A/N: Hey all! Just wanted to quickly say sorry for taking so long to update. My initial excuse was my hectic work schedule. But now that summer has arrived I can't use that one no more. Basically, I suck at updating. Lol.

Anyways, apology accepted, I hope… And I hope you guys enjoy this latest chapter. The whole thing takes place during the episode Haunted (5x02).

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

Chapter 11:


~ October, 2009 ~

"JJ!"

She'd thought she was home free, that she'd escaped; she'd left while Will had been busy feeding Henry. Apparently that hadn't kept him busy enough.

JJ was halfway down the walkway, so ready to be at work. All she wanted was to get away from this nightmare of a morning and to see her friends. But, most of all she wanted to see him.

Today was the day Hotch would return to work. It had been so long since she'd last seen him, a whole month—thirty-four days to be exact. The distance between them served a very important purpose, but that didn't mean that it wasn't killing her to be apart from him as well. And Will's—not unfounded—insecurities and her guilt over them weren't helping matters.

Shoulders slumped in resignation, she turned around slowly to eye her 'partner' warily. "What, Will?" she said tiredly.

They'd spent the whole morning arguing about anything and everything. Her job. Her apparent coldness towards him. The canyon forming between them… What more was there to say?

She didn't want to fight with him anymore. He looked like he felt the exact same.

"I just…" he stumbled, seemingly at a loss for words. "What's wrong with us?"

JJ didn't need to ask for him to elaborate. Things between her and Will were strained to say the least. Honestly, things between them were never really right. And JJ accepted full responsibility for that. She should have never pursued a relationship with the man when she was so in love with another. Even if things had seemed completely hopeless at the time.

Not that the situation between her and Hotch was peachy perfect now, either. Nope. Things were messed up, big time. Hotch had asked her of one thing, to stay with Will and go on pretending. To protect their son. And she was messing that up, too.

So, what else is new? she asked herself.

She was finding it harder and harder to act as if she was in love with Will, because her heart belonged to one man, had always belonged to one man. What was she supposed to do? She was in an impossible situation.

One thing she did know, however, was that she had to try harder and that she had to spare this man's feelings as much as possible. None of this was Will's fault whatsoever.

"Will…" she said, softening her voice. "Just… I'm sorry, ok. I want to talk… Can we talk when I get back?" She paused, waiting. He looked all the more defeated, apparently seeing double meaning behind her words. "We'll be all right…" she tried to assure without much conviction.

She knew she didn't sound the most convincing, but she would try, really. She would. It was important to her, for Henry's sake, for her relationship to look legitimate.

Finally, Will nodded his head. "All right…" He didn't say anything more, just went back inside without so much as a goodbye.

He was angry and he had every right to be.


Hotch packed his briefcase as he watched the news. A stabbing spree in Louisville, Kentucky at a local pharmacy, three dead, two injured and the suspect on the run. He knew they'd be called in on the case.

He was ready to go back to work after his month-long stint of solitary confinement. With only his thoughts to occupy him and the occasional visit from Rossi, he'd almost gone insane with worry. Frankly, he'd been ready to go back to work the minute he was released from hospital, but the damned Bureau's rules said he had to jump through hoops before he was cleared for return.

Thirty-four excruciatingly long days, that's how long he'd spent recuperating from the nine stab wounds Foyet had inflicted on him. Each time he closed his eyes he could see the man, hovering over him, taking his time with each wound. He needed to get away from that. He needed to get away from the fear of never finding Foyet and never getting either of his son's back.

At times, he'd wake up at night, unable to breathe with the anxiety over such a situation. Work wouldn't cure him of this, work wouldn't distract him from the need to find Foyet and lock him up. But at least work could distract him from his fears. And he could see JJ again, could ask her how Henry was doing. He craved that contact with her once again.

When he'd told her to step back from him, it had been the hardest thing he'd ever done. But, it was for her own good, hers and Henry's. Still, every minute apart from her was killing him.

The knock on the door wasn't a surprise, though she was a bit early. Emily had called him earlier, letting him know she was coming to pick him up. It was unnecessary, he'd been cleared to drive, but she'd insisted.

He grabbed his gun, affixing it to the holster, hyper-vigilant now as he took a peek through the peephole. Just as he'd suspected, it was Emily.

Undoing the multiple locks, he greeted her with a quick, "Hey."

"Hey," she replied, coming inside shutting the door behind her.

"What do we know about this case in Kentucky?" he quickly asked, stemming off any questions as to how he was doing.

They continued to discuss the case as he prepared to go. At one point, he noticed Emily's eyes land on his files about Foyet. He saw the worry etched there on her face for him. He knew that the whole team was probably worried about him, concerned that he was obsessing over this. But how could he possibly not obsess over it; it was his family on the line for goodness sake.

He moved to the new security system he'd had installed and told Emily, "Uh, don't move," as he pushed in the code. Back still to her, he asked, "Ready?"

"Are you?" she questioned him.

He didn't answer her. Nonetheless, he knew he was.


JJ sat on the plane with Reid, Morgan, and Rossi, debriefing them of the latest information she'd gotten over the Darrin Call manhunt. All the while, she was feeling anxious on the inside. She couldn't wait to see Hotch. She'd heard from Rossi, pretty much the only visitor she knew he'd allowed to see him this past month, that he'd recovered, physically. There was some debate on how he was doing mentally, though.

She'd overheard part of Rossi and Morgan's conversation that morning. Morgan felt their Unit Chief wasn't ready to be back, despite passing every test thrown at him by the Bureau. He had some valid points, but JJ sided strongly with Rossi. Hotch had good reason to come back to work; like Rossi had said, he was motivated.

She missed him so much. Even though she knew he'd asked her to keep her distance, she'd made the suggestion to Rossi that she go pick him up from his home. That's when she'd found out that Emily was already on her way.

To say she'd felt envious of Emily's position would have been an understatement. She was downright jealous and only just kept the emotion at bay.

"So, our point person in Louisville is Lieutenant Kevin Mitchell," she finished her briefing. And it was just in time, because that's when she'd lost everyone's attention.

The guys saw him first. JJ looked over her shoulder to see Hotch enter the plane first, a grim, but determined look on his face. JJ took in every detail in those few seconds. The look on his face, the way he didn't meet anyone's eyes. He looked good, physically, but she knew he was in a different kind of pain.

"It's good to see you," Rossi commented.

"You too," Hotch said simply.

Garcia, on the screen before them, added gently, "You look well, sir."

He thanked Garcia and then did what he did best, deflected by asking about Reid's leg. Still, JJ couldn't help the smile that came to her face as he took a seat next to her.

She was so relieved, he looked so good. She forgot all about Emily picking him up instead of her and just reveled in his presence next to her right then.

When he turned to her a second later, she saw the recognition in his eyes, the longing for her. He opened his mouth and spoke directly to her; it took her a moment to process what he was saying and answer. But, God, just the mere presence of him did wonders for her mood, even if they were discussing a case.

The second they were finished talking about the case, she watched him move off to the tiny kitchenette. She waited a moment, looking around to see if anyone else was watching him, but they all seemed like they were in their own little world. And that's when she approached him.

Hotch was in the middle of fixing himself a cup of coffee; he looked up, watching her approach. She saw the hint of a smile on his face. A good sign, she thought.

He gestured at her with the Styrofoam cup. "Coffee?" he asked her.

"Yeah," she breathed out. He went about fixing her a cup just like she liked it, taking his time. "Aaron… I've…" she trailed off, wanting to say the words, that she'd missed him terribly, but remaining cautious.

He smiled at her then. "Me too…" he said, making her glow. "How's Henry?"

She smiled at the mention of their son. "Henry is… beautiful, he misses his dad—"

Hotch abruptly looked past her and she turned to see Emily behind them. "Sorry," the older woman replied. She reached past them and grabbed a water bottle. "Needed some water…"

By the quizzical look on her face, JJ knew that she'd caught the end of her sentence. She smiled at her, knowing it came out strained. Thankfully, Emily didn't say anything more and moved off back to her seat.

Looking at Hotch again, she saw the frown had returned. "Sorry," she groaned out.

He surprised her when he reached a hand out to squeeze her forearm, lingering a moment. JJ took in that touch, she'd savor it for as long as she could. "It's all right; I don't think she figured it out. But that's why—"

She held up her hand, making him stop. "—we have to be careful. I get it, Aaron. I get it all. I know I freaked out before and it's been hard without you… but I understand. I know what's at stake."

"I know you do," he assured her. "How have you been doing?"

She didn't want to tell him, didn't want to tell him how miserable she was this past month. How horrible she felt knowing he needed her but that they couldn't be together. But her face gave it all away.

"That good, huh?" he asked wryly.

JJ let out a sigh. She didn't want to complain, after all she wasn't the one who's ex-wife and son were in hiding because of a psychopath killer; she also wasn't the one who'd been stabbed nine times by said killer.

No, all JJ had to endure this past month was loneliness and lies. And both were wearing her down.

"It's nothing," she assured, which caused him to frown all the more. "Ok… it's not nothing. But… I know it's something that will go away if we catch Foyet."

"Not if, when we catch him," Hotch told her adamantly.

She could see the determination in his eyes. And in that moment she believed him. They'd catch Foyet. Save Hailey and Jack. And then they'd be together. Someday…

Using her free hand, she patted his arm, the only gesture of affection she could show him. She gave him a hopeful smile and then took her proffered coffee, retaking her seat.


JJ returned from helping the Lieutenant inform the Sheriff of the next town over of Call potentially being headed their way. This case was getting worse and worse. They had two more to add to the list of dead: Call's psychologist and a fellow patient. But try as she might she could not think of this man as one of their run-of-the-mill un-subs. With Garcia's digging, they'd found out that he'd probably been abandoned as a child after being physically abused, and hadn't spoken for a whole year. In JJ's mind, that added up to the little boy suffering some great childhood trauma. She felt sorry for him.

Coming inside, she found Emily and Morgan on their way out. But before they left, Emily pulled her off to the side.

"Hey, everything ok?" Emily asked her carefully, looking concerned.

"Ok?" She wasn't sure what she was referring to.

The older woman placed a hand on her shoulder, drawing her nearer. Still, she lowered her voice when she spoke. "You… and Hotch. Are you ok?"

JJ tried her best to contain her surprise, knowing the experienced profiler was measuring her reaction. "Wh… what do you mean?" she stuttered. "We're fine."

Dark eyes drilled into her skull. Emily didn't say anything for a good thirty seconds. "The way you two…" she began, trailing off. She started again a moment later. "He's tense, way more than usual. He's angry. And he's even snapping at Garcia."

She put on her incredulous face. "And you think his behavior has something to do with me?" she posed. "Emily, he's just come back to work after being stabbed by Foyet, of course he'd be more tense than usual. It would be strange if he weren't." She was deflecting, hard.

"Yeah, I guess you're right…" Emily was starting to believe her.

A voice in JJ's head told her, Quit while you're ahead. Did she listen? Nope.

"I just don't understand why you'd think the way he's acting is because of me."

Emily's shrewd eyes landed on her hard. Oops. She'd almost had the brunette steered clear, away from the subject of her and Hotch. She'd pushed too far.

"Earlier, on the plane, you two looked like you were in the middle of a heavy conversation…"

JJ shrugged her shoulders in a 'what can I tell you?' gesture. And Emily finally turned away.

She thought she was home free when she turned right back around. "Oh, I was going to ask, what's Will up to these days?"

"Will?" she asked, confused.

"Yeah, you said that Henry misses him. I was just wondering… is he visiting in New Orleans?"

JJ let out a tired sigh. If she didn't know any better, she'd guess her friend was profiling her. "No, he's here. Just… working a lot." Emily opened her mouth to ask more, but she cut her off. "Look, can we talk about this later, we've got a case."

JJ had no intention of continuing this conversation at all. She smiled, but it came off strained.

She felt a sense of relief when she finally left. Momentary, she knew. Emily would insist on finishing this conversation later. JJ would deal with it when the time came. But it reminded her that they needed to be even more careful.

JJ rejoined the others as they continued to piece together Call's past. They didn't have a lot to go on. But they may have a potential connection to an old gruesome case from around Call's abandonment. The killer had been dubbed the Hollow Creek killer and was quite possibly one of the sickest criminals she'd ever heard of.

The connection led them to one lone survivor. They made plans to go talk to the man and check out the orphanage Call had inhabited in his first few years as Darrin. But, before they did that, JJ wanted to talk to Hotch first.

She stopped him in his tracks as he was about to leave. "Uh, Hotch, can I talk to you for a moment?"

He frowned; she knew that look, he was focused and didn't want distractions. But she needed to make sure he was ok. Emily had worried her.

"JJ—"

"Just one minute, all right?" she said gently. "How are you doing?"

He let out a harsh breath, looking at her like he thought, 'Not you too!' "JJ, there's a killer out there and you're stopping to take stock of my mental well-being?"

She flinched at his tone. "No. I'm checking to see if you're ok. Considering you're snapping at me and Garcia and anyone else around you, I'll take that as a no."

He pursed his lips, silently fuming. "I'm fine. I just need to find this guy."

She gently touched his arm. "We will," she emphasized, not liking the fact that he was taking on the burden of this case personally.

"I've got to go," he said distractedly, looking past her.

She nodded. "Ok, but talk to me later, all right?"

She could still be that for him. Someone to confide in. It didn't have to be any more than that.

"All right."


"You didn't have to walk me up here, you know."

"I know," Emily answered, shutting the door behind her. He refrained from sighing at the fact that she was sticking around even longer. "So you think Call's going to be ok?"

"I don't know," he replied, not meeting her eyes.

"He got his answers; he killed the man who haunted him," she said slowly.

Hotch could hear the analogy in her voice. "Then what else is there?" he asked.

"Years of torture…" She looked at him regretfully. He met her gaze, knowing that she thought he was about to do the same. And maybe he was. Until he found Foyet there'd be no peace for him or his family. And even after he found him, he could see himself looking back on the whole situation with regrets. Could a person ever get over this kind of torment?

A second later, he voiced his thoughts. "You think he'll ever get over that?"

"How could he? But… at least he doesn't have to feel like he's alone anymore."

"He doesn't have anyone." Like him, for now he had to be alone. He had no choice.

"He has Tommy. He's not alone."

He nodded. She had a point. He may not have Jack and Hailey, or JJ and Henry, but he had his friends. They'd support him no matter what.

"Get some sleep," she finished.

"You too."

Hotch locked his door behind her and went straight for the couch. He took a seat, putting his head in his hands. He couldn't believe how much Darrin Call's ordeal mirrored his own. Like Call, he had his own personal tormentor in Foyet. And until he caught him, he'd never be free.

But he wasn't the only one. His family was being tortured as well. Hailey, Jack, Henry, JJ—

God, JJ… he thought morosely. He leaned back in his seat and stared up at the ceiling. An image of her face popped into his mind.

Before he'd left with Emily, they talked in his office. JJ had come in. He'd seen the initial look on her face, the pain, the sense of betrayal that he was having the conversation she'd wanted to have with someone that wasn't her.

He'd felt terrible. All he seemed to do these days was hurt her. But, he reminded himself that they just had to keep their distance. If she came under Foyet's radar he'd never forgive himself.

She'd covered up her reaction quickly, but not fast enough. Emily had registered it. He knew because she'd asked him about it on the drive over. He'd denied everything, of course.

Seeing JJ again, after so long, being close to her, but not close enough, it was hard. But it was necessary.

He just hoped that in the process of keeping her safe, he wasn't also pushing her away from him.


JJ sat at her desk, staring off into space incredulously. She was furious, feeling hurt and ashamed all at the same time.

They'd solved the case, returned back home. JJ had been ready to go speak with Hotch. To take on part of his burden. Only to find him confiding in Emily.

Emily, she thought bitterly.

She'd been the one to find him at the hospital after he'd been stabbed, the one to stay by his bedside the whole time. She was the one he'd allowed to drive him to and from work. For all she knew, Emily had probably visited him while he'd been recovering!

Taking a deep breath, she instantly felt horrible. Emily was his friend, her friend, too. She should feel grateful that he hadn't isolated himself completely, that he was at least talking to someone.

Still, a part of her wished it had been her.

A knock on her open door startled her out of her thoughts. She looked up, only then realizing that she had tears in her eyes. Using both her hands, she wiped them away, seeing Rossi at her door. He wore a knowing, sympathetic look on his face.

She couldn't meet his eyes just then. Looking down, she greeted, "Hey."

"Hey," he replied softly. "Thought you could use this."

She looked up to see him holding out a bottle of dark liquor and two glasses. Smiling wryly, she waved him inside.

He took the seat in front of her desk and silently poured them the two glasses, handing her one. She took a sip right away, savoring the burn all the way down her throat.

"He's going to be ok, you know."

She met his eyes. "You think?"

JJ had her doubts; maybe Morgan was right. Foyet had taken away a lot. Maybe he didn't have a reason to live anymore. That stunt he'd pulled today had absolutely terrified her, she had no clue what he'd been thinking. She'd gone to his office seeking those answers, only to find Emily herself, getting them.

"I know he is," Rossi stated confidently.

She took another drink.

"He's still got you and Henry."

She choked on the alcohol, coughing it out of her lungs. His statement had been unexpected, but at least now she knew for sure that he knew. No more guessing games.

"You think we're enough?" she wondered, thinking about Jack, the sweet, little boy.

Rossi shook his head. "It's not about being enough, JJ. It's about caring for the ones in your life and doing whatever you can to protect them."

She nodded. Even now she missed him fiercely, wanted to be by his side to watch over him. She wondered if this would ever get any easier. There was a sinking sensation in the pit of her stomach that confirmed that it wouldn't.

"What are you going to do about Will?"

She let out a sigh. "When the time comes, I'll tell him the truth."

He took a sip, eyeing her over the edge of the cup. "That's a lot of truth to dole out." She knew that, God, she knew that. "He's going to be hurt beyond words. I don't think you can comprehend the amount of pain this is going to cause him."

She frowned. Did he think she didn't already know that? When she wasn't fussing over Henry, or worrying about Aaron, she was thinking ahead to the moment she told Will. Whatever scenario she played out in her mind, each one ended badly. It reminded her of a quote she once heard, 'It only gets worse before it gets better,' or something like that. She believed it. She believed that they'd all get through the bad and that things will get better. She had to.

Rossi stood up, topping off her glass before he did his own. "He'll be all right, eventually."

She nodded, wondering if he was talking about Will or Aaron, or both. She hoped both.

He left her office then, leaving her to her dismal, but hopeful thoughts. Things can only get better, right?


That's it for this chapter. Hope to have the next one up soon.

Thanks to everyone who's been waiting patiently for this update and thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter: mazbabe1; Graveygraves; limanmae; Halle Alexis (I plan on following the show's storyline at least for the rest of Season 5; not sure about after); AvngAngl; jekkah; MaddieNicole; Westie80 (had to postpone the Foyet stuff, hoping I can fit in the next chapter, we'll see); Dustyfog416; beaglelover719; Puckleberryfan82; Jotchprossi18; McKaylaBug (happy endings? What's that? … j/k.); and ReadingRed.

Thanks again!