A/N:Hi guys, I'm so sorry it's taken me this long to update. Real life got a bit hectic, and also my muse and I did not get along for this chapter. I have spent weeks on this chapter, arguing with the characters, and my muse, about how it should be written, and trying to get it right. Yes, I know I sound crazy. Sigh, the muse wants, what the muse wants. The result is a very long chapter.
Before I go any further, I owe a HUGE thank you to my Beta reader GoodGodHenry, in fact you guys should thank her too. Without her I'm pretty sure this chapter would not be published, she sent countless emails, 'zenifying' me, and painstakingly editing all 5000 words, again and again.
A big thank you to all my followers, I can't believe I have so many, and everyone who favourited this story. Thank you for the lovely reviews, you have no idea how much they encourage me. I was especially grateful for them as I wrote this chapter.
Disclaimer: This chapter includes the mention of Emily's abortion, so if that is a sensitive issue for you just be aware. My personal views on the subject of abortion are not reflected in this story. The writers of Criminal minds, wrote in Emily's abortion, I am just using it to fuel my story, and in the attempt of sticking as close to the real character as possible. I know abortion is a tough subject, and my aim is not to start a debate about it. The reactions of the character's may be upsetting, but this is how I see them reacting, and hopefully the reasoning behind it is clear, or becomes clear. Feel free to hate on the characters, and let me know what you think, because I love hearing your thoughts on my chapters, and how I've depicted the characters. Just pretty please don't direct the hate to me.
~Sorry for the long AN~
"See you tomorrow Daddy."
Hotch cringed at the word 'Daddy', but he didn't say anything, what was there to say? The two of them sat in silence after the video had ended. Both trying to figure out the way forward, while still trying to absorb what they had just seen.
Emily was biting her lip, and gripping a pillow tightly to her chest. She snuck a glance at Hotch, trying to read any emotion he may be feeling, but she couldn't. He was resolutely staring at the floor, pinching the bridge of his nose. She knew he had to be feeling something, Hell, she was feeling vulnerable, and it wasn't even her soul that had just been bared.
She grimaced, well not yet anyway…
Deciding to give him a few more minutes, after all the man had just had his heart trampled on, she remained silent.
As time slowly ticked by, Emily's apprehension grew.
After five minutes the silence was suffocating, and she couldn't take it anymore. They didn't have a lot of time left, and she was anxious. Anxious about Reid and JJ, of course, but a small selfish part of her, was also anxious about her own video. She didn't want to have to continue waiting and imagining what insulting taunts the Unsub had aimed at her. She wanted to watch the video, move on, and find JJ and Reid.
She glanced at Hotch again, trying to gauge how he would react, but his face was still blankly staring at the floor.
Sighing, she called out tentatively, "Hotch?"
"What?" He snapped harshly, causing Emily to flinch. 'Okay' she thought to herself, at least you know he's going with anger as his emotion of choice.' She wasn't going to hold it against him, no, it was perfectly understandable.
Taking a deep breath, she went on cautiously. "Are you okay?"
"Yes."
Hotch stood abruptly, and walked to the door. Yanking it open, he turned to face a confused, and startled Emily. He wanted to give her an explanation about why he was leaving, but he couldn't. His attempt at finding the right words was proving to be useless, there was nothing he could say that wouldn't betray how broken he felt.
"I'm going to get coffee," was all he managed before walking out, and shutting the door behind him.
He needed a minute. He needed to get himself under control. His emotions were all over the place, but his rage, his rage was just ineffable. He wanted to punch something, well more like someone, but that bastard was out of his reach.
'For now,' he thought bitterly, as he walked towards the elevator.
He inhaled deeply, trying to get his breathing even. The anger that was boiling so dangerously close to the surface, was scaring him. He was afraid that if he didn't get his temper under control, he would do something terrible. Something he would undoubtedly regret later.
He scoffed, as he pressed the button to call for the elevator, the great Aaron Hotchner was afraid. He ran a hand over his face, he was pathetic. He was angry because he was scared, but at the same time he was scared because he was angry. Everything came down to the fact that he was scared. Scared that the Unsub was right, scared he would lose JJ and Reid, but most of all he was afraid of how helpless he felt.
But fear wasn't an emotion he could give in to, it wasn't something he could deal with. He gave a bitter shake of his head, he couldn't be scared.
After jabbing the elevator button for the third time, Hotch decided to take the stairs. Normally when he was this worked up he would head to the gym to blow off steam, but right now he didn't have that option. Hotch let out a frustrated grunt, he didn't have a lot of options right now. He was backed into a corner. He had until tonight to find JJ and Reid, and the sadistic maniac hadn't left them a single clue on how to find them, only on what he wanted them to do when they found them.
Hotch felt his anger flare; he hated the fact that this guy seemed to be - no, not seemed, he thought curling his hand into a fist, was one step ahead of them. He banged his hand against the door, not flinching when it crashed open. Silently fuming, he made his way to the coffee shop directly opposite the hotel. He placed his order, and paid, while functioning completely on autopilot, his anger had turned everything around him into a blur.
Hotch's head was buzzing with unanswered questions, and accusations; How the hell did the Unsub know what Jack's last words were? Did he honestly think that giving him these kids could replace Jack? How was he going to get JJ and Reid back? Was it really JJ and Reid? What was he supposed to do with two children? The bastard couldn't possibly expect him to play house? Besides didn't the Unsub just tell him that he was unfit to be near children, let alone to actually look after them?
Hotch was sharply brought back to the present when scalding hot liquid burnt his hand. He hissed in pain, and glared down at the offending cup. He had been so caught up in his rage filled thoughts that he had squeezed the cup too tightly, causing the lid to pop off, and the steaming coffee to spill over. His hand was aching, and it was not doing anything to help improve his mood. He shut his eyes, and tried taking another deep breath, to no avail. Muttering curses, Hotch cleaned up the mess, and re-placed his order.
Emily sat staring at the door Hotch had just walked out of, frozen in surprise. He had just left. He had just literally and figuratively shut her out.
She didn't blame him, well not really, shutting people out was an easier way of dealing with everything. But, a stupid, hopeful part of her had thought, that after what happened earlier, they would be a bit closer.
She had been wrong. So very wrong. Instead, he seemed more intent on keeping her out.
For a brief moment he had let her comfort him, he had let her hold him, and she had foolishly thought that it was his way of telling her he was willing to let her in. Bringing a hand to her forehead, Emily cringed at her own stupidity. He had pulled away as soon as he realised what she was doing. It was a sign, as clear as day, but she had let her feelings cloud her judgement.
Ugh, she should have known! Crying was a weakness to him, just like it was a weakness to her. Of course he would run, that's exactly what she would have done.
Groaning in frustration, and self-loathing, she held her head in her hands. She wasn't sure what to do next, should she go ahead and watch her video, or should she wait for Hotch to come back?
He said he was going to get coffee, that implied he would be coming back...
So she should wait for him, but a small part of herself wasn't entirely sure that he was coming back. There was a nagging doubt that he might not after all he had been through, and he really hadn't been very specific. In fact he had hardly said anything.
'He's just taking a minute' she tried to convince herself, while breathing deeply. With a sigh, she got up and switched the disc's, if he returned, her video was ready to go when he was. She would give him some time.
Sitting back on the bed, she pulled a pillow onto her lap. With another long inhale, she drew her knees up, and tucked her heels close to her body, before letting her head drop, burying her face into the pillow.
She was starting to feel sick from the anticipation. Was she ready for the video?
She tried to focus on her breathing, but it wasn't working. The tightness was spreading through her chest, she felt like she was being suffocated. She pulled her head up sharply, "Of course you feel like you're suffocating, your face is buried in a pillow, moron!" The last word was accompanied by a thump to the pillow, as she berated herself. "Get your shit together, Emily!"
Trying to stay calm, she took another deep breath, but it wasn't any better, she still felt as if she couldn't breathe. Emily let out a despondent moan, and allowed her head to fall back onto the pillow.
She was still trying to hide from the world in the soft material of the pillow, when she heard a sharp rap on the door. Her stomach dropped, and her mind began screaming at her, 'Please be Hotch! Please don't let it be someone else!' She didn't know what she would do if it was somebody else.
She didn't want to watch the video with anyone other than Hotch, at least not at first…
'Get a grip.' She scolded herself.
Getting up, and grabbing her gun, she made her way to the door. She peeked through the peephole, and felt a wave of relief wash over her, It was Hotch! 'Thank God!' she muttered as she yanked the door open.
Hotch stepped in, as soon as the door opened. Pushing past her, he went straight to the table, not saying a word. Emily closed the door, and followed him. Without looking up he handed her a coffee. A small smile tugged at her lips, he remembered how she took her coffee, even when he was upset. He was such a gentleman.
"Thanks."
Hotch looked up at her, catching her eyes, "No problem. I got you a donut, plain with cinnamon." It was the best way he could think of to say thank you. Emily had been there for him, been there in a way that nobody had been in a long time. She was in his corner, and he didn't have the words to properly express how grateful he was for that. She had made an unbearable situation slightly bearable.
Emily stared at him, his tone was gruff, but his eyes were soft. She was touched that he was trying. She gave him a soft smile. "My favourite, thank you."
She wanted to ask if he was okay, but decided against it, she didn't want to ruin the moment. Instead they held eye contact for a moment longer, both trying to express what they couldn't say in words.
"Are you ready?" He asked gently, nodding towards the TV, breaking their gaze.
Emily sighed, "As I'll ever be." With a roll of her eyes, and a flip of her hand, she prompted him to start, "Let's get it over with."
Hotch squeezed her arm in support, surprising Emily and himself. It was the only comfort he could give her. The gesture had come naturally, he hadn't even thought about it, it had just happened. Slightly embarrassed, he decided to continue as if his actions were completely normal, he reached for the remote, and sat down on the chair. He didn't want to invade her personal space by sitting on the bed.
Emily's arm was still tingling from his touch. She tried to shake it off, now was not a good time for her feelings for him to come to the forefront of her mind. She busied herself with trying to get comfortable on the bed, immensely grateful for the distance he had put between them. She needed to get it together, and she doubted she would be able to if he was sitting right next to her.
Once she was comfortable, with her coffee and donut in reach, she nodded for Hotch to start. He hesitated for the briefest of moments, before pushing play.
The children were playing in a room they hadn't seen before. It was a large room, with pale yellow and white striped walls. It was filled with every toy imaginable. There was a large couch, filled with bright colourful cushions, against the wall. In front of it, the little boy sat on a soft looking rug, playing with legos. He was constructing something that looked entirely too complicated for his age. His forehead was scrunched into a frown, his right eyebrow arching up slightly, he was biting his lip, deep in concentration.
Hotch's breath caught, and Emily let out a small gasp. The expression… It wasn't an expression that could be taught... It was just so Reid. The similarity… it was breathtaking...
The little girl was colouring at the table. She let out an exaggerated sigh, while pushing her hair away from her face, before looking over to the boy.
"Spence, I'm bored." She whined.
The little boy didn't show any signs of hearing her. He didn't look up, he was zoned into his own little world.
The little girl tried again. "Spence!"
He still didn't respond, he was talking under his breath, deep in concentration.
The little girl began to get frustrated, getting up, and walking over to him she began poking him, while chanting, "Spence, Spence, Spence." until he finally snapped.
"What, JJ?" He bit out, looking up at her, annoyed.
"I'm bored."
"Go finish your drawing," he said absently, nodding his head in the direction of the child sized table set.
"No, I'm bored of that." She said with a small stomp of her foot.
Hotch, and Emily shared and incredulous glance. The table was filled with every art supply possible, how could she be bored?
The boy shot her a glare, "Well, I'm busy. So leave me alone."
"Can I help you?"
"No, JJ!"
"Spence," she begged, as her eyes filled with tears "You're being mean, I don't like playing by myself. Please play with me."
"No!"
Hotch and Emily watched as the little girl's expression changed from sad to angry. Once again it felt as if they had been robbed of breath. The expression was just as familiar, and just as striking as the little boy's had been. It was an expression they had seen countless times, one they all avoided, a frustrated JJ. Hotch wanted to cover his face, he could tell, this was not going to end well.
The little girl got up, her face set with the hardest look she could manage, and kicked the structure the boy was building. Both children watched, horrified, as a few pieces broke off, and went flying around the room. The little girl hastily turned to face the boy. "Spence, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry it was an accident!"
But he wasn't listening, "JJ!" He yelled, shoving her onto the ground. She landed on some of the pieces of lego that had broken off, and knocked the back of her head on the couch. For a moment she was too shocked to respond, she simply stared and the boy, and then cast her gaze down to where she had landed. Suddenly realising what had happened, she burst into tears, while rubbing the back of her head.
"Stop crying!" He yelled at her, "You broke my spaceship. And it wasn't an accident, you did it on purpose"
"But, Spence, you hurt me." She sobbed, still rubbing her head.
"I don't care. I don't want to play with you, JJ!" He said nastily. Still put out, he went to fix his spaceship, ignoring her cries completely.
The little girl began to sob harder, mumbling "I'm sorry, Spence. Please don't be mad." But he continued to ignore her.
Hotch felt a sudden urge to comfort the little girl, to protect JJ! Emily wasn't doing much better, her heart was breaking with every sob.
"I want to go home." the little girl wailed.
Without looking up the boy snapped at her, "You are so annoying, JJ. I'm gonna tell on you."
The little girl looked petrified, "N...no, Spence. Please. I'm sorry."
"I don't care if you're sorry. You still broke it."
"I'm so sorry, Spence. I didn't mean to, I didn't want to make you mad." She begged.
"It doesn't matter." He said finally looking up at her.
"I want to go home, I want mommy. The man said we are going home tomorrow." She cried desperately.
"I don't care! I'm still going to tell." He replied spitefully.
When the girl broke into more sobs, Hotch and Emily saw a brief flash of remorse on the boy's face.
"Please, Spence. I'm sorry. What if mommy won't come, please don't tell. I just want to go home. She pleaded.
"It's too late, JJ."
"Spence!"
The little boy gave her another long, withering look, before turning back to his lego, muttering "I'm busy."
Emily wiped tears from her eyes. The little girl was so helpless, she just needed a hug. Why was Reid being so mean to her? She turned to Hotch, he was halfway out of his seat, as if he was going to reach out to the little girl. He sat back heavily after a moment, and met Emily's eyes, both of them feeling desperate, and helpless.
"Reid could always hold a grudge…" He whispered. Emily almost missed it, but she nodded, it was true.
The little girl eventually stood, brushing away some tears, she put on a brave face, and made her way over to the little boy. Putting her arms around him in a hug, she once again pleaded with him, "Please don't be mad, Spence. I'm sorry."
He shrugged her off, "Let go, JJ."
She did, with a dejected look on her face.
"I don't want you to be sad, Spence." she whispered.
"It's them." Hotch said decidedly.
Emily tore her eyes from the screen and looked at him in shock.
"What... "
"It's JJ and Reid."
"How?"
"I don't know how, but their personalities, their behaviour. It's them… It's getting harder to deny." Hotch said seriously, staring at the scene in front of him.
Emily could only nod, part of her agreed with Hotch, the other half was still skeptical. It couldn't be possible. But before she had to answer, her attention was drawn back to the screen.
The video had cut to the sleeping children, the same image that had been in Hotch's video.
"Aren't they just so sweet, Agent Prentiss." The Unsub crooned. "But they are beginning to get restless. You heard young Jennifer, she wants to go home. Can you blame her for being frustrated? You've left them here for, what is it, six days now? No wonder Jennifer is afraid you won't come and get her. Honestly, I'm disappointed, I thought they meant more to you than that, Agent Prentiss."
At that moment Emily felt nothing but hatred toward the Unsub. How dare he say she didn't care about JJ and Reid. She clenched her jaw, she was frustrated, and furious with herself and the Unsub, because, in a way he was right. It had been six days since JJ and Reid went missing. Six long days, but that did not mean that she didn't care about them.
"But then again, Agent Prentiss," his voice called her back to focus, "you don't have the best track record of sticking around do you? So it shouldn't be that surprising that you've barely made an effort to find Jennifer and Spencer. After all, you prefer to run away when things get difficult. Isn't that what you did with Ian Doyle? And with work before that? Isn't that why you chose to work undercover, so that you could always have an escape, a way out, a way to start over? Committing to staying in one place for a long time has never been appealing to you, has it, Emily?"
Emily shivered at the way he said her name, the intimate way it rolled off of his tongue. It felt intrusive.
"Before this case, weren't you thinking of a way out? Trying to come up with a way to leave? You were planning on leaving this were going to leave them!" The Unsub hissed.
"You see, that is the reason I had to act so fast. I couldn't let you abandon Jennifer and Spencer, they depend on you too much. But you don't care about that! You only care about yourself. They would be completely broken if you left, AGAIN!
You didn't think about that, did you? You didn't think about them at all! You're much too selfish for that." The Unsub snapped, "I don't care what you say, Emily, you can lie to yourself, and to your team, but I know the truth! You don't really think of them as family, they are just another team to you. People you can walk away from, with no emotional guilt attached. They are just coworkers, not family!"
Emily felt herself flinch at the ferociousness of the Unsub's speech. The panic she felt flared as his words sunk in. It was her fault he abducted JJ and Reid, he had said she was the reason. She stared wide-eyed at the sleeping children on the screen. 'No, it can't be true, it wasn't her fault,' she wasn't leaving them, she just didn't know if she could do this job anymore. But they were, and would always be her family, that was the honest to God truth!
"Emily!" Hotch's voice broke through her frantic thoughts, bringing her back to the present. Unable to say anything, she just stared at him.
"Is it true?" He asked bluntly, with a penetrating gaze. It felt as if he were looking directly into her soul.
Ashamed, she broke eye contact.
"Hotch…" She couldn't lie to him, but she didn't want to have to tell him the truth either. She had been feeling restless; the thought that they would be better off without her, had crossed her mind.
"You were thinking of leaving?" He breathed out, as if he couldn't believe it were true. The hurt in his voice was nearly too much for Emily, she snapped her eyes back to his, and saw a brief flash of pain in them. She shook her head desperately, wanting that look to go away, but before she could say anything the Unsub began talking again.
"I don't really blame you, Emily. After all, you have no idea what it's like to have a proper home. You moved around so much as a child that you never got to experience what home felt like, you were never able to make any lasting connections. Is that why relationships are so difficult for you, Emily? You would do anything to fit in, at work and in your personal life. You would never dream of complaining about all the upheaval you've been through. Let me ask you this Agent Prentiss, was it worth it? Was it worth it to end up alone, is your job honestly that great?" He sneered.
"You're all alone, Emily, all alone. You have no one. Your team? Well, yes you have them, but you were considering running away from them. Just to end up alone, again, because admit it, you like being alone.
What is it about you, Emily, that makes you want to run when things get difficult? Why don't you ever ask for help? Maybe it's not your fault, maybe you just don't know how? Or maybe you just don't want to know.
You've always had a problem trusting people, but what you don't know is that you are the very person you are afraid of. You are the one who can't be trusted.
Maybe you deserve to be alone, after all you've had more than one opportunity to change things, to have a family. You've always wanted a second chance - but you don't deserve it.
You always walk away!
You could have chosen to create a family with Declan, after all the boy had no one. Doyle gave you the choice of being a mother to him, but you chose not to do it. It wasn't because of his father, Doyle is dead now, Emily, but where is Declan? Still not with you. Sure you took care of him, you made sure he was well looked after, you cared. But it doesn't change the fact that you left!
You leave people, Emily!
What's going to happen to Jennifer and Spencer? Are you going to take care of them for awhile, and then when things get difficult, or when things stop going according to plan, are you going to run away? Or are you going to do what you did in Rome, and simply get rid of the problem? You saw them fighting, Agent Prentiss, it's a guarantee that things will get difficult. But even when it does,
YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE!" The Unsub roared.
Hotch had felt Emily stiffen at the mention of a second chance, from all the way across the room. Then at the mention of Rome, her whole body had tensed up so tightly that he wasn't sure if she was breathing anymore. He was getting an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach, he was missing something.
Except this feeling had nothing to do with the case. No, this feeling was directly connected to the woman sitting across from.
A sudden burst of rage shot through him, of course he was missing something, this was Emily! The women had more secrets buried than he did. Hotch felt a stab of betrayal, he thought she had confided in him. He thought they were friends, but they clearly weren't.
The Unsub was right, she had never trusted anyone.
She had thought about leaving! Leaving them, leaving him! He felt the familiar burn behind his eyes, he could lose her too…
Hotch didn't want to finish that thought, it was too raw. He forced himself to shift his attention back to the video.
"I've seen you with other children, you have such a way with them. You've always wanted to be a mother, Emily. I'm sure every single time you see a child you wonder about yours. You wonder if it would have been a girl or a boy. You wonder what he or she would have been like, what he or she would have been interested in…
I believe you truly regret the loss of your child. The same way Aaron Hotchner regrets the loss of his. I don't doubt that you could be a great mother, Emily. I believe in your maternal instincts, they are very strong.
But it all comes back to trust, Agent Prentiss. Jennifer and Spencer trust you with their lives. They chose you, just like they've chosen Agent Hotchner. The problem is that I don't trust you. The fact of the matter is that you killed your child. The same way Aaron killed his. Neither of you deserve a second chance!
You had a choice to make, and You. Chose. Wrong!"
"What is he talking about?" Hotch asked suspiciously, stopping the video.
Emily turned questioningly to Hotch, her eyes were blurred with tears, 'why was he stopping the video?'
"What is he talking about, Prentiss?" Hotch demanded aggressively, when she didn't answer him.
"What do you mean?" Emily asked, still confused, her thoughts were far away. Her mind was reliving the painful memories from Rome.
"Why is he saying you killed your child?" Hotch ground out impatiently, barely holding his anger in.
Finally his words struck a chord, and she came crashing back to reality. The look in his eyes sent shivers down her spine.
"Hotch, it's not what you think."
"Then explain it to me!" He barked.
"We moved around a lot when I was a kid, and…" she wiped at her eyes, "when you're young you'll… you'll do anything to fit in… to get people to like you."
"You got pregnant." He said severely, as his steely gaze bore into her, making her shrink back onto the bed.
She nodded, looking away. "I was fifteen."
"What happened?"
"I couldn't keep the baby, I was too young…"
"Did you kill it?"
"What?" Emily said shocked, "I didn't…"
"Did you have an abortion?" He asked harshly, cutting her off.
When she didn't respond, and her eyes pooled with tears, he had his answer.
"The last time I checked Emily, an abortion was killing your child." He said in a dangerously, low tone, "So unless your answer is no, then it is exactlywhat I think it is!"
Emily didn't respond, the only indication that she had heard him was that she had pulled the pillow more tightly to her chest. But her eyes stayed down, and she didn't say anything.
Her silence only enraged him more. He had just found out she was planning on leaving, and now he knew that she willingly chose to end her pregnancy. A pregnancy that was easy, one that had just happened. It made him sick, it wasn't fair. He and Haley had tried and tried, and they couldn't get pregnant. They had had to struggle, had to fight to have their child, but Emily, Emily had just killed hers.
He stared at her, and he felt an ache in his chest, Could he trust her? Or was she going hurt him the same way Hayley did, was she just going to leave? Briefly, at the back of his mind he understood that she wasn't his to lose, but he pushed that thought away…
"Say something!" He roared, slamming his fist onto the desk.
She flinched, "What do you want me to say?"
"What type of person knowingly chooses to kill their child? God, Emily, what is wrong with you? Are you that selfish?" He ranted, "You killed your own baby…"
Hotch was startled when she suddenly stood up.
"Get out!"
"Excuse me?"
"I said, leave!"
"No, Prentiss, we're not done with the video."
"I don't care, I want you to leave!" She said curtly.
He was about to respond when she cut him off, "Look Aaron, I get that you're hurting, but that does not give you the right to be a complete asshole." She said coldly, her eyes dark. "It's bad enough I have to listen to that psychopath, but I will not sit here and listen to you judge me about something you know nothing about." Pointing her fingers at his chest, she went on firmly, but calmly. "So, I'm not telling you again. Please leave!"
Hotch was brought up short, both by the venom in her voice, and by being compared to the Unsub. For a brief moment he felt a flash of remorse, he hadn't really meant what he said. Rationally he knew he was being unreasonable, she wasn't a murderer, but she had… she had done it! He stopped the thought, No, but it wasn't the same thing. But, it was still unfair, she had a choice…
The confusion he felt only fuelled the rage still coursing through him. Pushing away the little guilt he felt, he grabbed his jacket and left. Slamming the door behind him.
Emily first locked the door, before leaning against it and sliding down. She pulled her knees up, folded her arms, and wept.
AN: I know you are all eager for Reid and JJ to be found, and trust me they will be, but this is a Hotch/Prentiss story first, so I have to spend time building their relationship. That being said, I will incorporate some form of young JJ and Reid into each chapter until they are found, at least two more.
Please, please leave a review, they do inspire me to write…
