Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or it's characters.

EPOV

Well it is official, I am the world's biggest asshole! Why do I keep doing this to Angela? Plus, I am clearly hurting Bella, when I was trying so damn hard not to. There is no good reason for why I have made out with Bella behind Angela's back, I know that. But, now that Bella and I have both lied to her, it's a no win situation.

The last thing I want to do is come between them. Why did I have to panic that night when I learned Bella knew Angela? I could have handled it so differently then.

I pulled up in the driveway and Alice was on the front steps. Holding her cell phone in her hand and she looked utterly pissed. I walked toward her, and then stopped right in front of her. I really didn't want to hear what she had to say, but honestly I deserve it. I don't deserve Bella or Angela if I want to be completely honest with myself.

"Go ahead, Alice. I know you talked to Bella." and I just waited for her to explode.

"Edward Anthony Cullen, what the hell is going on in your silly boy brain?!" and she looked exasperated.

"Honestly, Alice, I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't think I ever did." I sat on the steps and she sighed.

"OK, what is going on, tell me your side. You are still my brother and I love you, I just really hate that you've made my new friend cry." I felt a pang of guilt, Bella's crying...I can't deal with that right now. I have to start from the beginning.

"I met Angela back in Seattle, and she seemed so nice, sweet, innocent I guess. I really liked that about her since most of the girls in school were always coming on to me and they were major sluts." that comment made Alice smack me.

"Of course I'm not talking about you, Alice!" and she grinned.

"I know, I just felt like smacking you." I rubbed my arm as it really did kind of sting.

"Angela and I would talk for hours each night, totally unlike me as you know. I am a text or not much talking kind of guy." I swallowed hard, and proceeded to talk about the party at Irina's.

"You know how growing up, Irina always teased me for being nerdy, immature, and after I agreed to go to her holiday party she called me. She said she had a date for me." I shook my head and smirked to myself, remembering how in shock I was when I first saw Bella fall into the limo, how utterly unexpected she was.

"I thought she had chosen the lowest friend on her totem pole as some hazing ritual or something to join her cool 'clique', and that the girl was going to be some wicked bitch. My mind also contemplated her finding some poor hideous girl to play some joke on me." Alice patted my hand, she couldn't go to the party because she was on a date that night with her boyfriend Jasper.

"I'm sorry she was always so mean to you, Edward. Tanya and Kate weren't innocent either as I recall." Alice reminded me and she was right. I thought they were all involved somehow.

"I met Bella that night for the first time, she was my date." I had never told Alice any of this, but I'm sure Bella did tonight.

"Alice, I was not prepared for someone like Bella. She was clumsy but beautiful, funny and smart, and I was having a great time with her. Then we kissed and it was...perfect." Hmm, yeah it was perfect, I could still see her in that silver dress, her long hair swept to the side. I could still remember the exact part of the song that was playing when she agreed to dance with me. Why had I put that out of my mind?

"It was getting late and so I asked for her phone to put my number in it, and to have hers. I was in such shock when I saw a picture of her and Angela as the phone's wallpaper." I put my head in my hands and just shook my head.

"I really fucked up, I panicked. I couldn't think and make a decision so I just...I just ran." and Alice shook her head.

"Boys, honestly." and I glared at her.

"OK, Edward. Who do you want to be with? I mean like, really want, tossing their feelings aside..." but, when she said that all could think Is how much it was going to hurt them both.

"Alice, I...I can't I honestly don't know." so she frowned.

"Edward, what do you like about Angela, you don't have to share it all or anything, but just think about the answer." and I could immediately catalog everything neatly and in order in my mind of her humor, intelligence, sincerity, her sweetness and innocence.

"Now, Bella." I felt my lips spread into a smile just hearing her name. She was silly, very clumsy, she was just different, insecure in all her amazing beauty, yet strong in her convictions an smart, really smart. She really gets me, I never lie to her.

Wait, Edward. You've been telling her the biggest lie of all.

"Alice, thank you. I know what I have to do." and I kissed her on the top of her head and laughed when she groaned in her fake disgust.

"You love it and you know it!" I yelled to her as I ran in the house and up the steps to my room.

I am a chickenshit, plain and simple. There is no rational excuse for what I had done with Angela and Bella, but it's been the same stupid decisions I have made since junior high.

Up until 7th grade, I went to different school than my popular and admittedly pretty Denali cousins. But, once 7th grade began, I quickly learned true torment until they finally moved to Forks to start 9th grade. They would get other kids to join in on teasing me, the big geek. I was smart and skinny, so what right? But, I played it safe. I never felt worthy of anything amazing, good yes, but over the top wonderful...never.

That is what I was doing. Angela is great, really great. I really do like her, but Bella is the one who makes me smile just hearing someone else say her name, the one I would often lie in the bed and think about funny or smartass things she had said, or how she smells, how she wore her hair. I have been a complete idiot.

I love Bella Swan.

BPOV

I feel like the biggest idiot. I paced in my room looking like a crazy person to anyone who wasn't privy to the conversation I was having in my own head. I know why I did it, I think of kissing Edward every time I see him and every time I think of him. But, what the hell was I thinking? I will surely drive him away even further to Angela now.

I told him a thousand times that yes, I got it, he wanted to just be friends. But, that was such a lie. I knew from the moment I saw him, and especially after we kissed, I was head over heels.

Shit, I can't even look at myself and I really won't be able to look at him. I heard my phone vibrate on my nightstand, oh I hope it's Alice, then I smiled when I saw it was.

He's here, but I have no idea what is going on though in his head, but he seems to. He's mad at himself, not you though :)-A.C.

Thanks a bunch Alice! :) Night.

I climbed into my bed, pulling the covers up over me, but I couldn't sleep. I ran my finger over my lips again and again, remembering the feel of his soft lips molding to mine, how his tongue danced with mine. I could still feel the heat of his body pressed against mine, how deliciously hard he was, how badly I wanted to see his naked flesh, to touch his hard cock and to feel him thrust it inside me. I imagined how he would have touched me as we made love, and how he touched me. I would have given myself completely to him if we hadn't been interrupted, and I felt a dull ache and liquid pooling between my legs. That s how much I knew I wanted to be with him because he was the first boy I had ever considered making love to for my first time and had these kinds of thoughts about all the time.

When I woke up this morning I felt anxiety welling up in the pit of my stomach. I have no idea what to even say if I see him, how could I sit near him in calculus and biology. I felt sick, but I know I have to go to school. I refuse to be a big coward.

When I pulled up at school, Alice found me immediately and laced her arm with mine.

"Morning my sweet, Bella!" she said leaning her head on my shoulder and I smiled.

"Morning. Here we go..." and Alice stopped to look a me.

"Bella, no matter what, you did something really brave. Do you know how many people wish they had the courage to admit their feelings to the person they love?" and I felt her shake my shoulders when I looked down to my feet.

"Don't, Bella. Don't sell yourself short, OK. Either way, if Edward doesn't choose you then he didn't deserve you anyway, right?" I smiled, but that is always easier said than done.

"At least you didn't have to go through what Angela did...finding out the guy you have been in love with since junior high will never be attainable since he's into guys." and just then I looked up as a smile that was on Edward's face faded. He was right behind Alice as she spoke.

"What?" he asked, tapping Alice on the shoulder and she froze.

"Shit, um. Nothing." she said and we both vanished into the girls bathroom across the hall.

"Alice! Bella! Oh shit girls, come on!" he begged, but Alice was just covering her mouth with her hand.

"Oh crap, Bella! I had no idea he was there." and I just laughed.

"It's kind of funny how it just keeps getting worse and worse." I said and I just leaned against the sink.

Edward must be a little pissed at us, or me, or something because he hasn't really talked to me or Alice in a few days. Tomorrow is the big day, we will be going to Seattle for the weekend, and I keep trying to back out. But, how would I tell their mother no? Esme doesn't need to know about all this personal drama. That would be more embarrassing than throwing myself at Edward. I haven't really talked to Angela either much. She seems to be in her own world with Edward as I see them talking each day, but I have noticed they don't seem as flirty lately, which admittedly has made this a little less miserable for me. They must be doing it all in private, ugh I don't even want to think about that.

"Yes, Dad. I'll call you when I get there, and I'll call you a few times a day so you know I'm alright." I said as I headed to Alice's car. Our flight was early in the morning, so I'm spending tonight at Alice's house...and Edward's. Awkward.

On the road in the car, Alice and I barely spoke. I just wanted to close my eyes and not over think this weekend and how weird it was going to be around Edward.

When we pulled in the driveway, I cringed when I saw Edward and Angela standing outside. I guess she was here to tell him bye as she was also asked if she wanted to go once they became official, but her dad was not about to let her go anywhere with Edward regardless if Esme was there or not.

I got out of the car and waved at Angela and she smiled, and Edward just stared at me and I couldn't make out what his expression meant. It was so neutral, and I was killing me.

"I think I will take the bags inside." Alice said and vanished. Great, I'll remember that Alice.

"Bella, glad you're here so you can hear this too." Edward spoke after several very silent and awkward moments.

"Um, OK." I swallowed hard. Shit, shit, shit. I really can't stand here and watch him choose Angela. I breathed really slowly and just kept softly rubbing my lips together, my fingers fidgeting normally and I noticed Edward was watching me as I did so.

"Angela and I have decided to just be friends, we've done a lot of talking the past few days and I deeply regret anything I did to hurt her." I was fucking perplexed and confused as hell.

"Bella, Edward told me about Irina's party..." and she looked down.

"That's why I haven't really been talking to you, it really hurt to know that when you had a chance to tell me, you didn't and then you kept it a secret from me." I almost spoke, but Angela stopped me.

"Bella, if you had just told me the truth...I recall you telling me you met great guy, and then you learned he was seeing someone else. You could have told me it was Edward and I would have totally supported you. I was in love with Eric then, after all." I felt like I was in some Twilight zone or something, this was all too weird.

"So...I mean what is this about?" Angela patted my arm and Edward's as she headed to her car.

"I think you got it from here." She sniffled a little and walked away.

"Angela wait!" I called, but she just walked faster to her car. I turned to Edward, completely fucking shocked by this. 8 days go by, he doesn't speak to me, text me, even look a me, hell I figured he wouldn't even piss on me if I had been on fire.

"Bella, I'm sorry for all I have put you through. I don't deserve you either." Wait, what is he saying...but he shook his head to convey for me to let him finish. Damn, he knows me too well.

"I've really fucked up. Hurt you, hurt Angela and I wish I had made smarter choices in this whole mess. So, I just want you to know that maybe someday, I'll be the guy that is worthy of you, Bella Swan." Edward hung his head and walked inside and I just stood there. Confused, somewhat relieved since he wasn't with Angela, and he was saying that someday he wanted me. But, wait, why someday, what is wrong with now?

I couldn't think of anything to say right now, I just walked inside to Alice's room and flopped down on her bed, holding her fluffy pink teddy bear, playing with the bow in my fingers.

This was the weirdest day of my life, thus far. I was certain.