Letting Go

Author's Note: I seemed to be in a bit of melancholic mood when I wrote this. Trigger warning for established character death. To be fair I did warn that this alphabet might contain some angst.

"The ones who love us never truly leave us" said the minister at the front of the chapel. Emma gazed down at the black lace of her skirt, letting her hair fall to shield her eyes. She knew it wasn't his fault, if he had a choice he never would have left her. But that didn't stop the tracks of tears from sliding down her face. Killian her one chance at true love was gone, and there was nothing she could do. There were only so many times one could come back from the dead. Henry squeezed her hand consolingly beside her. Emma couldn't believe that she would never see her pirate's teasing smirk ever again or hear the lilting candescence of his voice. He was gone and Emma needed to get used to saying that. Used to changing out the word is for was. She needed to get used to the empty space beside her when she woke in the mornings that use to be filled with warmth and was now vacant and cold.

As a rule Emma Swan tried to avoid crying in front of people, after all crying in the foster system was often seen as weakness, and from some of her less kind guardians weakness was a sign that she could be hurt. But now sitting at his funeral she couldn't stop the tears from sliding down her cheeks and falling to make damp spots on her skirt. Emma wanted to listen to the minister, she really did, but the pain of accepting the fact that he wouldn't sidle up next to her at any moment with one of his brilliant one liners was far too great.

Emma Swan had lost far too many people in her life, she was abandoned by her parents (albeit for a very good reason), left by Neal (although his intentions were good), was forced to watch Graham die in front of her, she even lost Walsh. And here she was once again burying someone she loved and cared about, reinforcing the lesson she had learned in childhood; everyone you love leaves.

Emma shook the thoughts from her head. Killian wouldn't want her to think that way. He would want her to be happy after all his last words had been "Don't let the darkness colour your heart like Milah's death did to me. Find someone who makes you happy. Please. Please do that for me". Emma had already cycled through denial of his death. She had been angry, her mugs in the apartment they shared had bared the brunt of it. The smashed chinaware had not stifled her anger, rather it had only temporarily lessened it. Emma would say she was somewhere between the stage of bargaining and depression. She would have done anything to bring him back, but it was impossible and she knew it. She could feel it in her chest that he was gone for good.

With tears gliding across her cheeks Emma stood to speak the eulogy, after all she was the closest thing to family that Killian had. She had tried sitting down to write something so many times but all she ended up with were snapped pencils and many, many balls of crumpled up paper overfilling her trash can. She decided that whatever she said should be from the heart, and that the easiest way to do so would be to wing it. Emma spread her palms across the pulpit and braced her hands to help support her body. She was a strong person, but just standing there in front of all those people made her feel like she might break.

She opened her mouth to speak but she merely floundered looking for the words to say. Emma took a deep breath and centred herself. In that moment the words came to her "If a few years ago you told me I would be giving the eulogy for Captain Hook, I would have called you insane". Her words elicited a few chuckles from the sullen crowd. She continued "A few months ago I never believed I would be giving the eulogy of Killian Jones, at least not so soon". Emma felt another tear slide warmly down her cheek "Killian Jones saw himself as a villain, but he was the most heroic man that I have ever met". She gazed out at the weeping faces and felt a bit of peace cross over her "heroes are not completely free of darkness, rather they look darkness in the face and battle against it". She felt the need to wrap things up before she fell apart "Killian Jones was not a perfect man, heck no one is perfect. But he was perfect for me. And I'm glad that in the few centuries of his existence he managed to cross realms and for a brief instant of time we met up". She took a brief inhale while she selected the final words "Someday Killian we will meet again, but until that point I know you will be sailing amongst the stars".

-CS-

Somewhere in the infinite cosmos a pirate shed a tear and whispered "until we meet again".