A/N: Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer.

Chapter 12: Lesson Learned

EPOV

"Where are Alice and Jasper?" Esme called as we entered the front door. She and Bella were sitting at the dining room table like they hadn't moved all day. Bella. The images in my mind just didn't do her justice. She was so much more beautiful than even my highly capable vampire brain could capture and reproduce.

"We don't know, they skipped last period…guess you'll have to get on to them, mom," Emmett said laughing.

"What do you mean you don't know? Edward didn't you hear their plans?" Esme seemed kind of peeved…like I was everybody's keeper or something.

"Uh…I was kind of distracted during class today, I might not have been paying attention if Alice tried to tell me…something."

"It must have been them who took the Jeep out this afternoon," Esme said almost to herself but aloud. "Well, I'm sure the two of them can take care of themselves, I just worry like a mother, you know," she declared with a sad smile.

Bella spoke up. "But you are like a mother, Esme. No not like. You are a mother. You should hear all the sweet things Edward says about you when you're not around."

Esme smiled and looked away from Bella. If she could have cried, she probably would have. "Well, in that case, I'm gonna leave you youngsters to do your own thing." She rose from the table and planted a soft kiss on the top of Bella's head. I kind of felt like crying too.

"Thanks for that," I said after Esme had left the room.

Rosalie and Emmett retreated to the living room, turning on the TV and pretending not to listen. I stood there gripping the back of one of the wooden chairs so hard I could feel it start to splinter as I waited for her response.

"It's true. Esme is really great. I'd hate for her to think any less of herself." An awkward pause followed and I got that strange first date feeling again. Only this time it was a first date with a girl who hated my guts.

Bella closed her eyes briefly and then broke the silence with a deep exhale, "Esme was right, you're a really great piano player." She spoke curtly, almost forced as she fidgeted with the dress fabric in her lap, avoiding my gaze.

"You heard that, huh?"

"Yeah, vampire super hearing, remember?" she said motioning to her ears and I chuckled, "what was that song you were playing?"

"Uh, just something I'm writing…sometimes I'll get a tune in my head and I just can't get it out until it's finished."

"So, it's complete then, that song?" she asked, nodding her head and swallowing hard in that insecure way that she always had.

"No, uh, I'm not really sure how this one is going to end. These things take time."

BPOV

I had to check the light just once more to be sure. I closed my eyes and yes, it was still there. Apparently it wasn't a side effect of my transformation. Edward would always be a dim blur in front of my closed eyes. We were left alone in the dining room and the air was heavy with words that needed to be spoken, but I couldn't say them. I grasped for a distraction.

"Play for me?" I asked him. He looked back at me surprised. I continued, "It's just that I've never really had any musical ability, really…and now, with so much time on my hands…maybe I could learn?"

"Absolutely, Bella," he responded with a smile, "follow me."

He sat down at the piano bench, motioning for me to sit beside him. Rosalie rolled her eyes and clicked off the TV with the remote as I took my seat. "Come on, Emmett, let's go to the garage," Rosalie said as she stomped off.

Emmett smiled on his way out the door, "See ya, Bell!" I was so glad he hadn't chosen to call me Bells…that was what Charlie used to call me. I wasn't ready to be reminded of Charlie at every turn. Even then, I pushed the thought of him away and tried to focus on the piano keys.

"Don't worry about Rose, Bella, she can be a brat when she doesn't get her way," Edward assured me.

"What didn't she get?"

"Umm, she's just thinking that, well," he spoke hesitantly, "you're being too…nice to me."

Distraction. I changed the subject, not ready to deal with the perplexing being whose full bottom lip threatened to mesmerize the anger right out of me. "So tell me about piano. Start at zero, seriously, I don't know the first thing about playing."

Edward was a natural teacher. He wrote out a simple set of notes on a blank sheet of music staffs. I remembered a little about reading music from playing recorder in third grade and I was able to stumble my way around a bit with out looking like a complete doofus. Every Good Boy Deserves Fudge, I thought as I called out the notes.

"See, you do know the first thing, actually!" Edward said, smiling, as he nudged my arm with his elbow. Entirely too flirty. I scooted away from him a little and asked him where I should put my fingers.

He looked a like he felt a little rejected. Good, I thought, and my dead heart immediately sank. Shouldn't it feel good to hurt the person who hurt you? It didn't.

Edward put his hands on the keys and told me to do the same. "No, that's not quite it, move your right hand over…no, two keys…no, now back one."

I was fumbling around like an idiot as usual. Shouldn't I be much more dexterous as a vampire? Finally Edward removed his hands from the keys and placed them on top of mine, while simultaneously sliding closer to me on the bench. His touch was warm and soft; like immersing my hands in soft butter, making apple pie crust on Thanksgiving morning. I'll never celebrate Thanksgiving with my family again…

He took his time repositioning my hands properly, as I sat dazed, staring at the black and ivory keys, feeling a sadness creep over me—a sadness not directly related to Edward, but caused by him nonetheless. I had lost everything because of him and yet I took comfort in the feel of his skin against mine. Once my hands were placed on the correct keys, he was reluctant to remove his slender fingers from my own.

"Okay, are you ready?" he asked as he finally took his hands off from on top of mine, and I felt their absence throughout my whole body.

I nodded my head yes. I had been practicing things like that today with Esme. Controlling my movements, keeping my speed in check. It was getting easier. Now if only learning the piano could be that simple.

"Just like this," he would say as if it was the easiest thing in the world, moving his fingers slowly but gracefully across the keys. I would try to copy his movements but graceful I was not. I put all my effort into the keys, not because I wanted to be great at playing, but because I wanted to push away the emptiness that still hung in the air around me, threatening to consume me if I allowed it. The piano was my distraction, my way of filling that impending emptiness with something pleasant—something that didn't remind me of anything I used to know. It wouldn't fix anything, sitting there ignoring reality, I knew, it was only a bandage, not a cure for my ailment. My bronze-haired, honey-eyed, life-altering ailment.

After a few hours of uninterrupted practice—of clashing, clanking notes drowning out my thoughts—I felt like I was really getting the hang of it.

"Excellent, Bella. You'll be playing 'Claire de Lune' in no time!" I smiled at the thought…he remembered.

"Someday," I said as I pounded out another round of "Old MacDonald."

"E, I, E, I, Oooooo," Edward was singing along as the door bell rang. Edward shot straight up from the piano bench. "Shit, it's UPS."

"So?" I shrugged my shoulders.

"A human, Bella."

"Relax, Edward, I'll leave the room," I said, standing and turning for the stairs. I had already been feeling the flame in my throat grow as the human ascended the driveway. It burned hotter as I acknowledged its presence and hotter still when I stood up against it. I control this body, I told myself, and the thirst seared me in protest, knowing it was powerless against my will.

Just then Rosalie and Emmett shot into the living room through the back door. "I'll watch her, Edward," Emmett said hurriedly, "come on, Bell."

"Guys, really, I smelled him a mile away," I said in a huff. They didn't believe me. "I don't 'vant to suck his blood!'" I said in my best Dracula impersonation. A laugh resounded from each of their perfect mouths, and they breathed a sigh of relief. The doorbell ran again.

"Better safe than sorry, Bell, come on I'll show you your room!" Emmett said, genuinely excited. His emotions were so overt; I couldn't imagine how he ever pulled anything over on anyone.

It occurred to me that I hadn't even seen the rest of the house, aside from the main living area and the study on the third floor, which I knew all too well. I followed Emmett as he bounded for the stairs and Edward crossed the room for the door. "Stay here, Rose," I heard Edward say as I reached the second floor, "it's for you."

I could still smell the delivery man and my throat continued to burn. But when I pictured him, I saw a man's face, I saw a wife and children, and I thought again that I could never take a human life. We headed all the way to the top floor and into the last room on the hall. "So this is it, you and Edward's room," he announced with a smile. I remembered something Esme had said about making changes I would like to Edward's room…like adding a bed.

"You live in a mansion and I have to share a room?"

Emmett looked confused. "Well, we have our joint bedrooms and then each of us has like an individual study or a game room, so that's kinda…all of them."

"Well, it doesn't matter, I mean, it's not like I have to sleep or anything, right?" I just couldn't be a bitch to Emmett, none of this was his fault.

"You can totally have my game room, or Rose's study, we've been spending a lot of time in the garage lately anyway. Or Esme might agree to add on to the house."

"Oh, Emmett, that's really nice of you, but please don't worry about me. I don't want to be an inconvenience to any of you…" except for Edward, maybe; he could hang out on the couch from now on.

"An inconvenience, Bell? Are you kidding? You're like the best thing that's ever happened to us since Alice and Jasper found us. We're a complete family now that you're here!" He was so genuine. I couldn't help but feel it was true.

Downstairs I heard Rosalie squealing. "Emmett!" she yelled. "Garage, now!"

"Well, I better go, duty calls," he said with a smirk.

"Thanks, Emmett, really," I said sincerely.

"No prob, Bell," he called out as he sprang down the hallway, leaving me alone in Edward's room. In my room.

I took a long time going over the room. It said so much about Edward. I ran my fingers across CD jewel cases as I examined his gigantic music collection. The top shelf was filled with vinyl records. I would pull one out occasionally and handle it with care. They were all originals. I wondered fleetingly where he stored the 8-tracks and cassettes, because he'd lived through those eras too.

I thumbed through the clothes hanging in his closet, many with the tags still attached. They were mostly drab colors. A lot of grey. I thought blue was his favorite? I found the section of the closet that had apparently been cleared out for me. I gasped as I unzipped one of the garment bags marked "Bella." It was a gorgeous pale blue sundress. The color was cold like winter but the style was fresh like spring. It was conflicted just like me, stuck in between two seasons. I changed into it immediately and left the closet to find the full length mirror on the opposite wall. It was gorgeous, strapless and curve-hugging. It fit me perfectly, as if Alice had had all my new clothes custom-tailored to measurements she saw in a vision of the future. She probably did.

In the reflection of the mirror I caught a glimpse of Edward's massive library. I turned to the book shelf and looked closely at the weathered bindings of his books. Some were so old they had to be worth a fortune. A few were so well-read, I knew immediately they must be his favorites. As I scanned the shelves, I felt my understanding of Edward grow; I felt the surge of commonality, and I resented it.

Damn him. Damn him for being perfect for me, for being the exact kind of man I could love. Damn him for not just taking away my life, but for taking away the love I could have had for him—a pure and unadulterated love that I could have given freely. Anything I could muster to offer him now would be marred, tainted by the blood he drew from my neck.

"That's not even a quarter of them, the rest are in my study," he said from the doorway. I was so engrossed in the titles I was almost surprised by his approach. Almost.

"You have great taste…in everything pretty much," I said motioning to the endless shelves of music, movies, and books.

"Thank you, that means a lot coming from you."

I tried to ignore the compliment within his statement. "So these vinyls…did you buy them when they first came out?"

He crossed the room and reached up to the top shelf pulling down a record.

"Abbey Road. September 26, 1969, autographed," he said removing the delicate piece of music history from its sleeve, "The last album they ever recorded."

He handed to me and I took it gingerly. "I thought Let It Be was their last?"

"No, common misconception," he said, "it was their last release in 1970, but it was recorded before Abbey Road in '69."

"Autographed by all four members, huh?" I said as I slid it back into the sleeve in his hands.

"I was one of the first in line…wound up really hitting it off with Paul, we still e-mail each other to this day."

I wasn't the biggest Beatles fan, but that was some seriously crazy shit. "No fucking way!" I said, pushing against his chest with a little too much force so that he stumbled back a few steps.

"Yes fucking way!" he jokingly yelled as he caught his balance and proceeded to slide the album back into its place on the shelf.

"That's amazing. Do you know a lot of famous people?"

"Sure, I've had to outlive some of my favorites…Ray Charles, Kurt Kobain for instance."

"Wow." I was stunned. He pulled out an autographed Nirvana CD and I would have hyperventilated if it were possible for my new body to do it. "Amazing," I said, finding complete sentences hard to form.

"No, Bella," he said looking deep into my eyes, "amazing is you…in that dress. You look like you're ready for the beach!"

Again I ignored the compliment, "I don't think I'll be heading out to La Push anytime soon what with these freaky alien eyes."

"And don't forget about the bizarre sparkling skin, Bella," he said smiling. I had forgotten about that. I had never seen it sparkle, on me or anyone else.

"Esme said it's like diamonds, innumerable diamonds, each smaller than grains of sand…" I mused aloud.

"That's a good way to describe it, you'll see for yourself, as soon as you're feeling up to an airplane ride, we'll take a trip to Isle Esme." I remembered the island Edward had told me about, private and secluded. As I pictured it, I could literally feel the sun beat down on my skin. Even my imagination was more vivid now.

I crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed, smiling and leaning back, basking in my imaginary sunshine. I closed my eyes to take it all in and felt my light appear in the same sky. "Let's all go now, Edward…I'm ready now."

"Believe me, I would love nothing more than to take you there this very minute," he said crossing the room and taking a seat next to me. I didn't have to open my eyes to see him move. I felt his presence gliding toward me. "But I don't think you can know yet how painful it is to sit in a confined space like an airplane for hours on end, surrounded by humans."

"Humans, schmoo-mans!" I said waving my hand dismissively, still reeling in sun and light. He laughed and the sound delighted my ears, sending my mental bliss over the edge. "Besides, don't you have like a private jet or something?"

"No," he said, still laughing, "we've thought about purchasing one in the past, but it's just not cost effective."

In that moment—when I wasn't thinking about anything but the present, about anything but my current pleasure—life was perfect. I was leaning back on my elbows lazily on Edward Freaking Cullen's bed, soaking up the sun, and swimming in his laughter. Perfect. I could feel him staring at my wide smile. I could feel my casually seductive pose pulling him toward me. I could feel his light moving closer. I focused only on the sensations, like I did when I was hunting earlier that morning, lost in the moment.

Edward reached his left arm around his body, turning into me, as he wrapped it around my waist. I freed my arms by letting my body fall completely to the bed and my right hand moved up to meet his at my side. I grazed my fingertips along the top of his hand, lingering on each knuckle and tracing the edges of each fingernail.

"I can feel the sun now too, Bella," he said quietly, through a smile.

"How did you know?"

"We're kindred, remember?" he said and I laughed. A real, joyous laugh from somewhere deep inside me.

"Hey! Speaking of, I thought blue was your favorite color, you poser," I said running my fingertips up his arm, "there's hardly anything but grey in that closet."

"Uhhh…" he stammered.

"Poser!" I accused again, giggling, drawing small circles up and down his forearm.

"It's embarrassing, I'm not going to explain it!" he said tightening his grip around my waist.

"Come on, Edward, no more secrets now," I said seriously, opening my eyes and seeing my light replaced with his beautiful face.

"Fine. But remember, you asked!" he said and I nodded and held up two fingers on my free hand, mouthing "scout's honor."

"Bella, I didn't have a favorite color until I met you…blue is my favorite color because…" I closed my eyes again, I couldn't bear to watch his pained expression, "because you were wearing blue when I first saw you, and that's when my life changed forever."

Something in that phrase triggered me from my island fantasy, my life changed forever. Forever. I went back on my scout's honor.

"Yeah, Edward," I said as I removed his arm from my waist and got up from the bed I one fluid motion, "that's when my life changed forever too." He stared at me, uncomprehending.

After a long pause he got defensive, but not angry. "But, Bella, that day, in the meadow, you kissed me. You wanted me?"

I said the first thing that came to my mind. I noticed how the volume of my voice gradually increased as I spoke, as if I was listening from outside of my own body. I hadn't lost control of my emotions; I had simply set them free. "Yes, I kissed you, Edward. I didn't think that would make me…betrothed to you. I didn't think it would turn me into a fucking mythological creature!" I stared at his blank expression. I couldn't tell if he was tuning me out or he just couldn't disagree with me because he knew it was true.

I didn't back down. I was gearing up for a fight. "Whatever hormonal attraction I felt toward you in that meadow…it's gone now, I'm pushing it away." I said it to myself as much as I said it to him. I wasn't truly convinced either.

His expression changed; he went from defense to desperation in less than a second. "Is there any hope for me, Bella? For us?"

How could he ask such a selfish question? Selfish. That's what he was. "You took everything away from me, Edward. I never…I never got drunk. I never graduated from high school. I never had sex! Dammit, the last thing I ever got to eat was peanut butter and jelly! You stole my life, Edward!"

I was yelling now; the words that had been swimming in my mind for days finally making themselves known. I heard the sneer in my voice every time I said the word "you," as I pointed an accusing finger at him. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to pour salt and lemon juice into his wound and rub it until he screamed in agony. I wanted him to feel one-tenth of what I had gone through in that bed for nearly three days. But his screams of pain never came, his voice never raised above a whisper.

EPOV

Her words burned me. They cut me deep and exposed me for what I truly was. You stole my life, Edward!

And your soul, Bella, don't forget about that, I thought in defeat. "Look, Bella, I'm not going to defend what I did. I'm not going to try to excuse it as a lapse in judgment or an isolated mistake. You're right. I. Am. A. Monster."

She turned and left the room without another word and I immediately felt the void of her presence. I would have rather sat there and listened to her yell at me than be apart from her. Seriously, for a woman who didn't want to be with me, she sure treated me like a husband.

I mused over our conversation…fight, I guess. I should have known that "forever" comment could only be misconstrued. And I thought my life was complicated when I was all alone. I had a lot to learn about women…about Bella. But hey, I got to touch her. Earlier at the piano and then again on the bed. Reclining next to her on the bed was freaking awesome. I couldn't believe I had never had a bed until now. Beds are awesome.

I didn't go after her. Time, everyone's favorite word echoed in my mind. I just reclined on the bed, staring at the ceiling, relishing in the remaining sparks that tingled in circles up and down my arm. I went back over our conversation again and again, noticing new subtleties with each repeat. The lightness of her touch for one, Esme must have worked with her today. She was a pretty fast learner; a few hours and she was already reading music and playing her first song. It had taken Rosalie weeks to get that far and eventually she gave up; tuning cars instead of pianos. Downstairs I heard "Old MacDonald" ringing loudly from the keys as Esme squealed with delight.

"Try this," Esme said, and I heard a book of music land on the piano. "Sixteen Going On Seventeen," I could distinguish it through her mistakes. She stopped and started over again and again until she had the first stanza down pat. Persistent. Well, I could be persistent too. There was nothing in this world that I wanted more—that I would ever want more—than Bella.

I stayed in my room for hours, giving Bella time with Esme. They were getting on so well, it made me soar with pride. You've done well, son, Esme's thoughts were directed toward me. A little after eleven, I heard Carlisle's Mercedes coming up the driveway. Alice and Jasper still weren't home and I wondered where the two of them could be. They were well out of my range of hearing. They better be back in time for school tomorrow, I thought, I'll be dammed if I'm going to have to go and they don't!

Downstairs I heard Esme filling Carlisle in on the day's events as Bella played softly on the piano, she had progressed through almost the entire book of music and was now playing "My Favorite Things." Poignant. I wondered if Carlisle knew about Bella's memorial service tomorrow. I felt like she should know her family would be mourning her loss in less than twenty-four hours. I wasn't sure I should be the one to tell her. I left my room and went across the hall to Carlisle's study.

"Eventful day at the hospital?" I asked Carlisle as he entered the room.

"Chief Swan came in today," Carlisle said too quietly for Bella to hear downstairs, and I quirked an eyebrow. "He asked me to…prescribe him something to get him through…"He's a mess, Carlisle continued in his thoughts.

"Did you give him something?"

"No, I didn't feel it would be medically responsible of me. I just listened for a long while, tried to comfort him a bit, and sent him home with some OTC sleep aids." The memorial, Edward, does she know?

"Not yet. But I think we should tell her…not me though. I wish Alice was here to do it."

"Oh yes, Alice and Jasper stopped by the hospital today before they went to Seattle to get Bella's paperwork together. Alice seemed rather concerned about Bella being ready to travel at a moment's notice. I think they planned on waiting in Seattle until her passport was ready."

I smiled. Future-seeing pixie.

"So we'll wait for Alice to get home to tell her?" I asked Carlisle.

"Sounds like a plan. I'm going to…" I cut him off as he stood to leave the room.

"Carlisle, one more thing." He sat back down and gestured for me to continue. "I haven't told anyone about this. Only Alice could know…" I was apprehensive about saying this out loud for the first time. Once the words were spoken, I felt like something would change. When the words passed from my mouth, the vision Alice saw in the cafeteria would go from a fleeting possibility to a lost hope.

"Tell me, Edward," Carlisle coaxed.

"That day, that first day in school, Alice had three visions of my future. At the time, I just wrote them off." I spoke through gritted teeth, my eyes fixated on the floor, ignoring Carlisle's gaze. "I deliberately ignored the warnings, Carlisle…" I hated myself in that moment, as I finally saw myself through Bella eyes. I understood her anger, and I shuttered at the thought of how her resentment would only grow if she knew what my actions had cost us. Carlisle urged me to continue.

"In the first vision, I drained Bella and she died. In the second, she was newly transformed, obviously the vision that will come to pass. And in the third she was changed but…in the third, Carlisle, we had a baby." Carlisle gasped but tried but quickly tried to hide his surprise. "I know it's impossible, but I can't help but think…we could have had a child."

"An immortal child, Edward?" Carlisle asked timidly, his face visibly contorted with horror.

"No. She was ours, Carlisle, she had my hair and Bella's eyes. She was ours."

Carlisle's expression turned to a mixture of confusion and wonder. "The child would have been born before Bella was transformed, then?"

I nodded affirmatively, "I believe so."

His eyes were wide. "The Incubus, perhaps? I have heard the legend, but I've never seen it with my own eyes."

"I saw it, Carlisle, or at least the possibility of it…I didn't believe it at the time, but now…" I trailed off and we sat in silence for a long moment as the piano continued to ring from downstairs. Carlisle's thoughts were mostly analytical, pondering the possibility of a child that was both vampire and human. He decided to research the legend and trace it back to its origins.

"I have to tell her," I was asking just as much as I was stating. I knew I had to tell her; I had promised her—no more secrets. I couldn't live out eternity with this unspoken between us whether we were together or not; yet somehow, I still needed Carlisle's reassurance.

"Edward, that is your decision," he nodded as he spoke, "but let's take one piece of news at a time. She's in a very fragile place right now." He looked as if he was about to continue, but I stopped him; I had heard everything I needed to hear. Even if it would only add to her hate for me, she had to know.

"I'll wait for the right time," I shrugged.

"Okay, well, I'm going to go down and see if our newest family member has an interest in chess. God knows I can't play with my favorite son," Carlisle said with a chuckle.

I sat in the study for a long while, listening as he taught Bella the basics of chess and they chatted. Carlisle had a way of getting you to talk about something without realizing you were doing it. He was part surgeon, part psychologist. Bella spoke openly with him and I felt equally proud and jealous. Time, I thought again. In time, perhaps Bella would be willing to talk with me like that. Time.

Time was such a force in my life. I couldn't speed it up for the past ninety years. I couldn't slow it down that day in the meadow. And now I was more powerless against it than ever. I wondered if Time and Fate were in this together.


A/N: I'm dying to know what you thought of the E/B alone time! Was it what you expected? No Steph, no smut yet, sorry! Thanks for your awesome reviews, girlies, I love them all!

UPDATE: There's a little teaser for Chapter 13 over on the AFWHI thread at Twilighted. The link is on my profile. Muah!