Chapter 12: Take On Me

"Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever. Amen."

"What was that Asuka?" damn it, I thought I was being quite enough. I hate being in these things, there's absolutely no privacy.

"Nothing, nothing. How's everything coming Akagi?" it's been roughly three months since I started working for NERV, and overall, it's been extremely uneventful. Two days after Rei's death, just as Shinji said, another copy of her was introduced to the world. She was fourteen now, just as she was when I first met her, and she was back to her old ways of complete monotone behavior. Originally, she was living with Shinji and I, but that only lasted about a week before I insisted that she lived somewhere else; I realize that this was somewhat cruel, but I didn't like a reminder of what Shinji used to have constantly around. Shinji has since recovered completely, and our relationship is still living.

Within two weeks after her death, Shinji and I were back to what we were supposed to be like – a normal couple. We've gone on a couple dates, we've had our special moments, and as of two months ago, we've been sleeping in the same bed. We've only slept together a few times since that first time before Rei found us, but that was more my choice beyond anything else. We've only really stopped these past two weeks. I just feel a little weird about it… I've yet to tell him about anything, and frankly, I'm not too sure how he's going to take it. I suppose he'll have to get used to it eventually…

I've also started to follow Catholicism quite a bit since Rei's death, but honestly, I'm not entirely sure why. I'm not one of those typical recovering drug addicts that amounts their success to God – that was all my own work. No, instead, I just feel that it's about time that I follow something as strong as religion. I'm still not entirely sure if I believe in many of the followings, but I know that I believe in God, and that's all that really matters to me. To help pass time in the test plugs, I've began to recite various prayers. This wasn't about worshiping, not by a long shot, but it did accomplish two things; it helped keep me sane in the darkness, and it helped me feel closer to the scripture.

"Great, actually. You're running at a ninety-five percent. Shinji, Rei, and Toji need to work a little bit more, so why don't you go ahead and come out? I need to talk to you about some things," with a deep sigh, I become anxious about what she has to speak to me about as I feel the plug being lifted out of the testing chamber. What the hell did she need to talk to me about? I mean damn, at least I'm here – there's nothing forcing me to do this. Immediately after exiting the plug and stepping down onto the deck, I was met with Ritsuko walking towards me.

"What's going on?" I begin to dry off my hair with the waiting towel. I notice that she had a small smile on as she crossed her arms.

"So, you wouldn't happen to have any secrets you'd like to come out, would you?" I raise an eyebrow at her question.

"Even if I did, secrets are my business, now aren't they?" I begin to walk past her and toward the locker room.

"Does Shinji know yet?" okay, that was enough to stop me in my tracks. With a small amount of hesitation, I respond to her.

"Does Shinji know what yet?" she put a hand on my shoulder and guided me to turn around, forcing me to lock eyes with her.

"Asuka, you think I wouldn't notice on your vitals? I mean Jesus, those entry plugs are the most precise pieces of equipment on Earth – they can easily pick up two heartbeats. I mean sure, it's faint and barely noticeable, but it's certainly there," Christ, why does she have to know… as I rub the bridge of my nose with two fingers in annoyance, I force a response.

"No, he doesn't know yet; and yes, I know he does need to know. I mean damn, who would have thought that I even could get pregnant so soon after stopping the drugs?" hopefully this child will be normal…

"Well listen, I won't intrude on your relationship with him, but at least accept some help from me," she holds out an orange bottle of pills, "These are prenatal vitamins. They'll help the baby develop easier, just take one a day before a meal," she starts to head back to the control room, "If you have any questions, feel free to talk to me. I promise not to say a word to anyone," murmuring a small 'thanks' as she left, I drag my feet towards the cafeteria. Normally I'd get changed in the locker room first, but I don't think I could stand the look of my stomach right now. No, there's obviously not a lump yet, but I still know it's there.

I barely ate the bowl of cheap seafood noodles, only swirled it around as I stared down into it. I was still indifferent about the child itself, but that was only because I'm not sure that it's sunk in all the way yet. What I'm focused on was how Shinji was going to react; damn it, we only got together barely a month ago! There's no way he'll be okay with this! I know him, and I know how this is going to go down – he'll play it off as a great thing, act all happy, and hide his true feelings, whether they're good or bad. Secondly, how will this affect our relationship? Hell, part of me wants to get an abortion, regardless of how against it I am. I don't want to be looked down on more than what I'm already getting… no, that's just my mind wandering. I'd never do that. I would keep this child, even if Shinji were to leave me; thankfully, I know he won't.

I wonder what it's going to look like? What gender is it going to be? I would definitely prefer a girl – I wouldn't be sure how to even handle a boy, and frankly, I doubt Shinji would either. On top of that, who will they favor appearance wise? It's not like we're a common mix that could be predicted… hell, I'm more Japanese than German, and I don't look a lick of Asian. Personally, I'd want the baby to look more German; I just think that too many Asians look alike. I'm not trying to be racist here, but they honestly do!

"Well, what are we smiling about?" Shinji's voice made me realize that I was doing just that as I stared down into my food. I quickly put the pills on the bench next to me as I try to hide them from him, "What did I miss?" he sits across the table from me and gives that same warm smile. His hair was down, still wet, and draping over his face and onto his shoulders. There was a slight wave in them, and it almost looked planned the way it was falling… while I wouldn't like this on a daily basis, I have to admit, that isn't a bad look on him.

"Oh, nothing, just thinking," how long has it been since I left? "How're your scores?"

"Eh, just high eighties, nothing special. I heard your score though, great job!" I wasn't exactly sure what to say to that… "You okay? You normally eat more than that after a test," what, now I'm fat?

"Yeah, I'm fine, just feeling a little under the weather. You want the rest?" without even answering, he simply smiles at me at takes the fork I was using.

"You know," he talks through his feasting, "I'm beginning to think that this is all pointless. We haven't so much as picked up a trace of a Deviant since the last one, so I'm not too sure what we're doing anymore," I rest my head on my hand as I found myself staring at him, "We have another two Evas in production right now; one to replace Unit 02, and a brand new one that I'm not even too sure on the details about. Your new Eva, which we have dubbed Unit 2.5, looks and should feel exactly as your old one did. You'll be able to get out of that nasty mass production model soon."

"Yeah, I hate it in there… there's just something missing," I couldn't even begin to guess what that was though.

"So yeah, the other Eva is going to be used as a backup. I've heard that it's designed more specifically for combat, where as our standard ones are made to be more versatile. That's all I really know," he began to ramble on, as he does, about what he hopes and believes about the new Evas. I stopped paying attention quite awhile ago, and found myself just staring at him, wondering what our baby is going to look like. I saw it as a boy inheriting many of his characteristics – he was so beautiful. I can't wait to see it… but Shinji still has to know… "You know, the new Eva could very well be a more personalized version on the-"

"I… have something to tell you," I didn't even notice that I cut him off right away, and in my mind, that sounded ten times more subtle, "Are… you comfortable with how we are? I mean, do you think that we'll be together for awhile?" God, I hated sounding this needy!

"Where's that coming from? Asuka, we're fine, don't worry about anything," for once, I decide to cower out of this confrontation, "What do you have to tell me?"

"Well," I scurry to come up with a lie, "I just wanted to say that I don't really like doing all of this – at NERV I mean – but I'm doing it for you," well that was simply horrid, "Don't forget that," throwing in the last hint of aggressiveness, I stand up and make my way to the locker, "I'm going to head home, I need a nap," I knew exactly what he was thinking; something else was up with me. Luckily for me, he's not the kind of guy to just up and stand up for himself.

Fortunately, and oddly, I wasn't stopped by anyone in NERV the entire time I was walking out of the place. Usually at least a technician stops to talk to me about some test scores or something; nothing of the sort this time around. I simply got changed, admiring the fact that I've lost the flesh-and-bones persona and actually put on a little healthy and attractive weight, and left the large building without so much as a word. My outfit fit the weather perfectly; since it was nearing a hundred degrees Fahrenheit outside, I opted to wear a semi-short black skirt with a pale yellow sleeveless button up top. Not exactly the most stylish thing I own, but certainly not anything that won't show off my looks. I didn't lie to Shinji, I certainly needed a nap, but that wasn't the main reason I was going home. No, instead, I wanted to just have some time alone. It's been much too long since I've had any of that, and it'll give me some time to catch up on exactly what I'm thinking.

I've gotten used to finding my own way home without Shinji there to drive me. Most of the time, he's either working after sync tests or out in the first place, leaving me at home without a ride – this has forced me to learn the train station routes. Luckily, I am getting a paycheck from NERV, and it's far from minimum wage, so I should have enough saved up to buy at least a cheap car within a few months. However, until then, the voice over the intercom in the train is my best friend. I always hated riding the train after sync tests… it seems as if NERV intentionally schedules these things to be finished just as rush hour is happening, and I always end up having to stand up while rude men take all the seats. I suppose that there was one up side – I've never had to deal with one of the typical train creeps who cop feels on girls like me. No, most of the guys here were in full suits, suggesting that they're all working for some big business in the city. However, that doesn't stop them from flirting with me.

They would always use the typical lines: 'You look familiar,' 'Do you work at (insert company here),' and so on. None of them ever really perked my interest to even play along, as I would often do when I was younger, but there's always a black sheep in a herd, now isn't there?

"Excuse me, but is that Ralf Lauren you're wearing?" I could tell instantly this man's sexual preference from his voice. I turn slightly to see another typical man in a dark green suit.

"I believe so, why?" might as well keep the attitude to a minimum until I realize what he actually deserves.

"Oh, I was just wondering, because it looks a lot like what one of my models have worn, and I wanted to make sure some side company wasn't stealing our designs!" I just raise an eyebrow to him, "Oh, I apologize, I haven't introduced myself. I'm Kyo, I run the model agency that displays Ralf Lauren material. I must say, you have quite the taste young lady!" yay for him?

"Thanks, but this really isn't that great of an outfit," he's acting as if I'm walking down a runway.

"Well, I'll admit that you could use some more accessorizing; maybe a watch, necklace, something along those lines, but it is the most simple of clothing that turns the most heads on the right person. People who pour their entire savings into some amazing outfit are lacking in natural beauty that they are trying to hide with glamorous material, something you're not lacking I may say. If you don't mind my asking, how old are you?" okay, this guy just got creepy.

"Twenty-one… why?" I throw in a small amount of annoyance in the tone.

"I was just wondering if you've ever modeled before. You seem like the type to me," I could feel a small amount of color enter my cheeks, "Have you?"

"No, not at all. I'm not the anorexic type," we both share a small laugh.

"Well, I assure you, that is not needed for true beauty. Listen, if you're up to it, why don't you drop by my office sometime?" he pulls a card out of his coat pocket and holds it out to me, "We would shoot a few proofs, see how you are on the camera, and go from there. Interested?" I take the card simply out of flattery.

"Well, I would, but to be honest with you, I just recently found out that I'm pregnant, so my image won't exactly stay like this," I have to admit, I would have definitely taken him up on that offer. I've always thought that I could be a model, as conceded as that sounds.

"Oh, that's fine, that's fine. If you just found out, then I assume that you're less than a month along?" I nod, "Well then, you have at least two or three months before you begin to show drastically. When the little 'baby bump' starts to show, we would just have you in some baggie clothing, and then when the stomach actually starts to show, we have a marital catalog that you'd be perfect for. Don't let that hold you back," this guy has actually really perked my interest…

"You know, I'll really give this some thought. After all, the extra money wouldn't hurt!" he lets out another small laugh before replying.

"Great, great! My hours are on the back of the card, feel free to stop in any time. When you come, just be sure to bring some sort of ID so we know that we don't have to worry about any liability issues," halfway through his sentence, the train came to a halt, cueing me to get off.

"This is my stop, but I'm sure we'll meet up again. My name is Asuka by the way," we shake hands as a formality before I step off the train.

That little conversation certainly put a spring in my step on the way home. Sure, I may have always thought that I could be a model, but who would have thought that I'd actually get the opportunity? On top of that, I now have some sort of confirmation that I'm as good looking as I see myself as. Ever since I was laid off from my job as a hostess at the restaurant, I've had a small thought in the back of my mind that maybe I wasn't quite as good looking as I thought – well, that thought has been obliterated. I couldn't help but smile every time I thought about what just happened, and for once, I was glad I didn't have a car.

When I finally got home, I decided to celebrate a little bit by treating myself to a little ice cream and casual television. I knew that Shinji wasn't going to be home for a little while, as he already told me that he had some more work to do after testing was finished. As planned, I finally gave myself a little time to think about everything that's gone on in my life.

Call it repressed memories, self defense, or whatever other psychological babble you can come up with, but I can hardly remember anything before the day my mother died. Little bits and pieces are there, and memories that are forged exist only because I know certain things happened by watching videos and what not, but my true life begins when I started living with my surrogate mother at the German branch in NERV. Looking back, I'm amazed at what they got away with, treating a little girl as they did. Sure, I enjoyed it, but there were some days where I was either training or running sync tests for up to twelve hours at a time. On average, I was working seven day weeks and a minimum of eight hours a day. If anything, I hated it when they implemented weekend breaks when I was about ten. There was one thing that I absolutely hated as a child – school.

Generally speaking, I would work on my studies as a home schooled child, usually in the injection plug itself through the intercom. More in depth studies, such as math or science, were done at night when I finally got off. It was always easy to me, and I soon learned that it was much easier to just do the work and make the adults happy than fight them; I was tired enough as it was. By the time that I was eleven, the schooling branch of NERV essentially forced me into some community college just to have me as some poster child for the teaching system they were preaching to civilians. Sure, I used to carry that badge with pride, but by the time I was sixteen, I realized just what a bull degree I got – communications. On top of that, it wasn't even a BS in communications; it was a BA! No wonder I was able to get it done so easily…

Regardless, my 'second life', as I like to call it, started when I first started to fight angles in Japan. It went on fairly painlessly, and I actually enjoyed it quite a bit, as I was finally putting all of my training to use. Almost ten years were spent training for my second life, which ended up only lasting a few months. However, I soon began to absolutely hate it in the back of my mind when I realized that Shinji had on recently started to pilot and was already leaps and bounds ahead of me. I hated him so much for that! I trained my entire life, as did Rei, to get to the point to where I was, and he acted as if piloting was a side hobby! I suppose I ended up showing him, because while I completely blew my credentials with the last couple angles, I have certainly made it up with the scores I've been getting recently. I mean really, I haven't dropped below a ninety-five percent since I got here – scores like that are almost unheard of. He's yet to beat even my lowest score. However, I'm leaving out a huge part of my life, jumping from the Angels to the Deviants like that…

As much as I hate to admit it, the drugs are what put me here in the first place. Sure, chances are that I'd still be with NERV even without the drugs, but who's to say about the rest of my life? On top of that, I'm not going to lie, I loved the feeling of the drugs, and occasionally, when I was high enough, the sex. There really is nothing quite like the feeling of being high; everything seems better, event he breaths you take. Hell, even each specific drug made me see things a different way: cocaine made me extremely happy about nearly everything, heroine made me forget about anything bad in the world, and so on. My favorite near the beginning was, by far, a combination of cocaine and ecstasy. By the end, heroine was my drug of choice, as it was both easy to hit up and made me forget about the negative aspects of my life, which was damn near everything. I'm not going to lie, I definitely miss the drugs… a lot…

I really have to watch what I think about… I know very well that I if were to ever even consider going back to that life, I'd be done. Shinji would give up on me, and I would give up on myself. I can't allow myself to go there mentally, because I completely agree with what people have stereotyped my lifestyle; once a druggie, always a druggie. The latter portion of that is just in wait. The worst part about all of this is that I still want some sort of hit on a daily basis, even if it's extremely faint. I trained myself to run to the drugs whenever I felt stressed out or any sort of negative emotion, and when that happens, I already know what kind of drug I'd do, whether it be heroine, ecstasy, cocaine, meth, nitrous, or whatever. I've been sober more than long enough for every trace of the drugs to exit my system, and yet I still crave them on a daily basis.

Sometimes, usually at night when I can't sleep, I reason in my mind why it would be okay to just have a hit of something occasionally. I mean, a person wouldn't get severely addicted from only a single hit of something a day, I know that. I mean hell, there are such things as functioning alcoholics! Why not functioning meth heads or heroine junkies? I'm sure that I'd be able to control myself just fine, you know? After all, if something makes you feel that good, it can't be all bad.

However, when I finally get to sleep and wake up in the morning, I become disgusted with myself for thinking that. Yeah, I know that everything would work out fine for awhile, but I wouldn't give it so much as a month before I'm back to using every couple hours. I suppose that this is just my thought cycle now, and I just have to get used to it. Sure, it may fade with time, but I doubt that it'll be in the foreseeable future.

"Damn it…" I rub my eyes as I lean my head over the back of the sofa, knowing very well that I wanted a hit of cocaine right now, but ignoring the urge as much as possible. I glance at the clock and realize that I've been home for about two hours now. Being six thirty, the sun was starting to reach the horizon, making the house seem golden with the rays entering from the exterior. As my mind started to wander once again, the doorbell knocked me out of anything I began to think. With a grunt, I stand up and open the door, only to look down at that blue-haired reincarnation.

"Ms. Soryu, good evening," I sigh as I begin to walk back into the kitchen for no particular reason.

"Call me Asuka, I've told you that before. Come on in," she tends to stop by at least twice a week for one reason or another. I didn't exactly mind it, but I didn't really like it either. I was neutral on the subject, "What do you need?" I grab two bottles of water, making reason as to why I went into the kitchen.

"I was actually looking to speak to-"

"Yeah, yeah, Shinji, I know. He's still at NERV, but you can wait here for him. He shouldn't be long," I hand her the water as I try to avoid that emotionless face. It's so weird seeing her like this… she's still a kid damn it! I mean, I was just getting used to the adult, woman Rei, and now this kid comes in? It's just too odd for me…

"Commander Shinji Ikari told me to inform you that he will be there until later on tonight. I was looking to speak with you," she takes a seat in the large chair across from the sofa where I was.

"Oh, thanks. What does he have to say?" he's used her as a messenger before, this is nothing new.

"Nothing at all."

"Then… why are you here?"

"To speak with you, if that is alright," this girl seriously needs to audition for the next Children of the Corn movie…

"I guess so… what do you need?" she fiddles with the still closed water bottle, looking down at it the entire time. She stayed silent, the only noise in the room coming from the small crinkling sound made from the bottle, "Is everything alright with you? You sick or something?" without looking up, she finally decides to speak.

"I originally planned to speak to Commander Gendo Ikari about this, but he wasn't around today. I was wondering if you would let me speak to you about something that went on at school today," what am I, her counselor? Why can't she talk to Hikari about this?

"I don't know if I'm the best person to open up to, Rei…" she finally looks up at me with a small hint of pink in her cheeks.

"Please?" forcing back an annoyed sigh, I decide to let her do what she wanted. I responded with silence, cueing her with a held up hand, "Thank you. I was just wondering if you… know why I've been so odd lately," odd? "I don't have many friends, but I do have a close one. His name is Jake, he's an exchange student from America. We met because we happened to enter the class on the same day a few months ago, and…" she faded out halfway through her sentence, once again turning slightly red. I chuckle a little and shake my head. So, Rei's having a little bit of confused love, I she? How cute! "What's funny?"

"Rei, do you have a crush on him?" I can't believe that she's making such a huge deal about this!

"What's that?" she has got to be kidding me… the look on her face ensured me that she wasn't.

"It means that you like him. That you want to be closer to him, right? Are you just unsure of how to approach him about it?" I really hope she's not confusing close friends with something more… she nods and she releases an extremely small smile, "Why don't you just come out and say it? I mean, if you two are that close, he probably feels the same."

"I've… never really had this feeling before, I'm not sure what to make of it," I wonder… does she know who she is? Does she know that she's nothing more than a mass-produced clone? "How does one go about this?"

"Why don't you just ask him out for dinner? That's usually what couples do on their first date," why is it that I'm stuck playing mother here? I didn't ask for this! Of course, I suppose I'll be playing it for real here pretty soon…

"Isn't the typical courtship process started by the male?" in all my years, I've never heard it explained quite like that.

"Well, yeah, but sometimes the girl has to make the move. Just trust me on this one, okay? I had to make the first move with Shinji too. The good part about us being girls is that they always end up paying, even if we ask them out!" my slight joke was met with nothing, creating a small awkward moment.

"And… if he says no?"

"I don't think he will, and even if he does, so what? Just continue on being friends. But really, I don't think you have to worry about it," with that, she stands up and finally makes eye contact with me.

"Thank you, I appreciate you giving your time to me. I'll… take your advice. Good night," before I could say anything, she walks out of the house in a noticeable hurry, leaving me smiling at the whole situation. As she opened the door, she was met with Shinji holding out a key, ready to put it in the lock, "Oh, Commander," she gives a quick bow, "Excuse me," she slips past him and walks off, leaving him looking at me with a confused expression.

"What was that about?"

"Oh nothing, she's just having some boy trouble that she wanted to talk to me about. It was actually kind of cute!" she closes the door and drops his duffle bag on the ground next to the door.

"Well, were you able to help her with it?" as always, he goes straight into the bathroom to brush out his hair, as I always do in the locker room. That LCL is hell on even the shortest of hair…

"Of course! I give great advice!" I hear him laugh through the closed door, "Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, I just think it's funny that she came to you of all people. I think you've made it quite clear that you don't like her, yet she still came to you. I think it shows how she views you, Asuka."

"And that would be?" there was a brief pause before he responded.

"A mother figure, I suppose. Not ill-fitting I may add in, you're definitely the type," I didn't bother responding; I only smiled as I placed a hand on my stomach.

A/N – Well, needless to say, I got my laptop back! Woo-hoo! Anyway, I know that this wasn't an action-filled chapter like you all are used to, but there's gotta be some down time, right? Regardless, how'd you all like it? Quite a few things were set up in this chapter that will be used later on, but for now, just take it superficially. Check out the next chapter, Kiss From a Rose; until then, keep on keepin' on!

A/A/N – Artist: Seal. Keep on reviewing and let me know how I'm doing please!