Omg, how awful am I! It's been days since I last updated. I'm Sorry :( Oh my god, I was just sorting out some pictures on my laptop from a party the other night and I ended up looking at some pictures I've got of David Boreanaz and got all flustered lol (they're goooooood pictures! Old and newer ones. But especially think...earlier DB, spiky hair, half unbuttoned white shirt, alllll wet and you'll be where I am! Lol)- Sorry for any guys reading the story lol, girls you know what I'm talking about though right! Lol yum! Only thing is, I'm at work!!! lol. Dear oh dear think I better calm down. You lot are a right bad influence you know (Kristen I blame you hun lol), I'm meant to be writing a fan fic here...oh that's right, it was my picture lol anyhooooo on with the story yes?
Oh my god!!! I have completely forgotten about about Wesley in the last chapter. Lets say he stayed at Giles' to get things ready for the ritual.
Once the internal bleeding had been stopped Buffy's advanced healing had kicked in to full effect. To the shock of the doctors she checked herself out a few hours later. The hours spent together in the hospital were strained and Buffy found herself escaping the tension with sleep. Luckily for her, her dreams didn't cause her to call out again. Unluckily for her, in her opinion, was that they were all centred around Angel and the good times they had together, and some good times that she wasn't even supposed to know about. When she awoke she had insisted leaving the hospital before sunrise so it would be safe for Angel and of course then she wouldn't be stuck in the dreaded hospital alone.
They arrived at Giles roughly half hour before sunrise, preventing Angel leaving. At first Buffy had been forced to rest upstairs in Giles' spare room. It was fine with her as it meant she didn't have to make small talk with anyone, make nice and pretend that everything was alright. Unfortunately it also meant, once she had woken up she was bored out of her brain. After a shower she felt marginally better and was just combing her hair through when Cordy knocked and entered the room.
"Hey. I would ask you how you're feeling but considering you got run through with a sword I'm not gonna waste my breathe"
Buffy smiled a little and shifted so Cordy could sit on the edge of the bed. She had a feeling she wasn't going to like this conversation but unfortunately she didn't have the energy to prevent it, and her the walls she had so painstakingly built were falling around her. She knew the minute he left they would fall completely for a while and would take a while to put the pieces back together. Like my heart...oh wait, that still hasn't been put back together.
"Yeh, if one more person asks how I'm feeling I think I'll scream. I suppose they're down there talking about what's best for me and trying to make decisions for me?"
"Pretty much. Giles and Wes are debating over the pros and cons. Gunn will go along with whatever you say and Angel is insisting we forgo the ritual after what happened"
"The hell we will"
"He's worried about you, we all are. You lost a lot of blood last night, you could have died"
"I could die every night, doesn't stop me from going out and doing my job. We are doing the ritual tonight" Buffy had made up her mind and wasn't about to change it. Once again she found herself wishing people would respect her decisions.
"Why do you care anyway?" If Cordy had asked that maliciously she would likely have been on the receiving end of Buffy's fist.
"What do you mean? The chance to stop Angelus coming out? Murdering a whole bunch of people"
"There's still a chance he could get loose with magic and stuff and the way things are going, there's no way the curse will get broken any time soon. I think you want to do it for Angel and for yourself too"
"Look Cordy, I know Angelus could still get loose but this reduces the chances drastically. I don't know where Angel stands on the happiness thing so I can't comment on that. You are right though, I want to do this for Angel. By the way if you tell anyone this I'll hunt you, we clear?" Buffy had no idea why she was telling Cordy the truth but since Cordy seemed the only one to accept Buffy had her own mind and stuck up for her she felt she could talk to her. At Cordelia's nod she continued.
"The way I see it, it will give him some peace of mind. He does so much for other people and doesn't ask for anything in return. The sins he's atoning for aren't even his but he fights the fight everyday and for what? The powers are screwing him over and he doesn't even know it. Even if he did he would still keep going because all the people in your visions, they are still innocents so no matter where the message comes from, they still need saving. If just this one act can help him rest a little easier and help him let go of some of his guilt and pain then I would do it a thousand times over. If he can't stop and drains me dry? I'd still do it, I always knew I would die for him in a second. Why change now? I may not be acting like it but I still love Angel, although I hate him, I love Angelus too, he is a part of Angel and I love all of him and I will till the day I die, whether its tonight, tomorrow or next year. I told him that once but I don't think he believed me. That's why it hurt so much, he didn't trust out love and he left me. I am so mad at him for leaving you wouldn't believe. He thinks its for the best but all he is doing is depriving me of what I want most. I've never asked for much but I asked for him and he wouldn't stay. I can't help but wonder if that means he didn't feel the same way for me. If that's right then I love him enough to give him the chance to be happy with someone else"
By the end of her speech Buffy was openly crying and Cordy's eyes were filled with tears. She hadn't been that close to Buffy in high school but had always secretly respected the blonde champion. To hear her talk so unselfishly and witness the love she felt for Angel despite everything that happened she felt humbled and slightly in awe of the woman before her. Past greivences slipped away as she wrapped her arms round Buffy's shoulders to hold her whilst she cried.
"No Buffy he does love you, I promise you that. He thinks of you everyday, it drives me up the wall! He didn't want to leave and I know he struggles everyday not to come back but he thinks he is doing what is best for you. We both know he's wrong but he's male and noble, what do you expect. You need to open yourself up to the possibility of changing things though Buffy. You are going to get yourself killed, you need to give him another chance Buffy"
"I don't know if I can"
Angel, Giles and Gunn stood outside the bedroom door in silence. They had headed up the stairs to see how Buffy was feeling and to talk about whether or not to go through with the ritual. They had stopped outside the door when Cordy asked Buffy why she cared anyway. Despite knowing it was wrong to eavesdrop the three men wanted to hear Buffy's answer to see if they were making any headway. None of them expected to hear what they did. Many times Giles or Gunn had to prevent Angel from entering the room. When he could hear her crying he wanted to hold her. When he heard her confess her love he wanted to tell her the same. When he heard her suggest someone else he wanted to tell her it was only ever her. So many thoughts ran through his head of what he needed to say to her. When the talking inside the room stopped Angel wanted to go and comfort his love, instead Giles touched him on the arm. Telling him later after the ritual. Gunn had stepped back slightly from the other two, feeling guilty for eavesdropping and slightly in awe of the emotions pouring from the slayer.
Giles felt a mixture of emotions. He felt guilty for being against Buffy and Angel's relationship and not trusting his slayer to know what was best for her. He also felt immensely proud of the maturity and compassion she held. To love enough to let one go was an amazing thing. One that Angel had done also he realised. The power of the love between these two warriors was overwhelming and he knew they were doing the right thing trying to fix what had been broken.
Angel could see the mixed emotions on both Giles and Gunn's faces and also knew the same plus more showed on his face. He was in awe at the feelings and lengths Buffy would go for him, logically he knew she loved him but had never felt worthy of his love for her, so had downplayed it, believing nobody, especially someone as pure as Buffy could ever love someone like him that much. Not only did she love him despite Angelus..
Hey!
She also believed he was innocent of his crimes. He knew he would never let her get away again. If she thought he was what made her happy, he wasn't going to argue about it any more.
Congratulations, only took a year and our mate nearly dying. What will you make us give up and nearly lose when you have to decide between wearing a black shirt or ohh right a black shirt! Moron. It was a no-brainer the whole time, you never should have left. How do you function being so retarded!
Obviously because I have you to tell me right from wrong!
Angel knew Angelus was just once again covering the effect Buffy's words had on him but the sarcasm was getting on his nerves.
I told you she loves me!
She also said she hated you. She only loves you because you're a part of me. Although we are separate you are part of me. It's the only reason you can get anywhere near her!
Angel tried to block the rest of Angelus as he followed Giles and Gunn down the stairs. One thing Angelus stated was true though, one time, not long ago, neither man would dare face away from him. He realised they truly trusted him and felt renewed. He wasn't going to argue with Buffy if she wanted to go through with the ritual, it was her decision.
Sure you don't want to tie her shoes for her? Brush her teeth?
Yeah Yeah I get your drift. I'm done making decisions for her.
An hour or so later Cordy and Buffy came down the stairs. If you looked closely at Buffy's face then you could see a slight trace of tears and puffy eyes. Everyone was too polite to comment on this however, plus the fact they didn't want her to know they had overheard her passionate speech. Wes and Giles were sitting at the table preparing various herbs and ingredients for the spell. Gunn was half asleep in a chair and Angel had ceased pacing to watch Buffy and Cordelia come down the stairs.
"Feeling better Buffy?" Wes had looked up to see the girls and looked over Buffy closely. She needed to be centred for the spell. She seemed stable enough to him though and the sooner they got under way the better in his mind.
"Yes much. Is everything ready?"
"Just about yes. As the others have not come by did you want to inform them of our plans?"
Buffy looked at Wes oddly as if he had just asked her if she preferred vegetables over chocolate. "No. Why would I?" In some respects Wes was glad about this as Buffy's 'former' friends didn't seem to support or believe in Buffy. He did however feel sad for her. So much on her shoulders and her friends had all but abandoned her.
"I just wanted to make sure"
"Buffy, have you contacted your mother?"
"No Giles, she's away, I'm fine. She suppresses all things slaying. It's better she doesn't know. I could do without knowing how bad a daughter I am" Crap! That last bit wasn't meant to come out. Buffy noticed someone was going to say something and quickly cut in.
"I'm going to get some food and train for an hour before the ritual starts OK?" With that she turned on her heel and head to the kitchen. The others looked at each other then away lost in their own thoughts.
Willow walked into her dorm room after class to pick up some more clothes as she was staying at Oz's again. She briefly noticed the room was exactly as she left it when she was home a few days ago. She had been caught up in classes and Oz and hadn't really been around much. Buffy hadn't really been around or sociable either she thought petulantly. She knew she had slaying though and she suddenly she felt a slight pang of worry and reminded herself to check in with Giles when she had collected her stuff. Five minutes later, an overnight bag packed, Willow leant over to pick up the phone to call Giles. Before she could reach it the phone rang. On answering she heard Oz's voice, telling her he was waiting for her outside. A few seconds later Willow was whistling on her way out the door, phone call and thoughts of Buffy forgotten.
