Disclaimer 1: If only they were mine, alas, they belong to Mr Wolf.

Disclaimer 2: I'm doing my best with the medical stuff, please don't take my interpretation as best or only way to treat NHL. While I'm trying to make it as close as I can, some of it is done for the sake of the story. Also, there may be misinformation but that is intentional and will be revealed throughout the story. I've Googled all medical information and consulted reputatable sites, so, having said all that... here it is...

Dedicated to my beautiful state of Victoria, devastated by the horror of yesterday; the souls lost and the tragic destruction.

If Elliot Stabler was nervous about his surgery he wasn't showing it. He had taken calls from all four of his children, Kathy, Don and his brother before they had even headed to the hospital. He received their best wishes gratefully and thanked them sincerely, making each one promise not to come visit until the following day. The last thing he needed was to see a host of well meaning people, whom he cared for deeply, come and try to cheer him up … the only thing he needed, or wanted, was Olivia's face to be the last one he saw before surgery and the first one to see when it was all over.

"We're going to take you in about five minutes, Mr Stabler, okay?" a middle-aged nurse in surgical scrubs informed him.

"Yeah, okay," Elliot nodded, holding Olivia's hand a little tighter.

When the nurse departed Olivia raised his hand and kissed it. "You keep holding that tight, El, and they'll be fitting me for a cast."

"Sorry, Liv," he apologised, kissing her hand. "Guess I'm just a little anxious."

"Just a little?" she chided, knowing all the usual stress signs were there – the clenched jaw, the steely glare, the tension in his body. "I don't think we have time for me to relax you," she whispered, brushing her lips against his before nipping at his lip.

"Shame," he replied, a small smile gracing his lips.

"Yeah, but I'll make it up to you when you're up to it," she soothed.

"Okay, Mr Stabler," the nurse said, re-entering the room, "We're ready for you now." She turned to Olivia. "Ma'am, you can stay in the waiting room or the cafeteria downstairs. It'll be about two hours before you can see him." Olivia nodded, fighting the tears which were threatening. "He'll be fine; we'll take good care of him." Olivia nodded again.

An orderly, also dressed in surgical scrubs, came in and unlocked the bed's wheels. "All ready?" he asked looking from the nurse to the patient. Elliot nodded but kept hold of Olivia's hand as they made their way down the corridor to the double doors leading to the operating theatre. They paused at this point, the orderly very familiar with the need for a final word or kiss.

"Liv," Elliot whispered quietly, tugging her hand. She leant down to him. "You know I love you too, don't you? So very much."

"I do," she whispered, gently kissing him.

He grinned widely. "You just remember those two words when I get through this, okay?" She kissed him again.

Once the doors closed behind him, Olivia gave into her tears and wept. She had never felt such extreme emotion – utter joy that he loved her and had actually said it, and utter sorrow he was being operated on for cancer. She stood in the doorway for another few minutes before she felt a strong hand on her shoulder.

"It's okay, baby girl," came a very familiar voice. She spun around and fell into Fin's arms and gave in to the pain in her heart. She sobbed unashamedly into his chest as he tried his best to comfort her. In the end he just held onto her until she was ready.

"Sorry," she whispered, finally pulling away and brushing down his jacket.

"It's alright, Livvy," he soothed, wiping away the tears still on her cheeks.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, grabbing a tissue.

"Elliot called me yesterday, asked me to come and rescue you from the hospital halls while he was in there," Fin explained, taking hold of her arm. "So, let's go…"

"Where?" she asked standing still, "I don't want to leave here, what if something happens and they need me?"

"To the diner across the road. You've had no breakfast and if I don't make you, you won't eat lunch either," he explained.

"Yeah, but," she began to protest.

Fin pulled out a pager from his pocket. "If anyone needs you," he started, "They'll call the pager."

"But they haven't got the number," she interjected.

"Yes, they do, El set it all up, so we were right to go," he replied.

With no more reason to protest, they left.

An hour and a half later Olivia was still sitting in a red vinyl booth, leaning on an old laminated table while Fin tried every tactic he knew to distract her. First, it was the case he was working, and then, it was the case they last worked together. Next, he began a running commentary on the other diners and what they got up to after dark and then, it was the people passing by the window. When that grew tiresome, he talked sport, politics and finally threw in some of Munch's favourite conspiracy theories.

All the while Olivia tried to pay attention and respond appropriately but it never lasted long. Her eyes would invariably wander to her watch or the wall clock only to find that time was appearing to stand still. After she'd checked the time for the fourth time in six minutes, Fin reached across the table and covered her hand with his.

"Let's go back to the hospital, Liv," he said, the smile he got in response was the first genuine one from her all day.

Crossing the busy road once more, Fin grabbed Olivia's arm as she went to dart across.

"Livvy, it ain't gonna help El if you get knocked over," he said calmly.

"Sorry," she muttered, totally distracted by where she was going.

"He'll be okay," he reassured her, as his arm slipped around her waist and holding her to him, not really trusting her in the heavy traffic around them.

"How can you be so certain?" she asked, looing up at him.

"Because it's Elliot, he's not gonna let some scummy disease get the better of him," he said confidently. His reward was another small smile.

Within minutes they were back in the waiting room, Olivia hovering near the unattended desk, fidgeting impatiently.

"Come sit, Liv," Fin said from the yellow lounge.

"No, I just want to find out what's happening," she replied, scanning the area again.

"Liv, you can see the desk from here," he reminded her. "Come sit."

"I said no," she snapped. End of discussion.

Two hours and forty five minutes after Elliot had been taken into surgery, an older lady came to the desk and sat behind it.

"Can I help you ma'am?" she asked.

"My name is Olivia Benson, my partner, Elliot Stabler, is in surgery. He should be out by now. I was hoping for some news," she said, an edginess in her voice.

"One minute and I'll check," said the woman, picking up the phone.

Before Olivia could turn to call Fin over she felt his hand on her back. Nothing was said.

"Okay, ma'am," the woman started as she replaced the receiver. "Mr Stabler is still in surgery…"

"Still?" Olivia interrupted.

"Yes, ma'am. Someone from the surgical team will be out in a moment to talk to you," she finished.

Olivia spun around to Fin, her eyes wide with a fear he'd never seen before. "It's okay, Liv," he said without conviction.

"Why is it taking so long?" she asked him, knowing he had no answer. "Why is someone coming out while he's still in surgery?" she added and Fin just shook his head. "Excuse me," she said, turning back to the woman. "Can you…"

They turned sharply when the double doors clattered opened.

"Olivia," said Dr Bainbridge coming over to them dressed in green surgical scrubs. "They're just finishing up with him now and you'll be able to see him for a few moments in recovery."

"What happened?" she asked almost without voice.

"Come and sit down," the doctor offered, guiding her into a small room behind the desk. Olivia didn't like the feeling of this at all. Her hand sought out Fin's and she held it tightly.

"Elliot's surgery was a little more complicated than we expected," Dr Bainbridge began to explain. "The lump itself was bigger than it showed on the scans and it was embedded deeper than we had anticipated. That in itself meant the surgery took longer." Olivia nodded and although she sensed there was something else she couldn't bring herself to ask. Pleadingly, she looked at Fin.

"And what else, Doc?" he asked, trying to ease the death grip she had on his hand.

"Elliot also had a reaction to the anaesthetic … now, it was relatively mild," he said quickly when he saw the panic on her face. "But it dropped his blood pressure quite low a couple of times and forced his heart into an arrhythmia, which rectified itself. I can't see there being any permanent damage." He smiled reassuringly at her but it provided little comfort.

As the doctor stood Olivia pulled on his arm. "When can I see him?" she asked quickly.

"In about five minutes," he smiled and she started to breath again. "But only for a few minutes," he reminded her. "However, once he's back in his room you can stay as long as you like."

"Thank you," she replied before turning and finding Fin's welcoming arms opened for her, gladly she went. She could feel his lips press on her head and feel the warmth from his strong arms as they surrounded her. But most of all she felt she needed to pull herself together for Elliot's sake.

Olivia was still in Fin's arms when a nurse came out to get her.

"Mrs Stabler?" the young man asked as he stood nearby.

"They're calling you, Livvy," Fin grinned, kissing her head as he pulled back.

"Yes," she said to the nurse.

"I can take you in now if you're ready," he said.

"Oh, I'm more than ready," Olivia grinned.

"I'll be here when you're finished," Fin said as he walked her to the door. Quickly, she turned and kissed his cheek. "Thank you, Fin."

The stark, sterile corridor echoed with the sound of machines bleeping and trolleys ratting but Olivia noticed nothing, nothing but the pounding of her own heart.

"He's just in here, ma'am," said the nurse as he turned left into a smaller room. "Just a few minutes now."

Olivia went over to the bed and gently picked up Elliot's hand, lacing her fingers between his. She leaned over and kissed his forehead, his lips obscured by the oxygen mask which was still in place.

"Elliot?" she soothed, caressing his face with her free hand. "Baby?" His eyes fluttered but stayed closed. "Elliot, it's all over. You're okay," she cooed as she kissed him again. Slowly his eyes opened and he moaned.

"Liv," he croaked.

"Shhh, baby," she soothed. "Don't talk. You're okay."

"Who…shot …me?" he gritted out as his eyes shut once more.

"Nobody, El," she replied. "They removed the lump."

"What…lump?" he groaned.

Olivia looked up at Dr Bainbridge as he entered.

"Elliot," he said firmly. "We removed the lump from your neck. You had a mild reaction to the anaesthetic but you'll be fine." Elliot's eyes opened once more. "Now, say goodbye to Olivia and she will be waiting for you when you're back in your room."

"Bye, Liv," he mumbled as sleep got the better of him. Olivia leaned forward and kissed his forehead once more.

"Bye, El," she replied, brushing a tear from her cheek.

"He's in good hands, Olivia," Dr Bainbridge reassured her, leading her back out to Fin.

"How is he?" asked Fin as she re-emerged.

"Thinks he was shot," Olivia replied as Fin wrapped his arms around her.

"I guess that's a natural response," Fin said. "Being a cop and all."

"What if he doesn't remember he has cancer?" she asked, her voice raspy.

"Then the doc will tell him," Fin answered.

"But if he doesn't remember the diagnosis then what are the chances he'll remember other things from this past week?" she asked tearfully.

"Things like what, Liv?" he asked, leading her back to the chairs.

"Things like …" she stopped. Things like me was what she wanted to say, what if he didn't remember coming to her, sleeping with her, kissing her, making like with her, making love to her, her declaration in the early hours of that morning, his declaration just before his surgery? What if he remembered none of it? Where would that leave her? Them?

"He'll remember he loves you, Olivia," Fin said as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"What makes you say that?" she asked looking up at him.

"Because he's loved you for a lot longer than he's had this disease… and no he didn't tell me before this … but I know it … just as I know you love him … not that you've told me either."

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