we swim?"

"The fuck is wrong with you?"

"Please? Come on, Kanda. Not all night. I just – I haven't been swimming on a beach in forever, and I've never gone in the middle of the night." Doesn't that seem romantic? He wants to ask, but his pride keeps him from doing so. Kanda is one of the least romantic people he's ever known, and well, he doesn't want to seem like a total bitch, even if he kind of is.

"Ugh, fine. You can swim."

"I want you to swim with me. It's no fun alone."

"I hate Gulf water. It fucks with my hair."

"Tie it up then."

Kanda is silent for a few minutes. "I – fine. Whatever. What the fuck else do you want to do? Need a horse-drawn carriage?"

"Don't be an arse, Kanda," Allen frowns and pushes himself from Kanda, crosses his legs and looks at him. "I'm sorry if you so desperately don't want to go swimming. We don't have to."

"No, we do, because you're going to bitch if we don't."

"That isn't true and you know it!"

"Not openly at first, but you're like a fucking girl. You're the worse passive-aggressive I've ever seen."

"Look, we have gone an entire night without a fight. Can we not start now?" Allen sighs and leans over Kanda on the couch. "I promise I will not bitch at you, alright? It's not just my day, you know. What do you want to do?"

Kanda blinks at him, probably mulls it over for a moment, then sneers and turns his head to the side. Allen is sure he sees the faint markings of a blush on his face. Oh. "I don't care," Kanda mutters and that's just obviously such a goddamn lie that it's kind of funny to Allen.

"I want to be with you, too," Allen says, nuzzling his nose in the crook of Kanda's neck. "With you, I mean." Which doesn't really clarify what he's saying, but his tone is getting the point across. "I just – I'm awkward and weird and stuff. And I get scared. But I do want to be with you, Kanda."

"I know," Kanda answers softly, nodding. And this has been such a big deal in his mind. Like, he can't stop thinking about it. And he knows once it's over with it won't be that big of a deal, but it is right now.

He gives Kanda's cheek a peck before looking at his phone.

"I'mma go get all our stuff together."

"Alright," Kanda nods.


Around eleven thirty, they leave the hotel. It's black outside, so dark they can barely see where they're going. And the only reason they can see a bit of that is because of the moon. While only a quarter moon, it's bright and high in the sky, illuminates the night in a dim fashion and creates a mood. It's so beautiful, but Allen isn't paying that much mind to it.

He can't even tell, really, if there are other people out here, but he doubts it. Not too many people are going to be out on the beach so late unless they have the same idea. And well, the chances of them seeing each other are slim. So he laces his fingers with Kanda, stands so close they're bumping shoulders, and chats with him about nonsense as they walk down to the water.

The water is actually kind of perfect. A bit chilly from the nighttime, but seeing as it's early June, warmed from the afternoon. When he's waist deep, Allen dives under, relishes the cooled water as it presses against his forehead. Ugh, even better, so late at night, he doesn't have to wear a shirt or anything to cover up his arm. So it's just – perfect.

Kanda really doesn't want to get his hair wet, so he's hanging back by the edge of the water, sits and lets the water brush up to his lower torso. His hair is tied up into a tight bun, bundled on top of his head, but rather than messy, it looks done on purpose. Damn Kanda and his perfection.

When he comes up for the second time, whipping his hair back on his head, he wades back to Kanda, sits on the sand with him. He wraps his arm around the older man's and pulls back so they both fall on the ground next to each other.

"Ugh, I'm gonna get sand in my hair," Kanda complains, and Allen laughs. Then Kanda leans over him and says, "Punishment," kisses him hard on the mouth. That's when Allen gasps and pulls away, runs over to where he left his towel and phone. When he hits the home button, it lights up, reads 11:53.

"Not until midnight," Allen chides, smiling. "Seven minutes."

"What the fuck? We've been kissing all day."

"So? Midnight."

"Ugh," Kanda lets out a sound of disgust and stares hard at the water.

"Seven minutes," Allen repeats, rubbing a hand on the small of Kanda's back. "Can we just be a normal couple for seven minutes?"

"Normal?" Kanda snorts. "Whatever normal is, it will never be us."

Allen sighs. "It won't, huh?" He wraps his arms around his knees and look up at the stars. "I guess not."

"You know," Kanda starts. "You're really a-fucking-nnoying sometimes."

"Well, sorry," Allen mutters.

"You act like you're totally okay with all of this."

"What do you mean?"

"Being gay," Kanda grits out. "I've been not giving a shit. I did at first though, and you just – don't."

"I do give a shit," Allen frowns, rests his head on his knees and looks at Kanda. "I-I care about you though, Kanda. Really. I do. And in times like these the feeling is so powerful I just can't – contain it. I think about it a lot, what it would be like if it was okay to care about you – well, 'okay' to the rest of the world. But I mostly just end up getting angry at myself because I'm the one who's scared. It's not illegal to hold your hand in public, I just, I'm a coward and – I'm just not totally okay with all of this. It's an adjustment, but I can deal with it for you. I can deal with anything for you. Even your crappy personality."

Kanda growls, the sound low from inside his throat. But he isn't angry. Kind of…embarrassed maybe?

"Fuck the seven minutes," Kanda snarls, drawing Allen in for a kiss. "Fuck the world," he murmurs afterwards, his breath ghosting across Allen's lips. Allen exhales, wants to scream with everything Kanda is making him feel. All the anger and the affection and perfection. Wants to just be with Kanda forever; to just stay here, on this beach, in the dark, kissing him.

"Yeah," Allen nods, kissing him back. He falls on top of Kanda as he reclines backwards, rests heavily against his body as they kiss. It's slow and romantic, soft but still arousing.

"Your eyes are fucking huge," Kanda mutters as Allen looks into his face. "Silver like the moon."

Allen blushes, and says, "I'll take that as a compliment." He rests his head on Kanda's chest, breathes in his scent and how it mixes in with the scent of the Gulf and the sand and he loves all of it. Kanda's hands rest on the small of his back, but then start rubbing small circles there, move up and back down, farther until they feather against Allen's ass and he squeaks.

Kanda laughs against the hollow of his neck and cups his hand, making Allen bite his lip and lean his forehead against Kanda's shoulder.

"Not…" he starts, but stops when Kanda sits him up in his laps and kisses him, more passionately before. "Can we at least go back to the room to do this?" Making out in the sand is not high on his list of things he wants to do. It's just messy and painful and he imagines it gets everywhere.

"I wanted to stay there the whole time," Kanda says. "You taste like sea water."

"Well, I'm sorry. I wanted to swim, but someone here is a beauty queen."

"Come on," Kanda growls, moving to stand and dragging Allen with him.

They actually make it back to the room in record him and as soon as they're in the door, Kanda kisses him, presses him against it as it shuts. Allen groans a bit into the kiss with half-lidded eyes and his mind not functioning at nearly the normal rate. This is the Kanda he's always seen – the passionate and sexual Kanda, the Kanda that is just harsh and beautiful and so goddamn hot.

Somehow, they make it to the bedroom, and even though they're pretty much sopping wet, they jump onto the bed, touching each other as much as physically possible.

"Kanda," Allen manages out. "I…" he gasps as Kanda bites at his neck, probably leaves a mark. He feels a hot tongue run against it and his hips roll up. He is just so hyper-sensitive right now and Jesus, he wants Kanda so badly. He can't even think straight enough to realize the pounding in his chest is a bad kind of anxiety, a nervousness and fear. "I want you," he breathes. Then amends his statement. "I need you."

And he does. He needs Kanda, he feels. He's just lost without the other man. He needs him in so many ways it's fucking insane. He's never felt this way before. About anyone. His feelings for Lenalee were nowhere near as intense as this – they didn't even graze the surface of this. It's totally not just about having sex, it's just, about needing him emotionally. About having this physical and emotion bond that is so strong it's scary.

Kanda's hand presses against his abdomen, pushes down to cup his erection through his swimming trunks.

"These need to get the fuck off the bed," Kanda growls. "They're all wet."

"By all means," Allen gasps, voice cracked. He lifts his hips so Kanda can pull them off and it's just so awkward to be there completely naked, but Kanda doesn't give him time to think about it.

Kanda doesn't say anything, but he thinks that Kanda is feeling the same things as him. Probably not as strongly, because he feels like no one will ever be able to care about anybody as much as he cares about Kanda, but he knows he's at least special to the Japanese man. When Kanda manages to get off his own bottoms and achieves a steady rhythm with his calloused and very awesomely feeling hand, Allen just kind of lets out a, "Fuck me."

Then realizes what he said and goes wide-eyed. Kanda above him, seems surprised as well; his hand stops moving.

"Beansprout?"

"I mean…I don't know what I just said," Allen says, mortified, raises his hands to cover his face. "I am so…"

Kanda brings his hands to Allen's face and pries his hands off gently. "It was hot," Kanda tells him. He kisses him. "You say you aren't going to be any good at this, but you're already better than you think."

"Yu," he mutters, face so hot he swears it's on fire. Kanda doesn't seem embarrassed though, just kisses Allen's cheeks, temples, forehead, lips, ears, every part of him he can reach. It's just so sweet and filled with emotions that it makes Allen sigh and close his eyes. His body relaxes, the tension in his thighs and back disappearing. He imagines Kanda just knows how to loosen him up, to make him feel comfortable. "I want to feel you," he whispers as Kanda kisses his closed eyelids. "Please."

"You aren't ready."

"I am," Allen protests, weakly. "Besides, I know you want to."

"I didn't say I didn't." Kanda moves down to his throat, runs his tongue over Allen's Adam's apple. "You aren't thinking right. Your mind is hazy."

"Please," Allen urges and Kanda lets out a growl. His mind is hazy, but whatever.

"You are so stubborn!" He exclaims, apparently no longer able to keep his concentration on just kissing him.

"Yu, I just – I want you so badly. All of you. Not just in sex. All of you. Always."

Kanda lets out a strangled noise and kisses Allen harshly on the mouth, pressing so hard Allen feels his lips might bruise. Then Kanda jumps out of bed and rushes to his bag and soon returns.

Allen isn't stupid. Even through the fog of lust he realizes what that is. "You packed lube?" He can't seem to catch his breath right.

Kanda shrugs. "Aren't you glad I did?"

Well, he is, but still. Kanda kisses him as soon as they're close enough to do so, and Allen feels something like a slicked-up finger pushing inside of him. It's foreign and weird, and well, he tried it once and it totally didn't work out but Kanda totally knows what he's doing. Kanda is pressed against his front and Allen can feel his heartbeat; it's strong and quick, like his breath. It's good to know that Kanda is just as excited/nervous as he is.

Then he winces because even if Kanda knows what he's doing, two fingers hurt. His hips twitch as the pain shoots up his spine, tingles there for a second, then subsides as he gets used to it. He's kind of hyperventilating, wrapping his arms around Kanda and holding him as close as he possibly can. Because the pain is worth it to be closer to Kanda. He whimpers at three fingers, actually whimpers like a bitch because it fucking hurts. And if this hurts – Jesus…

Kanda's fingers press up and – there it is, why people do this. Because otherwise it's just terrible and painful, but whatever Kanda just hit makes up for all of it. Allen claws at his back, his hair, and tears out the tie oh Kanda's hair.

Black tendrils spill around them like a blanket, sliding over Kanda's shoulders and pooling on the sheets. Allen clutches it as Kanda does whatever he did before and Allen whispers, "Again."

But he doesn't; he retracts his fingers and Allen closes his eyes because he knows what's coming next.

"Don't be scared," Kanda whispers to him, and it's probably the most gentle, love filled thing he's ever said. Or at least ever said to Allen. "I won't hurt you."

Mission failed, because as he pushes in, it does hurt. A lot worse than the fingers. He clenches his teeth, dips back his head. "Yu," he grits out. He shuts his eyes impossibly tight. When Kanda is all the way in, they pause, giving Allen a time to breathe. It takes a minute, what seems like forever, but finally he adjusts and it doesn't hurt as badly. The lube helps a lot and he wonders if it's possible without it.

But it's amazing, to feel Kanda inside of him. Not just physically amazing, because well, there are tingles that shoot through his body that are, but emotionally amazing. There is this closeness he feels to Kanda.

"I love you," he breathes out and Kanda freezes. He doesn't even realize what he said at first, but there's this release in his chest. "I'm sorry," he says. "But I…I think I do. I love you." And oh. Yes. That's what he's been feeling, obviously. How is he such an idiot?

Kanda seems to contemplate something. Then he pulls back and Allen almost thinks he's going to walk away, which would suck, like a lot, but instead he pushes back inside harshly and Allen tips his head back, his entire body rocking with the force behind the thrust. He just hadn't braced himself right because he hadn't expected it.

"You're fucking tight," Kanda mutters against his collar bone. He hooks his arms around Allen's legs and brings them over his shoulder, bends down to get a better angle.

"You really…know how to ruin a moment," Allen gets out between harsh breaths. "What if I keep saying it until – fuck – until you give me a proper response?" Kanda rams into him harder and even bracing himself, Allen's entire body is moving. "I love you," and each time he says it, it feels more right. Truer. He cries out a little bit as Kanda hits him wherever his fingers had before. "Ah!" He bites his lip so hard he tastes blood on his tongue. "I love you so much," he manages, voice hitching.

"What – Christ – what the fuck am I supposed to say to that?"

"If you have to think about it, just – whatever," Allen says, more loudly than he meant to. Not really as a yell, but really just because he can't seem to control the register of his voice. "I know you aren't good with your feelings, but Kanda, you can't – ah! – you can't just – god, I can't form a complete…sentence." Every inch of his body is on fire with pleasure, the sharp bullets running up his spine.

"Then shut up." Kanda growls. There is nothing but the sound of his voice and the slap of bodies moving together. "If you have to talk about feelings, do it…do it the fuck after." Kanda is thrusting into him more haphazardly; it's quick, rushed, but each time he pushes in Allen feels another wave of pure ecstasy. He's taken Kanda's advice and has just completely forgotten about talking, just lets out moans and whimpers and sighs of pleasure as Kanda moves to jerk him off in time with his thrusts.

Kanda stills, hips pressed forward, Allen penetrated absurdly deep, and comes. The action sends Allen over the edge, and he actually lets out something like a scream when he does. Jesus, how embarrassing.

Kanda collapses on top of him, chest heaving, and they lay there for a moment, trying to catch their breath; Allen feels a sharp pain in his lower back, so he doesn't make any movements, just lies there until Kanda pulls out and lies down next to him.

After what seems like forever, Kanda asks, "Do you want to shower?"

"Um…I may need help getting there."

Kanda exhales through his nose and it sounds something like a laugh. "Come on," he says, getting up and picking Allen up bridal style. When they get into the bathroom, Kanda sets Allen on the floor of the shower, turns on the water and rubs Allen down, because, well, they're really dirty.

Allen feels a bit pampered, and it's strange, because he never pegged Kanda as this type. Maybe he's just more loose than normal because they had sex?

"Hey, um…" Allen starts, rubbing some shampoo in his hair. "Was I…?" Kanda raises an eyebrow at him as he works shampoo into his own scalp. "Never mind," he blushes.

Kanda sighs. "You were fine."

Fine? Well, that's probably going to be as good as he'll get.

"You writhe like a bitch though. You have no tolerance for pain, do you?"

"Shut up," Allen mutters. "It hurt." He pauses. "It still hurts. Didn't you say you weren't going to hurt me?"

Kanda coughs and looks away.

When they're finished with their shower, Allen kind of has the strength to at least get back to bed on his own. He climbs in under the sheets in a pair of boxers and snuggles up close to Kanda when he lies in bed.

"I meant it," Allen starts.

"This again?"

"Yes, this again, Kanda. I meant it."

"Good, I'm glad."

"Why are you so awkward about this? We're in a relationship, is it so strange?"

"It's only been a month," Kanda says simply.

"A month is a long time."

"Not that long."

"Longer than any of our previous relationships."

Kanda snorts, "That's not saying much."

"Well, I get that you aren't going to say it back probably, like, ever, but I'm okay with that. As long as…Kanda, as long as I'm something to you."

Kanda scoffs, turns on his side to face Allen. He places a hand on his cheek and says, "I swear you are a fucking woman. If you were nothing to me, we would have fucked long ago and then never spoken again. You are something."

And Allen supposes that as much as a confession that he'll get. But it's enough.

He smiles into Kanda's arm, "Goodnight, Kanda."

"Night, Beansprout."


NOW THAT I HAVE BUTTERED YOU UP WITH PORN. :D

I - okay, in RB, I pull a Hoshino. A bad Hoshino. Where everything is awesome and hunky-dory and then just kind of - collapses. Not in the next chapter, but I wanted to warn you guys of the impending sharp turn. I kept wondering when to say something about it, but I never really did. And now I am. It had to happen since everyone wants a sequel. So I just want to apologize for THAT. I don't think I'm going to change the genre of this from humor to angst or hurt/comfort or whatever, because the majority of this IS humor. And the 'Promises' will probably be humor/romance as well. I'm pretty sure. Yeah. Um. Yes.

Review :D

Oh, also - I want to announce a little project I'm working on (using to procrastinate) right now. I'm taking the original fairy tale of Beauty and the Beast, but writing it for Yullen, instead. I was originally going to do the Disney movie, but I've since decided against it. It probably won't be very long, a simply little one-shot fairy tale, but I do enjoy it so far, so I hope all of you do as well.