'I'm dreaming of a white Christmas.' Olivia sang. 'Just like the ones I used to know.' She continued. 'Funny. I don't think anything will be 'just like the ones I used to know.''
Olivia couldn't get over the amount that had changed in the last four and a half months. Already she was half way through her pregnancy but she was barely half way through her fifteenth year. It was times like these where Olivia found herself pondering – the times when she was sitting alone in her room. Some days she found herself trying to make sense of everything: Karen and her dad's divorce; how her dad kicked her out; how she'd had to give up everything she loved. The next day she could find herself terrified of going into labour, despite the fact that it would be four and a half months away. Other days she just found herself panicking about how the hell she was going to manage to raise a baby when she was little more than a child herself. She found herself sobbing over whether or not she'd be a good mother. She hadn't had a great example as a kid. Her real mother had, in Olivia's opinion, buggered off somewhere right after she and Stan had been divorced, so she was never around. Then there was her father. He refused to help his daughter when she needed it the most. When Olivia was younger, Stan had landed himself in jail for tax evasion. He left it up to his second wife to raise his kids for him. Karen had been the only real parent figure in Olivia's life. Olivia knew that she really owed Karen everything. Karen had taken care of her when she really didn't need to. When Stan went to jail, Karen could have walked right out. Then where would Olivia – and Mason- have been? Karen had been the one to help her when she needed it the most. Karen didn't need to help. Legally, Karen had no obligation to her stepdaughter. Karen had moved apartments so that her stepdaughter could live there permanently. She'd even let Olivia have a say in what apartment they'd move to. As much as Olivia was grateful for what Karen had done for her, it still hurt her that her stepmother could do more for her when she was in a crisis than her own father would.
As she stood up, she wiped away the tears that seemed to pour every morning, and every time she found herself alone, whether it be in own room, Will and Grace's apartment, Grace's office or in the middle of Central Park. She couldn't help it. She just started crying. Hormones, she figured.
December meant Christmas shopping and having a good time with your friends for most people of Olivia's age. December for Olivia meant throwing up and shopping for maternity clothes. She'd finally adjusted to her morning routine of toast them vomiting, but wearing maternity clothes would take some getting used to. Maternity clothes made everything a little more… real. As much as she loved the baby growing inside of her, there was a part of Olivia that was in denial about the whole thing. A tiny part of her said that she would wake up one morning and it would all be over. Olivia feared that part of herself. That part of her didn't love her baby. That tiny part of her wanted her baby gone.
Olivia went over her plans for that day. She had arranged with one of her closest girl friends to go shopping for the dreaded maternity clothes. And in the evening… putting the tree up. Olivia grimaced when she realised this. It was tradition for Olivia, Mason and Elliot to decorate the tree in Will and Grace's apartment. For many years, it had surprised Olivia that Grace even allowed a tree in the apartment. This year, that was the last thing on her mind. What Olivia really wanted was a good excuse to get out of there. She just didn't feel up to being around hyper people. She was always tired and liable to vomit at any time (turns out morning sickness wasn't specific to mornings). She really didn't feel like getting into the Christmas spirit.
'Do you think your mummy is Scrooge?' Olivia asked, hand on her tummy, talking to her unborn child. 'Will I take that as a 'no comment', honey? Oh well. Let's see what we can eat for breakfast.'
---
'Well, my friend just bailed on me.' Olivia said angrily.
'What happened?' Mason asked in a concerned tone.
'Apparently her mum said she has to stay home and clean her room.' Olivia sarcastically said. 'That's code for 'my mum doesn't want me hanging out with you.' God, it just seems as if I'm losing all of my friends 'cause I made a stupid mistake.'
'I'm sorry, Liv. That must be terrible.' Mason said sympathetically. 'If it's any consolation, I'll always be your friend.'
'Thanks Mase.' Olivia replied. 'Wanna be a friend and come maternity shopping with me?'
'I can't. I've got soccer practice.' He answered. 'Besides, fat women freak me out.'
'Hey!' Olivia protested. 'I'm going to be a fat woman too!'
'Sorry.'
'I guess I'll just have to drag either Karen or Grace shopping with me.'
'Yeah, um… I think Grace said she had a meeting with a client today.' Mason said. 'And Karen said she was meeting with Jack today.'
'Dammit, I don't wanna go shopping on my own.' Olivia said resentfully.
'Ask Elliot if he'll go shopping with you.' Mason suggested.
'I thought you guys had soccer practice today.'
'I do.' Mason said. 'Elliot doesn't. He quit the team.'
'Really?'
'Yeah.'
'Wow.' Olivia said, genuinely shocked. 'I didn't expect that.'
---
'Okay Kare, I hate to ask, but why have you left one room undecorated?' Jack asked.
'Oh that room is going to be the nursery.' Karen explained as she tried to find her purse. 'Liv said she wants to wait until she knows the sex of the baby so she can decide on colours.' Karen continued to rush around the apartment in attempt to find her things before going out with Jack. 'Mind you, that could prove difficult since Olivia doesn't know if she wants to know the gender until the baby is born.' Karen added, shaking her head in moderate frustration.
'Huh.' Jack said.
'What?' Karen asked.
'Nothing.' Jack lied. 'I just said 'huh'.'
'There was so much meaning in that 'huh'.' Karen said, a little annoyed. 'Come on, tell me what's up.'
'Well, you just seem to forget that it's Elliot's kid too.' Jack said using a tone he wasn't familiar with.
Karen shook her head. 'What do you mean?'
'Well, shouldn't Elliot have a say in finding out the gender of the baby?'
Karen sighed. 'That's between Elliot and Olivia. It's up to them.'
'If that's the case then shouldn't Elliot get a say about the nursery?' Jack said, his voice growing louder.
'But, honey, that's different. I would have thought Olivia would have more of a say in that considering it's in her home.' Karen offered her opinion. 'Elliot won't be here all the time.'
'But it is his kid that will be using the nursery.' Jack pointed out. 'Doesn't that give him as much right to make the decisions as Olivia?'
Karen threw her hands up in anger. 'I don't know! Okay? I don't know what's happening with any of this yet I'm the one who is expected to know everything. I'm the one who has to deal with everything. I have to make sure that Olivia is eating enough and taking her vitamins. I'm the one who has to deal with her waking up in the middle of the night bawling her eyes out because she's had a nightmare about her father dragging her down to an abortion clinic or losing her baby or because she's panicking over the whole thing!' Karen yelled. 'What do you have to deal with?'
Jack was speechless.
Karen clenched her fists. 'That's exactly what I thought.' She said through gritted teeth, her voice much lower than normal. 'So,' Karen began, her voice back to its normal pitch. 'Coffee?'
---
'I hate shopping.' Olivia grumbled.
'Wow.' Elliot laughed.
'What?'
'You, the shop-a-holic, just said you hated shopping.' Elliot explained. 'Pregnancy does weird things to you.'
'Okay, so I'll rephrase my comment. I hate shopping for maternity clothes. They're all horrible.'
'No, they're not. You're just being too fussy.'
Elliot noticed the expression on Olivia's face.
'Oops… shouldn't call you fussy, should I?'
'Not really.' Olivia said. 'It's not a comment I appreciate.'
'Where do you want to go shopping now?'
'I think I just want to sit here for a while.'
'Whatever you want.'
'Why did you quite the soccer team?' Olivia asked a few seconds later.
'Huh? Who told you about that?'
'Mason told me.' Olivia looked ahead of her. 'So why did you do that?'
'Well, since you had to give up ballet because of the baby, I thought it was only fair that I gave up something I loved too.'
'Wow.' Olivia said. ' I can't believe you did that. I mean, I never expected you to. I mean, you didn't need to.'
'Sure I did.' Elliot said. 'I'm as much a part of this as you are.'
---
Grace sat her desk, drawing on her sketchpad. Her design wasn't going great. She'd already restarted her drawing three times. It wasn't that she was being careless. Something else was bothering her. She cursed quietly as she made a mistake and realised she had to start again.
'Hey Gracie.' Will said exuberantly as he entered Grace's office carrying two cups of coffee.
'Great. I need caffeine.' Grace said, snatching a cup of coffee off of Will. 'Why are you so hyper?'
'No reason.' Will answered as he took a seat. 'Why are you so depressed?'
Grace twirled her hair around her pencil. 'Something's bothering me.'
Will sighed. 'What else is new Gracie?'
'Well, it's just… have you noticed that ever since Liv got pregnant Karen and Jack have been really bitchy towards each other?'
Will thought for a few seconds. 'Can't say I have.'
Grace exhaled in disappointment. 'Well I have.' She took a swig of her coffee. 'And let me tell you, it's not good. Karen will say something about the pregnancy and Jack says something mean and Karen just snaps and then this huge argument ensues. Then, the weirdest part, once the argument is over, they act like nothing has ever happened within ten seconds.' Grace took a new page in her sketchpad and began drawing again. 'What gets me is Olivia and Elliot can be completely normal and mature around each other and you've gotta give them credit for that. They're even going shopping today. Jack and Karen can hardly be around each other without shouting the odds. How the hell can two teenagers who have found themselves in such a mess can more mature than two adults whose kids have found themselves in a mess?'
Will shook his head. 'I've no idea, Gracie. I guess other people have different ways of reacting.'
'A lot of the time I just want to scream and tell them to keep their noses out of what Olivia and Elliot are going though.'
'Maybe you should Grace.'
---
'So, how's the divorce coming along Kare?'
Karen scoffed. 'It's a nightmare. Stan is contesting parts of the agreement so that's going to hold up the whole thing up. Husbands are a pain in the ass, Poodle.'
'What parts of the agreement is Stan contesting?' Jack questioned.
'There are a couple insignificant points about money and things we owned together.' Karen sighed. 'I don't really care about those things when he's contesting to me having custody of Liv.'
Jack noticed how worried Karen looked. 'Oh my god, why?'
'He says he doesn't think I'm fit to look after children.'
'Like he can talk'. Jack jeered. 'It's not like he's the model parent.'
'That's exactly what I said.' Karen ran her hands through her hair. 'How dare he say I am not fit to look after his daughter? Where the hell has he been for the last four months? Where the hell was he when his daughter needed his help the most?' The anger poured out of Karen. 'Like he has the right to act like the caring father after what he said to her.'
'Karen, I completely see your point. Stan hasn't been there for Liv. But, maybe he did care on some level when he said what he did.' Jack dreaded what Karen's reaction to his comment would be.
'Excuse me?'
'Maybe he all he wanted was for Olivia to make something of her life. Maybe he just wanted her to be a normal teenage girl. Maybe Stan was trying to make her see that she didn't need to feel trapped in this situation. ' Jack knew by the expression on Karen's face that she wasn't at all happy about what he'd said. 'I agree with you wholly that the way he said those thing was wrong. All I'm saying is maybe he had a point and if he said the things differently, you wouldn't be so up in arms about it.'
Karen considered what Jack had said for a few moments. 'So basically you're saying that if Stan had told Olivia to kill her and your son's child, he would be fit to say I was a bad parent?'
'Well, maybe if your child hadn't tricked my son into getting hammered, none of this would be happening!' Jack shouted angrily.
'So you're blaming Olivia for this now? That's rich.' Karen said standing up and putting her coat on. 'Your son is as much to blame for what's happening as Olivia is. You're just doing what everyone else did!'
'Yeah? And what the hell is that?'
'Judge the mother.'
Karen then left.
---
'Will, you have somebody waiting in your office for you.'
'Thanks Connie.' Will said, just about to enter his office after returning from his lunch break. Will was shocked when he saw who it was. 'Um… Stan, hi. Before you begin I should tell you that I cannot answer any questions regarding your divorce since I am representing Karen.'
'It's not about the divorce.' Stan admitted. 'I came to ask how Olivia is.'
Will was taken aback. 'Uh… she's good.'
'Any problems with her pregnancy?'
'No.'
'That's good.'
'Stan, why are you asking me this? Why don't you ask Olivia yourself?'
'She wouldn't tell me. She hates me.'
'I'm sure that's not true Stan. You're her dad.'
'After what I said, it's true.'
Will knew what he meant. 'She tells Mason everything. Why didn't you ask him?'
'I tried.' Stan answered. 'But he told me that I had no right to care now.'
Will refrained from saying that Mason had a point.
'So um… how is Olivia handling it?' Stan asked nervously.
'Really well. Amazingly actually.' Will answered. 'She's been really mature about everything.'
'I knew she would be. She was always really mature about everything, even when she was just a little girl.' Stan said in a reminiscing tone. 'I hope her own child is the same.' Stan sat in silence for a few seconds. 'Will, I need you to give something to my daughter.' Stan put a box on Will's desk. 'It's some stuff I kept from when she was a baby. I'd always planned on giving it to her when she was expecting her first child, although I did expect that to be when she was around thirty.'
Will took the box. 'I'll make sure she gets it.'
'Tell her I said Merry Christmas.'
---
'Are you going to help put up the tree tonight?' Elliot asked Olivia.
'I'm not sure. I'm going to see how tired and nauseous I am.' Olivia answered. 'Are Will and Grace inviting everyone over for Christmas dinner?'
'I'd imagine so. They have done every other year.' Elliot replied. 'What did you ask to get for Christmas?'
'I know it sounds really awful and greedy but all I asked for is money. I need to save up for the baby. That's the only thing I need.'
'That's not awful or greedy.' Elliot said. 'You're asking for something meaningful.'
'While we're out, could I look in the baby store? I want to see how much money I'll need to save.'
'Surely Karen would give you money if you needed it. Or your dad.'
'I don't want to have to take money from people. I don't want people to think that I'm just another teenage mum who scrounges from people. I want to be able to prove to other people and myself that even though I'm a teenager I can handle being a mother and I can handle the responsibility. I wanna be able to show people I can be a good mother.' Olivia said, her voice shaking.
'Liv, I have absolutely no doubt that you will be a good mother,' Elliot said, 'but don't let your pride stop you from accepting a little help. Accepting a little help from somebody will not make you a bad mother. Nobody will think less of you.'
'But I will.'
---
'Hey Kare.' Grace said cheerily when Karen entered the office.
'Hey.' Karen snapped.
Grace was confused by Karen's tone. She waited a few seconds to see if Karen was going to explain the reason for her sour demeanour without being prompted before raising the subject herself. 'What's up? Why are you so… livid?'
'I officially hate Jack. I hate hike. I hate him. I feel like killing him.'
Grace scrunched up her face.'What the hell happened at coffee?' She asked, confused.
'Long story short, he said that only Olivia was to blame for this whole thing.'
'Okay, excuse my language, but that is complete bullshit.' Grace said. 'Did he ever hear of the phrase 'two to tango'?'
Karen looked down at her desk. 'He also said he thought that Stan was a better parent than I was.'
'God, do you smell that?' Grace muttered.
'Smell what honey?'
Grace sighed. 'Never mind. Was there anything else said?'
Karen went on to explain the discussion about the things Stan said to Olivia and Jack's opinion on them.
'Hmm.' Grace said.
'What?'
'Well, maybe Jack had some truth in what he said. And before you fly off the handle, because judging by the look on your face you're gonna, maybe all he'd been trying to say was that Stan didn't want Liv to have any regrets in her life. I have no doubt that in years to come; Olivia will look back at all this. I'm sure she wouldn't wish her child away, but maybe she'll wish that she did other things like went to college or just go out with her friends and get wasted or just enjoy having no responsibilities. She'll maybe wish she could have been a normal teenager.'
'Grace, you say that but you don't know what it's like to go through life wondering what your kid would have been doing now.'
'And you do?' Grace asked softly, knowing what Karen had implied.
---
'I think I'm going to take a rain check on Christmas tree building tonight.' Olivia said. 'I don't feel up to it.'
'Are you sure you're okay?' Elliot asked, concerned.
'Yeah. I'm just a little tired.' Olivia noticed Elliot's expression. 'Don't worry, I'm fine!'
'Are you sure?'
'My god, is a pregnant not allowed to be tired any more?' Olivia asked sarcastically.
'Am I not allowed to ask if you're okay anymore?' Elliot asked in the same tone.
Olivia shook her head. 'No you're not. Well, I'm gonna go home.'
'How you getting home?'
'Subway.'
'I'll get you home.'
Olivia scrunched up her face. 'Why?'
'I don't want you walking home alone.'
---
Christmas day…
'Dashing through the snow, in a one-horse open sleigh, over the fields we go, laughing all the way.' Olivia sang.
'Hyper much?' Karen asked.
'Duh, it's Christmas!' Olivia said sarcastically. 'And also because for the first morning in nearly two weeks, I have not woken up feeling nauseous which either means fate is dabbling in some Christmas spirit, or I'm going to throw up for hours at Will and Grace's.' Olivia thought for a second. 'I kinda wanna go with the first one.'
'So I'm guessing that means you're up for going to Will and Grace's for Christmas dinner?'
'Yeah.' Olivia said cheerily.
'Great.' Karen said with fake merriment As much as she was pleased that Olivia felt well enough to go, she didn't feel like being there. She hadn't spoken to Jack since the argument six days ago. She wasn't mad about it anymore. She was just hurt by what had been said. She didn't think that Jack had it in him to say something as mean, as judgemental as that. But people always surprise you.
There was a knock at the door.
'I'll get it.' Olivia said. 'Mason, what are you doing here? I thought you were staying with Dad. In other words, Dad wasn't going to let you go to Will and Grace's.'
Mason nodded. 'That was originally the case, but Dad had to go to an urgent business meeting.'
'On Christmas day?'
'Yeah, so you know that's code for 'I'm meeting my mistress, bugger off and find somewhere else to go'.'
Olivia went over to the phone and dialled a number that Mason was very familiar with. 'Hey Grace. Do you mind having another person over for Christmas dinner? Mason. Who did you think I was talking about? Grace, if I'd had my baby already, don't you think you would have heard about it?'
---
'Merry Christmas!' Grace said exuberantly as Jack and Elliot entered her and Will's apartment.
'Hey!' Jack said in reply, making eye contact with Will and Grace. He grunted when he made eye contact with Karen.
'Okay, what was that all about?' Will asked.
'Never mind.' Karen said bitterly.
---
Christmas dinner was going badly. Hardly a word was spoken and you could almost cut the tension in the room with a knife.
'Could you pass me the sprouts please Karen?' Jack asked from the opposite end of the table.
Karen blanked him.
'So you're not talking to me?'
'I'll speak to you once you give me an apology.' Karen said calmly. 'And it better be a damn good one at that.'
'Why should I apologise?' Jack said sternly.
'Why should you apologise to me? Why the hell do you think you should apologise?' Karen yelled.
Will, race, Olivia, Mason and Elliot all exchanged confused glances as Jack and Karen yelled at each other simultaneously.
'Alright, that is it!' Grace yelled louder, causing Jack and Karen both to stop instantaneously. 'I am pissed off with your bickering. For the last four months I've had to put up you two snapping at the slightest little thing. You bitch at each other then just act like nothing has happened. What gets me is you are bickering about things that really do not concern you. Now I'm not getting into specifics because I'm sure you know what I mean. So, can you two agree to keep your noses out of other people's business and forget about what was said the other day so we can all sit down and enjoy this lovely meal, which you will all be pleased to know I didn't cook.'
'No.' Karen said harshly. 'No I can't.' Karen then left the apartment.
A few seconds of silence passed.
'Am I the only one who doesn't have the slightest idea what the hell that was all about?' Mason asked, hint of confusion in his voice.
'I'm confused too.' Olivia admitted.
'Yeah, I'm a little bit befuddled too.' Elliot added.
'Okay, good.' Mason said.
'Do you think I should try to talk to her?' Jack said, truly regretting what he'd said.
'If by talk to her you mean have another argument and make bitchy comments, I would say no.' Will answered.
'I'm being serious. I really feel bad about the whole thing.'
'She's really pissed at you.' Grace said. 'But you heard what she said earlier. All she wants is an apology.'
'I'll go find her.' Jack said, heading towards the door. 'If I'm not back in five hours, she's killed me.'
'Good luck.' Mason said.
When Jack left the apartment, Olivia turned to Will and Grace. 'Would somebody please tell me what the hell is going on?'
---
When Jack left the apartment, he'd expected to have to go to Karen's apartment before finding her. Much to his surprise, she was sitting next to door 9A, smoking a cigarette, something he hadn't see her do before.
'Since when did you smoke?'
Karen took a draw of her cigarette. 'Always have honey. I just don't smoke that often.'
'That would be why I've never smelled smoke in your house.' Jack observed.
'I wouldn't smoke in the house anyway.' Karen said. 'Wouldn't smoke around Liv. Or any kids for that matter, especially not around a pregnant kid. Hmm… I guess that would mean I wouldn't smoke around any pregnant woman.'
'How often do you smoke?' Jack questioned intently.
'Only when I am really angry, stressed or upset.'
'Which are you this time?'
Exhaling another puff of smoke Karen answered: 'All three.'
Jack now felt even more guilty. 'Listen, Kare, about those things I said, I'm really sorry.'
Karen studied him. She could tell he was being honest. 'Thanks honey. You know, I… I said some mean things too. I jumped to some conclusions.'
'Well, if it's any consolation, I would have jumped to the same conclusions if I'd been you.' Jack admitted. 'And I would have blanked me too at the dinner table.'
'Really?'
'Really.'
'Poodle, are we good?'
'We're good.'
'Can I have a hug?' Karen asked
'Of course you can. Come here.' Jack pulled Karen in for the hug of forgiveness. 'There's just one last thing that's bothering me.'
'What's that honey?'
'You said I was just doing what everyone else did.'
Karen cringed when Jack pointed out the mistake she never knew she made.
'Why the past tense?' Jack noticed the distinct look of regret on Karen's face. 'If you don't want to tell me, that's fine. I think I know already. You didn't keep your baby, did you?'
Karen shook her head, a tear running down her cheek. 'It wasn't that I didn't want to. I just… couldn't.'
'How old were you?'
'I was fifteen.' Karen answered. 'My boyfriend broke it off as soon as he heard which was why I was so mad when everything first came out. No pun intended. Remember, I was going to kick your ass?'
Jack laughed. 'You… you were really scary then.'
'Yeah, I kinda had to get mad at you. They'd throw me in jail for kicking a fourteen year old's ass.' Karen sighed. 'My best friend was the person I told first. I though she'd be able to help me and calm me down, but the second I told her, she changed. She started acting superior to me. She also told everyone at school. Everybody started judging me, even the teachers. Nobody ever tried to help. They just judged.'
'Which is why you lost it when I blamed Olivia.' Jack realised.
'Yeah.'
'I'm so sorry Karen. I really am.'
'You're forgiven Poodle.' Karen said. 'I really need to ask this question. Is it bad that I'm jealous of my fourteen-year-old pregnant step daughter?'
'Not after what you've just told me.'
'It kills me every time she asks whether I think she'll be a good mother, which I do. It just makes me wonder if I would have been a good mother.'
'Karen, I'm scared to say what I'm going to because I feel as if I might hurt you more. You are a great mum to Olivia and Mason. They look up to you for everything. They trust you. You love them.' Jack waited a few seconds before talking again. 'And I have no doubt that you are going to make a wonderful grandmother.'
'God honey, don't say that.' Karen said sarcastically. 'Makes me sound old.'
'Makes you sound old?'
They both laughed.
'Should we go inside for something to eat?' Karen asked.
'Yeah, I'm starving.'
---
Dinner from that moment on was going smoothly until Grace brought up next Christmas.
'Just think, next year there will be another person at the Christmas dinner table.'
'Grace, as if I wasn't freaking out enough!' Olivia snapped, as the rest of the table laughed.
'Sorry, I just thought I'd mention that.'
'I'd like to propose a toast.' Will said, standing up. 'Here's to a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. A new year filled with love, friendship and new arrivals.' Will concluded. 'Cheers!'
'Cheers.' The rest of the table said in reply.
---
A/N: Hope you enjoy! Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. It's very much appreciated, but could you also read and review Nothing's Gonna? I'd like to know what you all think! Special thanks to Pam who helped me out with this chapter! ;) MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
