This chapter was incredibly difficult to write for a number of reasons and it took me a number of times to get it right which is why it's taken so long to get it out. I don't think that I will ever be entirely happy with this, it was so challenging and I'd never written anything like this before but I will put a small warning here that some people may find it a little distressing and hope that you can all bear with me on this!
Since announcing her pregnancy two weeks previously, Hermione had already seen far more of her mother than she imagined that she would have. However she didn't regret it. It was as if she was beginning to make up for all of the lost time whilst she was at Hogwarts and she decided that it was well overdue. Being at Hogwarts was some of the best time of Hermione's life, but whilst she was learning to become a powerful witch her parents were hundreds of miles away and it had left some distance between them. Pair that with the war and their stint in Australia and Hermione knew that she owed a lot to them.
"I can help you when you're doing the nursery if you'd like? I know that your father would love to help with that."
"That would be great, I imagine we'll probably look at that in a few months though." Even though she loved all of the help that she was getting from her parents, she was only just approaching her three month mark of her pregnancy.
"I understand darling, lots of other things to juggle first!" Jean Granger nodded as she took a sip from her wine glass.
Hermione and her mother were out for dinner, for the third time in a month, and she was already looking forward to getting back to her flat and putting her feet up. Pregnancy had done nothing but tire her out and she was so jealous of Ginny, who was on the complete opposite end of the spectrum from her and was still practicing flying at every opportunity because she had so much extra energy.
"Did you hear about Lucy that went to primary school with you?" her mother asked.
"Mum you know that I don't really know anyone from then anymore."
"Well, I bumped into their neighbour, who was telling me that apparently Lucy has developed the most horrible alcohol addiction!"
"Really? I thought her parents had always been very strict, aren't they both doctors?"
"Yes! And her father is actually very high up within the hospital and from what I gather he's rather embarrassed about the whole thing."
"I wonder why!?" Hermione added sarcastically. "This isn't like you to gossip though." She pointed out.
"I wouldn't have known if Mrs Finnigan, their neighbour, hadn't been dying to tell someone about it. Now she is a terrible gossip."
"You'll turn into her if you're not careful, it seems as if you may have caught it from her!"
"Nonsense Hermione! I'm just passing on information that I thought you may have found of interest."
Hermione had to laugh at her mother's reasoning. She knew that it had struck a chord to accuse her of gossiping, Jean Granger was most definitely not one to get caught up in idle chat about people that she knew. But within seconds she knew that her mother had taken it as the joke that she had meant. The one issue that they had discovered was that they had little to discuss outside of the pregnancy. They discussed how work was for them all and how Fred and George were but it was difficult to discuss the magical world with them as there were so many things that fell under the Statue of Secrecy. However, they were all powering through it and as the days passed they were finding more and more to talk about.
"I hate to say it, but I'm going to have to head home very soon, I'm exhausted."
"I'll walk you to get a taxi, your dad's driving to come and get me so I'll give him a call. I think there's a payphone down the street."
They settled their bill and left the restaurant to find a taxi for Hermione. She would have happily walked or apparated, but given her current state her mother was deeming all of that too dangerous for her. Luckily, the taxi rank wasn't too far away so Hermione's tired feet were spared a long walk.
"Give me a call over the weekend and you and Fred can come over for dinner again, it was such a shame that he couldn't come last time!"
"I did explain that he struggles to take time off at the weekend!"
"I'm sure that George would cope but goodness knows what goes on in that shop of theirs!"
Hermione had to laugh in agreement at that statement. It was very rare that she understood or knew about everything that Fred and George were up to.
Before long they had a taxi waiting to whisk Hermione back to her flat and her mother was happily waiting for her father to pick her up. The journey back to her flat was, thankfully, a short one and it used up the last of the change in her purse. Fred and George were stocktaking in the shop with the other staff and knowing that he wouldn't be finished until late, she opted to return to her own, empty flat.
As she got ready for bed that night she realised that she'd had a meal that was far too heavy, her stomach was beginning to feel a little crampy and bloated. Her best course of action was sleeping, something that she was doing an awful lot of in her spare time. She felt bad for Fred, around about 60% of the time he spent with her was whilst she was napping. He didn't seem to mind. Instead he would carry her through to his room and wrap her in his duvet, leaving her to rest until she had enough energy again.
She collapsed onto her bed, completely exhausted, and pulled the duvet around her. She hoped that if she warmed up enough that she would get rid of the cramps. She remembered reading somewhere that it did occasionally happen in the early stages of pregnancy so she knew that sleeping it off was her best course of action. She checked the clock and saw that it was only half past nine. She laughed at herself for being in bed so early and briefly remembered all of the many midnight trips that she, Harry and Ron had taken whilst at Hogwarts. How times had changed for her.
It wasn't until sometime after 3am that Hermione awoke, her stomach cramps excruciating and her stomach churning. She instantly knew that something was wrong and she felt her breath hitch in her throat as she sat up and scrambled to find the light beside her bed. As she turned it on she let out a cry of complete despair. The pain was only getting worse and she knew from basic common sense that it wasn't a good sign whatsoever. Her stomach lurched as if she was being sick and her head span with possibilities of what was happening. As she threw back her cover to make her way to the bathroom to throw up she first noticed the blood. It was a patch right where she had been lying and as she saw it she felt her heart break. There was only one explanation that sprang to mind and as much as she hoped that she was wrong, her common sense was confirming her thoughts. Her baby was in trouble and she needed to do everything that she could to help it.
She managed to make her way to the phone that she had in the flat and dialled 999. The female operator answered and began asking questions and Hermione started crying uncontrollably. Before long she was sobbing hysterically and the operator was doing her very best to get some kind of sense out of what Hermione was saying.
"It-it's my baby! Something's wrong with my baby!" she cried as she sank to the floor with the phone.
The operator asked for her address and assured her that an ambulance was on the way. After finding out that Hermione was completely alone she stayed on the line, trying her best to calm her and keep her company until the ambulance arrived.
When it did, Hermione hung up from the 999 centre and made her way to the door, the pain only getting worse as she walked.
"Hello, we're from the emergency services, are you Hermione Granger?"
Hermione nodded, her face still streaked with tears.
"Ok darling, let's get you sat down shall we?" the female asked and directed her towards the sofa. "How many weeks pregnant are you Hermione?"
"11 weeks. The pain only started this evening, but it's the worst I've ever felt!" she clenched her teeth as another wave washed over her.
"Have you lost any blood?" the other paramedic asked as he took her blood pressure.
She nodded again and pointed at her bed, which was visible through her open bedroom door. The female paramedic went to have a look before returning to inform her that they were going to take her into hospital and have a midwife and a doctor check her over.
"Are you in contact with the father?"
"H-he-he's working tonight. I'll call him from the hospital." Hermione lied, she didn't want Fred to see any of this
She then helped her to grab a few things, gave her something to manage the pain and then helped her down and into the ambulance.
The journey to the hospital and her bed there passed in a blur as she struggled to stay calm and found herself in a steady level of pain. All that she could think about was her baby. She continuously asked if it was going to be ok and she continued to get no response. That only made her stomach churn more as she realised that there was a very high chance that she had lost or was losing her little Weasley.
She began asking for her parents, after realising that there wasn't a way for the hospital to contact Fred. A nurse obliged and said that she would have someone call them as soon as possible although it wasn't their main concern as Hermione was still losing blood. As accident and emergency was very busy, she had to wait quite a while until a doctor could see her. She had to make do with a nurse checking on her every 20 minutes and giving her drugs to manage her pain. It was at that moment that she realised that she would far rather be in St Mungo's, surrounded by magical remedies rather than in a muggle hospital, where there were far more limits to their healing.
The doctor finally arrived and began barking orders at the nurse, who wheeled in a large piece of equipment that she could only presume was an ultrasound machine.
"I can't lose my baby, please don't let my baby go!" she sobbed, her chest tightening as the doctor began to prepare her for an ultrasound.
The gel on her stomach was incredibly cold, at least she thought it was but it could have simply been that her skin had burned up during the ordeal. She was barely listening to a word that he was saying, most of it was medical jargon that he was muttering to the nurse as they searched around to look for her baby, however as soon as he ended the scan she was surprisingly alert.
"Miss Granger would you like us to wait until your parents arrive? I've been told that they're on their way."
Hermione shook her head, "I'd like to know right now please."
The doctor nodded and took a moment to consider what he was saying. "I'm terribly sorry to be the one telling you this but I'm afraid that you've miscarried."
"NO!" she screamed, the tears beginning to fall down her cheeks once again. "That can't be right, I can't have lost my baby!" she sobbed.
"It was likely to have been the case from the moment that the bleeding began but the ultrasound confirmed it. I really am sorry for your loss. At this point in time there is nothing we can do a part from give you some pills to control your pain. I'm confident that you don't need to be in hospital, and I'd rather that you were able to be comfortable at home. Once your parents arrive I'm happy to discharge you."
Hermione nodded but she had barely been listening. All that she wanted was Fred. She wished that she had sent an owl whilst she was waiting for the ambulance, or that she had asked for her parents to contact him. All of this had happened and he was blissfully unaware about it all. It broke her heart to think that she still had to tell him. How do you tell the person that you love that you've lost their child?
She shuddered at the thought. She just wanted to be out of the hospital and at home with her parents. She managed to regain some control over herself as the doctor spoke again.
"I'd like you to organise an appointment with your own doctor in about a week's time so that they can check you over and help you to look towards the future."
Before she could respond to his suggestion, the curtain around her bed was being hauled back and her parents were by her side.
"Hermione? What's going on? They couldn't tell us too much over the phone!" her mum demanded.
"Mum…I-I miscarried I've lost my baby!" Hermione cried and instantly she felt her parents wrap their arms around her. It was the first time that she had said it aloud and it made it feel so much more real.
"Oh Hermione I'm so sorry my darling!"
"How do I even tell Fred about this!?" she wailed.
"We'll deal with that when he gets to our house, the doctor said you were about to be discharged."
Her mother was right and Hermione was discharged within the hour. It was close to dawn as they left the hospital and reached her parents' car.
"I'll let Fred know that I'll be at home," she said as she miraculously managed to conjure a patronus and send it to Fred with a very short message.
She dozed off on the journey back to her parents' house but her mother woke her and helped her into the house.
"Do you want anything just now? Or would you just like to sleep?"
"I just want to sleep forever an pretend that this didn't happen." She replied, a little wearily.
Her parents nodded.
"Let's get you to bed then shall we Mia?" her dad said, using the nickname that he had used when she was a child.
By the time she was settled in her old bed she realised how exhausted she really was, physically and emotionally. Finally being on her own was giving her far too much time to think about the last few hours and what had happened. All that she wanted was for her memory to be wiped and she seriously considered using the exact same spell that she had used on her parents during the war. She realised that as distraught and as tired as she should have felt, the only word that she could use to sum up how she felt was numb. She felt as if her brain had been frozen or had gone into overdrive and had shut down. Nothing else was processing apart from the realisation that she had miscarried. She logically presumed that she must have been in shock, although it didn't feel that way to her, and she knew that she would, eventually, have to deal with it all again but was finding the numbness surprisingly soothing. Reason and common sense prevailed and she eventually fell into a deep sleep far quicker than she had thought that she would.
She slept, blissfully unaware that Fred had arrived, confused and looking for answers. It wasn't until late afternoon that she finally woke up but she instantly wished that she hadn't. Fred had pulled a chair up next to her bed and was staring at her through his tired, bloodshot eyes.
"When did you get here?" Hermione croaked.
"About 8 this morning. I've been right here ever since. Apart from when your mum forced me to go downstairs to eat." He tried to force a smile but even that managed to turn out sad.
He climbed into the bed next to her and wrapped his arms around her, tears falling down his face as he buried it into her hair.
"Fred I'm-"
"I know."
"I don't-"
"I know."
Hermione wasn't sure how to handle the situation and she was sure that Fred did either. Part of her wanted the ground to swallow her up so that she didn't have to deal with any of it but she knew that, as an adult, she had to.
"I'm sorry. I don't know what I should say."
"There's nothing that anyone can say! Nothing is going to make this better or make it any easier for us!" he told her, his voice raising a little as he did so.
"Fred…" she warned him a little. The last thing that any of them needed was to be angry.
"You can't seriously expect me to be calm about this can you? I am as equally heartbroken as you are!"
"I know that you are, I just don't think that being angry at each other is the right way forward," she told him quietly.
"I'm angry at the universe! Why did it pick us and our baby? I just don't- ugh!" he pulled at his hair as he rose from the bed and walked to the window.
Fred couldn't understand why or how Hermione was acting so calm given all the factors. If anything it frustrated him. He wanted her to be as mad as he was and to scream and shout and to cry but most of all he wanted her to tell him the logics behind why it happened, the way that she had always known everything at Hogwarts.
They didn't speak for hours, instead they sat in silence with one another and tried their best to figure out where to go from there. Eventually, Hermione fell asleep and Fred envied her; he felt as if he would never sleep again. He was already consumed with thoughts of 'what if' and he couldn't stop his mind for even five minutes so that he could catch some sleep with his girlfriend. Instead he decided that he should be dealing with his family and finding comfort from them too. He rose without stirring her and found some paper and a muggle pen lying on the old desk in the corner. He found it far easier to write down his thought process and by the time that he was finished he felt as if there was more progress on the paper in front of him than they had both made the entire day. He folded it, wrote her name on it and placed it onto the pillow beside her before stepping out into the hall and apparating back to his own flat in Diagon Alley.
He found George and Angelina enjoying a glass of wine on the sofa when he arrived. Judging by their matching looks of complete shock, he realised that he must have looked awful to the rest of the world.
"Where have you been Freddie? I've been looking for you all day."
"I was…at Hermione's parents' house." He told them after a moment.
"I didn't realise you were visiting them today, I should have remembered!" George said with a laugh.
Fred shook his head. "It wasn't a planned visit."
"Is everything ok?" Angelina asked him.
He shook his head again and managed to sink into the nearby armchair.
"It's Hermione. Sh-she lost the baby!" he hissed as he felt his chest tighten and he lowered his head into his hands.
Almost instantly George was kneeling in front of him, firstly trying to get some more words from him before giving up and pulling his twin into his arms. He listened, with a broken heart, as Fred cried until his throat was raw and his eyes were bloodshot. For the first time in their entire lives, Fred was hurting and George couldn't make it better. It was the first time that they hadn't been feeling exactly the same and going through exactly the same thing. George felt entirely helpless as his twin, his best friend and his other half was defeated and broken in his arms.
I would really love to hear from any of you about this, whether it's something you liked or something that isn't quite right. I'm happy to make amendments for facts if need be.
L x
