Day 6
Chapter 11: Tears of a Nobody
I arrived at the mansion and approached the gates. I had no idea what I was looking for; Pence wasn't specific about what was here. Ghosts? Who knows. I had a feeling that the guys in white would return to get me. It didn't bother me; I've gotten used to the strange things that have dominated my life, and I would have to face them by myself from now on. I walked up to the gate and placed my hands on the cold, metal bars. I peered through the gate to see if there was anything unusual.
"You know something…"
I was startled, and I turned around to see Pence.
"We were gonna check the mansion out tomorrow," Pence said. "It IS the most suspicious place."
What difference did it make? Chances are I'd be the only who saw anything suspicious.
"Yeah…" I said.
"Oh, get this," Pence said. "Seifer's gang is now on board to help us!"
"What?" I asked in shock.
"I know, right?" Pence said. "It's so surreal. When we were heading to the station, he came over and volunteered to help out."
For a moment I felt like corn plugged up my ears. Seifer, the guy who cared for no one but himself, was willing to help someone out? Especially the one he hated the most? I couldn't believe it. I had to be dreaming right now. I wonder if it had to do with yesterday, when I helped him out during the Struggle; not to mention, when I told him off about an hour ago.
"Hey, the more the merrier, right?"
I nodded. "I guess I'm cool with that. So, what exactly are we looking for here?"
"Well, they say there's a girl who appears at the second floor window even though no one's lived here for years." Pence said.
I looked up at the dusty old window. There was a white curtain gently blowing in the breeze. Funny, I could've sworn I saw Namine there.
I don't know how to explain what happened next. You know how we supposedly have an 'out of body experience?' Well, it was happening to me. I felt like my very soul was ripped out of my body, and thrown right at the window.
Everything went white.
When my vision became clear again, I saw that I was in a white room. It was so white that I thought I'd go blind. In front of me were the white curtains. I know what we're all thinking: Cream, right? Thought so. Why wouldn't anyone think of that band? Anyways, in front of me was a long white table. Resting on the table was a white vase with white flowers. What kind of weirdo lived here? Better yet, how did I get here?
"Hello?"
No answer. I noticed pictures on the wall. Upon walking over to them, I noticed they were drawn with crayons. Some of the pictures looked nice, like the one of a giant island. Others were scribbles. Three in particular caught my eye. The first one was Kairi holding her star fruit. Did someone sketch my dreams out or something?
"Roxas…" Namine said.
"Namine?"
Her voice came from my right. I looked in that direction; nobody there.
"Where are you?" I asked.
She didn't reply. I looked around the room some more. My eyes came in contact with another picture. It was Axel – standing next to him was…what?
"Is that…me with Axel?"
"Yes," Namine said. "You ARE best friends…"
"Yeah, 'cause all of my friends yearn at the prospect of setting me on fire," I said sarcastically.
There was a long pause. I think she was serious. Besides, those weren't the best choice in words.
"I'm sorry," I said sadly. "I haven't been in a good mood lately."
"I understand," Namine said. "There's so much on your mind. Wouldn't you like to know the truth about who you really are? It would alleviate your problems."
"What do you mean?" I asked. "No one knows me better than me."
"Of course," Namine said.
I strolled around the room, looking at the pictures some more.
"But I don't get what's been happening lately," I said. I glanced at another picture. "Did you draw these? They're nice."
"Thank you," Namine said. "No one's really complimented me before. You're as sweet as he is."
"Who?" I asked.
"Look at that picture to your right," she said. "Do you recognize those three?"
The picture featured three familiar faces doing Ring around the Rosie.
"Sora, Luigi, and Yoshi," I replied. "They're the ones from my dreams."
"About a year ago, some things happened, and I had to take apart the memories chained together in Sora's heart. But now... I'm putting them all back exactly the way they were. It's taken me a long time, but pretty soon Sora will be his old self again. The process has been affecting you, too, Roxas."
It all made sense now. Somehow, Sora's memories were having an effect on me.
"You mean…the dreams?"
"Yes," Namine said. "You and Sora are connected. And...in order for Sora to become completely whole again... He needs you."
I looked at a picture of Sora and I standing next to each other.
"Me? What for?"
"You hold half of what he is... He needs you, Roxas."
Before I could open my mouth, everything went white. My vision returned, and I was sitting at the end of the long table. On the other side of it was Namine. How was she doing this?
"Namine…do you mind if I ask you a question?" I asked. "What are you?"
"I'm a witch with the power over Sora's memories and those around him."
"A witch?"
Namine looked a little sad. I had a feeling she didn't like being labeled with that word.
"That's what Diz calls me."
"Who?"
"The guy with the red bandages."
"Oh. Is he like your caretaker or something?"
Namine shook her head. "I can't say. He tells me that I'm nothing more than a curse. I can't even figure out why I have these powers."
I felt bad for Namine. Clearly she was of no value to Diz.
"Hey, don't listen to that old geezer," I said. "You've been helpful to me so far. You're far from being a curse."
Namine smiled at me. I could tell that was the best thing she heard all day. I glanced at the picture of Axel and me.
"It's funny," I said. "Suddenly I feel like I don't know myself at all. I guess I would like to know. What do you know about me...that I don't?"
Namine hesitated. I had a feeling what she knew wasn't good.
"You...you were never supposed to exist, Roxas."
Hearing that was like a knife getting jammed into my ears. Never exist? It almost implied that I was a mistake, never really meant to be here, but somehow I'm sitting in this chair, breathing. There were many ways I could interpret what she said, but in the end, it was horrible to hear someone say that right to your face.
"What? How could you even say such a thing...even if it were true?"
"I'm sorry. I guess some things really are left unspoken."
"But…what about everything else going on?" I asked.
Suddenly, I heard Pence calling for me. Everything went white again.
"Roxas! Roxas!"
I was outside of the mansion again. Pence was shaking me. I shook my head and snapped out of my daze.
"Huh?"
"What happened?" Pence asked. "You were out of it."
I shrugged. "Guess I was focusing too much on the window."
"Did you see anything?"
"Yeah." I pointed to the window. "Watch the window – closely."
I looked back to see that Namine was gone. And here we go again.
Pence sighed. "Oh, lame. That's just the curtains moving. There must be a draft somewhere. I'm surprised this old place even has curtains."
I noticed Namine in the window again. There was no point in arguing with Pence. No matter how hard I tried, he wouldn't see it.
"Yeah," I replied.
"Well, let's head back to the Usual Spot. Hayner and Olette are waiting for us."
Pence left the area. As I followed, I looked back at the mansion. Namine's blow crushing words stuck like glue. It was impossible to shake such a depressing thought off. I was hoping Namine would solve my problems, but instead she made things worse. And I didn't have the emotions to express such a revelation.
Once again, I was alone.
We saw Olette when we walked into the Usual Spot.
"Hey, guys, how'd it go?" she asked.
"The girl in the window turned out to be a curtain flapping in the wind," Pence said.
"I figured as much," Olette said. "The report is done."
Pence cheered "All right!"
"Hayner headed for the station when we finished," Olette said. "Let's go have some celebratory ice cream with him."
Pence grinned. "You read my mind."
What was there to be happy about? Homework was the least of my problems; my life was falling apart.
We walked to the station, carrying our ice creams in hand. At least I had something salty and sweet to eat. Hopefully that would take my mind off things.
"Man, I can't believe we only have two more days left together," Pence said.
"Huh?" I asked.
"Summer vacation, remember?" Olette said. "
"Oh, right," I said.
I don't know why, but I literally felt like I had two more days before I'd never see my friends again. I was really losing it.
We walked onto the edge of the clock tower, and there was Hayner eating his ice cream. He looked at us and smiled.
"Nice of you to join me," Hayner said. "Feels so good to be done with that paper, right?"
"Right," I said sadly.
"You okay?" Hayner asked.
"It's nothing," I replied.
"If it's about earlier, I'm sorry I got annoyed with you," Hayner said. "I wanted to get the project done."
"It's not that," I said. "There's still a lot on my mind."
I looked down towards the ground. I didn't feel like eating my ice cream. No one said a word to me for a few moments.
"Listen, I know this week has been rough," Hayner said, "but tomorrow we're going to find out what's been going on."
I said nothing.
"I know!" Olette said. "While we search tomorrow, let's have a picnic! It'll be a nice change in pace."
"Awesome idea!" Pence said. "I got the meat!"
"I'll get the silverware," Olette said. "Hayner, would you get the condiments?"
"Sure thing."
"And I guess I'll buy some bread," I said.
"Cheer up, man," Pence said. "Try to enjoy the last few days. Tomorrow we'll search the town. And the day after will be the fair. That should be fun!"
"After that, the last day of summer vacation," Olette said.
Hayner moaned. "Don't remind me! You're going to give me an ulcer."
"Not if you explode from all that ice cream first," Pence said jokingly.
They started laughing. Pence's joke didn't help at all. My life was a wreck, and I felt like it would never get better. Perhaps that's why I'm not supposed to exist; like Namine, I was burden, and nothing would ever go right for me.
I walked home by myself. My friends were under the impression that they, along with the whole town, were going to make a difference. I knew the truth; it was a waste of time. No one would believe me. No one understood what I was going through. They couldn't. I continued strolling through Twilight Town, wondering what my fate was. Maybe my only option was to find Sora. Question was: what did I have to give Sora in order to make him complete?
As I walked up Market Street, I saw K.K. playing his guitar. He waved to me, but I was in no mood. I heard him stop playing.
"Hey, kiddo," K.K. said. "What's wrong?"
I looked over my shoulder. "It's not your problem."
"Is that so? 'Cause when I see my main man down in the dumps, it BECOMES my problem. I'm not going to ignore it."
I was starting to get annoyed with him. "I don't want to talk about it, okay!"
"Whoa! Chill out!" K.K. said. "I understand you're upset with whatever it is, but have you forgotten what I said the other day? It's not good to keep this stuff bottled up. I told you I'd understand."
"Don't give me that!" I shouted. "No one understands me! Not you! Not my friends! And frankly, I don't understand myself anymore!"
"Well of course nobody's going to understand if you keep it bottled up!" K.K. said. That was the first time I heard him raise his voice.
I walked over to him. "It's complicated. Ever since the photo incident, nothing's been the same. The world is crumbling around me! I don't know what's real anymore! So many bad things have been happening to me, and it's probably because of my mere existence. It's been affecting everyone in town! Maybe I was better off NOT existing!"
"Roxas…."
I stopped right in front of K.K.. I was starting to break down. "It's too late for that now! The only person I can trust is myself. I'm….I'm…"
My vision drowned in a pool of tears. They started streaming down my cheek. I felt…sad. Beyond sad. I was actually experiencing an emotion, and I wish it went away, because it was such a depressing feeling. I looked at K.K., who smiled warmly at me.
"…alone."
I burst out crying and hugged K.K. tightly. I felt K.K. wrap his arms around me. He stroked my back and tried to hush me.
The night ended with the sound of my sadness echoing throughout the city.
In a dimly lit room, Diz sat in a huge chair. The table in front of him was crushed by a chandelier. There were old statues standing on each side of the room. This was a perfect place for him to lounge around.
Diz was growing anxious; one more day before his plan would succeed, but the final day was the most crucial. And the most nerve-racking. Anything could happen. Hopefully the Organization wouldn't interfere. He needed to get out of the computer room and give his mind some space to breathe.
Ansem walked into the room. "Why did you show him the train?"
"Because he missed his trip to the beach," Diz answered.
Ansem chuckled underneath his hood. "That's almost kind of you."
"Now...what about you? Are the holes in your memory starting to fill in?" Diz asked.
"Yes," Ansem said. "The haze is clearing."
"The same thing is happening to everyone who had ties to Sora," Diz said. "Very soon, to them, he'll be like a good friend who's gone away for a year."
"Namine…she is a danger to everyone," Ansem said. "Could she possibly affect other people that aren't tied to Sora?"
"Perhaps," Diz said. "It's not outside the realm of possibility. Nobodies are unpredictable. First she only affects Sora's memories, then it somehow spreads to every person he met. Her powers are inconsistent."
Ansem sat in a chair opposite of Diz. "I've waited, and now I want to know. What is it that you want?"
"Revenge," Diz said.
Ansem tightly gripped the arm of the chair. He was trying to suppress his anger. All this time, Ansem thought that by performing these tasks for Diz, something incredible would happen. Instead, Diz's motivation was nothing more than a selfish desire. Ansem was being used like a puppet, and he despised people pulling his strings more than anything.
"Revenge…" Ansem mumbled.
"Now, for the finishing touches. First, we must dispose of Naminé. She did a splendid job with Sora, but it's high time she disappeared. Roxas isn't the only one who was never meant to exist. Take care of it, Ansem."
Ansem nodded, stood up, and left. As he walked out of the room, he started to form his own personal agenda.
RESTORATION AT 97%
