JKR's charries aren't mine. I know my chapters are short; sorry about this. That's in part because of my schedule and also because of the way I have the story planned. And boy, do I have some stuff planned, mates! Alrighty, we have Day Three of James's Journey to the Future beginning...now! Disclaimer (for this and possibly the next chapter): If you have no sense of humor, then you may not want to read. Humor me. I cannot apologize for James, because James is James.
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James Potter was bored. Normally, when he declared this particular feeling, whatever company he had would find an excuse (or make one up) to leave, because everyone knew what happened when James Potter was bored. Well, everyone in the past did and now, James was in the future. So, shortly after classes on his third day in the future, he made his announcement, no one had the foresight to run while they could. He was lounging by the fire in the Hufflepuff common room, heels digging into the painfully yellow carpet and shoulders two sharp ridges of discontent.
"I'm bored." A few people looked up; a girl with blond pigtails giggled. She looked slightly familiar and didn't seem to have a following, so James decided to talk to her, "I'm James."
"Hannah Abbott," The girl replied blushingly and inhabited a chair near James's. James's hand unconsciously went for his pockets, in which several interesting objects could be found. A small jar of undiluted Bubotuber pus was always useful (a favorite weapon of his against Snivelly; it mixed wonderfully with Stinkpuss and Dungbombs), from the rustic line of Filibuster's finest wet-start fireworks was one that he had fused with a Dungbomb during one of those notorious bored hours, three pieces of Exploding Snap (rigged with his wand to do things that the normal game pieces definitely didn't do) and a couple pieces of Spell-o-tape. He hadn't pulled a prank with his toys in three days. That was something of a miracle. He thought it high time.
"Well met." James said absently, pulling out his favorite of the three rigged Exploding Snap pieces. It was something of a bomb, releasing a putrid gas into the air that was so foul that the one time James had tried it, Peter (who was the only one that James hadn't warned of the smell) had projectile vomited all over Remus's robes spectacularly. Oh, and there was also the matter that it exploded in a glory of green sparks the very same shade of Lily's eyes when she was angry with him.
"Is that an Exploding Snap piece?" Hannah asked interestedly, peering at the gadget clutched into James's palm. James grinned up at her in a rakish way that only flaunted his charm.
"Something like that." He fiddled absently with it, connecting it and about to disengage the wires again (or else it would go off in an hour on the dot), when Hannah suddenly wrestled it from him.
"Hey--!" James cried, trying to grab it back. But it was hopeless. With a little grin and a bat of eyelashes, Hannah was gone into the girls' dormitories. There was no way that James could follow her—he knew the consequences of that one from the one time he had tried to sneak into the dorms in the dead of the night to play a prank. Needless to say, moments later his entire scheme had been averted by a bunch of bleary-eyed, nightgown wearing Gryffindor girls shouting at him. No, he definitely wasn't following Hannah.
But, he had to get that Exploding Snap piece back. He smirked. It would prove her right if he didn't figure out some way to get it back before it exploded. But still, that's good hardware and I need it if I ever want to duplicate it. I'm going to have to get it back somehow. James looked around. He could easily ask any one of these girls to go in there and get it back for him. He certainly had the charm to do so. It's too easy, though...James needed entertainment. He needed fun. He needed laughter.
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"...and that's why I'm doing it." James explained patiently to Hermione forty-five minutes later. Hermione had been walking down the corridors, trying to avoid passing curfew after a long haul in the library, when she came across a very...strange-looking girl. Her features were distinctly masculine and...oddly familiar. Hermione had stopped in the middle of the hall, jerked James aside and, in horrified tones, asked him what he was doing dressed as a girl (a very ugly one, she might have added).
"Hannah Abbott stole your what?" Hermione asked in scandalized tones. She looked distinctly disapproving, "And you know, you could have just asked someone—"
"My Exploding Snap stink bomb. And honestly, Hermione, taking the easy way out is hardly my style." James looked wounded, but dropped the act quickly, posing, "So, what do you think? Jamie or is that too obvious?" Hermione struggled with laughter, trying not to give James any indication of her amusement. However, she couldn't hold it back anymore when an apple freed itself of James's robes and rolled around at his feet. Now, his chest appeared misshapen. Hermione stooped over in silent gales of laughter, clutching at her side.
"James Potter, you are impossible!" She remarked when she was under control of her laughter again. Before long, though, she was sufficiently calmed. I'm talking to a dead man, Hermione thought in horror, looking into the very alive, dancing eyes of James Potter. She already thought of him as a brother-figure, much like she thought of Harry. She tried not to dwell on the fact that he would be lost to the past again soon, dead forever. Instead, she once again focused on his garb. He was wearing a hideous yellow-daisy pullover over his robes and there was a hideous brown mop of a wig on his head. He was wearing blue eyeliner that sparkled and there were two garish spots of color on his cheeks, emphasizing the bright lipstick on his mouth. He grinned rakishly, a grin that was so like Harry's and yet so different (not to mention ridiculous with his clown-like paint).
"Where did you find all of that stuff?" Hermione questioned curiously.
"That secret will follow me to the grave. Really, I think I should have been a blond this time—"
"This time? You've done this before?"
"No!" James declared vehemently. There was a pause, "Well, unless you count that one time in Hogsmeade..."
Hermione shook her head and said, "You enjoy this far too much. It's disturbing. Really disturbing."
"I never made a really pretty girl. Remus was much prettier. Yeah, old Corin Walters actually asked Remindra out. Ah, haven't let him forget that one, oh no..." James wiped away an imaginary tear from his long, fake eyelashes. Remus, as in Professor Lupin? Hermione thought incredulously, unable to form the mental picture...and not preferring to.
"There is such a thing as too much information, you know." Hermione told him dryly. James grinned and strolled past her down the hall.
"Well," He said in falsetto that was obviously fake, "I'll see you around. It's time to get my Exploding Snap piece back." James paused for a moment and asked, "Do you zink I should geeve myzelf an acceent?" Hermione chose not to answer this as she walked away, shaking her head the entire time, while James tried to come up with a more exotic name to suit his newfound accent. James is definitely different than Harry. He's completely mad! But, Hermione couldn't help but be reminded of Harry every time James talked. Maybe this is what Harry would have been like, if he had his father as his influence. Hermione stopped in her tracks and shuddered.
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"Vhere eez it?" A giggling, high-pitched voice asked an unfortunate Ernie Macmillan, who had enlisted to help this 'new' student. There sure have been a lot of loony new students lately, Ernie thought irritably. This French girl looked a bit like a man, to be honest. And oddly familiar, which made it all the more disturbing. She was possibly the ugliest girl (Pansy Parkinson included) that Ernie had ever seen. If Beauxbatons turns out girls like this, then I hope I never have to go there. Ernie risked a sidelong glance at the girl and her nearly worm-like brown hair, ridiculous exaggerated make-up and revolting sweater.
"I'll just show you." Ernie told her. He had come upon 'Monisha Lefattening' (or so she told him; what an odd name!) in the hallway, lingering uncertainly, apparently looking for, "ze Hufflepuff common room", as she called it. The 'girl's lip twitched when Ernie looked away for a moment. Clearly, James was enjoying his feminine side. A bit too much. Ernie led 'Monisha' to the common room and pointed her in the direction of the girls' forms. He watched the girl ascend the stairs and halfway up, a piercing shriek filled the air, the stairs suddenly forming a slide, causing Monisha fall tumbling down, head over heels, displaying bloomers with hearts stitched into them as she did so. Unfortunately, however, Monisha's hair fell off and slid after him, as well as did two bruised, very abused-looking apples. When she came to a halt at Ernie's feet, Ernie could clearly see that Monisha wasn't Monisha. In fact, Monisha's features seemed so masculine because they were masculine.
"James?" Ernie asked, horrified. James picked himself up, dusting off his hideous sweater with an expression of slight annoyance on his face.
"So, that's how it works then? I don't make a convincing enough girl?" James fumed, looking highly affronted. Ernie was too shocked at the indignity of a male dressing as a female, or he would have sworn that James was about to shake his fist at the staircase. One of James's fake eyelashes then got loose of his real lashes, dangling perilously close to his eye. Before either he or Ernie could say another word, though, another shriek, this one feminine, came from the girls' dormitories. A flood of girls came pouring out, pursued by thick smog. Several of them were gagging. Hannah Abbott was last to emerge, looking distinctly green-tinged in the face. She hurled the offending game piece down at James, who instinctively plugged his nose with one and detached a few wires with the other. In moments, the fog was gone, though there was a definite odor to the room now. It was clear that, thanks to James Potter, the Hufflepuff common room would never smell quite the same again.
