A/N: This is a longer chapter, and you'll see why at the end. Things might change, so be prepared! It's far from over, and I do have a method to my madness, so don't freak out just yet! ;)
When Alex and Scully got to the hotel room, they instantly knew something was wrong. The door was cracked open, and things were strewn across the room. The odor of cigarette smoke could faintly be smelled in the air, and pinned over the head of the bed was a note. Alex's heart pounded in his ears as he furiously ripped the note off the wall and read it out loud.
"You've done well, Alex. Failing your mission was what I had hoped you would do. And for that, I will let you both keep your lives. It may not make sense right now, but you've done exactly what you were supposed to do. Everything else will soon fall into place. But, whatever you choose next will not hinder my plans either way. Just keep that in mind. I will always be watching, and I will always get what I want. The ending is inevitable. But congratulations, you're a free man now."
Alex ripped the note to shreds and ran his hand through his hair, pacing the room. "Motherfucker." He spat.
"What does that even mean?" Scully crossed her arms.
"I don't know." Alex shook his head.
"So, he wanted you to betray him? And he—he's just going to set you free now?" Scully furrowed her brows.
Alex clenched his fist and stopped pacing. "He's a liar. I am never free from his grip. I'm forever under his control."
"But what did he mean by, whatever you choose next, it will not hinder his plans either way? I don't understand. Is he saying that he will not try to kill us if we keep seeing each other?"
"I don't know, Dana. He is capable of anything. You just never know with that sonofabitch." Alex paused before continuing. "I—I think he just wanted me to split you and Mulder up. He…he feared that Mulder was too close to the truth ever since you became his partner. And I guess he thought that if you got involved with me, that Mulder wouldn't have that extra advantage anymore." Alex explained.
"But he's wrong. With me alive, it will only make Mulder's passion for the truth even stronger than before. He's wrong." Scully shook her head.
Alex sighed. "Dana, he has something planned. Like he said, it's inevitable. It doesn't matter that he's letting us both live. He can still slowly unravel Mulder's quest for the truth, somehow. We just don't know what else he has planned yet. He must know something else that even I don't know yet, that will change things in the future. I wouldn't put it past him to be able to see into the future." Alex scrubbed the side of his face.
Scully stood there in deep thought for a moment. "So, what now? Do we tell Mulder?"
"No." Alex shook his head.
"Why not?" Scully furrowed her brows.
"Because I know this creep probably better than anyone else. If we tell Mulder about his plans, we will only be doing that bastard another favor somehow. I just have a bad feeling about it. He wants Mulder to know exactly what is going on."
"But, I know Mulder. That will only drive him even more to want to find out the truth." Scully shook her head.
"That's what he wants us to think. But I really don't think we should. I just have this feeling. Just please, trust me on this." Alex pleaded.
Scully sighed and nodded. "Okay. But, what do we do now?"
Scully knew that Alex was right. Cancer Man obviously knew something that they didn't. And she just had this feeling that no matter what happened, they couldn't stop it. Something was going to eventually happen, that would shut the X-Files down, and prevent her and Mulder from searching for the truth. But the biggest question was, if she kept seeing Alex, would that still make things worse? Or would it even matter? A part of her knew that the damage had probably already been done. But could it make it worse in the long run? What did Cancer Man know, that they didn't? She knew for a fact that if she kept seeing Alex, that they would still have to keep it a secret, based on his background. And as much as she was willing to take that risk, she knew that Alex wouldn't let her. She could see it in his eyes. He wasn't going to take that risk. He was going to step back, so that Mulder could find out the truth, whatever that was. As much as she wanted to believe that she and Alex could find the truth, together, she was beginning to see the dilemma. They were too much of a distraction for each other. Their relationship was different from hers and Mulder's. That was the difference.
"I don't know. We…we wait." Alex plopped down onto the bed, just as Scully's phone began to ring.
Scully eyed Alex for a moment, before answering her phone. "Scully."
"Scully, it's me. Something's happened." Mulder spoke on the other end, with concern in his voice.
"What is it, Mulder?" Scully's worrisome tone got Alex's attention, as he stood back up.
"A tape was sent to the bureau last night, and it—uh, it's got some personal stuff on it." Mulder stammered.
"What kind of stuff? And by whom?" Scully furrowed her brows.
"It was anonymous. But it-it's— "Mulder sighed. "It's of you and Krycek. Scully, it looks like someone is trying to get the X-Files shut down, by exposing your recent-affairs." Mulder cleared his throat.
"Oh my god." Scully closed her eyes.
"What?" Alex whispered, walking up to Scully.
"Are you with him right now?" Mulder carefully asked.
"Y-yes. I am." Scully sighed and paused for a moment. "But, I will take care of it. We will fix this."
Mulder sighed. "Okay. Just please, be careful Scully. Do you want to see the tape? Skinner wants to destroy the evidence."
"No, I don't want to see it. Just get rid of it. And tell Skinner I'm sorry, and that I will fix this." Scully firmly assured.
Scully hung up the phone with Mulder, as Alex eyed her nervously.
"What happened?"
"There was a tape-that was sent to the bureau. It has you and I on it, doing intimate things. Alex, I think we just got our answer." Scully anxiously eyed Alex.
"Shit." Alex clenched his jaw and closed his eyes.
XXX
TWO DAYS LATER
Alex had made Scully stay at her mom's house the rest of the work week, and advised her to go to work as if nothing had ever happened. Scully had begun to worry that Alex was not going to get back into contact with her, after two days of silence, until he showed up to the house that evening. Scully's mom was having a girl's night out with her BINGO friends, so Scully was alone, and had been hoping that Alex would show up. And when he did, she suddenly couldn't look him in the eye, and didn't know exactly what to say. She didn't like not knowing where Alex was, and if he was safe or not. And she was beginning to realize that it would probably always be like that, and that upset her, and scared her. So, she shut down her emotions, hoping that that would protect her. Little did she know; it would only make it worse.
"Babe." Alex crawled in through the window, as Scully shut it behind him.
"Where have you been?" Scully crossed her arms and pursed her lips.
Alex turned to face Scully, and flashed her an apologetic look. "I had to make sure things were in the clear. You knew that." He softly replied.
"If you say so." Scully pouted and looked away.
Alex walked up to Scully and tried to touch her chin, but she pulled away.
"What's the matter, Dana?" He sighed and cocked his head to the side.
"Nothing. I'm fine now. Two days got me back on track." Scully aloofly replied, sitting down on the bed and picking her book back up.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Alex furrowed his brows.
Scully turned the page and sighed, looking down at her book. "It means, I'm back to my old self again. After a few days, reality hits me again, and I snap out of it."
Ouch.
"Are you on your period, or something?" Alex dryly asked.
Scully's eyes snapped up to glare at Alex, as he scowled back.
"No. I don't start for another two days, thankyouverymuch." She scoffed.
Alex shifted his weight. "Then what's gotten into you? Why are you being like this?"
"I don't know what you mean, Krycek." Scully looked back down at her book and pretended to be reading something funny.
Double Ouch.
Alex gritted his teeth, before calmly walking over to the wall and effortlessly punching his fist through it, as Scully flinched. She watched him in curiosity, as he quickly pulled his hand out from the drywall and hung his head.
"I'm sorry, I-I'll pay for that." Alex clenched and flexed his fingers a few times, wincing.
Scully's eyes softened, as she sighed and slowly padded over to him, holding out her hand. Alex eyed Scully with embarrassment and held out his hand for Scully to inspect. She calmly turned his hand over and gently ran her fingers over his swollen knuckles. Nothing appeared to be broken or fractured, but Scully still pretended to inspect Alex's hand, trying to avoid eye contact. Alex caught on after a long moment, and eyed Scully with such intense longing, that she was sure his gaze could set her on fire.
"Alex." Scully sucked in a sharp breath and let go of his hand, finally making eye contact.
Alex said nothing, but his eyes said everything that Scully wanted and needed to hear. He loved her. No matter what she did or said. That was evident.
"It's never going to get easier, is it?" Scully softly murmured.
Up until now, Scully had displayed little emotion. But she could feel it, on the verge of overflowing, and consuming her. And that was the last thing she wanted to happen, to break down in front of Alex. But he seemed to heighten every sense, and fuel every desire. She hurt for him. She ached for him. And she wished she didn't. Above all, she wished that she hated him. Because hate, that was easy to feel. She had had no problems hating the man at one time. But desiring him, with every ounce of her being, that was hard. Because she could never be with him. They could never love each other properly. And a part of her wished that she could keep a small part of him, because that was better than nothing at all, right? If she could just have some small part of him forever, she could live with that. But what could he possibly give her, that she could keep, and cherish, and call her own?
Alex shook his head and slumped his shoulders in defeat. "No. It's not." He softly replied.
Alex Krycek no longer had control over his own emotions. That all changed a little over two months ago, when he kidnapped Dana Scully, and she stole his heart. What a heavenly way to die, huh? But this was everything that he had secretly desired, all his life. Having something to live for. And even if he never saw Dana Scully ever again, he would die a happy man. He only wished he could give her something that she could cherish forever. Something that they could both call their own, and share. Something that he could proudly say was 'theirs', and no one else's. If only such a thing existed. Scully had yet to even tell him exactly how she felt about him. He only knew her physical desires. Did she love him back? That was all he needed to know. He could live the rest of his days in contentment, if he knew that she felt the same way. But right now, she wasn't making it easy for him.
"So basically, this is coming to an end." Scully gestured to Alex and then herself. She hadn't meant for it to sound so detached, but quickly realized her impassive demeanor when Alex looked away.
"I guess it is." Alex swallowed and clenched his jaw. Goddammit, this woman was confusing.
"And we can't even be friends. Or ever see each other again?" Scully tried to keep her voice even, and her face unreadable. But deep down, she was falling apart. The realization of everything was sinking in now. This wasn't like last time. The end was inevitable now. This was the end, for real this time. And even though she was trying to keep her emotions in check, she didn't like that Alex was doing the same thing. She wanted him to fight for her now. She wanted him to yell at her, and tell her he loved her, or even that he hated her. Something. Anything. Her walls of ice were slowly melting, and she was beginning to panic. No. NO. This was not happening right now. Say something, Scully! SAY SOMETHING!
"I hate you." She grumbled. That was NOT what she had planned to say. What the fuck? Where did that even come from? Why was she suddenly so angry, that she was beginning to shake? Why were her emotions all over the place lately?
Alex's eyes widened in disbelief. Did she really just say that? Where the hell did that even come from? Damn crazy woman. If this was how she wanted to try to deal with things, then so be it. Alex nodded, but said nothing. He knew that his silence would piss her off even more. And that was what he wanted. If she yelled at him, then she really cared. If she didn't make a scene, then she didn't. Simple as that.
Scully was now even angrier at Alex's silence. Was this really how he was going to leave things? Fight for me, dammit!
"This is all of your fault. I didn't sign up for this. I didn't want nor need this." Scully spat. She really wasn't feeling as hostile as she was coming off. But she just couldn't stop. The words kept coming. "You bastard." She hissed, walking up to him and shoving him into the wall.
Alex cackled and grabbed onto Scully's wrists when she tried to shove him again.
"Let go of me!" Scully growled, squirming underneath Alex's tight grip.
"No." Alex growled back, leaning in.
Scully's breathing became erratic, as her face flushed. She couldn't even say anything else. There was just too much to say, and it was just too hard to get out right now. So, she just kept squirming, until Alex finally let go.
"Damn crazy woman." Alex grumbled, shaking his head.
Even though Alex had let go, Scully just wasn't done fighting yet. So, she charged at him again, but Alex firmly grabbed onto her wrists again and spun her around, smashing her up against the wall. Her head just barely met the large hole in the wall, as she squirmed underneath him.
"Alex!" Scully spat, bringing her knee up to Alex's groin.
But that didn't faze Alex, as he firmly spread Scully's legs apart with a knee, and pressed his body up against hers. He effortlessly pulled Scully's hands up over her head, as they both heavily breathed, with their faces just inches apart.
"So, you hate me, huh? I can live with that. But what I can't live with, Dana, is you pretending you don't care at all. If you're upset, fucking show it. Don't hold back. It's annoying." Alex spat.
Scully glared at Alex, her eyes blazing. She didn't even know why she was so pissed off. She just was. And seeing Alex so pissed off as well, was oddly erotic, yet infuriating as well.
"You can't tell me what to do, and what to feel. You don't own me." Scully snarled.
Alex laughed. "Bullshit."
Alex let go of Scully's wrists, but kept her body firmly pinned against the wall with his. She couldn't escape, no matter how hard she tried. But he knew she really didn't want to anyways. This was a game. And he would play along, if that's what she really wanted.
Neither of them said anything else, as Alex began to kiss Scully's neck. She turned her head in protest, but that only gave him better access. Scully tried to ignore the sensation that was slowly making it's way down her body and in-between her legs, but her body knew exactly what she truly wanted and needed.
"Bastard." Scully whispered, her mouth agape.
Alex grazed his right thumb over the hardening nipple that was poking through Scully's shirt, as she arched her back and moaned. She was trying so hard not to react, but Alex knew better. Scully whimpered and closed her eyes, as Alex's hand traveled down her stomach to the top of her pants. At this point she had stopped squirming, but she was still refusing to enjoy it.
"Let me go." Her voice trembled.
Alex stopped for a second and made eye contact. "Do you really want me to?" He clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes.
Scully nodded, but then shook her head. That got a chuckle out of Alex, as he unbuttoned her pants and slipped his hand inside. He quickly reached his target, as Scully gasped and grabbed onto Alex's forearm.
Scully desperately tried to look impassive, but her face was beginning to do that weird thing it always did when she was feeling intense pleasure. And she couldn't help but moan, when Alex raised her slightly off the ground, with her crotch straddling his thigh, and his finger furiously pumping in and out of her. Scully's hips began to move up against Alex's hand and thigh, as he sped up, while the palm of his hand provided the perfect amount of friction.
"That's my girl." Alex grunted, as Scully's face crumpled up, and she cried out, louder than she ever had before.
Scully convulsed violently against Alex, as he observed her in admiration. And when she began to regain her composure, and tried to unbutton Alex's pants and return the favor, he pulled away and gently lowered her back to her feet.
Scully was no longer angry, as she eyed Alex in confusion. He seemed sad. And in that moment, she realized that Alex was showing her that her happiness came before his. And that was all she wanted. She just wanted to know for sure, that what they had was real. That he had really changed. And that what they were doing could be somewhat justified. So, that one day when she told their story to her children, or grandchildren, that it would be a fond memory, and not a regretful one. Scully wasn't even sure that she could accurately describe Alex Krycek to anyone. The only thing Alex Krycek could somewhat accurately be compared to was…gasoline. It was toxic to your health, but it helped fuel necessary things. It could set things on fire, which could be good or bad, depending on the situation. And what it came down to was, Alex Krycek could possibly be toxic to Scully's safety, but he fueled all her senses. He ignited a fire within her, that she was sure would never dissipate. Alex Krycek would be her beginning, and her end. And Dana Scully would forever be in love with him.
Scully's face crumpled up, and she began to cry, catching Alex off guard.
"I love you, Alex." Scully whispered through soft sobs.
Alex's vision blurred with tears, as he let out a shaky breath. There it was.
He stepped a foot closer and smiled. "Say it again." He whispered back.
"I love you." Scully whimpered, a bit louder.
"Again." Alex closed his eyes.
"I love you. God Alex, I- "
Alex cut Scully off by hooking his fingers behind her neck and pulling her mouth to his, as she frantically clutched at his shirt in an attempt to pull him closer.
Scully eventually pulled back and ran her thumb across Alex's bottom lip, as he gently pushed the hair out of her face. They stared at each other for a long moment, touching and kissing each other's faces tenderly.
"Listen to me— "Alex cupped Scully's face in his hands and pressed his forehead against hers. "You're not going to like this, but I have to do it. And if I don't do it now, I never will." He paused, as realization spread across Scully's face. "I'm going to leave now, and you are going to be just fine. You hear me?" He hissed through clenched teeth.
"No, Alex! No." Scully wept, shaking her head. She didn't think she had ever cried this hard in her life. A cry so cleansing and overwhelming, that it shook her whole body.
"Yes. You don't need me. You never did. You are going to keep helping Mulder search for the truth, and everything is going to be okay. I will be helping you from a distance, always. But I won't contact you, ever again. And you will not look for me. Understand?" Alex stated firmly, and kissed Scully's temple.
Scully sucked in a sharp breath and eventually nodded.
"I need to hear you say it, Dana. Do you understand?"
"Yes." Scully sniveled.
Alex nodded and pulled back, as he instantly slipped back into 'Krycek mode'. "Now, turn around." He firmly demanded.
Scully's lip quivered, as she slowly turned away and hung her head.
"Goodbye, Scully." Krycek said, coolly.
Scully wiped her face with the back of her hand and hugged herself. "Goodbye, Krycek." She whispered.
A good thirty-seconds passed in silence, before Scully turned back around.
And she was alone.
XXX
Epilogue
ONE WEEK LATER
Scully stopped expecting Alex to change his mind and show back up after the first 24 hours. She knew it wasn't going to happen. She would never see Alex Krycek again. But that was okay. Because he gave her something that they could call their own, that would forever be a part of them both, that she could cherish forever. And it explained a lot of her weird crazy behavior a week prior. A LOT.
Scully smiled, as she sat on the edge of the bathtub and stared down at the pregnancy test in her hand, that read 'positive'.
She was not alone. Alex Krycek would forever be a part of her life. In more ways than one.
THE END (OF PART 1)
A/N: Want more? I'm doing a sequel (if people ask for it). There's so much more I could do with this, and can probably make this into a novel length eventually. I have so many good ideas, and have had this planned for a long time. So, keep your eyes peeled, because I'm already typing it up. ;)
'My dear…Find what you love and let it kill you. Let it drain you of your all. Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness. Let it kill you and let it devour your remains. For all things will kill you, both slowly and fastly, but it's much better to be killed by a lover."
— Charles Bukowski
Summary: Krycek and Scully have a chance encounter 5 years later during an undercover operation. Old feelings are brought back to the surface, along with a few surprises as well.
Part 2 coming soon!
