Chapter 10: Say My Name...Again

Saul crashed atop the iron white, gold-trimmed wedding carriage and brawled his way to reach the Cyclops and his captive. No matter how many conehead knights he tossed and clouted off, more seemed to take their place, but none of that mattered to the frenzied green knight as he fought with single-minded fury he had never experienced in his life before.

"RITAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" he roared again as the other Castle Crashers joined him aboard the carriage.

The four of them dodged falling bomb, threw off conehead knight, and booted bandit as the carriage continued to race for sanctuary. All the while, Saul's frenzied yell echoed.

"RITAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Soon, a gigantic black face of fuzz with catlike bug eyes and a Cheshire cat smile clawed and scratched its way in pursuit of the carriage.

"Hey! It's that troll thing we ran away from in the fo-" started Lumiere before Saul grabbed him, hoisted him overhead... "Hey! Put me down!"

"RITAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

...and heaved him headlong at the troll.

"AAAAAAAAGH!" screamed Lumiere as he slammed into the troll with a fiery bounce. "Dude! Not cool!" he spat after landing back on the carriage, wiping fur from his visor.

"RITAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" yelled Saul again, this time throwing first another conehead, then a bomb, and finally a stray laser blade into the troll's face.

He then leaped aboard the monster's head and repeatedly stabbed into its skull with his halberd until it sagged behind the carriage.

"MLLLLLLLLLUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWRRRR!" moaned the dying troll as Saul vaulted back.

"Look out!" Gottfried tried to shout, but it was too late; the four Castle Crashers were wiped off of the carriage roof and plastered askew the ground by the lip of a cave.

Saul leaped to his feet, took up his halberd...

"RITAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

...and charged headlong into the cave. The other Castle Crashers gathered their bearings as they rose to their feet.

"Castle Crashers," said Gottfried, "can you still stand?"

"I got a little cooked, but I'm okay," said Anton.

"I've had worse," said Lumiere, sarcastically.

"Very good," said Gottfried. "Forward! Into the cave!"

Gottfried and Anton raced as fast as their fatigued legs could carry them, but Lumiere grumbled and trudged behind them.

"And who the hell is this Rita person?" he muttered under his breath.


"RITAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Saul's obsessed roar echoed through the conehead corpse-carpeted cavern.

As Gottfried, Anton, and Lumiere hobbled through, the foul stench of sulfur hung ever heavier, and smoke billowed from the cavern walls. But time to ponder its source would have to wait, for brownish gray slime blobs with black dots for eyes descended from the cavern ceiling to attack them.

"Oh, great. More of these slime things?" bemoaned Lumiere before one of the slimes jumped for his head, intercepted and repulsed by the electrified edge of Gottfried's sword.

The three Castle Crashers continued to fight their way past the slimes and navigate the carpet of conehead corpses as they listened for their comrade's single-minded war cry.

"RITAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" it echoed once more.

The sulfur continued to burn the Castle Crashers' throats and eyes as they trekked further through the cave...


...until at last, they exited at the bank of a burning river of lava. The sky was darkened by volcanic ash, and geysers of lava spurted from the ground below. The smell of sulfur was so intense that the Castle Crashers could scarcely breathe without covering their visors with cloth.

"RITAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" rang Saul's berserk war cry again.

"Phew," said Lumiere. "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"

"Oh, I don't know," snarked Anton. "Maybe it's because we're right next to a river of lava."

"It was a joke," sighed Lumiere.

But Gottfried and Anton paid it no heed as they continued their trek. Lumiere peeled off his helmet, set it down at his feet, and tied his cloth around his muzzle.

"Hey, guys," he said. "You do realize that we can't fight with only one free hand each, right?"

Gottfried and Anton turned back to see Lumiere with his cloth draped across his face.

"Good thinking, Lumiere," said Gottfried as he and Anton did likewise. The three knights donned their helmets, relieved to breathe all the easier.

"Thanks for the complement, by the way."

"Save it for after we rescue the green princess," said Anton.

"Ugh, fine."

And thus, did they continue to pursue the rampaging Saul.

"And who the hell is this Rita person Saul keeps screaming about?"