Author's note: This is a rewrite of an original story I published long ago. It was recently stolen a few times so I've made some changes to the storyline. Hope you enjoy!

Warning: Adult content

Disclaimer: Do not own Glee

Please Review!


6:00 A.M.

They continue talking well into the morning about Rachel's struggle in dealing with the aftermath of what Leroy did to her.

"I couldn't tell Shelby about what happened and it hurt to much to think about it, so in therapy, I tried my best to talk around it. Shelby had found out about my cutting problem and she began monitoring me, having nurses come to watch my every move. I started to feel smothered and like no one understood. Jesse tried his best to help me, but the closer he got to me the more upset I became. I didn't know where to turn until I met the skanks," Rachel says as she plays nervously with her fingers.

"The skanks?" Deborah asks with a raised eyebrow.

Rachel nods. "There's a group of them in every school. They're the bad kids, the outcasts, the drug dealers, the ones who showed me a new escape route. It started off harmlessly, just a few cigarettes every now and then and occasionally some alcohol. It made me feel better for a while, it was just enough to numb the pain, but when the high wore off I needed more. I started getting into stronger things like marijuana and eventfully heroin. It helped. It made me feel so much better, it made me invincible. So much so that I didn't even realize what a mess my life had become. I woke up every morning and got high and stayed that way until I passed out drunk at night. I didn't care about anything else, but getting rid of the pain I had inside. It got so bad I'd almost failed out of school completely." she shakes her head, as much as she misses the feeling of invincibility and the wonderful high the drugs had given her, she knew how wrong she was. It's one of the things she regrets the most.

"Finally, Shelby intervened. She told me she would put me in an institution for my problems if I didn't stop. She made me join the glee club and when I started singing again, I didn't feel the urge to get high anymore. Jesse helped too, on the nights when I'd stayed awake, fighting off the desire. It was hard quitting that way, my body had become so accustomed to having such high dosages a day that I was physically sick at night. It was awful, but during that time I didn't think of Leroy, my thoughts were so focused on Jesse and getting better that I didn't even realize I was slowly becoming a new person in the process."

"It seems you and Noah were in a similar position at the time," Deborah sighs.

"He…he did drugs, too?" she asks in bewilderment.

"Yea, asshole landed himself in juvie for a few months for smoking pot," Rebekah chimes as she walks down the stairs in her pajamas. Deborah shoots her daughter a glare and the teenager shrugs. "Sorry, baby Noah fell asleep and I got bored so I kinda started listening like an hour ago."

"Rebekah Marie Puckerman, have I taught you nothing? It's like you were raised by a pack of wolves, go upstairs and brush your teeth and get ready for bed, you need to get some sleep. I don't want you getting used to staying up this late, it's unhealthy." Deborah hisses and the teenager winces at the harsh tone she's heard her mother use so many times.

"Sorry, Ma," she mumbles. "Good night, Rach, it's really nice to have you back. Even if you did give birth to a mini Noah, I mean he's kinda cool despite the fact that he came from the devil himself."

Rachel frowns and Deborah scolds her daughter until the teenager is up the stairs and in her bedroom.

"Honestly, I don't know why she says the things she does. Sometimes I think it's because she misses Noah so much that she feels she has to act like him to make it better and sometimes I wonder if that's just the way they are," Deborah says as she shakes her head.

Rachel shakes her head, she doesn't know anything about being a teenager because she never really was one. She never got to hang out and have sleepovers because she didn't have any friends and the only boy she ever loved she left because her father was raping her and she was slowing killing herself because of it.

Deborah smiles sadly at the girl. "It's been a long four years without, Noah. I'm so proud of him for going to school and making something of himself, but I miss him so much."

Rachel nods sadly. "I don't know what I would do if I ever had to go a day without my babies, I haven't left their side since they were born. I don't even want to think about them growing up and leaving me. They're my everything, I would die without them."

Deborah takes Rachel's small pale hand in her own. "You've done such a wonderful job with them, they really are beautiful babies. Little Noah is so handsome and his sister is as precious as a rare gem. They're both so smart and so lovable, I always knew you would be a wonderful mother, you always had the instinct."

Rachel blinks in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"When you were younger, you were always mothering Noah and even Rebekah. You would scold him when he was bad and look after Bekah while I was working. I always found it quite astounding how motherhood just seemed to come naturally to you even though you didn't have one growing up. I suppose it's just one of the many things Rachel Berry excels at," the older woman smiles widely and Rachel frowns.

"I'm afraid my talents haven't lead me anywhere, between Leroy and Jesse and getting pregnant, I haven't any opportunity to go to school or try for Broadway and to be honest I don't think I want to anymore," Rachel says. "That dream died a long time ago, along with everything else."

Deborah shakes her head. "Surely there's got to be something you want to do?"

Rachel sighs and is reminded of the sharp pain in her rib cage. She winces and wraps her arms around herself, "I just want to be a good mother, and I don't ever want to put my kids through the type of hell I had to go through. I want them to have their father in their lives, he deserves to know them and they deserve to have someone as special as him."

"I wish I could help you, Rachel, but he doesn't even come home on his birthday anymore. I get calls on holidays and flowers in the mail, but the last time I saw my son was two Chanukah's ago and he looked awful," Deborah shakes her head. "Are you sure he has no idea you were pregnant?"

Rachel frowns and thinks back to her two failed attempts at telling Noah about the babies. The first attempt had been the day she'd told Jesse and Shelby. She had gone to Noah's house earlier to try and break the news, hoping that he would take it well. This was one conversation she didn't want to have via telephone. However, she wasn't given the chance because as soon as she entered his room, she came face to face with a very angry and very naked Santana Lopez straddling her ex-boyfriend.

She was humiliated and before she could even say a word the door was slammed in her face and she ran home crying until she broke the news to Shelby and Jesse.

The second time wasn't as mortifying, but it didn't hurt any less when he rejected her.

She lies next to Jesse, stroking her full rounded belly, waiting for him to fall asleep. She doesn't like beds, she hasn't since she was twelve years old, but she can't let him know that. She doesn't want to give him another reason to think she's weak nor does she want him to use it as leverage against her. As soon as she hears his breathing crescendo into a snore, she pushes herself up out of the bed and walks down the hallway and into the newly decorated nursery, slowly lowers herself into the white rocking chair, closing her eyes in peace.

She's around seven and a half months pregnant and sleeping on the floor like she's used to is no longer an option for her. Her back is sore, her feet ache, she's fighting off heartburn and a migraine, and to top it off she's been cramping an awful lot lately. She's exhausted from countless sleepless nights and the fact that she's doing this completely on her own. At her last appointment she was given a due date approximately two weeks away. She's looking forward to finally meeting the two people who have been growing inside her, the two little people that she loves more than anything in her entire life.

"Oh!" she gasps as she doubles over, holding her belly. She's been getting sharp pains all day and the stronger they get, the more terrified she becomes. Still, she pushes them aside, she has two weeks after all.

She decides that sleep isn't an option right now so she heaves herself out of the chair and waddles into the bathroom for a hot shower. The hot water feels good against her aching back and it soothes her rambunctious babies' kicks.

She closes her eyes and pictures herself holding her babies in her arms. She pictures a bright-eyed little girl with chestnut ringlets and a little boy with dazzling hazel eyes. She knows her children are going to be beautiful, they've got half of Noah Puckerman's genes and the man is a living Adonis after all.

She wishes that he was here and holding her close with his warm hands sprawled over her belly, singing softly and talking to their children. She wants nothing more than to raise her babies with the man she's loved since she was a child. She wants him here to share each and every kick from their babies together, but it's just another thing Leroy had taken from her. She feels awful that she's keeping this from him, but then she remembers the look in his eyes when she pulled away from him on that fateful night and she knows she made the right choice. Telling him about the babies while she's with Jesse will only hurt him more than she already has. She wishes there was a way for them to be together, but she knows that she doesn't deserve someone as good as him. She deserves scum and that's exactly what she gets with Jesse.

She's in the middle of conditioning her hair when a mind-numbing pain rips through her abdomen with such ferocity that she has to grip the towel rack to keep herself upright. She cries out and squeezes her eyes shut in pain, breathing deeply until it subsides and she can stand up right again.

Taking a deep breath, she resumes washing the conditioner out of her hair and hurries out of the shower, but not before another pain radiates through her. She stands breathless in the bathroom, gripping her towel and biting her lip to keep back the cries of pain.

She knows that something is wrong and that she needs to get to a hospital as soon as possible. She hurries up and dresses before making her way out onto the New York street to hail a cab with the money she'd stolen from Jesse last night after he passed out drunk. She knows she'll be in trouble for stealing from him, but she knew when the time came and she needed to get to the hospital that he would be less than willing to help her out, especially with the way he'd reacted the last time she had a complication.

When she gets to the hospital she's immediately taken to delivery where she's told she's almost ready to go. From there on out, everything becomes a blur of activity and her anxiety spikes through the roof. She's stripped of her clothing and forced into a bed where a male doctor she's never seen before begins prodding around inside her. She feels like she's twelve years old again, being forced onto the dirty mattress by her father. She can't stop the tears from pouring down her face.

An older nurse holds her hand and wipes her tears as she cries and squirms in fear, but it does nothing to soothe the shaking girl. The doctor finishes and says something about her delivering in just a few minutes but she's too worked up to notice.

The pain has gone from a cramp every few minutes to a gut wrenching agony that never seems to end. She's absolutely exhausted and scared out of her mind when the nurse tells her she shouldn't be doing this alone and brings her a phone to make a call. She doesn't hesitate to call the number of the person who has the key to her heart.

"Noah," she gasps in pain when she hears him pick up the phone.

"Who's this?" she hears him grumble angrily, but she's delirious from the pain and hearing his voice after so long is like being given a glass of water in the desert.

"Noah, it's me. It's Rachel," she says softly.

She hears his sharp intake of breath and her heart literally stops beating in her chest. "Rachel," he repeats quietly and for a moment she's able to forget about the extreme amount of pain she's in.

"Rachel, why are you calling me?" he asks in a sour tone.

She doesn't really have an answer, she just needed to hear his voice telling her that she could do it and that she would be okay. "I'm sorry, Noah. I'm so sorry," she whispers.

She hears him groan heavily and it breaks her heart to know that even having a conversation with her is causing him pain. "Noah, I really need to tell you something and I know you're going to hate me for it, but-

"Rachel," he says sharply, interrupting her. "Nothing you say to me can possibly make me hate you. I fucking love you and I always will, you know that. You're a horrible person who ripped my heart out and stomped all over it for no fucking reason and I'm still madly in love with you. I never hurt you and I didn't deserve what you did to me so whatever you have to say I don't want to fucking hear it."

"Noah, please" she sobs, the pain becoming overwhelming.

"Don't call me again," he says before he hangs up on her.

The nurse takes the phone from her shaking hands and the doctor takes his position between her legs which she clamps shut almost immediately.

"Ms. Berry, it's time for you to push. I need you to relax and put your legs in the stirrups so we can begin," he says as he tries to pry her knees apart.

Rachel shakes her head furiously and squeezes her legs together tighter despite the desperate need her body feels to bear down and relieve the growing pressure. The older nurse pushes her damp hair off of her sweat covered forehead and whispers words of comfort in her ears, but they do little to calm her. Right now she's not afraid for herself, she's afraid for her children. She does not trust the doctor in front of her because he is a man and she's learned a long time ago not to trust men. She's not letting him between her legs or anywhere near her children.

A contraction rips through her body and she screams out, her nails threatening to rip through the bedrail. The doctor shakes his head and calls for a younger red headed doctor to take over, Dr. Montgomery from her last visit.

Rachel immediately relaxes when she sees the fimilar doctor take the place of the other, and allows her to part her legs and help deliver her children.

"Rachel," she says softly to the trembling teenager. "I need you to give me a big push on your next contraction. You need to get the first baby out as soon as possible, they're in distress because you've waited so long so when you're ready, you've got to give it your all."

Rachel sighs. "I'm positive, Ms. Puckerman. I tried to tell him, twice actually, and both times I just couldn't do it. He…rejected me and it hurt so badly that I just couldn't bring myself to tell him about the miracle we'd created together. I hated the way we ended things and as punishment I kept him away from his children. The only people I'm hurting are my babies, they deserve to have Noah in their lives. He's their father and I know deep down that he'll love them even though I'm their mother."

"Rachel, Noah still loves you, you do know that right?" Deborah asks as Rachel shakes her head. "He hasn't loved anyone else in years and the only girls I ever see him around are the no good ones looking for a night of fun. It's not that he hasn't found another girl, it's that he's not looking. His heart belongs to you, Rachel and the sooner you accept that, the easier it will be for you both to forgive each other and move on."

Rachel shakes her head, new tears streaming down her face. "I love him so much," she sobs, holding her chest tightly. "There hasn't been a single night that I haven't dreamt of him. It wasn't supposed to be this way, we were supposed to be together forever. We were supposed to get married and then have babies and raise them together. We were supposed to grow old together and die side by side. He's my soul mate, my other half and it hurts so badly to be without him. I want him back more than anything, but I can't. He wouldn't want me, I'm not the same person he used to know. I'm disgusting," she spits with venom, years and years of hearing the words from her father and Jesse coming forth. "I'm a no good, worthless whore and I don't deserve someone like Noah." She's crying so hard, she's reached the point of hyperventilation and her sore ribs can't take the constant movement of expanding that quickly.

She doubles over in pain and sobs even harder for the loss of her one true love. She's crying so hard, she doesn't realize Deborah's moved and is rubbing her back soothingly.

"I can't breathe," Rachel gasps, her heart pounding against her chest. "It hurts," she moans. "It hurts so bad, please make it stop."

Deborah nods and wraps a blanket around the shaking girl, pulling her into her arms. "Rebekah!" she shouts up the stairs. "Bring the children down now, we need to get Rachel to a hospital."

"No, no hospitals please," Rachel begs.

"Honey, you're hurting and it's not just mentally. Something's wrong and you've been unsuccessfully hiding it since you walked in the door," Deborah scolds as Rebekah hurries down the stairs carrying her sleeping niece and nephew.

"What's wrong?" she asks. "Is Rachel dying?"

Deborah narrows her eyes at her daughter. "No, go get in the car and buckle in the babies, then I need you to call your brother. Tell him it's an emergency and he needs to come home."

"No," Rachel protests weakly, clutching her chest. "I'm fine, really. I don't want Noah to find out this way."

"It doesn't matter, you need medical attention, Rachel. You've been taking care of yourself for years, now it's time for you to give someone else a turn," Deborah says as she helps the frail girl to the car.

The car ride is quiet except for Rachel's labored breathing and occasional moans of pain. Deborah shakes her head, wondering how on earth she let her family get so out of hand. Her son doesn't speak to her and has had three illegitimate before the age of twenty-two, her daughter's behavior is spiraling out of control, and the girl she considered a daughter has been raped, beaten, and abused since she was a teenager.

When they arrive at the hospital, Rebekah takes the babies to the waiting room where they curl up together and fall asleep while Rachel is taken to be examined.

She's sitting on a padded table in nothing but a paper gown completely frozen in fear while doctor's poke and prod around her battered body. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see Ms. Puckerman on the phone with who she assumes is Noah. She squeezes her eyes shut, she doesn't want to be here and she definitely doesn't want Noah to come and see her like this. Ugly. She wanted to tell him when she was better, when the bruises had faded and she wasn't so broken. She realizes now that isn't going to happen and that Noah will be seeing her for the first time in two years beaten and worthless just like Leroy had always said she was.

She hears the doctor's examining her say something about surgery to fix a crack in her ribs and a punctured lung. She's thankful they're not asking questions and that they're all women and she's almost positive Deborah had something to do with that.

"Mom," she calls out weakly to Deborah. "Don't leave me, please. I can't do this alone."

"You're not alone, sweetheart," the older woman says with tears in her eyes. "I promise you, you will never ever be alone again."

"Don't let them hurt me," Rachel mumbles, her eyes squeezes shut.

"They won't, honey. They're going to take good care of you, I promise. They're going to put you under in a while and take you in for surgery and when you wake up, I promise I'll be right here," Deborah says with a sad smile.

"Tell my babies that I love them," Rachel says, wincing as a needle is shoved in her arm.

"I promise."

It's way too fucking early when Noah Puckerman gets a call from his younger sister. At first he's hesitant to answer, talking to his sister makes him miss home so much more than he already does and he can't afford to loose focus on his schoolwork. Each time his mother calls it's a stab in the heart because he knows he should be there with her. But going home means going back to Lima and facing the fact that Rachel's gone and he's worked too hard to forget about her.

"Hello," he sighs into the phone, he knows Bekah won't call if it wasn't important.

"Noah, it's Bekah," she says breathlessly. "Something's wrong, you have to come home right now."

"What? What is it, is Ma okay?" he panics.

"I can't tell you, but you need to come home and fast, it's important, Noah," she says and he can tell by her tone that she's frightened which takes a lot for her, he did raise her to be badass.

"Bekah, if you can't tell me what's wrong then I'm not coming home. It's obviously not that important if you're not allowed to tell me," he says angrily.

"It's not my place to tell, but please Noah, stop being an asshole and come home. Your family needs you, it's time to move on and face whatever it is you're hiding from," she snaps.

"Fuck you," he snaps in response. "I'm not hiding from anything. I don't need you and I don't need fucking Lima. Don't call me again unless someone's dying," he says as he slams the phone shut.

He runs his hand over his head in aggravation, accidently waking the leggy brunette sleeping partially naked in his bed.

"Is something wrong?" she mumbles as she stands up, walking over to his side on the bed where he sitting up. She plays coyly with the button of his shirt she's wearing.

"No," he lies. "Just trying to get some homework done." He's up now anyway, might as well get some work done.

She sighs and flips her hair. "Maybe I can help?" she says, chewing her lip seductively.

"No, I think you've done enough," he says, picking up his assignment and flipping through his book.

"Is that an invitation for round two?" she smirks.

"No, what part of 'I'm studying' are you not understanding?" he says, finally turning towards her.

She smiles and runs her hands down his chest. "You can always take a break, it'll be there when you get back."

He studies the girl carefully and tries to figure out why he found her attractive in the first place and then it hits him. The long brown hair, big brown eyes, long legs, and tanned skin. It's got 'Rachel' written all over it. Only this girl is not his Rachel, she's about four inches too tall, her boobs are silicone and way too big, her lips are not nearly as plump, and her ass doesn't even compare to the perfect little backside he used to watch dance around in a short plaid skirt.

He grabs her wrists in his hands and pulls them off of his chest. "Look, uh…"

"Mandy," she says sharply.

"Yea, whatever," he rolls his eyes. "This was fun and you were great, but I think it's time for you to go."

She raises her eyebrows in shock. "Seriously? You're kicking me out, it's practically six in the morning!"

"Yea, well I kinda got shit to do and you're getting in my way," he snaps.

"What an asshole, you're no better than the rest of those football jerks," she spits as she grabs her shoes angrily.

He shrugs, "Never said I was. I'm the fucking Puckerone, the infamous Puckersaurus, ultimate badass, what did you expect?"

He watches as she huffs and collects her belongs in a haste, calling him every name in the book under her breath.

He laughs and shakes his head. He knows it's wrong to treat women this way and a huge part of him hates himself for it, but it's the only way he can keep his mind off of the girl that broke his heart into a million pieces. In a way he feels like he's getting her back by sleeping with every remotely attractive girl he sees-and it's a complete coincidence that they all look exactly like her-or so he tries to tell himself.

"I want my shirt back," he snaps and ducks as she tosses that followed by one of his football cleats at his head.

"Take it, asshole," she spits before slamming the door.

He knows he's wrong, but he can't help himself, his life has been one huge mess one right after the other. The only way he knows how to stay in control is to be Puck. He may be an asshole and he may not have any real friends because none of them can trust him around their girlfriends, but at least he's not wasting away like he would be if he were still Noah. Puck knows what he wants in life: money and sex. It's simple for him to get as long as he keeps his grades up, works hard, and keeps himself in shape. Puck doesn't find life hard at all, but Noah is another story. Noah wants love, affection, a family, a home, someone to take care of and to protect, and everything else that normal people want. He wants a career that he worked hard to get to be able to support his family. He wants to watch his son play football and teach his daughter to play the guitar. He hates that Noah always seems to get in the way of Puck's plans. He hates being Noah because he hates the heartbreak that comes along with feelings. It's one of the reasons why he doesn't go home anymore. It doesn't take him very long at all to get from Ohio State to Lima, but the moment he steps foot inside that fucking cow-town, all his feelings return and the only thing he wants to do is crawl in a corner and cry like a pussy.

It all started about four years ago when his relationship with Rachel began to dwindle. It started with her ignoring his calls and texts to generally ignoring him in general. At first he thought it was something he'd done wrong so he'd tried extra hard to romance her and be a better boyfriend. He'd stay up late and watch all her favorite Broadway musicals so he could talk about them with her. He'd tried every trick in the book to get her to smile, turning up the Puckerman charm to a maximum. Still, nothing seemed to be working. He'd even taken to joining the stupid glee club and signing in front of a group of losers to tell her how much she meant to him, but the entire time her face remained stoic and if it physically hurt her to smile.

He remembers how much he used to miss her, even when she was right next to him. How he missed the sound of her laugh and the way her eyes lit up when she got excited. He missed his best friend, his love, his Rachel.

He remembers how she used to pull away from him when he'd sit next to her or how she'd flinch when he'd tried to grab her hand. At first he thought maybe she just didn't love him anymore so he tried to give her space, but that never lasted. He was tethered to her and being apart for more than a day hurt way more than he cared to admit.

Eventually he begun to loose his patience with her, there was only so much heartbreak a guy could take. He could stand the fact that they weren't intimate anymore or that they didn't go out on dates. He could even tolerate the fact that she didn't hug him or kiss him anymore. Even though he missed her touch desperately, he never pushed her. The one thing that he could not tolerate was them not talking. Days would go by without them holding a single conversation longer than ten words. He hated that she didn't want to talk to him. Not wanting to be with him and not wanting to talk to him were two completely different things.

He'd questioned her about her suspicious behavior multiple times and each time he never got an answer. After that she began to pull farther and farther away from him until he barely saw her anymore. He knew she was busy with school and her vocal and dance lessons, but so was he. It hurt that she didn't bother to make any time to spend with him when he spent each and every one of his free moments thinking of her and ways to be with her. It hurt that she put her extracurricular activities before him when she was always his first priority.

Even after everything she was doing to him, he never ever considered the possibility that they would break up. In all his thoughts pertaining to the future, not being together was not one of them. Each and every one of his plans included her and how to make her happy. So when she finally sat him down and told him she no longer loved him and that they were over, he broke.

He remembers sitting in her room and crying and begging her not to leave him. He blamed the fall of their relationship on himself, even though he knew she had caused it. He'd promised to be a better boyfriend if she stayed with him, but in the end all his crying and begging led him nowhere. He stood watching as she fought back tears, pointing towards the door he'd come in and out of so many times.

He remembers the way his heart clenched painfully as he walked out of the Berry house, his whole world shattered around him. He remembers how he walked all around Lima, sitting outside the 7-Eleven in tears before an older man drove by and offered to buy him a case a beer to cheer him up.

He remembers the way he roamed the streets drunk off his ass until he was almost hit by Santana Lopez. He remembers the way she cursed at him in Spanish and how he laughed at her in his drunken state. He remembers being forced into her red car and taken back to her house where she'd told him her parents weren't home and he'd passed out on her couch and woke up the next morning naked and on top of her.

He remembers running from the house without an explanation, his head pounding and his ears ringing. He'd never felt like more of a failure than in that moment. He remembers contemplating over whether or not to tell Rachel until he realized that she didn't care. She had thrown him out without shedding a single tear. She didn't love him anymore.

That was the moment Puck took over and Noah became a muted part of himself he kept hidden. All the students at Ohio State knew him as Puck, the badass sexy linebacker who fights any punk that gets in his way and bangs any girl who is available. He's not proud of who he is, not by a long shot, but it's his only option if he wants to make something out of his miserable life.

He runs his hand over his shaved head and sighs in exhaustion, he's almost done with his school work for the rest of the week and he plans on spending his weekend wasted and getting laid. He's just about to head to bed when his phone rings again.

He groans as he picks up the phone, holding it against his ear. "Look, Ma, I already told Bekah I'm not coming home so whatever it is, you're going to have to deal with it without me," he says tiredly.

"Noah," Deborah cries. "It's Rachel."