The American Journal on Addictions is a real peer-reviewed journal. I do not own it.

Something about Dr. Peter Venkmen. He does have 2 PhDs. He did hold the post of Professor at Columbia University before his tenure was revoked and his position terminated. He is a very intelligent, eccentric man who is very willing to look past the obvious for the weirdness under the surface. What I'm trying to say here is that every word he writes here accurately applies to Vlad's actions, conscious and subconscious. The root cause is more weird than Venkman knows (at this time, anyway...) but he's sussed out the effect perfectly.

That is why this chapter is rated T.

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Conceptually, self-destruction as a pattern of behavior is well understood. Certain actions taken by the depressed, disturbed, or self-hating figure can be classified as self-destructive if they are taken specifically to cause harm to the physical, emotional, or social self (Baumeister, et al. 1988). Self-harm is the most commonly studied self-destructive behavior but it is by no means the most interesting.

Progressive psychological tolerance is a pattern of behavior where over time a person requires more and more extreme sensation to achieve the same level of satisfaction. Novel sensations grow commonplace very quickly. As a result the person will, sometimes unconsciously, seek out these extreme sensations. Hedonism is often the result. Such a propensity toward this hedonism is dangerous in certain situations. It is not unheard of for the hedonist to ignore safety warnings in order to seek out new sensation. This hedonism easily becomes self-harm when the sensations sought are expected to cause harm.

As with many types of self-destructive behaviors, progressive psychological tolerance is often a subconscious cry for help. However the ego of the sufferer will often lead him to refuse to accept the very help he needs.

-Venkmen, P. Progressive Psychological Tolerance and Sex Addiction. The American Journal on Addictions, 1992.

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Danny Phantom flitted through Vlad's mansion on a search for the man. Burning questions led him to forgo waiting for Vlad's next evil plan, favoring instead the direct route, to demand answers. He was going for the vengeful spirit effect but it was ruined by the jingle-jingle of Maddie's bell as the cat gleefully chased after him in his search. Worse, he couldn't lose her by phasing through doors. Somehow she followed. Danny wasn't sure if Vlad had been experimenting on making half-ghost-cats or if one of the Chamberlain's staff was assigned to making her life more ghostly.

Huh, the second floor atrium was new. He phased through the door.

Sunlight streamed down from three sides through tall plate-glass windows. A skylight overhead filtered in even more light. Gleaming pink marble tiled the floor, walls, and ceiling. Copper accents ran up the corners and between stones to an intricate pattern across the ceiling. The center of the room was dominated by a recessed jacuzzi. The faded form of one of the Chamberlain's staff floated near the edge of the room, ready to come when called upon by the man reclining chest-deep in the jacuzzi.

"What is it with you?" Danny demanded.

Vlad opened one eye and leveled his red gaze at the intruder. Danny floated near the door, his aura glowing cold and blue around him. His legs dissolved into a ghostly tail, adding to the boy's inhumanity. It was all ruined when a transparent hand phased Maddie through the closed door and she bounded up to bat playfully at the end of Danny's tail, bell on her neck jingling merrily.

Vlad smirked. He lifted his half-glass of champagne off of the edge of the pool and took a leisurely sip. "So... were you going to be more specific or should I start guessing randomly?" he drawled.

There were a multitude of questions Danny came here to ask. Why his ice powers flared every time he and Sam tried to get to second base. Why he was always so hungry lately. If Vlad was really gay and just failing to hide it. And more that popped up just from his visit today. Such as how Maddie had gotten in and why in hell she thought his ghost tail was a cat toy. How an atrium like this was built so quickly. In the end the one that popped out had nothing to do with any of these questions.

"Why can't you soak in water like a normal human being?" Danny asked.

Vlad looked down at himself. He didn't see anything odd. The jacuzzi was filled with dark mud that clung to his skin and shimmered in the sunlight like liquid black latex. Water was being pumped up from underneath to add soft bubbles and to keep everything fluid. "Am I a normal human being?" he asked.

Danny opened his mouth to say something scathing and witty. It died on his lips as his mind pulled up a checklist of normal things that people do and found Vlad matched with precisely zero points. "No you're not," he concluded.

"So why hold me to their standards?"

"So why mud? Why not money or something?" Danny asked.

Vlad sneered at the terribly stereotypical idea. "I'm not here for your benefit, Daniel," he warned. "I'm here to enjoy my day off. If you insist on asking stupid questions then at least get in so I can dunk you for your insolence."

Danny manifested his legs and took human form. Maddie's bell jingled as she crouched down then pounced, tackling his shoelaces while she purred and purred. How often did he really get to flat-out ask Vlad all the burning questions in his mind? And the last time hadn't been nearly as bad as he'd feared it would be. Except... "If you make me get a manicure again I will hurt you," he warned.

Vlad chuckled and sipped his champagne.

Danny sighed and pulled off his t-shirt. He glanced at Vlad to see the man with his eyes closed and one hand held in front of his face for the benefit of Danny's modesty. Danny quickly stripped and carefully put one foot in.

The mud yielded like water but thickened like quicksand once he stopped moving. He felt underneath and found some sort of ledge around the edge of the jacuzzi, no more than knee deep. He stepped in and sat down, fidgeting uncomfortably as he felt that strange constriction around his body whenever he stopped moving. He propped his elbows up on the marble floor and dangled his feet over the ledge. He was surprised when his toes brushed the bottom, dispelling the idea that this was an endless quicksand pit. Still kind of felt like it though. It made him slightly nervous.

Vlad chanced a glance before putting his hand down. "There now, is this so bad?" he asked, slightly mocking.

"It's not normal," Danny said.

"Whoever said we were normal?" Vlad asked.

"Why shouldn't we try to be?" Danny asked.

"Because we can't. You and I have had that chance stripped from us by undeath and our own actions. Normality is a cage that people hide themselves in because outside there are monsters waiting to rid them of their delusions. You and I are those monsters, Daniel. We have seen the outside world and far beyond it. We've lost our delusions. We're freed from that cage. Don't try and force yourself back in. The humans within won't welcome you back."

Deja vu struck Danny hard as he realized they'd had this conversation before. It was a variation of the 'we're more alike than you realize, you and I' line he'd heard for almost three years now, shouted over battlefields and whispered around unsuspecting spectators. It was getting harder to flat-out deny those words. He decided to change the script instead. "That doesn't mean we have to be abnormal, does it?"

"That means we get to do what we enjoy rather than what we're supposed to. I happen to enjoy this. You should find what you enjoy and learn to indulge yourself."

"And what if I enjoy normal stuff?"

Vlad finished his champagne and offered the glass to Danny. Within rattled a single drunken blackberry. "Then enjoy it," he said. "But not because you're supposed to. And not because you're told to. Because you enjoy it."

Danny nodded and took Vlad's champagne flute. He tipped it back and closed his eyes at the taste of delicately sweet champagne soaked through the juicy berry. One thing was for sure, he certainly enjoyed Vlad's taste in food and drink.

Vlad held up a hand and phased it clean. His spectral attendant replaced his flute and filled it from the half-empty champagne bottle. "So did you have stupid questions or are you just here to get away from responsibility for a few hours?" Vlad asked.

Danny found himself watching the glass in his hand as champagne was poured into it, pondering his next move. He made his decision and put his flute on the marble. "I was wondering," Danny said, trying for nonchalant. He waited until Vlad was mid-sip. "Are you gay?"

Years of practicing his self-control prevented Vlad from spitting or inhaling. It didn't stop him from looking unimpressed. "Have I not made my intentions toward your mother clear enough?" he asked.

"Well, yeah, but that one time you had her you didn't know what to do with her. You remember Colorado, the Plasmius Maximus, being chased by your own mad science creations..." Danny grinned with a perverse glee as he recounted Vlad's humiliating defeat. Vlad clearly remembered it as well given the dark look he was giving the younger halfa and wait a minute...

The next thing Danny knew there was a hand gripping the top of his head, the sun was gone, and he couldn't phase out of whatever was happening to him. It took a moment of flailing hands to realize Vlad was holding him under the surface. He stopped flailing, held both hands straight up and extended his two middle fingers.

The hand holding him under shoved him deeper then disappeared. Danny shot to his feet and glared at Vlad and the vision of nonchalance the older man was projecting. He went intangible and found the jacuzzi was thankfully waist deep.

"I warned you what would happen if you asked stupid questions," Vlad said. His attendant held both of their rescued champagne flutes. One gesture from Vlad and both glasses were offered back.

Danny snatched his glass and shoved himself back onto the ledge. "Wasn't a stupid question," he muttered. "Is a real question. You chase and chase and chase and you never catch her and it seriously looks like you have it planned that way. Like you're chasing her because she's..."

"Safely unattainable," Vlad admitted. "I am. But not for the reason you're thinking."

Danny was confused. "Wait, if you're not gay and you're not planning on winning Mom then what the hell are you doing? There's gotta be plenty of women willing to throw themselves at you. Instead you go home to a cat for fuck's sake."

"Language, Daniel," Vlad warned.

"You take spa days, you wear a cravat, you wear eye make-up, you get manicures! And you go home to a cat. How are you not gay?"

Vlad set his champagne flute down on the marble. He leaned back in the mud, letting it crawl up to his shoulders while he steepled his hands in front of him. "It's called an ascot," he said. He fixed Danny with a leer as he let his eyes travel around what skin remained visible above the surface. He grinned in amusement at the boy's reaction, as Danny pulled away slightly then sank up to his neck to hide himself. "I'm not gay, Daniel," he admitted.

"Oh," Danny said. He sat back up, not bothering with intangibility.

"I'm not straight, either," Vlad said. "The dark and shiny look is good for you."

"Wait, what?" It took Danny a moment to realize the mud indeed did look shiny when coating someone. He blushed. "So, what, you're..."

"I'm opportunistic. I consider myself a ghost, Daniel. That means I care much less about it than you seem to think I should. That's why I chase after your mother knowing full well I will never capture her. Because I am a ghost."

Danny was still confused.

Vlad glared at Danny for a moment before he sighed and snatched up his glass of champagne to drain it. Of course the boy didn't know. No one had taught him and he hadn't learned on his own yet. This is why Vlad offered the boy an apprenticeship. A guide was something he'd never had and the price had been higher than what he could pay alone.

"There's much you need to learn, Daniel," Vlad said. "I have the feeling you'd be more comfortable in the meantime if you were clothed." He stood up, stretched, and made to get out.

Danny stood up behind Vlad and brought a hand to his shoulder. "No, I'm okay here," he said, shocking even himself. "We don't have to go anywhere."

Vlad looked just as surprised. After all, how often did Daniel willingly seek his council? He smiled and took Danny's offer, gesturing for the boy to sit next to him. Their attendant was sent off to acquire food and drink. This would take a while.