Everyone Gets Scared
I know that everyone gets scared
The sound of the TV in the background stirred me from sleep.
I open my eyes wearily, adjusting to the light in the room. It's sunny, middle of the day or something. I sit up and look at the time. It's gone two in the afternoon. Didn't even realise I was so tired.
And then it hit me like a truck.
"Shawn?" He wasn't anywhere in the room with me. Jumping off the bed quickly, I went to the bathroom, my mind already conjuring up a mental image of what I'd find in there. Shawn, bleeding on the floor, unconscious. I felt relief hit me when I saw an empty room. But it was short lived because I still didn't know where the hell he was.
Panic hit as I realised I just had no idea where to start. We weren't in his home town, so I wouldn't be able to go to any usual places he'd mentioned. He wasn't even in the right frame of mind to be out alone. I pulled my sneakers onto my feet quickly doing up the laces. My coat was gone, he must have taken it with him.
I rush out the hotel, realising I have no idea where to go, I hail the first taxi I can and get in. He waits for me to tell him where to go and my mind is trying to think like Shawn. I don't know how Shawn thinks any more, so it's pretty near impossible to do. There's only one place I can think of. "Take me to the nearest church."
It doesn't take long to get there in the silent journey over there. I pay the guy and get out as quick as possible and over to the church. I've no idea what I'll do if he's not in here. My hearts thumping as I go through the doors. The place is pretty small, the rows of pews stretch out in front of me, and I almost falter as I step in there when I spot a familiar figure on the back row just staring ahead. Relief hits me like a ten tonne truck, and I move straight over to him.
"Shawn, you scared the shit out of me." I say, rather too loudly I realise when I get a few odd looks from people futher down. "I'm sorry." I say. I sit down next to him, looking at him carefully. I guess I was hoping to see maybe some peace with him now, but he sure isn't showing it. "I don't know what I'd have done if you hadn't been here. You shouldn't have just gone off like that."
His silence started to unnerve me a little. It was direct question time. "So, why'd you come here?"
"I thought I might feel different if I came here."
"And?"
"I don't." He looks very concerned for a moment before he continues. "When we were sitting at that hotel and just watching TV, you were so tired you just fell asleep. And I knew you were because of me... because I was stressing you out."
"You're not stressing me out." I say to defend him, but realise I should let him speak. Who the hell am I defending him from? Himself? He already hates himself enough, I need to know what I'm dealing with in as much detail as possible, so I mentally decide to keep my mouth shut, whatever he has to say.
"When you were sleeping, I changed my shirt. And I had this... blip. I don't know what happened really. Things just went... weird."
The words he's saying are freaking me out, but I stay silent.
"I don't know what happened, it's like there was a black hole and I don't know what had happened. But once I cleaned myself up, I knew I had to get out of there."
The words 'cleaned myself up' don't sit well at all. What the hell has he done now?
"I thought that if I was saved once, it could happen again. But I don't think I should be here." He's whispering to me a little now, like we might get thrown out if he's heard. When he didn't speak again for a long time I figured he'd finished talking.
"Shawn, what did you do?" I ask, calmly.
"What?"
"The blip you had. What did you have to clean up afterwards."
He looks away from me. Dead ahead stare. "Will you be mad?" He asks, his voice as innocent as a childs just then.
"No, I promise I won't be mad if you tell me."
He doesn't say anything, but pulls up a sleeve on my coat and then the jumper he's wearing underneath. He turns his arm over to reveal more cuts. There no where near as deep as the first two he did, but they still aren't pretty.
"Okay." I say and he pulls the sleeves back down quickly.
"Hunter?"
"Yeah."
"I need some help."
"Yeah." God dammit, yeah.
(-0-)
"I don't wanna go back to the hotel."
It was pretty much all I'd heard from Shawn since we left the church. I'd told him time and time again, trying to reassure him that we wouldn't go back there. When he still said it I started to realise what I said really didn't matter too much.
"Why don't we go in here, get some thing to eat?" I say, pointing to a small resteraunt. It's nothing fancy, but it's somewhere to go, something to do to pass the time.
"Are you hungry then?" Shawn asks.
I nod my head. "I could eat something."
"Okay." He says. We go in, find a quiet corner to sit in. We rarely go out just the two of us to dinner so it's kinda nice. Except Shawn's far from normal, but if I don't think about that, then it can still be nice. Shawn never even looks at the menu, so when the waiter comes over, I order food for both of us. He doesn't object to me doing it. Shortly after they bring a couple of drinks over to us. I thank them and we're left alone. There's silence between us with him not trying to break it and me not sure how to. The sound of my phone ringing startles him a little and I go to grab it. I search my pockets and come away empty handed. "Oh, I think it's in my coat pocket." I tell him.
Shawn's still wearing my jacket and searches the pockets until he finds my phone. He passes it across to me silently.
I look at the caller and see Kev's name displayed. I get a sinking feeling that I know what this'll be about. "Hey."
Kev's familiar voice comes through the slightly static line "Hey. I heard a rumour and needed to check something out." He says, voice serious.
"I know what you're gonna say man." I say, smiling to Shawn hoping he won't catch on that we're talking about him.
"So is it true?" Kev asks.
I laugh fakely, hoping Kev picks up on what's happening. "It sure is."
"Is he with you?"
"Yeah." I say.
"Right. Is he okay?"
"That's er..." I stumble a little on what the next words should be. "I'd say no."
Kev's quiet for a moment and I wonder what he's thinking. I can imagine how much worse it is being on the end of the phone and not even being able to ask any real questions. "Okay, I'll let you go."
"Yeah, listen I'll call you up later. I'm just out for lunch with a friend."
"Okay dude. See you later." I can hear trouble in Kev's voice. He's worried as I would be if I were in his shoes. Hopefully he knows that I won't leave Shawn's side.
Almost before I end the call, I hear the other chair scrapping back. I look to see Shawn getting up.
"Where you going?" I ask.
"I gotta go." He says, distracted.
"Shawn, sit down. Let's just have some dinner."
"I don't wanna stay." He says. He's looking at the door. He wants to bolt. I need to stop him from leaving.
I reach across and touch his arm gently and he flintches from the touch. Doesn't want to be touched. But he's looking at me and I keep my eyes locked onto his. "Just sit down. We're just gonna have something to eat, huh? Just me and you, nothing to worry about."
My phone starts to ring again and I quickly answer it, snapping slightly. "Yeah?" I say.
"Where the hell are you?"
It's Vince and he doesn't sound too impressed right now.
"It's a long story. We're at a resteraunt down town."
"Well you best get Shawn back here. His wife would quite like to see him."
"Ah crap. Is she okay?"
"She was pretty worried when we took her to the room and no one was there."
"I'm sorry, we... just... it's complicated."
"Look just get back here, okay." Vince hangs up on me. Sounds like I'm getting a load of crap when I get back.
I put the phone back in my pocket. "We need to get back to the hotel. Rebecca's here."
"She is?" Shawn asks. I can't tell what he's thinking right now.
"Come on."
