Harrison Severus Snape and the magical childhood: Part 1 of the cursed Chronicles Part 1 of 8

Chapter Twelve

Promises

*Severus' POV*

I laid in my bed at Prince Manor that night with my arm wrapped around Lilly's bulging waist and watched the stars whirling above my head while I listened to her snoring. She was sound asleep finally after a long and tiresome day of vomiting, sleeping and preparing for the children she swore we were having but soon she would wake and vomit again. I had not realized that morning sickness could in fact last all day, with Harry she had endured very little sickness if any at all and was mild to say the least. Nothing like this, where she suffered an endless ocean of fatigue while she rode waves of vomiting and aches and pains while she moaned and cried not out of weakness but pure exhaustion and when I held onto her she leaned into my arms and told me that it would be all worth it when the children were here. I prayed she was right, tried to maintain her joy in the endgame of this tireless illness and -I admit- did enjoy the way she needed to be taken care of when it came down to it. It was nice to see my wife needing me for once and as I laid her back down to bed that night I held onto her marveling at the beauty of her and the cheerfulness with which she tackled this mountainous feat.

I admired the way she joked and teased me, spoke in a dreamily wistful voice of the way a house with four children would ring with laughter. How Harry, being the oldest one would be the leader in our family and she could not wait to see the kind of older brother he would make to the others. I tried to smile at her, tried to be very cheerful, to smile and turn on the best supportive face I could for her. But even so, I was unable to entirely hide my exasperated worry over her condition although Lilly had teased me that, 'morning sickness' was what some muggle male called it who could neither get pregnant nor understand the ramifications of a multiple pregnancy on a woman so soon after the birth after her first son. I laughed at her joke, washed her mouth out and put her to bed where she now lay in my arms snoring away; keeping me awake if I was honest but I allowed it as I hated when Lilly was sick. I felt it better to let her rest as I knew soon enough she would be up and ill again and sure enough she was up and ran from the bed to the washroom where she became violently and wretchedly sick.

I watched her as my flower threw up in the toilet for what appeared to be the twentieth time that night and quite possibly the hundredth time that week I went to her and handed her a water-goblet which she gratefully accepted and took a cleansing sip from before spitting the contents into the bowl and flushing moving her auburn hair out of her face and looking at me with that rare helpless expression that I so hated to see from her. My strong flower who had possessed the courage to not only love and redeem a man like me but take on the Dark Lord all by herself. She was not a weak woman, and had at one time and on more than one occasion put me in my place. Both in and out of of school; my wife was no weak-willed child who needed mollycoddling and tending to. Which was why it was so troubling to see her in this state. It was the look she had worn when she was abused as a child and she would cry in my arms, a look I dreaded more than anything else.

It was the kind of expression she had worn when she was eleven and her father had locked her in her room for the night for being unable to control the untrained magic in her blood. It was the sort of 'someone please help me, I don't know what to do and I'm scared' face which never failed to polish the red back into my nearly blackened heart; the look that had turned me from Voldemort and back into that boy she had cared so deeply for. I remember the last time she had given me that look, it had been the best -and worst- day of my life; the day she told me that she loved me. It was the day I was happiest and the day I was most ashamed of myself for what I had become in the name of a father I had never known. I remember that day just like it was yesterday, a chilly January morning when my life had changed forever.

I was a rising Death-Eater, just 18 and earning the name Cobra from my wicked associates for my nasty and venomous potions and Liliana was little more than a distant memory, a painful ache in the back of my heart that I had done my best to wash away with any means necessary. I had assumed naturally that she had married Potter; perfect James Potter with his money and good looks and had all but forgotten the impoverished, dirty Slytherin boy she had used to play with down the street. It was all just as well -at the time I believed at the time that love like all other attachments were little more than a crutch, a bother I simply could not be bothered with. I had I must admit, even convinced myself for the most part that even if she was the love of my life she simply was not worth the trouble and that it was better for all involved if we never saw each other again. Because she deserved better than a poor, fatherless waif like me and I was never going to amount to much good in this life anyhow.

No one had ever told me that I was worth anything, not my peers at school or my stepfather; my mother had told me that I was a bright and spirited boy with a lot of potential but that I was -in affect- a disappointment to her. I must've been, for I have met my older brother and he was truly a beauty with that aristocratic Malfoy beauty. Head boy, top of his class a ministry man, the right hand of the minister all though at the time of my recollection he was still an up-and-coming elected official and just as deep in dark practices as I was albeit more privately. But our mother knew nothing about it and thus was far more proud of him then of me -not that I blamed her for it- but still at the tender age of 18 it actually hurt. It had felt like no one cared about me and I had convinced myself that I did not need to be loved, did not care if anyone cared for me and did not need anyone.

I did not need my mother's love, I did not want what my brother had with his wife; and I could never have the only one I ever loved and I had best put that old surfacing pain in the back of my head. Lilly Evans had been the only real person in my life to see anything good in me, any hope for my future and she could never love me. I was too far gone; too black inside, too poor and not what the good adopted daughter of the headmaster was looking for. The Gryffindor head-girl would never be with someone like me when she could have the golden boy of Gryffindor house. With these thoughts firmly in mind I had made my way toward my destination with Lilly Evans at the bottom of my priority list as I made my way to the cobweb covered cast-iron doors of a little shop with a sinister feeling oozing out the door like a chilling autumn mist.

Although I hated the shop, I had gone down the back-ways of Knockturn Alley in search of some dried venom of scorpion, a rare and illegal ingredient which one could only find in these seedy sorts of places. One I needed for a particularly foul brew when I had seen the object of my lamenting in all her glory through the window and my heart froze. It had to be her in the window of the apothecary's shop, there was no mistaking it. She was talking to a Mr. Irman Wartzplot esquire, an unsavory character to be sure; a half-human fawn with two rather pointy knobs on the sides of his balding head and a goatee not unlike the animal's hanging scruffy and straggled from his buttock-shaped chin. I hated the oaf, he was crude and lecherous and was known to take advantage of women if they did not have the money to pay for the item in question then they could exchange a few favors in the back of a dark room and a quick ten to fifteen minutes of her time.

I knew it was Lilly, it had to be, the crimson and oranges in her hair was unmistakable, oh sure there were many redheads in England but hers had always been unique like spun fire in glass just waiting to melt. There were gingers sure, many of them may even be carrot-tops but she had a unique shade of reddish orange that never failed even then to take my breath away. That and her posture, she always carried herself a certain way, shoulders ramrod-straight, head and chin high but slightly and gracefully tipped as a lady ought to. I stared through the window, unable to help myself, enthralled as I always was with her as creepy as it may appear to those outside of my heart. I am now, was then and always have been helpless where she was concerned and the more I stood there, the longer I allowed myself to gaze at her the more I felt a certain twisting of my stomach and I frowned.

For some reason I did not like the way Wartz was looking at her and I found I could not just go by my own business as was my original intent. I knew for a fact the old goat was known for jacking up his prices on desperate girls, and if the white cloak she wore was any indication than she had indeed become a doctor and was in need of some sort of curing ingredient which was strange and out of the ordinary to say the very least. Probably some fang of viper or a dragon's eye for curing cataracts or something. But I knew this man, he was one of the most disgusting creatures in the wizarding world, as slippery and slimy and -as ugly- as a common garden slug. I did not have to hear the conversation or see Lilly's face to know what was on that thing's mind and it was getting my hackles up. Lilly was mine, well no she wasn't at the time but had I known then what I do now I would not have wasted time glaring through the door and done something about the scene straight away.

She was shaking her head and looked rather nonplussed and somewhat disgusted at that and I felt something; an emotion I had not felt in over a year since I saw her at our Hogwarts graduation. I was jealous, it was boiling and coiling inside me like a poisoned cauldron, horrible, hot and searing and I noticed also that she was alone. My jealousy that the woman I had always wanted was always just beyond my reach was bad enough but the fact that she was alone made me feel slightly ill. The fact that Potter would let her wander about the underbelly of Knockturn alley was sickening, but more than that I was afraid, afraid for her safety and I muttered several very awful words under my breath that had my mother heard me she would have given me a good old Irish clither on the gob. But it seems that my resolve to remain emotionless was futile as I watched her and the fawn, his puss-yellow eyes glinting and he licked his swollen, slobbery lips with blatant sexual intrigue.

It was in that moment I went inside the door and he looked up at me and his eyes widened, at the time I looked like quite an intimidating character. I wore a black cloak with a silver hood and on that hood was the symbol of my name, a massive albino Cobra. Hood fully splayed to show his kingship; magnificent golden markings glinting in the sunlight. I smiled cruelly at him and came behind Lilly who had not noticed my entrance I did the unthinkable; I reached up behind her turned her and did what I always wanted to do, I turned her and lowered my mouth to hers as if I had every right to. I made sure he was watching and Lilly in her surprise gasped which allowed me to enter her mouth and I kissed her deeply as I secretly took the folded up bit of parchment from her hand and then I pulled away to meet the shopkeeper's eyes.

He looked at me the way most people did at that time in my life; with a mixture of fearful admiration and pity; everyone knew what sorts of dark magic Lord Voldemort's supposed son was capable of but everyone also knew -thanks to Dumbledore- of the tragic picked upon boy who was so lonely and desperate for his father's love that he had joined the Death-Eaters just to try to be close to him. Thanks to my now father-in-law, people either feared the mighty and vicious Cobra or pitied the lonely fatherless boy. Thankfully the fawn was not privy to most wizard gossip and so he feared me and so when he saw me kissing her he knew better than to make any further advances on my old childhood friend for fear of pissing me off and causing me to hex the hell out of him and when he met my eyes there was pure terror staring back at me.

"Cobra..." he croaked by way of greeting, "What a pleasure to have you here!"

"Yes, " I said with a false sweetness which held a thinly veiled threat; turning to Lilly I said, "did you get the, " I looked at her paper, "rotten shark tooth I asked you for?"

Lilly appeared to be shocked to see me much less hear me called by my street honorific Lilly said nothing but instead placed tentative fingers to her lips the way a schoolgirl would with her first kiss. I grimaced inwardly, I wanted our first kiss to be romantic -if we had one- but there was nothing for it and besides it had achieved the desired effect; Iram had lost the disgustingly lustful look in his eyes and it had been replaced with one of envy and mild hatred. It was the sort of look I had worn whenever I had seen my childhood bullies at school and they had tortured me; Potter especially who had Lilly in his arms after it all. I loved seeing that look on someone else's face, even if it was fake, even if it was only for one stolen moment made out of necessity; but when Lilly looked up at me I winked at her and she seemed to get it for the old familiar light suddenly appeared across the deep emerald pools of her eyes.

"Yes," she said, handing me a white paper bag and I handed Wartzplot a single galleon in payment as she said, "here you go." and I could tell by eyes that she was in shock.

"Thank you my love," I said, surprised at how the easily the endearment rolled off my tongue, surprised at how right it felt in my mouth.

Then before she could say a word I pulled her out of the shop; and into the street where she stood stock-still and looking positively adorably...furious. Her nostrils were flaring her fists were clenching and unclenching in an outward show of anger and aggravation and then she smacked me fully across the face. I froze I had never been struck so by anyone much less a woman who I had just saved from the perverted advances of a half-human creature with more bastards and a reputation blacker than I cared to think about. True I am no hero, indeed quite the opposite but I thought a thank you was at the very least for getting her out of such a terrible predicament. But instead she looked enraged and when her hand zipped across my face and I felt the sharp sting of a slap mark my face and I blinked.

"Severus..." she began in a fuming tone of voice, "I don't know what you thought you were doing back there but never kiss me again!"

I was fuming at her ingratitude at my rescue and I snapped back, "very well, next time I will leave you to the mercy of such a man you silly girl."

She smarted, "I am not a silly girl!" she snapped, "and I did not ask for and/or require your assistance!" to prove her point she raised her hand and shoved my shoulder.

I froze, my heart pounding in my chest as I noticed just how beautiful she was and is when she stood there before me. My stomach was clenching and unclenching and I felt my heart positively constrict as that old familiar pain from school box my heart around like a heavyweight in the ring. I felt the tender soreness of my cheek, my face stung and for the first time I felt tears coming to my eyes as if I were a little boy being scolded by his mother. I could not help it, damn my traitorous heart; I reached up and framed her face in my hands noticing the deep ocean of her emerald eyes where my heart seemed to dive into. It was helplessly tangled in their algae, hopelessly lost in the waves of pain and love going through my lonely heart. It was as if I was watching a seaweed-filled ocean beneath a crimson horizon as mesmerizing and hypnotic as the actual waters itself.

"Lilly, you have no idea the vile disgusting things that man was thinking..." I whispered dangerously.

"Oh and you do?" she quipped back sarcastically.

For some reason her snarky remark made me smile, "Yes I specialize in legilimency," I told her, "and trust me when I tell you his thoughts were anything but wholesome.

Lilly actually scoffed at me, " and you're a regular choir-boy!" she said rolling her eyes.

Lilly then proceeded to rant at me about how she had heard of the nefarious behaviors of those of us who the rest of the wizarding world dubbed, 'filthy mind-readers' and how I ought to stay the bloody hell out of people's heads and mind my own goddamn business. But I wasn't listening, my eyes were riveted to her mouth and I felt the sudden urge to take her into my arms and hold onto her tight. I did just that actually, and I was surprised that she did not pull away from me. I kissed her again because if she was going to hit me a second time then damn it I had better make it worth my while. She gasped and pulled away from me shoving me hard with much more strength than anyone would have expected of her. I fell backwards from shock and she stood before me, sobbing angrily.

"No..." she cried, and I went to her grabbing her hands as she beat me with her tiny fists, "No, no, no, no, no..." she wept, "You don't have the right to hold me like this! You just disappeared after calling me a mudblood!" she cried.

"I never meant to," I said hardly able to get the words out due to the lump forming in my own throat.

"You walked out of my life!" she screamed, "Not even so much as a goodbye!"

I released her more out of shock than anything else; shock that she felt so strongly about me because I was sure she was happy with Potter by then and not thinking a wit about her old school friend who had vanished from her life. But it seemed my old flower had never ceased to bloom for me, and had never forgotten about me and she did not want and was unimpressed by the cobra. To her I was still Severus, someone she cared for deeply and I had screwed up and I had screwed up royally; never in my life had I ever been more ashamed of what I had become then in that moment when I had to meet her tearful, raging eyes. I spoke only because I had to say something, anything to defend myself from this horrible tirade that the only person I had ever loved -aside from my mother of course- so righteously leveled against me.

"Surely you know the sort of fellow he is," I began carefully, then noting the ring on her finger, "and why in Merlin's name are you wondering about knockturn alley alone; where the deuce is Potter when you need him."

She raised her eyebrows, "Why would James Potter concern himself with the affairs of his former paramore?"

"Former," I echoed, "But your ring..."

She raised a crimson eyebrow even higher,"Sev, I love you so much but you really are a stupid git." she told me, "YOU gave me this ring when we met years ago..."

I looked down at her hand again and noticed she was right, it was indeed the fough-pearl I had given her as a child...she loved me, she had said it out loud and she wore my ring. I saw her come closer to where I sat -having fallen on my arse when she shoved me and not bothered to stand again- she took my hand and pulled me to my feet nuzzling me. I sniffled in a very childish fashion as I felt her arms wrap around me and her lips kiss my heart in an open-mouthed passionate kiss that she made no secret to hide. I felt her tears soaking my cloak and was grateful that it was black because it was bad enough to have to hear her crying and feel the wetness of it without having a constant visual reminder.

"Lilly I-" I began but she cut me off.

"You have no idea how worried I have been Severus," she sobbed, "I keep hearing these horrible things about the Cobra, the way you torture people and make these brews... Merlin help me, I kept praying to god that it wasn't true...that it couldn't be you doing such awful things but to see you dressed like this." she tailed off weeping and I hung my head in shame.

"Lilly he's my father..." I tried to explain, for at the time I truly believed he was and she looked at me seriously and framed my face in her tender hands.

"I don't care who he is to you, " she told me firmly, " Severus please for my sake stop following him before I truly lose you forever." she pleaded and then she kissed me.

Time froze for me when her tongue entered my mouth and I cupped the back of her head with utter tenderness she drew me close, dropped my hood and ran her fingers through my hair and I held onto her there for a long moment. "OK Lilly, I will, shhh, don't cry, I won't leave you again I promise..."

"Never?" she queried in a childlike voice.

"Never, ever." I confirmed and kissed the top of her head.

I had promised her then more than just a changed man, I had promised her my heart and I had given her that tenfold but now that I was holding her in our bed with her back asleep the way she had been I realized just how fragile my wife could be sometimes and how much she needed me. She needed me as much as I needed her, and when we arrived in the muggle world for her sisters wedding on the morrow I would be there for her. The muggles would not humiliate her in my presence and she would see just how and I would show her that I took my promises very seriously. She was safe, our children were safe and as I rose from the bed I heard her whimpering with another nightmare. I got up and went to the cellar where I began to work. I had to make something to ease this mess for her, had to help her rest and make sure she kept something down because she really should not be losing anymore weight.

I mixed quicksand with a little powdered leaf of lamb's-ear to give her swift comfort and warmth, a sense of softness would slowly settle over her and make her relax. I then added a single drop of grape pulp to encourage sleepiness and then a little bit of starlight to cause pleasant dreams. The final ingredient I added to it was a spoonful of blackberry jam just to sweeten it and make it go down easier. Then just to make sure to cover all my bases I added an extra ingredient, some powdered ginger-root to stop the nausea and vomiting. I turned it counter-clockwise and it smoked and smelled sweet as I went back to my room where Lilly was now sitting upright in bed, rocking herself as shaking tears ran down her face. I said nothing simply turned on the light and sat on the side of the bed drawing her close to me and letting her sob for a moment because honestly she was so sick and tired that it was only natural to cry when she was in such a condition.

"Sev..." she sobbed, "He came back," she nuzzled me and held onto me tightly, "He killed you-and the children and- god I am so tired!" she nearly whimpered.

"Flower, do you trust me?" I asked as gently as I could and she nodded without looking at me. I took out the coffee-mug something I found far less intimidating than a wizard's goblet and held it to her mouth whispering, "drink this for me."

She swallowed helplessly and laid against me, soft and warm as she was I prayed the quicksand acted quickly and sent her into a deep and peaceful sleep as I felt her yawn widely against me and the heat of her breath blowing over my blue pinstripe pajamas that she had given me for Christmas. I held her close as I felt a tightness in her body evaporating faster than cheap tea in a boiling kettle. Mayhap I over-judged the amount of quicksand I put into my potion but either way it was making her fall asleep fast. I counted in my head, five...four...three...two...then I heard a deep hollow rumble from my wife; from inside the deep hollow of her chest. It was a snore so deep that it caused her entire torso to vibrate and I laid her down in the bed again to see her mouth wet and wide-open as obliviously, she drooled all over herself.

I rose to get a handkerchief to wipe her mouth with but I felt her grab my arm and when I looked down she was nesting on me and mumbled, "Sev, please don't leave me..."

I smiled unable to refuse her anything I whispered, "I am here Lilly ,I promised you then and I promise you now, I am never going to leave you."

With that being said I laid down beside her as her brief breakout from the potion's effects faded and she began to snore again rolling over into my arms and squeezing me tight. I wiped her leaking away with the back of my sleeve and kissed her head feeling my own fatigue from supporting her through this. The wedding was on Saturday and today was Wednesday, tomorrow we would have to go shopping for clothing and dress our son for the big event. But right now I lifted her mug to my lips and drained the last two mouthfuls and instantly I felt dizzy, yep definitely too much quicksand I felt myself slipping fast into sleep. I tipped my wife's open mouth up to my lips and gave her a tender kiss waking her up just long enough to return the gesture before we both spiraled back into a deep blackening sleep. We were safe, we were home and I...

Had kept my Promises.