Similar to the Bleachicide chapter, this one is Hellsing's way of saying "DIE!" to the worlds most hated vampire. Enjoy!
Special Chapter – Welcome To Hell...sing.
Edward wakes up one morning and checks his letterbox. As usual it is swamped with fanmail from fangirls but there is one letter that stands out. It is the only one not made of pink paper or covered in glitter. It is a bland white envelope.
Edward tears it open and finds a note inside written in runny red ink that has a familiar smell. "Dear Edward, as a fellow vampire you are invited to attend the annual vampires ball in London England. It would be most appreciated if you could attend." He read aloud.
"Hmm, a party. This might be fun?"
Oh, it will be fun!
92 – Airport Security
Edward books the next flight to London. It is a relatively boring flight. The movie is boring supposedly since it doesnt star any talentless egomaniacs who are only famous because 11 year old girls fantasize about them. The food tastes pretty ordinary and the stewards (Edward is gay remember.) are nothing special.
When the flight lands on the runway Edward is delighted to see a guard of honour of men dressed in army fatigues and armed to the teeth. There is also a small group at the rear of the group. There is a man dresed as a butler, a woman in an old grey coat, another woman in a police uniform and a tall man in a red coat.
The red coat makes Edward feel uneasy. Nonetheless he skips off of the plane, cheering like a cheerleader on steroids. He makes it onto the red carpet and spreads his arms wide. "Hello London!" He cries.
He only manages a smug smile before he contributes to the red carpet and by that I mean the guard of honour takes aim and fires.
The group at the rear burst out laughing and then leave.
93 – Abusive Father
Edward arrives in London and find the airport almost empty. He ignores this and travels to a small country town to go to church. He approaches the door but is stopped by a thick-muscled Irishman with wire-frame glasses. The sun's reflection makes it impossible to see his eyes, but the way his arms are crossed he doesn't seem happy.
"Can I go in?" Edward asks.
The man frowns. "I smell a heathen." He snarls.
"No, no, it's pronounced heaven." Edward says arrogantly.
The Irishman grits his teeth and reaches into his coat. "How dare you preach the word of the Lord to me? Do you know who I am?"
"Do you know who I am?" Edward interupts.
The man bows his head and mutters a short prayer. Before Edward can inquire into what he's doing a sharp, stabbing pain catches him off guard. Edward glances down at the two bayonet blades sticking out of his chest. He tries to speak but merely chokes on air.
"I am father Alexander Anderson and I will never let you heathen scum enter my church!" Anderson yanked one of the blades out and studied the blood on it's edge. "This blood is impure...You are a vampire!"
Edward laughed. "Aha! You do know who I am!" He is quickly silenced with another bayonet through his stomach. Then another dozen in the midsection...then a nice row of four up his spine.
Edward somehow remains standing and his smug smile stille remains. Fortunately, Father Anderson has the cure for vanity...More bayonets!
One impales Edwards right eye and another embeds itself in one ear, traveling right through until it sticks out the other side of his head. Edward coughs up a bucketload of blood and his trembling knees give way. He collapses and lies at the feet of the angy paladin, awaiting his execution.
Anderson leaves Edward to suffer in agony and performs his sermon for an hour before finally returning to finish the job with a clean beheading.
Edwards body is dumped in a dumpster and is found several weeks later in landfill.
94 – Vampiress (No, it's not Edward!)
Inside the Hellsing headquarters Seras Victoria faced Integra Hellsing. The leader of the Hellsing organisation sipped wine while swivelling in her chair. She gazed across the table at the young police girl standing before her.
"Police girl...I have an urgent mission for you."
"Yes lady Integra." Seras answered.
"You may have heard that the annual vampires ball is to be held tonight."
"I thought that was just a joke?" Seras muttered.
"It is, but it is to bait a well known vampire we've been aching to take down since he first appeared. He is going to attend the party tonight and I want you to personally take care of him." Integra explained.
"Take care of him? I thought you wanted him dead?"
"That's what I meant!" Integra snapped.
"Oh, right...Sorry." The police girl blushed.
"Now, your target is Edward Cullen. He hasn't physically killed anyone yet and we don't think he ever will, he's too spineless to carry out such a task. Nonetheless, he has made many people dead inside which is just as serious as real murder."
"How does he kill people inside?" Seras cocked her head.
Integra smiled cruelly and took out a remote. A screen lowered from the ceiling and a projector played a scene from Twilight. It only took twelve seconds until Seras was screaming for her to turn it off. Integra pressed another button and the screen rose back up into the ceiling.
"Now do you understand?"
Seras nodded while wiping tears from her eyes. "That man...Such a horrible film..." Seras grabbed a bucket and threw up in it. Walter escorted her to the medic leaving Integra to enjoy a fine cigar, confident that the police girl would carry out the mission successfully.
Later that night Seras prepared herself for the party. She planned to seduce Edward and lead him up to a private room where she could kill and dispose of him without making a scene. That way the party would still go smoothly.
Even if it was just a ploy, some notable vampires were coming. Seras laughed at the realisation that even the terrifying monster, Alucard had friends.
Seras slipped into a tight fitting red dress with a long split up one leg. She contemplated wearing contacts to hide her red eyes, but soon remembered that her target was a vampire as well, so there was no reason to hide it from him. Seras placed a thin flick-knife in a small sheath on her hip. She smield at her reflection and giggled. She was ready to party!
Alucard was waiting for her downstairs. He escorted her to a limosine hired for the night and the both filed in and drank blood cleverly disguised as red wine.
When they arrived Seras was amazed at the number of other fancy vehicles out the front of the hall. There were horse drawn carriages, fancy sports care, limos, foreign cars more expensive than houses and a few steeds tied up to a railing.
"Wow...this is a great turn out isn't it master?" No response came. "Master?" Seras whirled around but Alucard was already gone. She overheard his insane laughter and looked over at the No Life King catching up with a bony old creature with a pointy nose.
When she approached him Alucard grinned, showing his brilliant fangs. "Ah, Police Girl, meet Nosferatu! He is a close friend of mine."
The withered old being waved timidly and greeted her with a thick German accent. Seras waved and studied the other vampires. She could see Selene from Underworld, Moka from Rosario + Vampire and Buffy and Angel.
There were old vampires she had never seen before as well. Dried up, wrinkly skeletons with fangs too big to fit in their mouths. There were ancient women with flowing grey hair and piercing red eyes. There were even wild vampires there. Several pale creatures walked around on all fours, sniffing around peoples feet and making strange noises. One of them approached Seras and she obligingly patted it's head. The creature howled delightedly and scampered off.
"Hmm...Nice vampire..." Seras whispered to herself.
A terrifying screech emanated from a large group nearby. Seras stared at the assembled vampires. There were legendary creatures from around the world. There was a trio of Alguls chatting wildly with Khang-Shi, a Chinese demon.
The Count from Sesame Street was sitting on a bench reading a newspaper. "One. One missing person. Two. two missing persons-" He read aloud...Very aloud.
The groups began to pakc together as another horse-drawn carriage arrived. Awed silence ran through the crowd as the cabin opened and Count Dracula himself stepped out. There was applause and cheers and joyous greetings from everyone. The wave of excitement was getting too much for her so Seras backed away from them and stumbled into an old man who fell to the ground. Seras bent down to help the man but screamed at the sight of his mangled hand. Several fingers were missing and the rest were useless little stumps wrapped in bandages. His face was scarred and he looked to be in a lot of pain.
"Oh no, I'm so sorry! Let me help you up." Seras lifted the man into a seated position and someone else arrived to pick him back onto his feet. Seras looked up at the stranger who bore an uncanny reselmblance to her. "Hello..." Seras murmured slowly.
"Be careful you dizzy blonde!" The other girl snapped. "Arkerley isn't the most capable of vampires !"
"Hey! I bumped into him by accident! And don't call me a dizzy blonde! You look practically the same as me!"
"Who are you?" The girl asked.
"Who are you?" Seras replied.
"What's going on here?" Alucards distinctive booming voice made Seras squeal. She flinched and was surprised when she wasn't hurt. Alucard stood beside her, his head leaning to one side. "Police girl, are you fighting with our guests?"
"I-" Seras began.
"She ran into my friend here. Don't worry it was only an accident! He he he!" The other girl was now acting completely different.
Alucard leaned in close and studied her. "Are you related in any way?"
Seras denied the claim for her and tried to change the subject. "So...What happened to that man?"
Arkeley scoffed and glared at her. "I have a name. Honestly, this is stupid! I've been hunting vampires my entire life and now I'm here celebrating their existence with the wretched creatures themselves!"
The girl patted his shoulder and smiled. "Well that's what you get for turning into one of them then isn't it?"
Seras looked around nervously but was dragged back to the odd couple when the girl extended a hand.
"I'm Laura. Laura Caxton. This is my former mentor Jameson Arkeley."
"Seras Victoria. That scary guy earlier is my master Alucard."
Laura chuckled. "It's funny. I've been terrified of vampires for so long, but the people here are so nice. Where I come from vampires are ravenous bloodthirsty monsters who kill anything that moves."
Seras nodded. "Vampires are bloodthirsty monsters that kill anything that moves, but we take care of our accursed brethren as long as they stay in line."
Laura's flesh paled. "Thanks for the tip. Now I feel worse."
"Don't worry, vampires wont hurt vampires!" Seras reassured her.
"Oh shit!" Laura trembled. "I'm a regular human!" She whispered harshly.
Seras thought for a moment and then clicked her fingers. "Stick around Alucard. He will make sure no harm comes to you."
"No!" Arkeley interrupted. "I'm not talking to these foul beasts. They can drink and kill all they want as long as they stay the hell away from me!"
Seras frowned. "You mentor seems a little angry."
"Well, you would be too if you lived Arkeley's life. He's been a vampire hunter for most of his life. In fact his fingers are missing because a vampire bit them off. The bastard was going to sacrifice him to ressurect more of his blood-sucking pals but we saved the day and killed them all!"
"Oh..." Seras nodded but froze with her head down. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted him. Her target was here...Edward Cullen! "Excuse me." Seras muttered as she pushed her way through the gathering crowds to catch up with her prey.
She lost him and resignedly entered the hall along with the rest of the crowd.
After several hours of drinking alone, Seras spotted Edward sitting at the other end of the bar.
Now is my chance! I have to try and seduce him...
Seras pushed her chest out and sighed but Edward did not even look once. Seras then leaned over the counter exposing her cleavage, but again Edward did not look. It seemed she would have to get his attention first if the plan were to succeed. She rose from her seat and then took one next to the lonely, pathtic looking vampire.
"Hi there." She said seductively. Edward glanced at her for a few seconds and then looked down at his drink again. After a moment he got up and left. Seras bowed her head and groaned. "Damn! I need a drink."
A young vampire swooped over her with a fanged smile. Seras shook her head and he trudged off, disheartened.
Seras looked around and found Edward speaking with Alucard. There was something weird about the way he spoke...it was as if-
"Oh fuck!" Seras blurted out way too loud. Her cheeks burned red and she hid her face fr a moment before looking back to her master and the prey.
Edward is...He's flirting with master Alucard! Now wonder I couldn't seduce him...
Seras hopped off her chair and strolled dazedly over towards her target. She was wobbly in her high heels after having so much to drink. She stumbled over and draped an arm over his shoulder. "Hey there. You ran off from me earlier. What's your name?"
Edward snorted. "How can you not know who I am? I'm only the most famous, most power, most prettiful vampire to ever live!"
Sweatdrops all round. Seras suppressed the urge to gag.
"I...Am the great Edward Cullen!" He spread his arms wide apart and his skin began to sparkle.
A sparkling...Vampire? Is everyone else as offended as I am? This is an insult to our kind! I have to complete the mission fast! Alright...desperate times call for desperate measures.
"Oh, I'm so tipsy!" Seras deliberately tripped over and fell into Edward, knocking him into a door to another room. Seras opened it and they both fell through. Seras purposefully poured her glass of blood all over Edward.
The pathetic vampire squealed at the sight of the mess and ran off to clean himself up. Seras jogged after him with a wry smile.
Edward ran into an upstairs bathroom and tried to clean up the blood stains with tissues. Seras toppled through the door giggling like a steroetypical blonde chick at a party. "You! You ruined my outfit!" Edward whined.
"Don't worry about it." Seras cooed. "No-one will notice...Especially if you dissapear."
Edward frowned. "What did you just say?"
Seras chuckled menacingly as her right arm became a mass of dark tendrils, writhing about mindlessly.
"What are you?" Edward screamed.
Seras smiled, showing her fangs. "I'm a vampire!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH!"
Well that was fun wasn't it? Since this chapter exceeded my originally intended length the second coming of Alucard shall be postponed, but be patient 'cause he will be back faster than the Count can count to ten. (Yeah! Say that really fast three times!)
Anyway the countdown is up to 95 now so there is only a few spaces left. I have 3 definite ideas so far. Requests need to get in soon. I will do what I can and try to get your ideas in so hurry!
Now its time to review!
