Shinigami Women's Society
By bleached.dragon
Bleached: Whooo! I'm back… after I finish this arc though… I might move into doing some other fanfic… but unfortunately no one has sent me any bad jokes…
Rukia: YES!
Bleached: do I know any bad jokes?
Rukia: …don't even try!
Bleached: Anyway, thanks y'all for so many hits, I really appreciate it, I was beginning to think that no one thought I was funny… Anyway, I was serious about the dedication stuff… but since no one sent me anything, I guess I'll dedicate this to everyone who read my story and reviewed… so, here's part two of my mega arc.
Oh and it's Soul Society's Recycling Day, so… Bleached shall recycle some old jokes…
Rukia: You're just being lazy…
Bleached: Okay, how about this one, repeat after me Rukia, an American, a Cuban and…
Rukia: Don't you dare!
Bleached: That aside, I noticed that I have never put a disclaimer up, so here it is…
Disclaimer: I do not own any franchises mentioned in this story. Anyway, I should also mention, don't 'borrow' or otherwise take my stories and put them as your own, it's called plagiarism. And on that happy note, that you guys probably skipped over, here's the new chapter.
March 12th Meeting
Topic: Dancing with the Shinigami/On true love/Super Hinamori II
Renji and Rukia were crouching behind a shrub. (bleached: Jeez… I'm so unoriginal… this is the 2nd shrub we've had… in the last month… although… it's been two episodes since a glue joke… okay… how about this…) It was sequestered to the corner of main street that wound itself though Soul Society, and a relatively new addition to the citadel, it had been paved, after Yachiru had blazed a path of destruction though the city. Anyway, the two of them are holding binoculars behind a peculiar pink bush.
Rukia looks at Renji and sighs, "Why are you dressed in that thing?"
"It's a NINJA COSTUME!" Renji growled, "I have to look the part."
"Right, but an orange jumpsuit, a ninja does not make," replied Rukia.
"BELIVE IT!" Renji jumped up involuntarily.
"Huh?"
A look of horror crossed Renji's face, "It just came out!"
"…Why don't we go and get you a nice CAT scan?" Rukia replied sarcastically.
"I'M GOING TO BE HOKAGE!" was the reply.
"Oh my," Rukia glared at her co-anchor, "and I'm going to be Chappy."
"There's a little problem with that statement," Renji began cutting his red hair with a Kunai, "You're already dressed like Chappy."
Rukia fluffed the ears of her bunny suit, "So? It's cute and why are you spraying your hair?"
Renji was spiking his (now short) red hair, which was more of an orange now, as he applied more yellow spray paint to it, "BELIVE IT!"
"WHAT?"
Renji's voice was beginning to reach an even more annoying tone than his usual, "Hey! W-w-why is my hand stuck?" He pulled at his hand in vain; it was firmly attached to his now goldenrod hair.
(Bleached: If you don't know what Naruto is, chances are, you probably didn't get that entire spiel. Anyway, Super Super Carpentry glue makes a comeback.)
Suddenly, Nanao's hand appeared in their direction from in front of the bush, "Hey! Could you pass me the spray glue?"
Rukia groans, "Will you stop ordering that blasted stuff?"
"Super Super Carpentry Glue can be neutralized by a tidal wave, cut his hair and dump him in a fountain," was the calm reply, tinged with an air that hinted that Renji wasn't the first one to make this mistake.
In his office at 8th Company, Sunsui sneezes and adjusted his wig, muttering, "And they say that blond hair desirable in a man…"
Rukia advanced on Renji holding her unsheathed Zanpakuto, "Don't worry Renji, this wont hurt one bit…"
Renji's scream rent the air.
Just as Rukia and Nanao pinned Renji down and began shaving his head, the reason that Rukia and Renji were having their stakeout skipped by them.
Super Hinamori rounded a corner and bumped into Byakuya Kuchiki who stared, openmouthed. Suddenly, the 6th Company Captain's mouth began watering.
For, standing right in font of him was the biggest nikumun he had ever seen.
Wait, standing?
He looked again.
Super Hinamori quickly went into camouflage mode and sat down, the nikumun covering her legs.
Byakuya shrugged, he must have been seeing things.
Super Hinamori relaxed, but then, she suddenly felt herself being lifted up…
Yachiru skipped around the corner, calling, "Pachinko head! Pachinko head!" Ikkaku had given her the slip earlier, while she was discussing plot ideas with Orihime.
The flash of the sun striking someone's baldhead momentarily blinded Yachiru. She rushed forward, "IKKAKU!" and grabbed Renji by the neck.
"Where have you been?" she asked the groggy 6th Company Vice Captain, "Why are you dripping wet?" she looked at him again.
"Oh! You're so sweet Ikkaku! You dressed up for our dance practice!" Yachiru grinned from ear to ear.
Yachiru spared a second look at Renji, "Say, Ikkaku-tan, did you do something different with your hair?"
She picked up the unconscious Renji and began dragging him off, before either the shocked Rukia or Nanao could stop her.
"Really," commented Rukia, "Renji is having a major identity crisis today…"
At 10th Company HQ, Matsumoto Rangiku was frowning at her captain in consternation. He was filing paperwork.
Usually, she drive him so crazy that he had hysterics in the corner, but today, he was doing his work and every time she showed Toshiro the dance outfit she had fashioned for him, he only said a short, "That's nice," before signing something else. Rangiku frowned and bit her lip; she would have to do better.
Toshiro Hitsguya walked into his office at 10th Company in a black mood. His blue eyes flashed dangerously and he stalked into the room and threw himself in his chair. He had just seen Rukia kneeling in front of a pink bush gathering what looked like straw, and had learned that, once again, Hinamori had gone crazy. And this time, she had really shot off rails.
He groaned and noticed that he was sitting on someone. "Matsumoto," he began, and then saw her, staring openmouthed in shock at him. His icy eyes widened and he slowly craned his neck around to look at the person he had deposited himself on, only to stare back into his own face.
He screamed.
Meanwhile, Ikkaku was enjoying a nice break and he lay lethargically on the wooden floor of a covered walkway in 11th Company as he waited for his opponent to drag himself from the fishpond. He took a swig from his bottle of sake as he listened to his sparring partner scream for mercy.
Wait.
Scream for mercy? Oh, it was THAT fishpond. He had totally forgotten. (bleached: Have you guys forgotten? In the Thanksgiving episode, there are giant man-eating Koi in 11th Company. Hehe… just thought I'd dig that antiquated joke out.) He settled back when there was a sudden thumping noise and a…giant…thing… flew through the hole made by Orihime's typewriter.
Ikkaku's sparing partner raised himself from the fishpond, to see his opponent unconscious and a giant nikumun on his head? Strange… but before he could further contemplate this new development, a particularly giant Koi sprang out of the pond and grabbed his foot in a fanged mouth, and the 11th Company member quickly forgot about Renji's new hairstyle and resumed screaming.
Ikkaku on the other hand resumed consciousness to find a giant nikumun in his lap. Because his stomach primarily ruled him, he proceeded to take a big bite out of it, and then he choked, gagged and collapsed, foaming at the mouth. (Bleached: the moral, don't eat suspicious looking things, it could be worse, she could have made it with Nanao's glue… Super Hinamori: … oops.)
Presently, after several muffled curses, a zipper appeared around the side of the nikumun and Hinamori popped out, gasping for air, "Whew!" She adjusted the tiara on her head and spotted someone walking towards her along the walkway.
Ichigo Kurosaki, after a lengthy jog around Seritei had finally eluded Kenpachi by jumping into the sewer, although, in hindsight he now immensely regretted this decision. He had been attacked down there by a pink umbrella, for heaven's sake! (Bleached: Do you remember this joke?) He was beginning to wonder if anything here was sane, considering he only fought off the umbrella by shocking it with an electrical extension chord. (Bleached: There is no such thing as coincidences, only authors recycling material.)
And now…
And now…
He walked around the corner to find himself face to face with Sailor Moon, or someone who looked like Sailor Moon. Either way, she was standing on top of Ikkaku in the remains of a giant Nikumun.
"Hello!" she called out to him cheerfully, with a bright smile, "I'm Sailor Super Hinamori!" (Bleached: Just you wait, at the end of this arc, she will have a page long name.)
"Um… Nice to meet you?" Ichigo said uncertainly.
"Is there any evil around here?" Sailor Super Hinamori asked pleasantly, smiling.
Ichigo raised his eyebrows, this chick needed a CAT scan, and fast! "Um… Oh! I know! There's a giant… um… cat attacking 4th Company… Tell Unohana that you're there to scan the cat."
To his supreme surprise, Sailor Super Hinamori saluted him, and then with a wave of her staff, she ran forward, screaming, "SUPER SAILOR HINAMORI, GO! GO! GO!"
After his brush with Hinamori, Ichigo walked away quickly, and then started running and nearly bowled Byakuya Kuchiki over, "Oh, hey! Byakuya!"
Instead of giving his customary icy glare and cold response, the 6th Company Captain looked around distractedly, "Um… did you happen to see a… giant nikumun?"
Ichigo raised his eyebrows, "I saw a freaky cosplay girl standing on top of Ikkaku in the remains of nikumun."
Byakuya was already running down the hallway.
Ikkaku wakes up to find the 6th Company Captain eating off him.
Unohana examines the CAT scanner they had recently been shipped and hoped that nothing happens to it.
Renji wakes up to find himself in a tutu and no idea how he go there… must be careful of mysterious bottles.
Bleached: Wow, quite a lot of cliffhangers… as always, our beautiful Nanao, whose not doing anything right now, is going to give us a recap.
Nanao: Here it goes:
1) Renji joins the lists of psychotics and sprays glue in his hair so Rukia and Nanao shave his head.
3) Super Hinamori shows up as a nikumun and is carried off by someone (we think it's Byakuya)
4) Yachiru mistakes Renji for Ikkaku and drags him off.
5) Toshiro gets a clone.
6) Hinamori breaks out of the meat bun costume in a Sailor Moon outfit and Ichigo tricks Hinamori into going and getting
9) Byakuya eats the remainder of the meat bun off Ikkaku.
And I barely got to do anything!
Bleached: Are you sure you want to do anything? I can write you in…
Nanao: Never mind.
Toshiro: Can you get this thing off of me!
Bleached: --shakes finger--No spoilers!
Anyway, thanks for reading, please take the time to press the review button and give me your thoughts on my piece, and please check in for the next chapter… I really appreciate your support.
Rukia: GAH! Cut your author notes, they make up one fifth of the chapter!
