Chapter 12: Maury Povich

ELENA

I've been watching Damon sleep for something like an hour now and I'm pretty sure I could do it all week. He's so flawlessly beautiful it should be illegal, all smooth skin and sculpted jaw line. His lips look young, like they belong to a teenager yet to have his first kiss.

His eyelashes flicker and he opens his eyes, the ice blue startling against the dark sheets. For a second he looks like a totally different person, with the cynical smirk gone and his eyes hazy with sleep. They narrow then widen again as he takes me in. A smile touches the corner of his mouth.

"Well hello, beautiful." And just like that he's back to himself, his voice a sleep-roughened teasing drawl.

My eyes smile before my mouth catches up. "Hi. Did you sleep okay?"

"God yes," he groans, stretching luxuriantly. "Admit it. You roofied me."

"Course I did. How else could I have my wicked way with you?" I tease, running my hand through his inky hair and making it stand up in chaotic waves and peaks. How is it that no matter what you do to his hair he always looks like he belongs on a magazine cover?

"No idea," he deadpans.

He doesn't seem to be in any hurry to get up. Instead he's reclining on one elbow, watching me with eyes that should be rated NC-17 and a bemused smile that doesn't quite match.

"What are you thinking about?" I venture.

I don't get it. He left town without a trace or a word of goodbye and now he can't seem to keep his hands or his eyes off me. I wish I was the kind of person who could just enjoy the moment without worrying about what changed or if he's going to leave again.

He leans over to kiss the hollow at the base of my throat. "Paper or plastic," he murmurs against me. "To be or not to be. The basics."

I swat his arm, trying to control my breathing so I don't give myself away as the total sap I obviously am. "I was being serious."

"You know what's serious?" Damon says, trailing kisses down my collarbone in a way that makes it very hard to think.

"Hmm?"

"I don't know if we have any coffee because Stefan sucks at grocery shopping and he doesn't like coffee as much as we do."

I duck my face into his chest, hiding my smile. We do.

Damon used to make me coffee in the mornings when I'd crash on the couch during the long summer we searched for Stefan.

The mention of his brother reminds me of the fight last night. What did Stefan say to him when he first got here? Damon said it was what he wanted to hear most in the world, but it made him tear apart a car.

Jeremy had come inside and told me that Damon was right behind him, but then a minute later he looked at Stefan and said, "Dude, Ric says you need to go talk to him. If he doesn't hear it from you he's just going to take off again as soon as he kills the hunter."

At the time I was too distracted to analyze, but does that mean Stefan gave Damon his blessing to date me? I still don't get why Damon suddenly cares about his brother's opinion, but what else could it be?

"Dear Diary," Damon says in his mocking falsetto. "I accidentally had a sleepover last night with the most depraved yet darkly handsome vampire. I fear my virtue may be compromised."

I shove at his arm, blushing hotly. "That's not what I was thinking about."

He plucks at the top button of my shirt. His shirt. "Regretting not compromising your virtue?" he growls, dropping his eyelids seductively.

"Maybe," I whisper, trying to tear my eyes away from his lips. They don't look so young now that he's awake. They look…decadent.

He leans down to kiss me but I can't wait anymore, even if it means he won't kiss me.

"Damon?"

He steals a light kiss anyway. "Hmm?"

"Are you going back to Thailand?"

He pulls back, his eyes guarded. "Why?"

"You're not, are you? I mean, if Stefan was an ass just ignore him. We have our moments but we're working it out and I know he missed you too."

Damon sits up. "What the hell?"

"What?" I ask, confused.

"What exactly are you doing in my bed if you're 'working it out' with my brother?"

"Not like that, Damon," I correct, frustrated. "We're over for good this time, you know that. I was just saying that it's not his decision whether you get to stay here. It's your life, your town, your house too. And if he thinks that he can evict you because it's a little awkward for a while, then he's delusional."

Damon's mouth quirks up into a half smile. "You gonna fight him for me?"

I laugh, glad he's over his jealous moment. "If I have to. I'm pretty tough now you know."

"I know." His eyes flare appreciatively. "It's very sexy."

I push him back down on the bed. "I want you to stay," I whisper, leaning over him. "I don't care what Stefan says. I know that's selfish, but I don't care."

Damon pretends to consider. "I don't know. What's in it for me?"

I flip my hair over my shoulder and give him what I hope is a sultry look. His smile falters slightly and I bend down slowly, running my hand across the ridges of his abs.

"Me," I whisper, and kiss him. He surges up, rolling me underneath him and seizing my mouth with an intensity that leaves me shaken.

I can't hold in a moan because he's pinning me with his hips and I can feel his response to me. It turns me on so much to know I can do that to him.

"Elena," he growls. "You shouldn't say things like that to me if you ever want to get out of bed."

I whimper and pull him closer.

His hands tighten convulsively on my shoulders and he buries his face in my neck, nipping the tendon just under my ear. He's going to stay. I can tell.

"BZZZZZ," Damon makes a loud buzzer sound and rolls away from me, throwing his arm over his eyes.

"What?" I ask, startled.

"That was your virtue's alarm system. It says I should get up and make coffee and let you have first shower because if I stay here, we're going to be having a real vampire sleepover."

I bite my lip and try to remember why I wanted to take it slow.

Then I realize I can hear my own heartbeat, thundering in my ears.

Yeah. That's why. It's too easy to let Damon just consume me. I need to try to keep my head on straight. He's barely been back for one night and he's already got me tied up in all kinds of knots without even trying.

Never mind vampirism. It's Damon that heightens everything.

Damon rolls out of bed and saunters toward the door before I can argue.

"Fresh towels under the sink," he says, tossing me a casual smile like it's no big deal if I shower in his room. I shiver at the novelty, snuggling into his bed for just one more minute. I like belonging here.

# # #

I'm drinking my second cup of coffee and heating two mugs of blood in the microwave when Damon comes down with wet hair and a half-buttoned shirt that looks sinfully good on him.

"What?" he says, narrowing his eyes at the look on my face.

I smile into my coffee. "It's nice to have you back. That's all."

He plants a hand on the counter on either side of me and bends to within a breath of my mouth. "It's nice to be back."

My breathing is erratic as I wait to see what he'll do next. His lips curve but he doesn't kiss me.

I grab his collar and pull him down, too impatient now to be satisfied with a gentle good morning kiss. He doesn't disappoint. He's an incredible kisser; adventurous and responsive, with a tongue that knows more about my mouth than I thought there was to know.

His hand closes over mine on the mug I'm holding between us.

"Elena?"

"Mmm," I moan into his mouth.

"You're spilling your coffee on me."

I jerk back, my eyes widening. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! Did I burn you?"

He's holding the mug I instinctively dropped and wearing an amused smile. "Nah, most of it got on the floor."

I grab a paper towel and start to mop up the coffee while Damon retrieves the blood from the microwave.

"Did you start drinking bagged blood while I was gone?"

"Kind of. It has to be within 24 hours of a feeding, which I think is pointless but Caroline says a little extra in between will help with the cravings."

"But you can keep it down?"

"Mmm-hmm. Mostly." I wince. "It's like an 80-20 split. Caroline still has to take me hunting pretty much every day."

"That's still better than nothing. Maybe you'll just adjust over time."

"Maybe," I say glumly.

"Speaking of Vampire Barbie, when was she taken over by the pod people?"

"Pod people?" I ask, confused.

"Old horror movie. Probably before your time like everything else," Damon rolls his eyes. "Never mind. I was just wondering what was wrong with her yesterday? For a minute there she was almost…nice."

I laugh. "Yeah, you missed some drama."

"For a change," he says dryly.

"Caroline and I had a huge blow out after you left. I was upset and trying to find you and she was-" I trail off, trying to think of how to put it.

"Wondering why you'd care that the neighborhood had gotten a little cleanup?" Damon supplies.

"She was a little less kind than that, actually. She said I wasn't a real friend if I could care about you after the way you'd treated her and started listing every single bad thing you've ever done."

"Man, I knew that girl had some lung capacity but that's a pretty long list to tackle," Damon says dryly.

Irritation flashes through me. "You know, I don't know why you need to encourage people. You are miles from the most evil thing Mystic Falls has ever seen."

He raises his eyebrows. "Was that your argument to Caroline? Because frankly it could use some work."

"No I was a lot more petty, actually. I threw the fact that she'd murdered somebody in her face." I wince, embarrassed. "I was really pissed and it just went downhill from there. I hung out all Stefan's dirty laundry since she had all but erected a golden statue of him in my front yard at that point. You should be glad you missed it. It was the most queen-bitch I've been since before my parents died."

Damon's summer-blue eyes are gleaming with delight. "Stop, stop. I need some popcorn before I hear the rest of this story. I can't believe I missed such a good catfight. Wait, did you fight? Tell me there was hair pulling," he begs.

I shake my head, smiling.

"Mud wrestling?" he tries hopefully.

"Nope. Sorry, Damon. It was mostly just catty, immature one-upmanship. When I got through with Stefan I went after Tyler and even Klaus since Caroline seems like she's got a soft spot for him."

"I can't imagine our darling Miss Mystic Falls took that lying down."

"Oh no," I assure him. "She gave me my own report card. Loudly."

He looks dubious. "And there was no hair pulling? Was there staking? Sunlight-ring-snatching?"

"No, after that we got really depressed about how horrible we were and what awful things everybody had done, started crying, and then we got unbelievably drunk on vodka with cranberry juice," I shudder. "And swore off boys forever."

Damon glances around the kitchen as if to make sure we're alone.

"Shhh don't tell, but I think you might have just spent the night at a boy's house," he says in a stage whisper.

"Yeah, well it didn't last. By the end of the night we were back to crying over you and Tyler and Stefan."

"You were crying over me?" he asks, his voice suspiciously light. "I like it. Very tragic heroine of you."

I smack him in the arm but misjudge the force behind my blow so that blood comes sloshing over the rim. Damon holds it out to keep from splashing his clothes.

"You know if I didn't know better, I'd say you were trying to get me to ruin this shirt so I'll have to take it off," Damon says. "All you have to do is ask, you know."

I grab a paper towel and mop up the floor again, sighing. "I wish. Actually it's just that I'm a supernaturally clumsy vampire."

"So you and Caroline must have made up or she wouldn't still be tagging along when you feed, right?"

"Yeah, we did. And I think she might be coming around about you too, though I wouldn't put money on it. Anyway, she stopped giving me the Salvatore brothers pro and con every morning before first period, so that's something, right?"

I turn to rinse my mug in the sink and Damon comes up behind me, resting his hands lightly on my hips; flirty, but also a little uncertain. I tip my head back against his shoulder and his grip tightens.

"So can I give her a night off and take you someplace to eat tonight?" he asks. "There's a nightclub half an hour away with a decent dance floor. I bet you could talk a guy or three into making a donation to your health and well-being."

"Really? Is that what you meant when you said you were teaching her how to feed?" Stefan's voice says from the doorway. "You're teaching her how to seduce her dinner?"

I whirl around, my lips parting in surprise. "What did you say?"

"I taught her to feed, Stefan," Damon says acidly. "You know, like a real vampire not a pretend human. And the last time I checked your new mixed diet didn't include senior citizens or guys so don't get all judgy on me."

"Yeah, because you have to get dressed up and go dancing to grab a snack," he says bitterly.

"What are you trying to say, Stefan?" I ask him, feeling like he just walked in and slapped me. "It's just for blood. You know me better than that."

"I know you better than that." He comes further into the room. "But it's a bad idea to put it in that context, to mix the blood drinking with letting loose and having fun. It's too easy to give in that way. That's what I'm saying," he says earnestly.

But then his gaze flicks to Damon and his eyes harden. "I just think that Mr. Impulse Control Issues might not be the best choice of vampire mentor for the place you're at right now. Even if you two are-" He waves a hand between us, his face carefully blank. "Dating or whatever it is that you're doing."

"You're wrong, Stefan," I tell him, struggling to steady my voice. "Damon is the one who helped me through my transition the most and not once did he ever let me get out of control. God, you sound just like Bonnie. I mean, Caroline took me dancing at bars and nobody said anything then!"

"That's because Caroline can handle the bloodlust," Stefan says. "She's the best of all of us. She's the one you should be going to."

I shake my head. "It's a little late for this argument, Stefan. I know how to feed now and it's been two months. I haven't killed anybody else," I swallow hard on the words. "So obviously I'm getting better, whoever is helping me."

Stefan smiles coldly. "Yes, because the old Elena would think it was so great that she'd gone two months with only one murder on her conscience."

"Brother," Damon warns in a low, dangerous voice.

I want to argue with Stefan but the words stick in my throat. He's right. My record is far from perfect.

Damon's hand touches my lower back in silent support. "Connor was self-defense," he snaps. "He hardly counts as a murder. Name me one other vampire who's made through the first few months without killing a single person out of bloodlust."

"Not you," Stefan says, his eyes drilling into Damon's. "Not me."

Tension hums through Damon and I lean back into his hand a little, trying to calm him.

Stefan's gaze flicks to me, his eyes entreating. "You see. That's exactly what I mean. He doesn't care what's right and wrong. He just cares what he wants. That's not what you need right now, Elena."

"You're one to talk," I sputter, my betrayal giving way to anger. "You've been totally obsessed by finding this cure. It's the only thing you care about anymore."

"Yeah and why do you think that is, Elena? Because you shoving me into a wall the last time we talked about it really proved what a calm and collected vampire you are," Stefan says sarcastically.

I hate the tears that sting my eyes at his accusation. "Like you're any better? You've offered over and over to find Jeremy vampires to kill. What kind of person does that? You can't just play judge and jury for them. Why would a cure be worth that to you?"

Stefan steps forward and I can see the anguish behind his attack. "Because I'm beyond saving Elena, but you're not. You've seen that wall in Chicago. As long as you're a vampire it can happen to you this fast," he snaps his fingers. "It's what you are. It wants to take over, to become all that you are and you have to fight every second not to let it."

Damon's fingers tighten against my back and I realize how close Stefan is standing.

"I don't want you to have to fight that forever," Stefan whispers. "Is that so wrong?"

"It's not like that for me," I try to tell him. "I mean yeah, sometimes it is but not all the time."

"Why don't you back off? Can you just not be happy unless she's a guilt-ridden mess like you?" Damon snaps. "There's nothing wrong with Elena."

"How can you say that, Damon?" Stefan's face twists. "What, like you've loved every second of your too-long life? Don't be so goddamn selfish. You just want Elena to be a vampire because for once you're not miserable and you're willing to sacrifice her chance at a happy, normal life because you want her for yourself. This is no kind of life for her and you know it."

Damon lets me go, moving aggressively toward his brother. "And you hate yourself so much you can't imagine anybody being happy like this, so you sabotage any chance she has. Spoiler alert, Stefan. You already sacrificed her. Into the goddamn river in case you've forgotten. So why don't you quit acting like this is something I chose for her."

I push in between them. "Guys, stop. We don't need to fight about this. What's done is done."

Damon glares at his brother over my head. "Stop treating her like she's a goddamned Ripper waiting to happen, Stefan, or I'm going to feed you your fucking teeth."

He turns and strides to the counter, picking up his blood with a grip that threatens the mug.

I hate it when they fight like this and I hate even more to be the cause of it. Damon's right about one thing though. This has to stop.

My stomach churns as I try to choose my words. I can't just blurt things out, not with my baby vampire emotions in constant riot. I thought I would be free of the endless pressure of Stefan's judgment once we broke up but that hasn't been the case at all.

It makes me understand Damon's binges, because it would be such a blessed relief to finally just explode and do everything wrong and not have to constantly be waiting for it to happen.

I turn to Stefan and look into his haunted green eyes.

"You don't have to like what I am now, Stefan," I tell my ex-boyfriend quietly. "But please stop looking at me like you know I'm going to do terrible things. It makes me doubt myself and I can't afford to do that if I want to stay in control."

Stefan takes a step back. His eyes are sad and cold and guarded and disappointed all at once. It's awful and I want to stop hurting him, but I have to make him stop hurting me, too.

"It doesn't matter how I look at you, Elena," he says quietly. "You're my past now. I'm sorry I even tried. I should have realized it was none of my business."

I reel back a step, my hand going to my throat, but he doesn't even pause. He just turns and walks out.

Damon's there in an instant, steadying me. He tosses a murderous look in the direction of the doorway.

"Well that was a fun family reunion. Are you okay?"

I hear the front door slam behind Stefan.

"I'm fine," I tell him in a strangled voice, tears already sliding down my cheeks.

He sort of laughs and sighs all at once. "Yeah, you're walking on sunshine."

Damon wraps me up against him and his kindness destroys any hope I have of maintaining my composure. I start to sob in earnest, exhausted and pissed off at Stefan and myself and the whole wretched situation. I don't want to cry about this again, dammit.

"I'd be happy to kill the judgy little bastard for you," he offers. "Sorry I set him off."

I laugh shakily and pull away, searching the counter for a paper towel. "No, it's fine. It's really fine, Damon. This is just how we are these days."

"Really? You guys finally learned how to have a decent fight?"

I blow my nose. "Not really. It's all over the place. Some days we're just like an old married couple, finishing each other's sentences. We spend a lot of time being really stiffly polite and not bringing up anything we really need to talk about. And then sometimes we just-" I wave my hand inarticulately. "Do that."

"Yeah," Damon says, leaning companionably against the counter next to me. "Let's just be friends. That one always works out so well."

I laugh through my stuffy nose. "Almost as well as 'Hey, I'm in love with your brother who flew halfway around the world to get away from me.'"

Damon gives me a withering look. "Yeah, I so wanted to get away from you. You caught me."

I focus on wiping my eyes and getting rid of the soggy paper towel.

"It's not his fault."

Damon nearly chokes on his sip of blood. "Trust me. It is definitely Stefan's fault that he's acting like such a douche."

"No, really. He tries so hard. He really wants to be noble and calm about this whole thing. He just can't all of the time. I think deep down he gets that we're really over this time. The problem is, I think he thinks it's because I'm a vampire."

"Isn't it?"

"Yes. No. It's complicated, Damon. I had feelings for you before I transitioned. And Stefan and I had problems then, too. But being a vampire sure didn't make anything easier." I press my lips together, willing myself not to cry.

Damon tilts his head and I can see my pain flash through his eyes, the way it did when he watched me dig Connor's grave.

"You know it's not you he's seeing. It's that wall in Chicago."

"Yeah." I force a smile at Damon. "I know."

I turn away and start tidying the kitchen, as if it doesn't matter. I'm sick to death of crying over this but I can't seem to help it. It reminds me too much of my mother's loving eyes on that bridge as she told me that I should destroy myself for what I'd become.

Damon's quiet behind me and suddenly I remember that this happened to him, too. That his father killed him for what he was. That he hated himself for decades.

I turn and hug him. He's caught off guard and it takes him a second to wrap his arms around me in return.

"I love you," I tell him fiercely.

His response is almost comical. His eyes widen slightly in surprise and then narrow as he tries to figure out how to respond.

"You don't have to say the right thing, Damon," I say, hugging him tighter. "You don't have to say anything. You just have to let me."