A/N: I own nothing of the Whedonverse nor any fairytales and I am not profiting from this work.
Chapter 12
Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer
You, you wanna take a break?
Whadyou mean forgotten age?
So, Giles, how do I beat it?
"Hey you, I'm afraid I've been thinking." Harmony looked at the drunk demon on the barstool next to her.
"Thash a danjouroush pasht time." The demon slurred before letting his head rest against his arms once more.
"Like, I know, but there's this vamp who I guess is his sire and her sanity's only," she shimmied her hand to indicate either instability or that super cute manicure she just had done. Probably both, "so so."
Harmony huffed a sigh that expanded her halter to nearly bust a seam. "See I promised myself I wouldn't go back to Blondie Bear but right now I'm like, oh what's the word for...never mind. I'm making a plan. See first I'll...no...then I guess I'll...Oh! Now I've got it."
She stood up and grabbed her coat. As she swung the adorable red leather affair around her shoulders she looked back at all the nice demons that had listened to her think through her problems. She waved with cheerleader level pep. "Sorry, gotta go."
The half passed out demon looked up. "That Blondie Bear ish quite a guy." He shook his head and paid his tab.
The barkeep lifted his voice to get all of the patrons' attention. "She's gone!"
The whole bar seemed to whoop or sigh in relief as Harmony Kendall made her way to someplace where they were not.
"I just don't understand how what I said was wrong." Anya was putting away yogurt in Xander's new mini fridge. Who knew there were so many flavors of yogurt?
"Ahn, you told the old woman that she was better off now that her dog was dead because it wouldn't be there woofing down her pension."
"I was using humor and good sense to make her feel better like you told me how."
"Yeah, I get that." Xander passed his hand across the back of his neck and shifted from foot to foot. "It's just that death is different from a bad grade or a flat tire. There are different rules."
She huffed as she straightened and looked her, whatever he was to her, up and down. He was always correcting her and the rules always had these other extra rules and sometimes it just seemed that it would have been easier if she had never answered that Wish.
Xander could see she was thinking about something troubling but the longer she looked at him the more worried he grew that she was thinking about him. Then her chin started to quiver and her bottom lip began to tremble and her eyes were welling and craparolli he had made his, whatever she was to him, cry. People like his dad made the people with them cry. Not the Xan-man.
"Oh no. No no no no. Don't cry. It's okay. Don't cry. I-I'm sorry. That lady shouldn't have dumped all of that dog stuff on you and you were a demon for a thousand years. It's not like you had to console anyone on the loss of a pet. You're just out of practice and I'll help better next time. I'll be more patient and I'll explain more." As he ran out of breath he felt her thump his chest from where she was crushed slightly against it. He looked down at her face. "What?"
"I was upset because I remembered I had given you the coupons and that lady distracted me with all of that death and grief and now the store has all of my nickels. I bought five of each because I had those coupons and now I have yogurt and coupons." She smiled wetly up at her, whatever, and wiped the not quite shed tears from her eyes.
Xander took a deep breath and squeezed her shoulders. "Dang it Ahn, you made me think I'd made my girlfriend cry."
"Girlfriend?"
"I uh I," he turned to the side and faked a cough, "there's a chance I'm coming down with something. You know fever may be messing with my…"
"It's fine Xander. Trust me. I know men." With that she patted her boyfriend on the arm, grabbed the coupons from his front left pocket, and walked away with a smile as she thought that maybe Buffy or Mrs. Summers wanted the yogurt discount. She knew Dawn didn't really enjoy that brand.
Xander sat on his couch and muttered as his...walked up the stairs. "I'm not men. I'm Xander. I'll show her. I'll, I'll, well I don't know what I'll do but I'll be the best man she's ever seen. In a good way." And with that Alexander Lavelle Harris, with a light heart and a new goal, sat down to watch the Hanna-Barbera hour on channel 12.
"So we just, find the mirage and boom, insta-sister?" Dawn looked between her mom and the book while her sister made her own cereal.
"Hey! I'm still your sister. I'm just less susceptible to carbon monoxide." She grinned at her sister as she poured the milk over her breakfast. She had a whole pile of pills too. Willow had dropped by with some supplements. It turns out calcium, magnesium, potassium, iron, zinc, copper, molybdenum, cobalt, chromium, manganese, and selenium at the correct concentration along with the right level of sodium can offer the same nutritional value as fresh human blood. Which was awesome because it meant sometimes she could eat without feeling left out. Spike, however, said it was unnatural to take pills to replace blood. Saying that her demon wouldn't find it funny. He ate the food her mom made and she was glad to see him drinking his blood but what irked her was how Giles had agreed. He had said that bloodlust was not only for the elements found in the blood but for the act of taking in another's life. There was something to do with the demonic aspect that couldn't be fed through supplements. But, still, pretty neat.
"For now we are in research mode and I am keeping a finger on the pulse of the Hellmouth. Activity's been down recently but it usually isn't this quiet unless something big is coming. Apocalypse big." Buffy took a big bite of her corn flakes.
"Isn't spring apocalypse season?" Dawn stood and placed her bowl in the sink but then rinsed it out at her mother's well pointed glance.
"Yep," Buffy shrugged and thought over which irons they had on the back burner or pans in the fire or whatever. Oz was being quiet, usual. Giles was reading up, also usual. Xander and Anya were MIA, growing to be the usual. Willow was looking into a Wicca club on campus to see if there were any other witches that could be all with the help. Willow had found a spell in Giles that could act as a temporary sunblock of SPF quintillion but it required two witches and Amy was indisposed and Giles was less a witch and more a casual magic user. Plus it seemed the only clue they had on how to destroy Mirage was that there needed to be witches. A whole coven apparently. So, all bets were on Wicca club.
