Disclaimer!! I own nothing! Except my wonderful Ipod and my own ideas for One Tree Hill. Everything belongs to Mark and whatever is going on inside that mind of his. All I did was use quotes from the show. : )
Song by Ben Lee.
Chapter Twelve: The Aftertaste
Nathaniel Hawthorne once wrote: "No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be true."
And it's none of my business;
I got a weakness
Can I beat this?
"Kimberly."
"Kimberly." Her father said as the door creaked open. She watched from under her bed as he moved around the room in search of her and her only.
Brooke watched from her side as Kimberly tossed and turned throughout the sheets. For the past couple of weeks Kimberly would make her way into Brooke's bed looking for comfort. But some nights she never got it, even with Brooke constantly telling her things would be OK, because the dreams were too heavy for her.
"Kimberly."
Ever since Jacob's funeral this was their nightly routine. Michael would go off to the local bar, while Grace stayed home and did her drinking, and then he would return home to look for his daughter while his wife was passed out on the couch.
"Come on, Kimmy, I just want to play." That's what he always called it. 'Playing'. But she didn't find what he was doing fun. "Come out; come out where ever you are." He said in an evil voice. You could tell he was getting annoyed by the way he frantically looked for her. When he reached the closet and didn't find her there, they both knew there was only one more spot to look. She didn't try to run, not anymore, it was no use, he always got her.
"You can't hide forever."
She watched as his footsteps, each feeling like an earthquake, made their way to the foot of her bed. In those short seconds she thought about the way she was going to make it through this time. The thing she was going to think about or look at while trying to distract herself. Before she could come up with something, it was too late.
"Gotcha!" He yelled grabbing her ankle and yanking her out from under the bed. Lifting her in the air, he slammed her back against the hardwood floor. "You think you can hide from me? Well guess what. You can't." He huffed into her ear as his arm extended up her shirt.
"No. Please!" She pleaded but no matter what he wouldn't listen.
"No!" She screamed from the top of her lungs. Brooke jumped a little scooting closer and closer to the edge of the bed. She knew she had to wake her up, but couldn't. All she could do and all she wanted to do was watch.
"Please stop." She groaned as his grip around her wrists got tighter. She couldn't move or even feel her legs anymore for all his body weight was there. It hurt, it really hurt. It was a pain that was not only physical but emotional. Something that was unbearable. Something that made you want to scream at the top of your lungs.
She stared at the ceiling, still trying to find that certain distraction, as he kissed her neck. Mumbling 'I love you.' Over and over again. She could smell the alcohol on his breath as his free hand extended from her shirt to down her pajama pants.
Usually, Kimberly would stay quiet throughout the whole thing until he reached that particular spot. Then she would start full on screaming. Yelling for help, begging for it. But every time no one ever came.
"Please Daddy!" And for years she wondered this. Why no one ever came. Did they not care? Or did they simply not hear her screaming for her life?
This was it. Brooke couldn't take it anymore. Kimberly had been screaming for help and she had just sat there and watched. She had to let it sink in first that this was actually happening, and then when she came back she had to help.
"Kimberly? Kimberly!?!" Brooke screamed shaking the fragile girl. But she never came through. "Come on, Kimberly. Please just wake up." Brooke pleaded as the dreaming girl changed course between the sheets.
Michael picked up his daughter and settled her down in the bed as all Kimberly did was stare off into space. He tucked her in, making sure the blankets were nice and tight around her small body. She looked up at him with tears in her eyes, but all he did was ignored them.
"I love you, baby girl, you know that right?" He asked bending down to her. She nodded as she always did when he asked her this question. "Good. Cause if anyone ever found out about this, then that love would go away. You don't want that do you?"
"No." She said innocently still not looking into his eyes. She really didn't. She didn't understand what he was doing; but in the end she thought it was normal. As twisted as that sounds, she really did think that.
"Good." He nodded his head and leaned over to kiss her forehead. Walking to the door he turned back to her, having the hallway light being their only brightness, as he watched his daughter stare back at him. Usually he would just walk out, not saying a word, but I guess tonight he had a little extra to drink because the last thing he said before leaving was something that hurt ten times worst than he had ever done to her.
"You're brother would be so proud of you."
Kimberly shot up in her bed screaming at the top of her lungs as Brooke scooped her up into her arms, trying to calm her down. The shaking girl dug deeper into her shirt, sobbing hysterically, repeating over and over. "Don't let him get me. Don't let him get me."
"Shh, it's OK. No one's going to get you. I'm here now and no one's going to get you." Brooke assured her, running her fingers through her blonde hair. As Kimberly cried, all Brooke could do was soothe and comfort, only wondering what was going on in this child's head that made her dream the things she dreamt.
They sat there like that, one holding the other, for almost an hour until the crying had finally come to a stop. Kimberly was still shaking a little when she pulled away from Brooke, but never taking her eyes off her. "I'm going to get ready for school." She said quietly removing herself from the bed.
"Kimberly." She stopped her hoping for more information.
"Please, Brooke." She looked into her eyes and Brooke saw the terror the dream had brought and realized that now really wasn't the time. "You know if you need to talk." Brooke assured not needing to finish the sentence.
"I know. But when I'm ready." She said flashing a soft smile. Her dreams had gotten worse over the last few days and every morning Brooke would try and fail to get something out of her; but her answer was always the same with 'When I'm ready.' And Brooke accepted that. She knew that when Kimberly was ready she would be too. But she couldn't keep herself from wondering when the time was coming.
"OK." Brooke said in almost a whisper. "Listen I'm going to head down to the store early, so you're on your own for breakfast." Brooke announced trying to sound normal as possible. Kimberly nodded and walked out of the room still having the memory of his face imprinted in her mind.
There's a storm over yonder
You gotta wonder
What it's all about
A week had passed since Victoria's visit and not much had changed except for the fact Brooke had lost her company, Victoria left town, and Kimberly had lost a friend and her nightmares, which had gone away for some time, had gotten worse. No, not much had changed, except everything.
And now was the time to move on.
When Brooke had returned that night after last seeing Victoria, she found a disgruntled Kimberly curled up in her blankets. After countless pleads to tell her what was wrong she finally broke down and told her about her and Tyler. Brooke, being the caring kind, tried to comfort her by letting her sleep with her. Thus beginning a brand new habit they both were beginning to like. Brooke didn't mind Kimberly being there; she knew it made Kimberly feel safe, but that didn't stop her from the nightmares.
Kimberly had tried to apologize numerous times to Tyler, but every time was the same. He would either blow her off or tell her now wasn't the time. And she was getting tired of it; she was almost to the point to where it wasn't worth it. But Brooke told her to give him time. So now that's what she did… she gave him time.
So here they were a week later, as Monday had reared its ugly head over Tree Hill. Brooke had left for the now empty, used to be, Clothes Over Bros; leaving Kimberly to fend for herself for breakfast. But there's nothing like a quick stop at Karen's Café couldn't fix for you.
Kimberly had walked in and placed herself at her favorite seat in the house. "Hey." Karen said walking up to the counter. "What are you doing here?"
"What you don't like my business?" She joked.
"No, it's just that you never come in here for breakfast. Brooke makes you breakfast, right?"
"Yeah, but Brooke decided to go to the store early and leaving her foster daughter without food. And breakfast is the most important meal of the day. So…"
"So since you're too lazy to cook for yourself, you thought why not come down to Karen's Café and get her to cook you breakfast?"
"Exactly." She said nodding her head.
"Order anything you like. On the house." Karen said laughing to herself.
"Thanks, Karen. Hey, where's Lily?" She asked sitting up in her stool. "I was hoping I could see her this morning."
"She's with Andy for the morning. She'll be around later though. No worries." The motherly figure said before walking off. Over the summer the two had really grown to love each other. Karen wasn't just Lucas' or Lily's mother, but she was everyone's mother figure. During their high school years, Karen was really the only mother that was around, and she was the one they all went to for help or advice. And that deal extended to Kimberly too.
As for Lily, Kimberly had grown to love her too. She had to. Lily, you could say, was the reason Kimberly even started talking. Looking into those blue eyes gave her the inspiration. And it didn't hurt that the little girl was a ball of energy and would do anything to see you laugh.
Looking around the café, the place was packed with workers going to work and students going to school. Other than Tric, this was the local hangout. Some people she knew, some she didn't. But there was one set of eyes that she definitely knew, and they had just walked through the door.
His eyes saw hers and she had to say something to him, anything would do.
Tyler walked into the busy café, in search for an empty seat, when his eyes fixated on her. He couldn't be in here, not now, not with her. He turned to leave, but stopped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"Kimberly, I can't do this right now." He said without turning to face her.
"Tyler, please, I just want to talk." She pleaded.
"And how do I know what you're going to say isn't a lie?" She was a little taken back by the question. Tyler had always seemed so mellow, so calm; but when he came into contact with her, he would become tense and angry.
"I guess you'll just have to trust me." What a stupid thing to say.
"Trust you? Kimberly, I tried that and you lied to me." This time when he turned to leave she didn't stop him; instead she stood there, shocked.
Karen saw the whole thing and could see the pain that this boy brought to Kim; she didn't know what they were arguing about, but it seemed bad enough to leave Kimberly speechless. "Friend of yours?"
"He was." She simply answered as her eyes were still focused on the door.
"What happened?"
"I lied to him." She confessed. "And I don't know why. It was stupid."
Karen thought of what to say next. What to say to neither a girl with any friends. "If you could take it back, would you?"
"Yeah I would." She answered tearing her eyes away from the door towards Karen.
"Then go talk to him. Say you're sorry."
"I've tried. He won't listen to me."
"Then make him listen." Karen boldly said. "There are only two kinds of men in this world: men that let things go and men that hold grudges. The ones that grudges are the ones you want to be around."
"Why?" She asked slightly confused.
"Because they're the ones that won't put up with your bull. You have to be yourself around them."
"You're right, Karen."
'They won't put with your bull.' It was so unlike Karen to speak like that; but it was so like her to say something so true. That was the way she worked. She could say what she wanted when she wanted too, and it always came out as something smart, something that needed to be said but everyone else was afraid to say. That was Karen. She's a one and only.
"Just remember, friends are hard to find these days. Whether it's in a family member, someone at school, or even a pet. They're still hard to find and when you get one you should hold onto them and never let go."
"Now that sounds familiar." She mumbled remembering the night Tyler told her the same exact thing about Brooke.
Destiny was never up to me
And it's not my fault,
Your love's like salt
"Wow, it feels like just yesterday this store had clothes in it." Haley said walking into the then Clothes Over Bros.
"Actually it was a week ago." Brooke said walking out from behind the counter. "What are you doing here?"
"I dropped Jamie off at school and then I decided I would come and see how you were doing. You know, we haven't really had a chance to talk since the whole Victoria incident."
Shrugging her shoulders, Brooke glanced around the empty store. "I'm doing pretty well. The hardest part was when they were taking the clothes, that I designed, and putting them on some truck heading back to New York."
"I'm sorry, Brooke." She said giving her friend's hand a squeeze.
"Don't be."
"So what are you going to do with this place now?"
"Maybe sell coffee in it again." She quirked.
"God, that seemed like a lifetime ago, doesn't it?" Haley added glancing around the store that used to Karen's Café itself remembering her days as a waitress.
"It was." Brooke said following Haley's every motion. Haley looked at her friend and could only see the sensitivity and determination she held in her eyes, and in that moment she knew she would be OK. "If Kimberly's happy then I'm happy." Brook added not just wanting Haley to know it, but herself.
"Are you? Are you happy, Brooke?" Haley asked a little worried. Brooke wasn't sure herself if she was happy or not. In the beginning, Brooke was doing it for Kimberly; but then kept reminding herself that Kimberly was OK with Brooke keeping her company and keeping Victoria around. She may not have liked it, but she made a sacrifice, like Brooke had made sacrifices for her. Now she found herself thinking the reason she gave up her company was for herself. Like Peyton had said, for her happiness. Honestly, Brooke didn't know what the truth was anymore. She didn't know why she did it, but she did it, and it's done.
"I honestly don't know. Is it bad that I miss it?" Brooke asked a little shameful.
"No. Brooke you had that company for four years. That was your pride and joy. And then all of a sudden you give it up; it's OK to miss it. Hell, I'd miss a billion dollars too." She joked.
"For me it wasn't about the money." She said all seriousness.
"I know. It was about designing clothes and creating something people enjoy wearing. It was about doing something you love. So what are you going to do, Brooke?" She asked once more. "This store can't be empty forever."
"I think I'll start all over. Except this time with the help of my friends and with Kimberly by my side. I know it will be ten times harder then the first time around; but it will be without the help of Victoria."
"Good for you, Brooke."
"Thanks." She smiled "You mind doing me a favor today?" She asked her face turning worried.
"Sure."
"Will you watch after Kim today? She had a bad dream last night and I want to make sure she's OK."
"Yeah sure. Just please don't call me every hour, OK?" Haley chuckled.
"Deal." She said glancing at her watch. "Hey, you better get to school or you'll be late and have detention."
"Haha." Haley mocked walking out onto the sidewalk. Watching Haley leave, Brooke pulled out her cell phone and quickly began typing away on her keypad. Sending the message to Kimberly's brand new cell phone, Brooke looked around her store for the millionth time that morning, but looking at it now everything seemed different. Better was more like it. "Good for you, Brooke." She repeated Haley's words to herself just wanting to hear them one more time.
And I really didn't need this
Don't wanna be this
Don't wanna see this
I'm fallin' in,
Kimberly sat in her second period math class staring at the clock, watching as time tick away. All of a sudden math didn't seem so important right now. To her, math didn't seem so logical at that point. Usually she loved math, hated doing it, but loved it none the less; except for today she wasn't in it.
In that classroom, her head was somewhere else. Not even in the same classroom, instead it drifted off to a place only her mind could go. In that classroom, her mind was only on two things. Tyler, of course. And a message she had received from Brooke that morning saying:
'I'm OK. You're OK. Everything's going to be OK. Today's the beginning of a brand new future.'
It didn't make since then, but now adding Tyler into the mix it made things simpler.
If today was going to be the beginning of a new future, Kimberly was going to make sure Tyler was in it.
I'm going there again
And it's not my fault
Are you sick of pretending?
That all this trouble is really ending
"Jenkins! Hedrick!" Ms. Burke called out as each one coincidentally walked into the gym together. He looked at her with no emotion, and seeing that felt like a knife in her back, as they made their ways over to the coach. This is how it had been all week. The awkward silence between the two while they did their activities. Neither one talked, because truthfully they were waiting for the other too. Frankly for Kimberly, she was getting sick of the silence.
"I need you two to run down to the storage room and pump basketballs for me for tomorrow's tryouts. If you don't mind?"
"I don't mind." Kimberly immediately stated knowing this was the perfect opportunity to be alone with Tyler. Tyler on the other head nodded and gave her a fake smile before turning to leave.
They each walked out into the halls, Tyler pissed off that he got pulled into this, with Kimberly slowly dragging behind. She had to say something sometime. They couldn't avoid each other forever. But seeing him so angry at just being around her she had to wonder what he would be like if she even tried to say a word to him. But it's like Andy once told her: 'It's never the right time to do anything. You just have to jump into it.' So she took the chance.
"Tyler…"
"Don't!" He warned glancing over his shoulder. That didn't work out the way she planed. "I'm not having the best day. So now's not the time."
"Then when will be? Listen, I'm not having a great day either, but please." She said stepping in front of his pathway. Seeing her pleading eyes he couldn't stand to look at her, to see her desperate to talk to him. To most it would look pathetic, not to him, to him it broke his heart; but he couldn't admit that now.
"You know I've been lied to a lot, by my sister, by my friends; and if there's one thing that I can't stand its liars."
"Look, I've been lied to a lot too and I understand it hurts when someone has lied to you. But I'm sorry that I did it, and if I could take it back I would." She said staring down at the floor.
"I'm getting really tired of hearing 'I'm sorry' all the time. What is so bad about your life that you have to lie to me about it?"
She scoffed at his question. 'How dare him.' Well now was as good as time as any. "OK. You really want to know?" She said stretching her arms out wide. "I'm an orphan. When I was ten years old, I guess you could say my parents sort of disappeared. Ever since then I've been in and out of foster homes. Some were good and some weren't. Actually most weren't. After awhile I got sick of it, so I ran away. I walked all the way from Mississippi to here. One day I was sleeping on the bleachers over at the River Court when Mrs. Scott found me. She talked to one of her best friends and she gave me a home. It's my ninth foster home and knowing my luck it's probably not my last." She finished staring at his reaction to the confession.
Tyler stood there, letting her words sink in. Out of all the scenarios he imagined about her - that was not one of them.
"Why couldn't you just tell me that?"
"I don't know. That first day we met and hung out; that was the first day I didn't feel like the pathetic orphan. I, I felt like a normal kid. Especially when I was with you." She sighed. "You just assumed I had this ordinary life with a mom and a dad, and maybe a little sister. Well, I don't have that."
"I never assumed that. Kimberly, nobody's life is perfect and I didn't expect one from you. I would have understood. I do understand." He corrected himself raising his voice at her. He was trying his hardest to make her understand that he didn't care if she was orphan or not; but everything came out as angry words.
Kimberly really didn't want his bull crap about how he understands her life. Because nobody does, except for the people that were there with her, people like Ashley. "No you don't understand and you never will. And you want to know why? Because you have never seen the things that I've seen. Experienced the things that I have. You don't live it everyday like I do in your dreams and in your mind. It doesn't haunt you, like it does me. And you should be thankful that it doesn't." She screamed at him, a tear rolling down her cheek.
"Kimberly…"
"No, don't." Now he was the one with pleading eyes and the 'I'm sorry'. "Now's not the time." She said repeating his early words.
She stormed off down the hall not wanting to see his face anymore. Not wanting him to see her face filled with tears. She couldn't stand there and look into his eyes any longer. She couldn't stand the way his eyes didn't look at her with pity, but with sympathy. If she wouldn't have left, who knows how much she would have said, because truthfully she would have told him everything. So she left. To think. To get away. To regret.
To pump basketballs.
The way things break
Every step you take
Haley was sitting in her deserted classroom grading papers during her free period. Thankfully, today there were no annoying phone calls from Brooke, so Haley was left with the quiet. Her first week had been uneventful with children trying to get back into the funk of school and teachers trying to help their students stay awake. Haley loved teaching, she did, but she also wanted to help with problems. Problems like Kimberly's.
There was a knock at her door, bringing Haley out of her trance state.
"Tyler? What are you doing here?" She asked rising from her desk.
"I need to talk to you." He said leaning against the doorway using it for support.
"Tyler, you should be in class." She said, but Tyler just continued.
"You found Kimberly, right?"
Haley looked at the boy, a little taken back by the question. He looked broken, like someone had almost ripped his heart out. "Yes."
"Can you please tell me something about her? Something about her past. Something she wants. Just anything, please." He pleaded. He needed to know something about this girl. He remembered when he just needed to know her name, now he needed to know more. It was like he was addicted to her; he just needed to know more. He knew she was different, but he needed to know why.
"Her past is her story to tell, Tyler, not mine." She spoke truthfully.
Giving up, he sunk into the nearest desk holding his head in his hands. "I was a jerk, and she doesn't deserve to be treated the way I treated her."
Haley walked over to him and took a seat in the desk next to him. "Kimberly's been through a lot, more than you can imagine."
"So I've heard." His muffled voice said through his hands.
"What did she tell you?" Haley asked curiosity getting the best of her.
"Just the basics. Troubled orphan running away and having you find her, and that she dreams about the things that she's been through. But she didn't say much after that. I thought she was going to tell me everything right there. And to be honest, from just hearing her say she was an orphan I was a little scared to hear the rest. She didn't say much, but from the tone of her voice it sounded, I don't know, tragic."
"That's why she lied to you." Haley said thinking he would get the point, but he didn't. "She lied because she didn't want you to feel sorry for her. Kimberly's been through a lot and the last thing she wants is for people to feel sorry."
"That would have never happened." He said trying to convince himself.
"But Kimberly didn't know that." Tyler nodded his head in agreement. She was right. Truthfully, he probably would have felt sorry for her.
"It's too late now. She tried to apologize and I just blew up at her. It wouldn't surprise me if she didn't even look at me anymore."
"Can you keep a secret, Tyler?" She asked not sure if this was right or not. He nodded his head hoping for just a snippet of information.
"It's you." Haley said at random.
"What?" He looked over to his teacher confused.
"You said you needed to know something that Kimberly wants. It's you. All week she's had nothing to talk about but you and how bad she feels abut lying to you." Haley offered a smile which he returned. "So don't give up. Kimberly puts up this hard shell, but that's only because so many people in her life have hurt her and she doesn't want that to happen again. But once you get past all that she's really a sweet girl."
"How long did it take you? You know, to get past it all?"
"The entire summer. But she still keeps her guard up around me sometimes."
"Oh crap." He groaned.
"But hey, it only took her foster mom one night. Maybe you can get lucky."
"Thanks, Mrs. Scott." He said rising form the desk.
"No problem. Now get back to class." She said practically shoving him out the door.
Is not my fault
Your love's like salt
He watched her from the hallway as she sat in the storage room pumping basketballs. There was just something about this girl that couldn't get her off his mind. "I'm a jackass." He said watching Kimberly from the doorway.
She didn't bother to look up, not just because she was mad at him, but if she did she would have forgotten their whole argument and ran up to hug him or done something stupid. So she kept her eyes on the orange basketballs. "I knew there was more than meet the eye." She spat back.
"I guess I deserve that." He said taking a seat next to her. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. It wasn't right for me to ask about your life. It's your story to tell to whomever you want, whenever you want to."
"I'm sorry for lying to you." She said finally looking up into his eyes.
"I don't blame you. I would have done the same thing. I couldn't imagine living a life without my parents." He affirmed shaking his head in disbelief.
"You get used to it after awhile." She shrugged.
He looked back into her eyes for what seemed like forever and he didn't see the pain and misery most saw. No, what he saw was innocence and a girl that wanted some joy in her life and somewhere deep down he saw love. He couldn't only see it, but he could feel it, not just in her heart but in his also. It was a feeling neither one could explain, one that was strange and new for each of them. A feeling they wouldn't be able to explain until later on.
Looking into his eyes, she wondered what he was thinking. She used to be able to read people so well, but him, he was almost as mysterious as she was. And that scared her.
"It's tragic, isn't it? You past?" He said not taking his eyes off her beautiful dark ones.
"Let's just say it's not one I want to relive." She responded finally not being able to look at him anymore. Is it possible to get high off of a look someone gave? If it was, Kimberly was flying high.
"Do you think people can get to know each other without going into their long stories?" He asked still not daring to look away.
The question came as a bit of a surprise to her. It was one she wasn't expecting. One she had to think about. "I guess. But isn't who you were a part of who you are?"
"Honestly, I don't know anymore. Maybe what I'm trying to say is I don't need to know about the person you used to be, but about the person you want to be."
"Yeah, me too." She whispered. God, he loved it when she did that. Whispered, but came out clear as day. It was something he was beginning to fall in love with.
"So you think we can start over?"
"I think that would be great." She said flashing a grin of her own.
"Hi." He said extending out his hand, which Kimberly took. "I'm Tyler. I'm sixteen years old. My birthday is June 2nd. I've lived in Tree Hill my entire life. When I graduate I want to go to Duke University and after that I want to own my own business, but I'm not sure what kind yet. But right now, I'm just living my life, playing basketball, listening to kickass music, and doing it all with a friend, who still hasn't told me her name yet." He flashed a grin to her and she thanked God she was sitting down or else she would have fell to the floor.
"I'm Kimberly. Umm, I'm a foster kid, and sometimes that bothers me, but lately it hasn't. I just recently moved here, so I'm kind of new. I'm fifteen years old, soon to be sixteen. My birthday is October 11th. Music is a big part of my life and I hope one day I can get involved in the industry. I've always dreamt of going to Yale or Stanford or some Ivy League school. I know for a fact that I can kick your ass at basketball. I'm somewhat unorganized, not your typical girl; I love to be alone, but I'm trying to break that habit. I used to always worry about the past and the future, mostly at the same time. But right now I guess you could say I'm living in the moment and doing it with some guy named Tucker." She joked.
Tyler chuckled only looking away for a short second before his eyes were glued back on her. "Kimberly." He repeated her name as if he quit listening after she said it. "I like it." Her legs went to butter after that compliment. "But you know what sounds better?"
"Oh God." She mumbled for she knew what was coming next.
"Nirvana!" He practically yelled pointing his finger in her face playfully. "Yeah, Nirvana. That sounds good." And even though it was a nickname she hated she still had to smile, because it was his nickname just for her, and no on else's.
It didn't need to be said, but Brooke was right. Today was the beginning of a brand new future.
The aftertaste is gonna break my heart
Feels like it's over before it starts
The aftertaste is gonna break my heart
