A few answers for the reviewers :

KureNo11 : I'm a little sad to know you couldn't read this part (because I've put explainings about Kenshin's character inside), but I absolutely respect your choice and I think I can understand how you feel about it. To resume, I needed to explain the strength of their relationship / the impact of her death in a short way (because the main story is not about Tomoe/Kenshin*), thus describing their first intercourse together seemed to me one of the best way to do that (because it's a very strong moment). *Although, I personally like this couple as much as KK in my opinion Tomoe and Kaoru are just very different persons and they also have appeared in very different times of his life. Kenshin wouldn't be himself if he hadn't met Tomoe, but Kaoru is the one that becomes the mother of his child... so they are unlike, but not incompatible as for me (and I find that Watsuki did describe that pretty well with the graveyard scene). Thank you for your honesty and kind words ;)

Queen Emily the Diligent : Idiot ? I'm curious to know why ? I mean I can see many reasons for which you would call him that... XD I'm also glad to see the fandom is still alive, let's keep up this way !

Monika : if you like angst, then you'll thoroughly enjoy the upcoming chapters... ;) Thank you so much for your reviews !

Sileavatar : well, you already know how I feel but I appreciate your support so much ! ^^

Skenshingumi : yay ! your review has motivated me to begin the translation of this chapter (which is ready since almost a week, but I'm being lazy with the -so boring- traduction act)... ;) Indeed as you had guessed, this chapter will explain more of Kaoru's POV. I think she has a complicated position, because she's the one who can help him the most -far more than Sano-, but depending on how she acts it can push him in either the good or the wrong way -contrary to Sano-... I mean Kenshin cares deeply about what she thinks (concerning the one he loves, his heart is pretty defenseless -that's also why he's hiding from her more than from his spiky-headed friend, leaving poor Kaoru with less clues- and I think she understands that a little better with time) and she just can't go and punch him like Sano would regarding intimate subjects, for she might end up harshly hurting him. At the end of the manga/the beginning of Hokkaido's arc she is more gentle (and feminine), I think it's because her impulsive character was also partly due to her immaturity = even though she still likes to jump on people for almost every little thing XD, I think she would be more intelligent/careful about serious subjects (but nevertheless, these are only my observations ^^°... let's see what Watsuki has in store for us, with the Koshijiro story!). Thank you so much for your review, I hope you'll like what I share!


Lexicon :

Daifuku: Japanese candy that consists of a mochi, whose outer dough is made of glutinous rice, filled in its center (sweet red bean paste ...)


Chapter 12 : The seeds of doubt


The wanderer had apologized many times for the night he had come back home dead drunk, and for the chaotic behavior that had resulted from it. Pretending an unforeseen excess, an unpleasant accident. The young kendoka had obviously been understanding, but the silent seed of doubt had since germinated in her mind... Of course, she was more than happy that their relationship was progressing in a more carnal sense, but... ever since she had met him, she had never seen the wanderer getting intoxicated so much, not to mention alone. She knew for sure that Sanosuke, who had gone to visit his family the day before, was not with him that night, which made his act even more intriguing. This morning again, Himura had got up late... should she deduce that he had been drinking too?

I don't know what to think anymore...

As she was watching him going out of his room looking haggard, eyes still tired, the young kendoka was beginning to replay in her head the thread of the recent weeks' events more clearly...

It had started with little things, shortly after Enishi's episode.

At first, life had seemed to have returned to normal. As if the horrors of her own staged death and the ghosts of the past that it had dragged into its race could be erased once the trigger element neutralized. Kaoru was left for a few nights of nightmares regarding her short captivity, and then her convivial nature had taken over. It was the same for Yahiko, Sanosuke and Megumi whose young minds were quick to enjoy the life ahead.

All except Kenshin. Until then he had seemed unattainable despite all the hardships he had gone through; a miserable childhood, the swirl of Bakumastu's violence, the death of his wife, the sadism of pursuers like Shishio or Jin'e and the severe wounds they had engendered ...

One could have talked about tiny details, for those who did not know him well. Later awakenings when it was previously almost impossible to see him sleep. Dark circles more pronounced under his eyes, often masked by his flamboyant hair. Smiles, lots of smiles, but none that was really reaching his eyes. Conversations which, after reflection, were limited more and more to the banalities of everyday life; how were the kendo trainings at Maekawa dojo going, should he buy tofu for tonight's meal, what were the latest news from Kyoto... but almost never anything that was concerning him intimately. He was remaining more secretive and withdrawn than ever before, almost as much as when she had met him. She had hoped that after listening to the story of his past with Tomoe he would have been be more eager to reveal his deep self, but he was not, not to say the contrary.

Kenshin was now scrupulously inspecting the surroundings of the dojo before closing the portal every night, checking it twice. A habit he had taken since the visit of the last Yukishiro. She had even sometimes surprised the samurai sleeping cross-legged in front of her door, sakabato tightly resting against him. As if he was afraid that she would disappear again... He was scared when she went alone to the market, when she was training away from him, when she almost spilled boiling miso on her arm... He was scared all the time. Kaoru had gradually felt this anguish rising in him, after he had made her the first demonstrations of his feelings.

Recently, she had seen him having a violent nightmare, one night in early spring. Then there was the accident with the carriage. Or their dispute, an event rare enough to be noted. And that night when he had come home completely drunk ... Kenshin would never have reacted so excessively before. Something in the walls of the fortress he had built himself since the end of Bakumatsu had begun to crack...

And that made Kaoru very, very worried…


To meet people had made him waste a lot of time. Because, like most masters of Hiten Mitsurugi, Seijuro Hiko had this abominable defect which consists of helping any of those who needed it. And on the crowded Tokaido road, between the customary robbers in need of correction, the wheels of carriages muddled by muck on the side of the path, kids who were climbing too high in the trees and God knows what other eccentricity... a lot of people finally turned out to need the said help.

After having passed Hakone, the master had therefore decided to take sideways routes, longer and more difficult but where he would cross fewer people, which was resulting in the end in... another form of waste of time.

The advantage of the overpopulated Tokaido road was that at least the paths and bridges were laid out all along, making it easy to get through. Which was far from being the case of the new path he had chosen. Even his tremendous sense of direction and unique ability to jump ravines and rivers was not always enough. Hiko sighed. It was long. Too long for someone who was hurried by an inexplicable anxiety to find back his disciple…


Kaoru was enjoying the early afternoon's air, Lychee passionately wrapped at her side. His red, warm and soft form glued close to the young woman. Had he been a cat, he would have certainly been purring. The master of Kamiya Kasshin sighed pleasantly. A little rest after a good kendo session, and Kenshin who would return from his errand at any minute, whereas they would both be alone at the dojo tonight... this day end would definitely take a nice turn.

I hope both of us will have time to talk a little more seriously tonight... I'll make him a good meal, then we'll go see the stars with Lychee...

She allowed herself a self-satisfied smile.

Yes, good idea, that should relax him!

With a little luck, she might even earn another kiss... and that simple thought was enough to make her hands sweaty and her cheeks rosy. But while she was lost in these pleasant and - according to her – daring ideas, while continuing to caress the delighted animal, a voluminous black crow suddenly landed a few inches from him, rubbing his muzzle during the touchdown. Surprised, he began to bark frantically, jumping and turning on himself.

"Lychee, calm down..."

The bird immediately flew in a debacle of dark feathers, but the still-panicked little dog kept on screaming. Kaoru leaned spontaneously towards him, eager to stroke him to appease his fears.

*RrRRWAFF !*

He grunted her at once, before throwing himself indiscriminately on the hand outstretched towards him, biting his mistress brutally. Under the combined effect of surprise and pain, the young kendoka screamed out loud.

"HYAAAAAAAAAAAA"

She shook her wrist reflexively, but Lychee, frightened, thrust his fangs deeper into her flesh, pressing with all his strength. A trickle of blood gushed out of the wound as Kaoru failed to push the firmly attached animal with her other hand.

Kenshin was in an adjacent street when he heard her sharp scream pierce the air. The distress call of his beloved echoing in each of his cells, his entire body went on alert and he propelled his legs at divine speed without wasting any more time to think. Hand firmly wrapped on his katana, muscles contracted to the extreme, sharp eyes watching for the smallest hostile trace... He ran into the garden in the following seconds, relentlessly dropping his provisions at the entrance of the dojo.

His blood froze when he saw that the animal was firmly clasping Kaoru's hand in his mouth, without any intention to release it despite the panicked injunctions of his mistress. The little dog's aura was erratic, unbalanced, explosive.

"Lychee, leave my hand ! Leave it !"

The young woman was screaming, trying in vain to get rid of the animal that was only attacking stronger in reaction.

Blood... Kaoru... bleeds...

The former Ishin Shishi narrowed his eyes. The bite was deep enough to make the wound bleed, and maybe even having broken a bone. Worse, if he was out of control, he could soon jump at her face and cause much more serious damages. Reacting to an innate reflex, his reptilian brain then made a very simple calculation : Kaoru = Danger ... Lychee = Enemy. Anger roared in him instinctively, immediately. He masked his ki. From experience, animals were very responsive to human emotions.

"Lycheee ..." he called very calmly.

At the sound of his master's soft, seemingly appeased voice, the canine stilled. The redhead displaying a calculated smile for him, Lychee gradually released the terrible pressure of his teeth, Kaoru immediately putting her hand on her aching wrist. He began to turn back to him all the while wagging his tail, happy to know he was back home - and especially, happy to finally see a friendly soul after his terror with the frightening bird- when above the wanderer's mouth opened two amber irises, paved with cold anger. Lychee did not have time to see him coming. With a swift gesture, Kenshin unsheathed his sword blade-returned and sliced his jugular, slitting the canid before he could dodge. A high-pitched sound was heard and the animal immediately fell to the floor, convulsing.

Kaoru could only watch the scene in horror. The former assassin had acted far too quickly for her to have any chance to react. While his blood was draining on the grass of the Dojo, Lychee was still emitting little gurgles mixed with moans. Kenshin then straightened the tip of his katana and planted it with a free kick in the dog's chest, piercing his sternum and heart muscle, instantly freeing him from his agony. He then turned naturally to Kaoru, anxiety swiftly back in his eyes.

"Kaoru-dono, are you okay?"

The young kendoka had completely forgotten her wound, obsessed by Lychee's corpse at her feet. Everything had happened so fast.

"Let this one see your hand."

"BAKA !"

He was about to catch her wrist when she slapped him spontaneously, shocked by his reaction of chilling severity. Even more shocking was the fact that the concentrated samurai did not even blink in reaction to the blow he had just received, not bothering to dodge her gesture but instead taking advantage of this opportunity to seize her hand and examine it. He was turning the joint carefully, analyzing any potential damage.

" You must have it treated, Kaoru-dono. An animal bite can easily get infected, that it can."

Such a cold look ... Since when did he ...?

Kaoru vigorously withdrew her wrist from the samurai's embrace, the latter releasing the pressure he was exerting on it only to prevent her from aggravating her own lesions by her movement. She had tears in her eyes. The little dog's pupils were empty and he was not breathing anymore.

"Who cares about my hand?! You've just killed Lychee !"

"It did put you in danger."

"But he... he had finally released his jaw!"

"It had gone mad, Kaoru-dono. A dog that has tasted human flesh is likely to reproduce this behavior in the future."

Bitterness of a former assassin used to the hardships of life and idealism of the innocent youth of Meiji era were confronting each other in the garden of Kamiya dojo. Kenshin had grown up in an environment where the out-of-control animals were slaughtered, most of the time even eaten, whereas the young kendoka had grown up in an environment where the animals were considered like members of the family.

"But you could have just knocked him out!"

"A dog that has bitten will bite again," he continued as if this explanation was obvious. "We could not keep it, that we couldn't."

The meaning of these words went straight to the young woman's heart. Kaoru exploded.

"And a man who has already killed will kill again, is that it? !"

The wanderer froze. For a moment he fought against a brief desire to return the slap he had previously received. Her words too, had just gone straight to his heart. Kaoru was the only one who could touch him so intimately.

"This one…"

It was only an animal… animals… are not accurately humans, right?

"Do you realize, that you are talking exactly like Jin'e or Saito ?!"

In spite of her will, the young woman began to cry buckets, unable to contain this much sudden emotions. Kenshin felt his throat tighten. She had buried her face in her hands and was trying to calm her tremors, eager not to show her weakness. He took a deep breath.

"This one is... sorry for hurting you."

He lowered his head, clenching his fists at his side, his face remaining carefully expressionless. And his famous ocher locks that were hiding his eyes.

...when did his heart become so hard? she realized silently, holding her still sore wrist in her other hand. What did I miss, what isn't he telling me?

"I'd rather you be sorry for killing Lychee...!" she choked in a sob. "What's happening to you, Kenshin?"

"This one... is... terribly sorry."

Despite his unbearable desire to take his beloved in his arms and comfort her here and now, the wanderer was not daring to approach her at that moment. Guilt was overwhelming him. He was the cause of these tears. He was the one who was bringing horror into this immaculate generation that he had sought to protect so dearly.

This one has made a mistake...

Another sharp intake of breath.

...Again...

"Would you like nonetheless... to let yourself be examined by Megumi-dono?"

"I'm going to go," she sobbed, "we can't do anything for him anymore anyway..."

She could not stand being here, right next to the now lifeless body of their animal and the pool of blood that was laying beneath her feet on the ground of her dojo, a school that was protecting life. As she was standing up, Kenshin took a step toward her.

"Don't go with me! W-we'll meet again later."

Kaoru had seen enough. As she was sensing in her heart the deep reasons that had motivated his action, she would be able with time to forgive the samurai, but not now, not right away. She was planning, when things would be calmer for both, to literally beat the wanderer with her shinai for this impulsive gesture. Without tears this time. It was out of the question that Kaoru Kamiya, direct heiress of Kamiya Kasshin ryu, let him express the violence that was resulting from his character as a former assassin and from his chaotic life. Whether or not he was animated by the best intentions in the world.

"Hai. As you please, Kaoru-dono..."

This one would do anything for you.

He handed her some compresses anyway, eager to heal her wound by himself first, but his expert eyes noted that the young woman trembled imperceptibly as he was moving his hand closer. Horrified by her reaction, Himura resigned himself to not try to do more. Instead, he knelt beside the one they had called Lychee.

"This one will take care of... the remains."

He was hating himself so much.

When she left for the clinic, the master of Kamiya Kasshin crossed the path of a police officer who was walking hastily towards the dojo, but she paid no attention to him.

The official version proclaimed by Kaoru was that the dog had fled away again.


Tetsuko was walking in the streets of Tokyo, accompanied by her older brother Toshiro. Since they had come back from Kyoto where they had gone to visit an aunt, all they had got into was trouble. First, their dog who fled away on the Tokaido road after hearing a bird scream, then Toshiro who got stuck in a tree trying to find him -saved in extremis by an impressive potter-, and then the little sister and her father in the carriage who run over a scary eyed man on the way back from the market. Tetsuko had got it rough, and she was finally happy to spend some time with her big brother today.

"...Can I have daifuku once we arrive in the main square?" she asked, smiling with her almond-shaped eyes.

"If you want, daddy gave me some money."

"Great!"

She ran in front of him, clapping her hands happily. The weather was good this afternoon and the temperature was nice, allowing them time to wander. But as they were passing aside a kenjutsu dojo, Tetsuko stopped abruptly.

"There..."

The little girl pointed to a mass of red fur stained with blood on the side of the road at the bottom of the gutter. The water had not yet had time to carry it away. Toshiro approached her and carefully turned the animal around. To his horror, he found that the body was that of a small dog. His dog.

"But... it's Mochi !" yelled the little girl before her brother had time to hide her eyes.

Their Shiba-Inu, who had been missing for more than a month, was laying inanimate at their feet, slaughtered. The poor thing had probably tried to come home alone and had lost himself in the big city, before meeting a person obviously ill-intentioned.

"Don't look, it's too late..." Toshiro answered, taking the little girl in his arms, his own voice shivering.

Tetsuko burst into tears. She did not want to eat daifuku any more.


Next chapter : Light off

...are we finally getting into this mission I'm promising you since the beginning of the story?


PS : please don't sue me for this chapter, I'm a huge animal defender in life ! My *beautiful, splendid, adorable and adored* cats are literally spoiled like kings... ^^°