A/N: there's an illo for the last chapter in my ffnet bio. N/K from Barty's view, perhaps? (don't worry, it's just a PG-13 rated 'bed scene', not exactly naughty).
Review responses sent out as usual.
Also thanks to: Aiko Moonchild, Krzysztoffa, EliasDaemonwing, BobtheFrog, random dude, LandUnderWave, the Thirteenth Councilor, Alder, Queen Dragon, uptowngirl48, AmethystPhoenix1, Starfire Gracen, Lumos2000, 4everrandom, pi-fan92, gremlin, fikle, Hello, Saldaen farmgirl, DarkestKnight, squeejeefaxmachine, Four Strings, Fredryck
Chapter 12
In Which Nat Freaks Out, Kitty Is Happy and I Feel Guilty
The next two days passed without any incident. I restored the shields the day after I disabled them (Nathaniel's foliot, named Ugli, had decided to go shopping for carrots this time), and did it much better than the djinni who had first conjured them – my shields weren't interlocked at any point. I was sure Nat would have been most grateful for my wonderful work if he had known I had done it. Then again, if he had known I had done it, he would also have known that I had sneaked into the house and I was sure he wouldn't have been happy about that.
All in all, the first two days I spent in the kid's house passed more or less nicely – with the exception that I had to witness another five passionate lovemaking sessions. The only difference was that Kitty got in the habit of screaming 'Nathaniel' instead of 'John'. I sometimes wondered why she didn't just scream 'Nat', as it's so much shorter. But no, she seemed to have fallen in love with the name as well not only its owner and every time pronounced every syllable. And not only in the bedroom did she call him Nathaniel, but in other rooms of the house as well. However, whenever she talked with him over the phone, she was careful to call him John. Nat was a lucky idiot to have a smart wife who remembered which name she was supposed to call him in which situation.
Two days after I had 'moved into' Nat's house, Jane Farrar summoned me as she had promised she would.
I appeared before her in the form of a farmer, wearing a gardener's hat and clothes that smelled strongly of manure. She made a grimace at my smell, which I acknowledged with a toothy grin.
"You're exceptionally pretty today, Miss Farrar," I told her cheerfully, only to see her eyes narrow. "Oh, yes, I've found out your name. Too bad it's not your birth name, though…"
"How did you find out?" she asked darkly. "Did John talk to that tramp about me?"
"No, I found out from a gossip show on T.V. The whole row between you and John was replayed there. I expect half the Empire was laughing at you…" I gave her an innocently sweet smile.
Her face was so red and her whole body shaking so much with suppressed rage, that I wouldn't have been surprised if she'd suddenly exploded. But to my great regret – and to Nat's misfortune – she did not. She took a few deep breaths to calm herself.
"Report to me!"
"Um… what are you interested in?"
"Everything they did and said in the last two days," she said coldly.
"Shall I start with the missionary or the horsy?" I asked in a would-be polite voice. "I could say Kitty likes the former better, Johnnie boy prefers the latter. But they both like-"
"I'm not interested in their… bedroom activities!" My mistress stamped her foot and I again had the impression she was about to erupt like a volcano.
"With all due respect, you said you wanted to know everything…"
"Everything – except that."
"Well, Kitty likes watching cookery programmes and awaits her husband with something delicious every evening. Then they eat. Johnnie usually praises Kitty for her excellent cooking skills and tells her about things that happened in Parliament and about the American spies he and that Ffoukes person have managed to round up. Then they move into the bedroom. Since you've just forbidden me to tell about that part, I don't know what else I could tell you about." I shrugged.
"What are they talking about in the bedroom?"
"Kitty usually says that she loves him, though I seriously don't understand why, and he usually replies he too loves her. Besides that, they mostly scream. Anything else you want to know?"
I hoped she didn't want to know whether Nat had told Kitty his birth name, because if she had asked it outright, I would have had to tell her. And I didn't really feel like telling her. Hah. I never thought the day would come when I was getting protective of the kid, but… miracles happen once in a while.
Jane Farrar gave me a disapproving stare. Apparently she wasn't satisfied with my report. "Go back now and keep your eyes and ears open."
Leaving a strong smell of manure in her room, I departed.
o o o O O O o o o
The next month passed without any trouble. My only problem was that every time Farrar summoned me, I had to wait for Ugli to leave the Mandrake house to be able to get back in. But luckily he was a foliot who loved shopping and did it every day.
Things were looking up for Nat as well. For one, I heard him telling Kitty about a battle in the Americas that had ended with a British victory. He and Ffoukes had also managed to incarcerate another dozen American spies, and I doubted there could be many more out there.
The Resistance had made only one smaller skirmish but – to Nat's disappointment – they had managed to escape. However, he tried to hide his disappointment from Kitty – I suspected that she wouldn't have been happy to hear that he was still dead set on shutting her one-time fellows in the Tower.
One evening I watched the lovebirds watching T.V. together. As soon as it was mentioned in the news that on his way home from Parliament, Deputy Prime Minister Harold Weatherby had had a heart attack that he had barely survived, I saw a barely hidden, triumphant grin on Nat's face. Kitty hadn't noticed it, but if she had, she too would have wondered why such news would make her husband happy. I didn't yet know, but found out later. Much later.
One weekend they (Kitty, to be precise) invited Kitty's parents over for tea. Quite irritating people, these Jones's, I'm telling you. They kept ooohing and aaaahing over the house (it wasn't that cool, honestly), and kept praising their son-in-law all the time. If I had eaten something beforehand, I think their words would have made me violently sick. After a few hours of the Jones's visit, it seemed to me that Nat was beginning to feel really annoyed by their presence. That, for some reason, made me much more sympathetic towards Kitty's mum and dad.
So, for a whole month I could give my mistress rather neutral reports about tea parties, dinners Nat and Kitty ate together, and once I even mentioned to her that the Mandrakes loved doing 'things' in the swimming pool. This made her scream 'Haven't I told you not to talk to me about such things?' I kindly reminded her that she'd told me not to talk about their bedroom activities and the swimming pool was not the bedroom. This resulted in her forbidding me to ever talk to her about sex. Too bad, I loved annoying her with that (and especially loved quoting Nat that Kitty was a thousand times better than that 'cold fish' Jane Farrar…) Eh. My masters always rob me of the chance to enjoy myself.
After about four weeks, however, something unexpected happened. It was a Sunday, and Nathaniel and Kitty had gone to some party to some stupid old minister's house. I couldn't go with them, of course, as I expected the house to be teeming with demons and didn't want to get noticed. Besides, Miss Farrar had ordered me to stay in Mandrake's house, so I did.
It was past midnight that the lovebirds came home, and I – in the form of a fly – was most surprised to see Nat propping Kitty into the hall.
"I can walk on my own," Kitty said, but her voice didn't sound too irritated. She looked rather pale.
"Just half an hour ago you nearly fainted," Nat replied with a worried expression. "Are you sure you haven't drunk too much?"
Now Kitty's eyes flared with anger. "I haven't drunk a thing, Nathaniel! I haven't drunk because…"
"It's okay, I'm sorry." He took her into his arms, kissing her forehead. "It was stupid of me to insinuate that you're drunk…" He kissed her nose-tip, then her lips. I knew what this was leading to…
Oh well. I suppressed a sigh and followed them, wondering what Kitty had started to stay when Nat had interrupted her. I found out the following day.
o o o O O O o o o
Still in my fly form, I was snoozing on the ceiling when I was awoken by the creaking of a door. I needn't have slept at all, as we djinn don't need sleep, but after Nat and Kitty had fallen asleep, I decided that I would only be bored to death if I didn't follow suit.
Apparently the kid had too been awoken by the creaking door, because he blinked, and looked around.
"Kitty?" he called, stifling a yawn.
Kitty didn't reply, because, from what I could hear, she was busy retching in the adjacent bathroom.
Nathaniel got out of his bed, pulled on his boxers (seeing him starkers no longer managed to shock me), and ran into the bathroom. Curious, I turned into a spider and scurried towards the half-open door.
Kitty had nearly finished throwing up by the time I entered the room. To my surprise, I found Nat bent next to her, pulling her hair out of her face while she was getting reacquainted with her dinner.
"Kitty… are you all right?" he asked finally. A completely superfluous question, in my opinion.
"Do I look all right?" she croaked, stumbling to the basin to wash her face. She looked a fright. The last person I saw this deadly pale was Cleopatra, right after the snake had bitten her. I had been working for the Romans back then. As for what I had been doing in Cleopatra's personal suite right before her death… don't ask.
Nathaniel handed her a towel, eyeing her with a worried expression. "I didn't like the food much at yesterday's party either. But it wasn't that bad… I hope you're not going to be ill."
A barely visible smile appeared on her face. "I don't think I am."
The kid kept eyeing her in a contemplative way. "What did you drink at the party?"
"Just orange juice."
"I hope it wasn't poisoned or something…"
"Aren't you curious why I didn't drink alcoholic drinks at all?" she asked with a challenging expression. I already knew something important was happening. At last.
"I thought you didn't find anything you liked…" He glanced at her to see a calm, almost solemn expression on her face. "Apparently not. So, why, then?"
"Because yesterday I had a look at my calendar and noticed something."
"Er… was it the International Alcohol Free Day?"
Kitty seemed to be fighting back a chuckle. "No. I just realised that I'm two weeks late."
"Late from whe-?" Nathaniel began, but stopped before he could have finished the sentence. He was a funny sight, really. His eyes were bulging and his mouth was hanging open so much that I thought he could have swallowed a smaller foliot in one. Not that I would have advised him to try it. Humans' stomachs aren't tough enough for that. He'd be spewing worse than Kitty if he tried.
"K…Kitty… you don't think…?"
"I do think."
"But… but that's impossible! We were protected! The shield! It's been there all along!"
Yeah, all along, except for one night, Nat…
"I know. But…" Kitty shrugged.
"No! No, no, no, no! This can't be happening!" Nathaniel began pacing in the bathroom, running his hands across his hair. Within a few seconds his messy black hair was even messier. It strongly reminded me of someone who had just got an electric shock. He could have joined a heavy metal band, the fans would have loved his looks. But, back to the point – second by second Nathaniel looked more and more mental. If I hadn't have to stay hidden, I would have put a straight jacket on him, just as a precautionary measure. "Unless…" he continued, a haunted expression on his face, "unless someone had somehow managed to switch it off."
Actually, that was me. So what? Even the best can make mistakes.
"But why would anyone do that? WHY?" I think the kid hadn't noticed that he was shouting.
"Nathaniel, calm down!"
"CALM DOWN? How could I? This is strictly forbidden, Kitty!"
"Do you think I'm happy about it?" she snapped. Hah. I have always liked the snappish Kitty.
Whether it was the harshness of her voice or something else that made the kid stop in his stride, I didn't know, but he stopped and looked at her with an accusing expression. "Yes."
"Okay, I am. Or… I would be, if I were a hundred percent sure about the pregnancy."
The kid was practically hyperventilating. I thought he looked hilarious. "Okay," he said, taking a deep, calming breath. "Nothing's lost yet. It might be just some illness. Listen, Kitty, I've got to go to Parliament now. You go to a pharmacy and buy a test kit, okay? Go to a district less frequented by magicians, wear your old clothes and sunglasses. We don't want anyone to recognise you. We'll return to this problem in the evening." With that, he marched back into the bedroom.
Wow. The kid was actually getting paranoid.
I heard Kitty whisper to herself: "A problem, Nathaniel? Is the best thing you can call your child a 'problem'?"
o o o O O O o o o
On his way to work that day, Nathaniel nearly caused a traffic accident, and the first thing he did in Parliament was to stumble over the threshold of the Chamber. If the Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport hadn't caught him, he would have ended up on the marble floor in a most undignified way. The next thing he did was dropping the stack of memoranda that he was supposed to pass to other ministers. Ffoukes quickly summoned an imp to collect the papers, giving his young friend a worried look.
"Everything all right, John?"
"Yeah." Nathaniel nodded, and sat down, but missed the seat. Ffoukes offered him a hand to help him off the ground between two seats.
"No, apparently not."
"Apparently not what?" the young minister asked, smoothing his suit with trembling hands.
"Apparently nothing's all right," Ffoukes observed. "I've never seen you this jittery before, John."
"Ah, just… you know, Kitty's health problem. I'm worried about her."
"Oh, yes, I remember, she almost fainted yesterday. I hope it's nothing serious."
Nathaniel gave the older man a forced smile. "Me too." For a second his glance met Jane Farrar's, and he saw her eyeing him in a curious way. He hoped beyond hope that not everyone in the Chamber had noticed his clumsiness.
Five minutes after the session had started, he gave up on paying attention. His mind was too much concentrated elsewhere. Was Kitty really pregnant? If yes, how could that have happened? Was it some kind of an evil magic, or just the cruel joke of Fate?
"John, you're supposed to speak now," Ffoukes murmured to him, shaking him out of his reverie.
"Oh." Nathaniel looked up, not having the slightest idea what he was supposed to speak for or against. His eyes again met Jane's, and she arched an eyebrow at him. He didn't like that look in the least. In the past four weeks they had avoided each other, and whenever they needed to talk, they were coldly polite to one another. He had expected Jane to try to restart their relationship, to try to steal him back from Kitty, but she hadn't shown any signs that she intended to do anything of the sort. This should have calmed him, but he couldn't help it – he had a bad feeling about it. It was like… the calm before the storm?
He forced himself to look away from Jane and her challenging stare to find out what topic the undersecretary had been talking about, in order to be able to respond. Apparently it was an amendment to a taxes act. Amendments… Nathaniel's eyes widened. He suddenly knew the solution to his problem, if that problem existed at all. He seriously hoped it did not.
o o o O O O o o o
It was shortly after midday that Kitty returned from the pharmacy. She looked rather apprehensive, and I didn't need to be exceptionally intelligent (which of course, I am) to see that she was hoping for a positive result of the test. Even if she hadn't mentioned her hopes to Nat in the morning, I still would have figured it out. Why, you just had to look at her – the way she opened the package that held some kind of a stick… her hands were trembling so much that she nearly dropped the whole thing.
Then she disappeared into her bathroom. I know it wasn't very gentleman-like to follow a lady to the toilet, but I had my orders, plus I was curious. I had absolutely no idea what she was about to do there. Forgive me for my ignorance in this area, but I have never before served or spied in a house with a woman who used a stick for finding out about her pregnancy. The female magicians of old times either used magic for the purpose or simply waited a few months to be sure about their condition. But none of them peed on a stick, that's for sure! What a disgusting, barbarian method. Like most modern things. Tell you what, I loved living in the ancient times much better.
But back to Kitty… after all, she's the one I'm talking about, not myself… Okay, sometimes I do talk about myself as well. Not too often, but… Okay, often. So what? If you have a problem with it, go read a story told by Faquarl. That would surely be short and dumb.
So, once Kitty was finished, she put the stick on the edge of the basin and headed back into her room. There she started pacing up and down, checking the clock on the wall every ten seconds. Finally, the time was up, and she practically stormed back into the bathroom.
From my perch I couldn't see the stick, but judging by the huge smile that spread on her face, it must have shown something that suggested a positive result.
She walked back into her bedroom (on rather wobbly legs) and threw herself on the bed. The smile was still present on her face and it was growing by the second. She was practically glowing and began to rub her belly gently. As if that kid could have felt it. I was sure it couldn't. Why, how big could it be after four weeks? One inch? Oh well. Women are like that – they can be tough, they can be belligerent, they can be real amazons, but once they get pregnant, they go soft. For your information, it's due to those thingies called hormones.
"Hi there, Little Nat," I heard Kitty whispering to her stomach.
Little Nat? Ewwww. One Nathaniel was just enough, but two… I seriously hoped that this kid would take after Kitty instead. In its own interest.
o o o O O O o o o
It was late in the evening when the kid arrived home. Kitty wordlessly took him by the hand and led him into the nearest room – which happened to be the kitchen. Nat seemed to be bursting to ask the question, but held back. Perhaps he still had hope that it had all been just a nightmare. No such luck, Natty boy. At that moment I almost felt sorry for him. It would surely be horrible for an insensitive git like him to face the prospect of paternity. I felt sorry for that baby as well. Having Nathaniel as its father… it might be luckier if it weren't born at all.
Kitty had told Ugli in advance not to be under foot when the 'master' arrived home, and the foliot had gone gardening. So the Mandrakes were alone in the kitchen. Just the two of them. Plus the baby. Plus yours truly.
Kitty pushed the kid onto a chair and took a place on another chair next to him.
"So?" he asked. Actually, Nat, it would have been nicer to ask 'what did the test show, my dearest?' But if I had learned something while having had to serve the kid, it was that he wasn't nice and didn't say nice things either. He was rude and selfish, and… I really still didn't understand what this poor girl liked about him.
She reached out and took both of his hands. Nathaniel's mouth twitched. I knew that he already knew what she was about to say.
"Nathaniel… it was positive."
He paled a bit, but managed to stay calm.
"I know…" Kitty said quietly. "I know it's going to be difficult… and in all honesty, I have no idea what we could do about that law that forbids it, but… I'm sure we'll find a way. I know you're upset, but… I'm happy. Look at it like this: God has given us a gift. The greatest gift."
God? Well, that's really flattering, but no. It was just me, plain ol' Bartimaeus.
"A gift?" the kid echoed her in a sarcastic voice. "How ironic. Do you know what my name means?"
"Er… no."
He made a grimace. "Nathaniel means 'God has given'. I suspect I wasn't more of a gift to my parents than this child is to us." He turned away, pulling his hands out of hers.
She bit into her lower lip. "You never told me… what happened to your parents."
"Because I don't know. They grabbed the money and disappeared." Nathaniel glanced at her with a dark expression. "They sold me. They didn't want me."
"And is this why you don't want our child?" Kitty frowned. "Just because your parents were idiots?"
"I don't have a father role model, Kitty!" He sprung up from the table. "Can you imagine me being a father?"
She looked amused. "Yes."
Nat blinked. "Really?"
"Yeah."
He couldn't stand her stare, so he looked away again. What a coward. "Well, I don't. We can't keep it, Kitty."
I was expecting something like this. I always knew the kid was an insensitive jerk. A jerk who got himself into trouble more often than others. Why, if he hadn't insisted on that horsy thing, he wouldn't have been in such a deep shit. It was all his fault. Okay, okay, partly mine. But just partly. Don't make me admit that I'm suffering from horrible pangs of remorse, because I won't.
"WHAT?" Kitty breathed, and she too hopped up from her seat. "You can't expect me to terminate the pregnancy!"
Nat sighed. "I don't. We can't keep it as our child. But I don't intend to rob you of the chance to be a mother. I've been thinking about this all day, and I've found a solution. A loophole in the law."
"What kind of a loophole?" Kitty crossed her arms.
"The amendments to the Magical Apprenticeship Act. According to the new version, magicians may get apprentices from orphanages."
"I fear I don't understand." Kitty frowned up at him.
"Okay then, listen to me, and don't interrupt. First: I buy or rent a house in the countryside where no one knows us. You're going to move there for the duration of the pregnancy. I will tell everyone here that you're having problems with your lungs and the doctor advised you to spend a few months somewhere where the air is fresh. You give birth there and we put the child into the local orphanage. According to statistics children who are placed into orphanages in small villages barely ever get adopted, so we don't have to fear that someone adopts it before it turns five. Once it turns five and I turn twenty-five, I will claim it as my apprentice."
Kitty was again chewing her lower lip, uncertain what to say.
The kid put his hands on her shoulders. "I know this isn't the best idea, but our only chance. We have to give up on the child for five years in order to get it back later."
"Everything… everything would be so much easier if you weren't a magician," she whispered, tears running down her cheeks. It was a most touching scene. It almost brought tears to my eyes as well. But just almost.
"If I weren't a magician, we would never have met," the kid replied. For once, he was right. A rare thing.
Kitty nodded, smiling through her tears. Nat pulled her into his arms. As she soaked his jacket with tears, I watched his face. I didn't remember ever seeing him so frightened, so lost, so… pathetic. Under normal circumstances it would have given me malicious joy to see him like this, but at that moment I couldn't find it in my heart to rejoice over his misery. After all, I had strongly – albeit unintentionally - contributed to it. Yeah, I felt guilty. I admit it. Happy now?
o o o O O O o o o
A/N: review, please!
