Flicker of Hope - Chapter 12

Summary:

Alise still tries to push everything Aspen says in the back of her mind simply because she doesn't want to face the truth, even though she knows she should. It's Owen's birthday and she has something planned for him, so she pushes her fears and anxieties to the side, just like she usually does, except this time all of the suppressed emotions become too much for her and she snaps.
**Adult themes ahead, be warned


After what Aspen told me, it weighed heavy on my mind for the rest of the night and I was pretty disconnected while we were watching TV. I left once Lance got home and went home. Everything she said was starting to eat me up and it was hard to sleep that night, but I tried to push it in the back of my mind for now because in two days, it was Owen's birthday and I was really excited for the surprise I had for him.

Today, I went into the shop for a few hours because my mom had an appointment and when she got back, she let me go home since it wasn't busy. I grabbed my stuff from the back room and walked back on the floor towards the exit.

"Honey, have you thought about whether or not you wanted us to make the office Charlie's nursery?" she asked while she was folding some shirts to put on the display table.

I thought this could also be her way of asking about whether or not Owen and I were staying after Charlie's born. We hadn't really talked about it, but we all just kind of assumed we'd be there after Charlie was born and until I got a full-time job. My mom and I talked about it briefly in the past and she said I could stay as long as I needed to and at the time it seemed like Owen and I didn't really have a choice on whether or not we were going to stay. But now since we're getting the settlement money, we have more options now, but that's not something I discussed with my mom yet.

"Yeah, I thought about it. I still have to talk to Owen about it. I really appreciate you giving up your office for us, you and Carl have done so much to help us and I love you guys for it." I smiled, hugging her. It was unbelievable to me how supportive they've been. Not many parents would do this for their children.

"Oh honey, no worries," she said as she pulled away and went back to folding. "It's the least we could do, really. It's no trouble at all. And, just so you know, we already painted it light purple while you were gone and took out all of the office furniture, so should you decide you want it, it's all ready to go." she smiled.

"You knew we'd say yes, didn't you?" I asked with a smiled.

"Mother's intuition," she replied simply with a smile.

"I hope I get that when Charlie's born… having a connection like that with her would be amazing." I smiled, rubbing my stomach subconsciously.

"You'll get it soon, the second she's born. If you haven't gotten it already that is."

I smiled, "Well, I'm gonna head out. I'll see you for dinner."

"Bye honey, see you later!" she called as I stepped outside. I smiled to myself, how did I get so lucky with a mom like her?

centerx x x/center

Later that night, around 9, I was in pajamas and in bed, moving my hand under the covers so Loki could attack it. He could be easily entertained by just that for an hour, I swear, he's too cute. Owen had just gotten out of the shower and he walked into the room with a towel wrapped around his waist.

I raised my brows and bit my lip. "Damn, you sexy baby!" I said with a smirk.

"Oh yeah? What about now?" he asked as he let the towel drop on the floor and stuck his ass out as if he were posing.

"Dat ass doe, babe," I licked my lips as he shook his head and chuckled. "It gets me all hot and bothered, I might need a cold shower, or a one-way ticket to pound town. Come to think of it, I like the second choice much better, so come here and let's get to fucking." I smirked.

"Not after you gave me a black eye with that cast, it's still black and blue." he chuckled, pointing to his eye that did have a little black and blue, but it was barely noticeable. I sighed and pouted, this fucking cast will be the death of me. At least I get it off in a few more days, after our weekend getaway that is.

"Well, we have a whole weekend to ourselves and if you think we're not having sex, you're wrong. Because we are. Twice a day, too. Maybe three times, if you can handle it." I smirked, still messing around with Loki.

"Oh, I can handle that baby. I think you forgot about our wedding night, how many rounds was that? 6? 7?" he said with a cocky grin as he changed into his pajamas.

"Including the one in the shower? I don't know. I lost count after 5," I said, shrugging. He chuckled and shook his head before getting into bed. I raised my brows and looked at him as he grabbed his book that was on the nightstand and opened it. He didn't notice the look I was giving him. "Seriously?"

"What?" he asked me, confused.

I looked at the towel on the ground. "You're going to leave that wet towel on the ground?"

"I just got comfortable, I'll get it in the morning." he shrugged as if it were nothing.

"Really?" I asked, my brows raised.

"Yeah, what's the big deal?" he asked as if I were overreacting, which I wasn't. I sighed and pushed myself out of bed, which was getting harder and harder to do as the days went on since this little girl is growing so fast. "Don't get up, it's not a big deal, I said I'd get it tomorrow morning," he said. I just rolled my eyes and walked over, bending down to pick it up. This isn't the only time that he's done it - he does it almost every day and guess who has to clean it up because he forgets? "Come on, are you annoyed now?"

"No, Owen, it's fine. I was getting up anyway," I said, opening the door. "Come on Loki," I said. He meowed and bounced off the bed, stepping over Owen in the process.

I sighed and walked into the bathroom. I washed my face and put moisturizer on when I noticed the cap to the toothpaste was off. Owen is the only one that shares the toothpaste with me, so it had to of been him. I've asked him a million times to cap the toothpaste when he's done because it dries out. I pushed my lips together, slowly inhaling and exhaling to get rid of my frustration. I told myself that it wasn't a big deal and I was just overreacting. On a normal day, this wouldn't get to me this much, but given everything that's been on my mind, I was a little sensitive.

I brushed my teeth and shut off the bathroom light. Hopefully, I can sleep well tonight because I'm gonna need it.

centerx x x/center

The next morning, I woke up around 7:30 am and cooked breakfast for Owen and I. Carl had left earlier to head down the shop, which was still a slow finishing process. It had flooring and they're waiting on all of the furnishings to come in, but they had a lot of time. They're not opening it until August and they're actually well ahead of schedule, which is a good thing. Renovating takes forever, even though they started about 4 and a half months ago, but they had to gut the whole place out and redo everything inside like electricity and all that jazz, plus it was infected with mold, so that didn't help the timeline either.

I calmed down a bit from last night and figured I just needed a good night's sleep, which I haven't been getting recently for obvious reasons. Last night I slept pretty well, only woke up a few times to pee and I was able to fall back to sleep rather quickly, so I can't complain. Plus, we were leaving for the cabin in the mountains today that I rented this weekend for Owen's birthday.

He's never been one to have parties, in fact, he's said that he hates them. He loves cabins and secluded areas where he can just relax and do his own thing without any expectations, so I figured renting a cabin would be the perfect gift, along with the lingerie I got for him because he loves lingerie. (If I can figure out how to get it on with this damn cast and I'm hoping he'll be able to take it off).

I made eggs, bacon (the real kind - since it's almost his birthday, he deserves it), and hashbrowns. His favorite breakfast. He makes the pancakes, bacon, and strawberries for me, because that's my favorite - of course, he doesn't mind it though. I could still manage my way around the kitchen even with this bulky cast.

I was just flipping over the eggs when I heard footsteps walking into the kitchen. I looked over and saw Owen, who looked like he literally just rolled out of bed and his hair was a mess. It was adorable. "Morning baby." I laughed.

"I smelt bacon…" he said, walking over.

"Don't worry, it's the real kind." I laughed.

"Well, it looks good too, but you look even better," he said, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around me. "Are you on the menu?" he said in my ear, moving my hair behind my shoulder. "'Cause I wouldn't mind a taste of you," he said. I could have sworn it was almost a growl. His lips kissed my neck lightly and it sent a shiver down my spine and a rush of heat between my legs.

"I think I can arrange that," I said, biting my lip.

"Is anyone home?" he asked, his lips leaving a trail along my neck, alternating between soft sucking and biting.

"No…" I said, letting out a breath as my body sunk into his.

"Well, finish up those eggs, baby," he smirked, slapping my ass. I bit my lip and let the eggs finish. It only took a minute, but it felt like an eternity. I put the eggs on a plate and covered it with the pan cover and walked over to where he sat at the kitchen table. "Get on the table, baby. I'm starving."

I didn't hesitate to do what he said and the moments that followed were pure bliss.

centerx x x/center

We left the house around noon and I told him the directions to the cabin without telling him exactly where we were going. He kept asking, but I wouldn't budge. When we finally got there around 2pm, we pulled up the long driveway and he parked the car, looking over at the cabin.

"I rented it for a couple of days, so it'll be just you and me. There's not another cabin for a couple of miles and I figured you'd like a break from the outside world for a bit since you loved Tim's cabin. We can do whatever you want. The only thing on the itinerary is 5am sunrises from the bedroom and the rest is all open." I smiled, putting my hand on his knee.

"I couldn't think of a better way to spend my birthday - all alone in a cabin with you. It's perfect," he said, leaning in to kiss me. I smiled when we pulled away and got out of the car. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder as we walked towards the front door. "This is the part where I find a hatchet in the shed and hack you to bits in your sleep, right?"

"Owen! Don't even say that while I'm carrying our child, even if it is a joke!" I said, slapping his arm.

"You're right, I'll wait 3 more months until you pop her out and then bring you back up here and then hack you to pieces," he said nonchalantly, shrugging.

I raised my brows and looked at him. "The fact that you think I'm just going to "pop her out" is really concerning."

"What? Isn't that how it goes? One push and you're good to go." he said with a shrug. I could tell he was joking by the small smirk on his face that he couldn't hide. I scoffed, rolled my eyes and opened the door with the key I got from the owner. He just chuckled and followed me inside.

centerx x x/center

We went to the store to get some food for the next couple of days. On the way back, I remembered the conversation I had with my mom after picking up a magazine at the store that was about babies and pregnancy and decided to bring it up.

"So my mom said we can use her office as the nursery for Charlie and I realized we never even talked about how long we were staying with them…" I said, looking at him.

"Well, I think it'd be good to stay with them when Charlie's born. It's a couple of extra hands and I'm sure they'd be happy to help. Plus, it takes a while to find a new house, we wouldn't even find one and get moved in before she's born, even if Aspen works her magic." Owen said.

I smiled and nodded, agreeing with him. "You're right."

He raised his brows and looked at me. "What was that? I didn't hear you, did you just say I was right?" he joked, smirking at me.

I rolled my eyes, "I just said you were right about this. This one thing, not everything," I said, shoving his arm lightly. Owen just shook his head and chuckled as my thoughts took over. "It's going to be so hectic after she's born. I'm actually a little scared to bring her home for the first time…"

He sighed and grabbed my knee. "Don't worry about that. Everything's gonna be fine," he said as we pulled up to the house and he moved his hand to put the car in park. "Dammit, I forgot the bleach to get rid of the blood after I hack you to bits…"

I raised my brows at him, "I thought you were waiting until after Charlie was born?"

"Yeah, but I just can't wait any longer. It's already been over a year since I got you in my life and a man can only control his urges for so long," he said seriously, it was hard to tell he was joking and I know that's the way he intended for it to come across.

"Okay, now you're really starting to freak me out there, buddy. Let's not talk about you killing me anymore, alright? It really messes with the mood… now I don't know if I wanna have sex with you tonight, you ruined it." I said as I got out of the car.

He scoffed as he got out of the car and grabbed the two bags of groceries and walked over to me. "Oh, come on babe. I won't hack you to bits, I love you too much. You're my everything."

I rolled my eyes and opened the door. "Now you're just saying that so you can get some."

He chuckled and followed me inside. "Is it working?" he asked with a cheesy grin.

"Take off your pants and we'll find out." I winked and smirked. Yup, definitely worked.

centerx x x/center

Turns out, those compliments worked like a charm and we ended up tangled in the sheets right after that. We laid in bed for a while, talking, before my stomach growled loudly and Owen took that as his cue to start dinner. He cooked some barbeque chicken and veggies and when we finished, he went to take a shower and then so did I.

When I walked back into the room we were staying in, his dirty clothes were all over the floor, which is a reoccurring thing for him. Sometimes I don't mind it, but this time I tripped over his pants when I was going to get something from my duffel bag and almost fell face first. And falling face-first with a baby inside you is not something you want to happen. It's honestly one of the scariest thoughts a pregnant woman could have.

Of course, I cleaned them up because god knows he won't, so I was a little frustrated, to say the least, and it showed when I walked into the living room to see Owen watching TV and drinking a beer.

"Why the hell am I the one that has to pick up your dirty clothes and put them away?" I asked, walking over.

Owen's attention was still on the TV as he shrugged. "Didn't realize I did that. Won't happen again," he said, but he was totally disconnected when he said it. Like he wasn't even paying attention to me at all. That only caused me to get even angrier.

"Okay, well, just so you know it's kinda hard to bend down when there's a 30-pound weight attached to my stomach and the least you could do is not be a dick and clean up after yourself," I said, groaning as I sat down next to him.

"Okay, Alise. It won't happen again, I don't see why you have to get so angry about it," he said, rubbing my back lightly as if to calm me down, but it wasn't working.

I sighed, "It's just annoying that I have to pick up after you and you're a grown ass man and soon I'm going to have a baby to pick up after and I'm sure as hell not picking up after you too."

"Why are you up my ass recently? We're here to relax and have a good time and you're doing the opposite of that," he said, setting his beer on the table, clearly annoyed.

I raised my brows, "I'm up your ass? I'm up your fucking ass? You've got to be kidding me!" I couldn't believe he just said that.

"Where is all of this coming from?" he asked, clearly taken back and confused. He was getting angry at this point too.

I shook my head, "Just forget it." I said, leaning my back against the couch and crossing my arms over my chest and above my belly. I was pissed that he just said that, but I didn't want to get even more annoyed. Tomorrow was his birthday and I didn't want to ruin it, so it would probably be best if I just bit my tongue.

Owen shook his head, "No, tell me what's wrong. You can't just bite my head off because you feel like it-"

I raised my brows, not able to listen to what he was saying anymore. "Because I feel like it? Owen, this entire fucking time I haven't once bit off your head and I'm doing it now because I'm sick of it. I've had enough. I'm done picking up after you, I'm done with your mood swings, I'm done protecting you. Everything's always about you. I'm constantly watching myself and monitoring myself because I don't want to upset you. You won't fucking tell me anything and you won't talk to me. Do you know how much stress and pressure that puts me under? My head hurts because of it, I'm already physically and emotionally exhausted because I have a fucking baby growing inside of me that's literally draining me of all my energy and all I can do is sit here and worry about YOU and that's because I fucking love you, but I feel like I never get anything in return. I feel like I'm going through this whole fucking thing alone. I feel helpless, Owen. I can't even turn to you because you won't understand, you never do. You just think I'm being overly emotional well, fuck, maybe I am but I'm hurting and you don't even care enough to notice." I just erupted with tears streaming down my face and I couldn't hold them back, no matter how hard I tried.

"I don't really know what to say…" he said after a short silence.

I sighed, "Of course you don't. You never do."

Owen sighed, "How could you think I don't care? Alise, I love you more than anything. I care about you so much. I never want you to think that I don't. I thought things were good, I thought we talked about things. I never knew you felt this way and I'm sorry that I didn't notice, I should have paid attention more…" he said. I could hear his voice crack with emotion as he reached out to grab my hand. "Alise, I love you and I hate to see you hurt. If you feel helpless, you need to tell me, okay? I can't help you if you don't tell me…" he was tearing up and seeing him like this broke my heart. I hate seeing him cry. "God, I'm such an asshole." he shook his head.

"Honey, don't say that…" I said, holding his hand tighter.

"No, you're right. You've been trying to talk to me about things, but I've just been blowing you off. It's just hard for me and you've been great, too great. Better than I deserve. I should have noticed you weren't feeling yourself, I should have known and all I've been doing is thinking about myself and baby, I'm so sorry. I hope you can forgive me." he said, tears streaming down his face as he let out a breath to calm himself down.

"Of course I forgive you… we're both going through a lot right now." I said, running my fingers through his hair and cupping his cheek.

He grabbed my hands and looked at me right in the eyes. "Tell me what's wrong, tell me what I did to you to make you feel this way."

I sighed and bit my lip. "It's not you, Owen. It's just everything that's happened. It's the situation we're in," I took another deep breath, tears building up in my eyes again. "It's just… we've been through so much the past 6 months and I just feel like I can't handle it anymore. After what happened with Aspen, I'm terrified something's going to happen to Charlie and it's all I can think about. I don't know what I would do if something happened to her. It would kill me."

"If anything happened to her, it would kill me too, Alise…" he said, wiping the tears that were streaming down my face with his thumb. "But she's safe right now, isn't she?" I bit my lip and looked down at my stomach and nodded, rubbing it gently. His hand covered mine. "She's safe right now and that's all that matters. You're doing everything you can to keep it that way. You can't keep living in fear of what might happen, it'll only drive you crazy. There's only so much we can do. Whatever happens, happens, and if something happens, we'll deal with it together. Just like we have everything else."

I let out a breath and nodded, feeling better after hearing him say that. "You're completely right… I was just overreacting, as usual."

"No, you weren't. It's okay to worry about these things, but not to the point where it's making you feel this way. You have to talk about it, okay? And I'm here for you, always. I promise." he said, moving my hair behind my ear and cupping my cheek, gently rubbing it with his thumb, catching a few stray tears.

I smiled at him, getting lost in his emerald eyes. He knows exactly what to say to make me feel better. "I love you," I said.

"I love you too baby, more than anything," he said, kissing me with passion. When we broke away and I let out a sigh of relief.

"I feel so much better now," I said, calming down enough now that I wasn't crying. I wiped the leftover tears with the sleeve of my shirt.

"Good, I'm glad. I hate seeing you upset," he said, putting his arm around my shoulders and pulling me close to him. I let out a sigh, feeling completely at ease in his arms like this. I felt so much better after talking to him, but I still feel like there are some things that were left unsaid, but this is a start at least.