Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight but I do own a picture of Kellan and I that my husband totally despises.

A/N: I already had this written and was going to post right away but after the lack of reviews thought maybe I should revise it a bit. But then I realized I liked it and people ARE reading my story even if they aren't reviewing so here you go.

I still would like reviews though!

One's real life is often the life that one does not lead.

Oscar Wilde

Two years ago I had briefly attempted to "talk" to a therapist. After a few sessions it seemed pointless. I convinced myself that at least I tried. Looking back I realized I was never completely honest. I vaguely spoke of the nonexistent relationship I had with my mother, the stress of college life, the loneliness I was feeling. During the third session when again the question arose as to why I had decided to see a therapist I rambled complete nonsense until the timer went off. I cancelled my next appointment and avoided any follow up calls.

Similar to two years before it was easier to run away from all my issues. I led my life, if that's what you can call it. I woke up each morning, went to class. I took a job in the library, something that didn't require many social skills. My "friends" were members of a study group and a former roommate. I went to a several parties, I even had a few "dates". I pretended to listen to their life story, laughed at their jokes, and at the end of the night thanked them for a nice dinner. Yeah they usually never called again, I didn't really want them to. I tried to act normal. I went through the motions everyday always thinking to myself "How did I end up here?" This wasn't supposed to be my life.

I had only been home a few days and already I was happier than I had been in… well I guess the last time I was home. Last night certainly made me happy.

I also felt lost. Who exactly was I now? I wasn't the carefree Bella from four years ago but I also wasn't the liar from last week.

I would have to stop blaming the past and quit asking myself why I wasn't somewhere else, with someone else. Coming home was a start, being with my family again, being with Edward. It was if I woke up from a coma three days ago and realized I had been sleeping for four years. I had a life to live and I knew someone who needed to do the same, even if he didn't know it yet.

I woke up to see I wasn't in Edwards arms and it worried me.

I noticed he was sitting at the end of the bed, his back away from me. His hair was wet and he was only wearing a pair of cargo shorts. As I sat up he turned to me and smiled. All my worries quickly fading away.

"Hey, I didn't mean to wake you. It's still pretty early. I kinda have a routine. It takes me a lot longer to get ready now."

As I crawled closer I realized he was putting a sleeve over his knee before he placed his second prosthetic back on. His wheelchair was at the end of the bed, crutches against the wall. I had questions about his routine but they could all wait.

"No you didn't wake me, how long have you been up?"

"About an hour."

He quickly finished and leaned back to get back in bed, pulling me with him. I cuddled closer to his bare chest as he wrapped his arm around me and played with the ends of my hair. Suddenly I could hear his heart start to beat rapidly and I was hoping this was a good nervousness and not a bad.

"Bella?"

"Yes?" Please don't tell me you're sorry.

"Last night I really had plans to talk with you when you came back."

"I know, so did I." But kissing you was so much better.

"But we didn't?"

I sat up. "What are you trying to say Cullen?" I smiled. I didn't want him to apologize. Doing that would make me feel as though he had regrets. And that would just piss me off.

"I didn't mean to attack to you when you walked into my room….but I'm really glad I did." He said leaning in to kiss me, his lips touching mine softly. I didn't care what I looked like at the moment, messy hair or morning breath. Edward was kissing me and he woke up with no regrets.

"Feel free to attack me whenever you wish." I said as we broke free of our amazing kiss.

"Okay, what are your plans for today?" he said laughing, pushing me onto my back.

His wet hair fell over his face and as I brushed it away as I became lost in a pair of brilliant green eyes.

"Edward…" I whispered.

We just stared at each other, I was entirely gone.

"Bella, last night was really amazing" His voice breaking me free of my trance.

"I know, I was there."

We laughed and it was wonderful.

"It is pretty early did you want to sleep longer or get something to eat?"

"What time is it?" I asked.

"Uh about seven-thirty."

"What? I'm not tired enough to fall asleep but I don't want to get out of bed yet."

"I was hoping you would say that." Thank god.

"I need a quick minute." I said before hopping out of bed.

I walked into the bathroom and started the shower. I may have not been ready to get out of bed but I needed to freshen up. As I stepped into the stream of warm water last night replayed in my mind. All of his kisses, our touching, the way his skin felt against my own. I soon realized my body was reacting to those memories. I abruptly turned off the water and grabbed the fluffy towel Edward left on the counter for me. I wiped the fog off the mirror and ran my fingers through my hair. I smiled to myself as I realized walking out in this small towel would have a much better effect than his old shirt. This was going to be fun.

I walked out of the bathroom, instantly feeling the chill of the early morning air. I had only been gone a few minutes and Edward was still where I left him. I intentionally ignored him as I walked over to my bag on the chair.

He groaned.

Go Bella, Go Bella.

I turned around innocently. "Is something wrong?"

He said nothing as I faced him. He propped himself up on his elbow and pointed at me to join him.

"Come here Bella." His voice was deeper and incredibly sexy. His tongue briefly brushing over his lower lip as he tucked it in his mouth. I could feel my body become limp. I could wetness drip onto my thighs. My nipples hardened.

He hadn't even touched me yet.

As much as I thought I was going to tease him this morning he suddenly had the upper hand. I had given him permission earlier and he intended on acting on my invitation. His eyes said more than words ever could. I didn't see nervousness or apprehension. All I saw in Edwards face was lust and determination.

I wanted him.

He needed me.

I crawled in to bed as he pulled the covers back. He quickly pulled me under his body, draping the soft blanket over us. I closed my eyes in anticipation of his kiss. I instantly felt unbelievably soft lips on my own. His tongue traced over my lower lip and I opened my mouth, the desire to taste him strong.

"More…" I whimpered. My body needing his hands.

He pulled gently at my towel completely exposing my body. He instantly placed kisses over my breasts moaning as his tongue found my almost painfully hard nipples. I arched my back at the absolutely amazing sensation.

What was he doing to me?

"God Bella what are you doing to me?"

"I was just thinking the same thing."

He kissed me again, not as soft as before. His fingers slowly tracing over my body until they rested against my soaking wet core. I wasn't shy about it. I wanted him to know how he affected my body. The way by body reacted was entirely because of what he was doing. He instantly began rubbing my clit. Obviously he paid attention last night.

I didn't take me long to start to feel it, harder and stronger than before.

"Edward…" I moaned softy.

I could feel his mouth curve against mine as he smiled, obviously satisfied with what he was doing to me. My hand found his hair pulling harder than I meant to as my orgasm took over. He massaged my wet folds as I relaxed into him. I was probably grinning like an idiot. I didn't really care though, I felt fucking amazing.

He watched me with an indescribable look on his face. I wanted to give him more.

"Lean back..." I said as he rolled away from me.

I placed myself between his legs, placing my fingers underneath the waistband of his shorts before stopping.

"I want this." I don't think he knew entirely how I was planning on pleasuring him. It wasn't going to be the same as last night.

I pulled his shorts and boxers down slowly leaving them against his thighs. He propped himself onto his elbows in anticipation. He closed his eyes as I slowly licked my lips.

I slowly placed my tongue where Edward had obviously expected to feel my soft hands. His eyes flew open in shock and excitement. His cock twitched against my mouth.

"Bella…oh…fuck…" He leaned his head back as I traced my tongue over his hard tip. At first I had only hoped I was doing this correctly but the sounds Edward elicited answered all of my silent questions.

I suddenly began to taste Edward, all of him. Sweet, a little salty. Absolutely delicious.

Rosalie's slumber party lesson playing in my head.

When I took his cock fully inside my mouth his hands ran through my hair. Pulling firmly but not too rough. I traced my tongue over his entire length before taking him in again, using my hand where my mouth couldn't quite go. I could taste more of him. He became harder the faster I went, and I slowed briefly to prolong this feeling for him.

"I'm going to…fuck Bella, I have to…" He voice weakened as he watched me.

"Bella please…" I shook my head and moaned to let him know my I wasn't going to move until he came. For me.

He jerked his hips once before I felt his cock twitch ferociously in my mouth. I laced my tongue around his length, taking him all the way inside as I felt his tip grace the back of my throat. I didn't choke as saliva pooled in my mouth, leaking out of my lips and down his shaft. I used it to stroke him twice before he grunted and came heavily in my mouth. I swallowed instantly, his taste not as pleasant as before, but not so terrible I wouldn't want to taste again.

I wiped the side of my mouth before he pulled me up onto him. I could feel him against my stomach, still wet from my mouth.

"Where did you…"

I giggled. "Rosalie felt the need to give us a lesson at a sleepover after perfecting her technique on Em." I said rolling my eyes.

"You didn't have to…"

"I said I wanted to…did you not like it?' I said suddenly worried I pushed us too far too fast.

"Bella like doesn't come close to describing what you just did for me. Aside from feeling like I need to worship you for the rest of my life I also feel like I should buy Rose some kind of gift."

"Yeah I can just imagine when she asks why you're giving her that new bag she's been talking about."

"So you never…?" I knew what he was asking and for a moment I didn't know whether or not I should feel insulted. But it occurred to me that this was the best time for this to come up, as we relaxed and joked with each other.

"No I never… you?" I was almost positive of his answer but I did feel the need to ask.

"No, I'm not into guys." He said seriously.

I smacked him on the arm playfully. "You know what I mean!"

"No, I've never been with anyone else except for you Bella. I've never wanted to be with anyone else, if were being honest."

I didn't feel like he needed to know about the handful of pointless dates I had over the last few years, nothing had ever happened.

"Me either" I said, snuggling closer against him.

I started to think about how I had at least attempted to lead a life while I was away. I went to school, had a job, and pathetically socialized. But what had Edward been doing these last four years? I had no idea beside his brief recovery in the Seattle rehabilitation center. He was only there a few months before he came home to continue treatment in Port Angeles. I thought about what Alice had said to me yesterday. "Bella, my brother is a recluse."

"Edward what have you been doing since I left?"

He suddenly tensed beneath me.

A/N: Next up EPOV and a much needed conversation.