Chapter 12: Leonard's Dilemma
Monday morning found Leonard unrested as he turned off the alarm on his cell phone and put on his glasses. After returning last night from the visit to the stables and dinner with Penny, he felt so tired that he was sure he'd get a full night sleep. But after nodding off quickly in bed, he kept waking up during the night. Balls, he grunted as he lay there in bed!
He shifted as best he could into workday mode, getting his sleepy daughter up to get ready for school and preparing for the week ahead at Cal Tech. He still had some backlogged work to catch up on since returning from London.
Lunchtime at his office came quickly, as his office phone rang with a call from Howard to meet at the cafeteria at 12:30 PM. Leonard was looking forward to seeing Howard, Raj and Sheldon at lunch, but he wasn't sure what he'd say about yesterday with Penny. Frankly, he hadn't sorted out his own thoughts about the day and Penny's final words that night about getting together again, so Leonard wasn't sure how much detail on the day he wanted to share yet. Actually, he wasn't really all that hungry at the moment - his stomach was still in knots from the goodbye at the restaurant last night.
What he really wanted to do was talk it out with Bernadette. Of all of his close friends, she was the best listener and sounding board for matters of the heart, in Leonard's view. Sure, Bernie could get a little harsh when she got impatient, but she always made you feel like she heard you when you needed help. And she often had good advice. She probably could have been a very good psychotherapist, Leonard thought, well, except for her occasional temper.
When Leonard arrived in the cafeteria, Howard, Raj and Sheldon were already seated. Leonard knew Sheldon wouldn't have much to say or ask about yesterday - yeah, Sheldon had become a little more compassionate than he used to be, but he was still pretty self-centered.
"Soooooo...," Howard drew out the word slowly for effect, "how did it go yesterday? What did she say? What happened? Give us the dirt, Leonard!"
"Dirt?" Leonard furrowed his eyebrows as he answered, shaking his head, "there's no dirt, Howard. We had a nice time. Chrissy got to ride on a horse, and, you know, Penny looked great. She seems pretty happy. I mean, she's a big Hollywood star now, right?"
"Does she want to get back together, Leonard?" Raj asked as he enjoyed a large piece of carrot cake for dessert.
"What?" Leonard barked, "Get back together? Hey, this was just a nice little outing to get Chrissy a horseback ride. I don't know what to tell you."
It was obvious to Howard and Raj (Sheldon was playing with his new phone and wasn't, as usual, paying attention) that Leonard wasn't in a mood to share the details. They weren't sure what, but something else was going on with Leonard. Seeing that this line of questioning wasn't going to go anywhere, Howard and Raj changed the subject to some questionable research that Kripke was working on. Leonard was pretty quiet after that and quickly headed back to his office after finishing what he could of his lunch.
The afternoon for Leonard went by quickly, but he was distracted in his work by his personal thoughts. It was 4:30 PM when he reached for his office phone and dialed Bernadette's office number.
"Bernadette Wolowitz", she answered.
"Hi, Bernie, it's Leonard," he replied.
"Hey, what's up, Leonard," Bernie asked, "should I ask how it went yesterday?"
"Yeah, no, it, uh, it went well, I think," Leonard said, "Penny seemed very friendly - I wasn't sure how she'd feel, you know? And we had a nice visit. Even grabbed dinner afterward. So,..."
"So? So now what, Leonard?" Bernie probed, "do you think you'll see each other again, or what? I mean, if you don't mind my asking."
"Bernie, I gotta tell you, I am kind of confused about the whole thing right now. I'm trying to sort it out, based on yesterday. Some things came up in our conversation yesterday - I didn't mention them to the guys at lunch today, so Howard doesn't really know yet. But I was hoping maybe I could chat with you about it - maybe over lunch sometime this week? I value your opinion, Bernie - you've always been a great listener and advisor, so to speak," admitted Leonard.
"Sure, of course, Leonard - how's tomorrow - noon - the usual place?" Bernadette offered.
"That would be great, Bernie - thanks," Leonard said, "and, if you wouldn't mind, maybe not say anything to Howard until after you and I talk tomorrow. I don't want him to feel bad that I shut him out, but I just wasn't prepared to try to explain it to the guys at lunch today. I need to sort this out more."
"Of course, Sweetie," assured Bernadette. "Let's meet tomorrow and see what's going on in that brainiac head of yours. Try not to worry, Leonard. One way or the other, I believe there is a reason that you two ran into each other at that fundraiser. Try to relax, and we'll talk tomorrow. I can fill in Howard when it's appropriate. See you tomorrow."
Leonard said goodbye and ended the call. He felt a wave of relief, knowing that he would be able to unburden himself a bit tomorrow with Bernie. What he would do about seeing Penny again was a big decision and he needed a friend's input. Penny seemed so sincere about a follow up visit - it had taken Leonard by surprise. And when she told him that she had missed him so much. He had wanted to just hold her and kiss her and tell her, yes, yes, let's get together again.
But there were almost opposite feelings, too, that told him to tell her he couldn't afford the heart ache again. Would another try, a Leonard & Penny 3.0 or 4.0 or whatever beta or alpha it might be, would it go down in flames too? It was so hard to tell her that he needed to think about it, but it was probably the right thing to say - it would give him time that he really needed to think about it.
As he exited the building, found his car and started it up, another song on the country radio station was playing that made Leonard almost laugh. It was a Brad Paisley tune about love and the poor odds of success, equating it to a trip on an airplane that had a 60% chance of crashing. Leonard joined in on the chorus as Brad sang the words, "If love was a plane, nobody'd get on."
Leonard's Subaru made a right out of the parking lot as he headed home to see Chrissy, with his babysitter, Ann, waiting to fill Leonard in on how Chrissy's day went. OK, Leonard, he thought, try to relax and enjoy the evening. Bernie will be able to help tomorrow.
"If love was a plane...," Leonard hummed as entered the freeway, wondering what the future would bring.
