Chapter 11- Another Gay Ass Base

Halfway through and this shit is just getting more and more fucked up. They have now landed at the new location of STG. It is in the same jungle.

Snake: Wait here, Steven.

Seagal: Alrighty.

Snake stares at the base. He then slaps his forehead with his palm.

Snake: Is it just me. Or are these bases getting gayer and gayer.

The base this time is not a cave. Well. It is, but it's also a tree house!

Ocelot: Not just you. It is gay.

Raiden: Yup.

Ashley: Uh huh.

Snake walks over to the helicopter and sorts through the weaponry. He tosses Ocelot a 12 gauge shotgun with a side pack full of shells, Raiden an M16 with 6 extra clips not counting the one already in the gun, he hands Ashley his SOCOM with a couple of extra clips, and he takes for himself a SG551 SWAT. [That's a helluva assault rifle there, folks. Swiss, sleek, and it has this oh-so-nifty thingy that allows it to hold two extra clips near where the first one is inserted.]

Snake: Alright. Here is the plan. We go in, and I will take out standard security quietly. We find out where the control room is located, and if it's easy to access, we sneak to it. Then, Ashley will wait there with Steven.

Seagal: Wait, I said I wasn't going in!

Snake: If you don't go, I'll kill you.

Seagal: Alright. Fine.

Steven grabs a M16 with several clips.

Snake: Alright. Then, Ocelot, Raiden, and I will search for STG separately. We keep in contact by out two-way radios.

Raiden: Why not use the codec?

Snake: Cause each time we use it we have to crouch cause this asshole of a writer thinks its funny.

Raiden: Alright.

Snake: If one of us finds it, we call the others. We will try to take it out without fighting, but we might just have to fight. Besides, we don't know which of the Zeal pricks are here.

Ocelot: Ja, is a good idea, no?

Snake: Alright, lets roll.

With Snake leading the way, they sneak into the complex. Snake smacking guards in the back of the head with his gun. Conveniently, they find a map in the middle of the main hall. They find that the security room is on the floor above them, and that there are 2 sub basements below them, making a total of 4 floors. They sneak into the security room without firing a single shot.

Snake: Alright, Ashley?

Ashley: Yes?

Snake: You will keep a look out on the security cameras to make sure we are not ambushed while Steven covers your back. Steven will clear floor 2, then he will come back here and wait.

Ashley: Roger.

Seagal: You sure you need me here. I could watch the chopper.

Snake: Don't be a pussy. Its now your time to prove to the world you are a badass.

Seagal: Alright . . . I'll do it, but I wont like it.

Snake: Alright, Raiden You will search floor 1.

Raiden: Umkay.

Snake: Ocelot, you get sublevel 1.

Ocelot: Affirmative.

Snake: And I will get sublevel 2. Every one is clear on that?

Raiden: Yes sir!

Ok. It has been awhile since I last gave a random rant out of no where. Lets throw another one in here shall we. Pizza is great shit. Yeah, its soo fuckin great. My penguins love it. That's right, penguins! You got a problem with that Mr. I don't have an army of penguins who can sing "I'm a little tea pot" backwards in Latin and are very evil, tiny, and angry who are ready to storm the white house and paint it black. Yeah, paint it black. Kinda like that Rolling Stones song. That song kicks ass. Hell, the Rollin stones kick ass. They are like the Beatles! Speaking of the Beatles, why the hell name their band after a bug! That's fucking gay! Almost as gay as Raiden! Heh. Yeah, It's fucking crazy. By the way, did you know that every word in the human race has a "q" in the middle of it. It's silent. Speaking of silent, why cant alarm clocks be silent! THEY ARE FUCKING ANNOYING! WHO THE HELL INVENTED THEM! WHO EVER DID NEEDS TO BE DRAGGED OUT IN THE STREET AND SHOT!!! Or worse. He (or she for all you god damned feminists who will call me a sexist pig if I don't include the word "she" in here) needs to be forced to own one. But that's all beside the point. The group, except for the bitch environmentalist, leaves and goes on their patrols. Raiden, Ocelot, and Snake get into the elevator with out giving Seagal a good luck. They figure he is Steven Seagal and needs no such thing said to him. They stop at floor one first.

[Well, soup is the most watery of foods...or is it even a food? Is it liquid with food in it, or food with liquid on it? But soup is watery. Now some people put soup on their bread, other people put bread on their soup...I think the French do that...all you really end up with is soggy bread. Now what if shit was a living, breathing thing? What if whenever you took a crap, the shit would like, fall into the water and drown because it has no arms and legs and cannot swim because it's a piece of turd? What if like, air bubbles came up and it like, screamed? You think they'd make any specialized products for that? I do. Like, shit silencers or something. They'd have commercials and everything. It's be like, an attractive woman sitting in a chair with an apartment background saying "Does your waste plead for life and beg for mercy? Is it causing others to wake up, or just plain annoying you? Well, with new Shit-B-Silent, you can end that for good. It utilizes patented shit silencing medical technology, and comes at a low low price! So, next time you want to cut that shit out, think Shit-B- Silent!". . . Just a thought.] {WTF. . .}

Raiden: Well.This is my stop.

Snake: Yeah, now go. You're holding us up.

Raiden: Be careful Snake.

Snake: Yeah, whatever.

They continue down to sublevel 1.

Ocelot: I may not see you again, but I would like to say it has been great working with you.

Snake: Same. You're a real bad ass.

Ocelot: But I will never compare to you.

Snake: Yeah . . . You wont will you?

Ocelot: HAHAHAHA! I like your sense of humor, human.

Snake: I like yours, robot.

Ocelot: Asta la vista. . .

Snake: Good. If ya called me baby I would kill you.

Ocelot: Heh.

The elevator doors close, leaving Snake going down to sublevel 2. When the doors open, Snake has almost no time to get some cover because he is being shot at, by none other than Habib.

Habib: I LOST MY BALLS BECAUSE OF YOU!!!

Fuck the goodbyes..