Scott sat beside Storm as she spoke to the gathering. It was not Charles Xavier she was saying goodbye to this time, it was Jean Grey.
Her words flowed beautifully over her descriptions of Jean; of her strengths, her hopes... 'Ro also covered Jean's flaws though. It was not done in any great detail, it was not done to demean her memory; it was done to help the children realise that all people were flawed in some way, and that they could overcome it.
She finished with an idea that they had heard the Professor express at the Grey's home; that it is better to have control over you mutations, rather than let them control you. It was difficult to accept that as Jean's power had grown, she had lost herself in it, but there was no way for Scott to deny the truth of it.
The Phoenix had been almost childlike in her emotions; a young girl who was possessive, angry and in many ways frightened. She had been scared of being alone, and she had been scared that people did not like her. However, she had been arrogant and something of a show off; like a child who discovers they are better at cartwheeling than anyone else, and therefore insists on doing so all the time.
He wished he had known her when they were younger, though the large age gap between them may have made that a problem. He wished Xavier and Magneto had found her before she had been fourteen and confident in what she could do. It sounded cruel, but Scott wished she had been found while she was still struggling, as so many mutants did. The professor could have helped her advance emotionally, to match the power she had.
He stared at the marker, trying to bury his regrets. They had no place with him right now; he was here to say goodbye to Jean; the woman he loved; his fiancée. It was easier than it had been the first time around. It seemed harsh to think it, but it did not hurt so much. He did not feel as though he had been dropped in the middle of the ocean and left alone.
Now, he was so aware of Logan; slouching about in the background, but still here, still sharing his room... still sharing his bed. He flushed slightly, averting his eyes as he remembered lying on top of that strong body, unwilling to look at the reminder of Jean as the memory of that beautiful body embracing him filled his mind.
He would happily sleep with Logan every night, if fact he hoped he could continue to; that as his nightmares died down and he started sleeping through the night, that Logan would not decide to move as far back as his own bed. It was strange, but Scott felt he needed the man near to him.
'Ro had clearly finished speaking, as people were starting to stand up and move about. There were no desperate sobs this time, no one but him remaining in their seat, as though the second time was easier for everyone else too. As though it was something of a relief that she had died this time; as opposed to the horror they had had the first time around.
It was understandable. Jean, the Jean he had known and loved, would not have wanted to do anything she had done in her second lease of life. She would not want to kill the professor, or to harm anyone, even armed men. The Jean she had been when in control of her mutation would have done her best to stop the fighting, not watch it occur with a mild curiosity.
"How you doing?"
Logan dropped into the seat beside him, and Scott turned his face towards him.
"I'm tired."
The man nodded, and slouched down in his seat, staring blankly ahead of him.
"And... I have a headache."
At this, Logan turned his head and raised his brow.
"Bad?"
"Kinda. I've had it since we got back from Alcatraz, and it won't go away properly."
Logan frowned, but didn't say anything. Scott smiled slightly, and sighed.
"Wanna head to a bar?"
"Yeah."
The loud controversy over mutants seemed to have bled even into the sketchier drinking establishments. Scott stood at the bar, waiting to order as he listened to a group of men bicker.
"I'm not like you; I'm not a mutie lover."
"It's not that I love them in particular, it's just that these things tend to result in harsh measures."
"Unlike either of you, apparently, I do like them. I used to dream I could fly was I was a kid; it was my favourite type of dream. How amazing would it be to actually be able to? Did you see the footage of the guy who jumped out of that Worthington Building, he had angel wings! How brilliant would that be?"
"If it's so brilliant, why was he there in the first place?"
"Because he is a freak."
"No, because he is made to feel like one!"
The conversation continued, but Scott moved off with their drinks.
"Everyone seems interested in what is going on."
"You're telling me, bub? With you over there, I had to listen to these women chatter about that poor mutant child from down the road, and how they had only just met him because his parents had been keeping him locked up."
"It is an uproar. I hope it ends well for us."
Logan nodded, and took a mouthful of his beer. Scott sighed, rubbing at his temple. The headache he had had just would not go away; it was painful, but it seemed less... troublesome at night. He raised his eyes to look at his friend again, noting the man was watching the television. His gaze drawn to the way the man's lips were wrapped around the bottle.
It was a good look for him.
The thought had flashed through his mind in an instant, followed by an idea of what else those lips could wrap around. His eyes widened as Logan smirked at him, and licked the rim of the bottle; he hollowed his cheeks as he sucked in, though the bottle was not tipped for him to drink anything. Scott had been sure the gruff man had been looking the other way; he can't have seen where the young man was looking... But apparently he had, and he'd decided to mock him for it.
The idea of pay back briefly crossed his mind, of moaning as he took a drink, of pulling that face Jean had always told him was surprisingly smouldering... but he dismissed it. He would like to get closer of Logan, he certainly wouldn't mind kissing the man, but to start this while they were out for a drink, after they had buried Jean's body... it would be foolish.
He could go without a kiss, as he still got to curl up beside the man in bed at night.
I am so sorry... I know I said last time I wouldn't take so long, and then I took 14 months to put another chapter up. I have gone back and tried to tidy up the earlier chapters. Hopefully it is all ok now.
Thanks to melissen, Yawwii, Loomps, Black Shaphirax, neika1995901, phantomwalker, cammiee00, and a guest for the reviews :)
