So... this chapter is gonna get too real really fast so buckle up
PS one more chapter after this and this story is done, ARE YOU READY!?
this chapter is based on my experience with watching someone die
Collins sat in a chair in the hallway of the hospital, one leg shaking as he stared off into space. This was not how people died, not in the movies, not on TV, not how his Grandma died, he couldn't watch this anymore. But he couldn't leave him not like this.
The first week in the hospital everything was fine it was exactly what you would expect from a dying person, as hard as it was to admit. He was weak, pale, covered in lesions, and thin. It all changed when his pneumonia moved to be congestive heart failure. His beautiful Angel he once knew was gone. Instead the person that laid there was a skeleton, who couldn't stop moving or shouting.
The doctor said that sight is the first to go, and he was right, Angel's eyes were cloudy now and glassy. He hates wearing the oxygen around his nose, he'd constantly try to pull it off. The doctor said that most of his movements at this point would be involuntary at this point. He kept trying to get out of bed and kick off his blankets and rip off the oxygen and IV. He called out for people, his mother, grandmother, and father, but never Collins. A nurse said that was him seeing real Angel's to take him to heaven, the doctor said it was the lack of oxygen making him hallucinate.
The constant yelling, kicking, and trying to get up, was exhausting to watch and heartbreaking. Every once in a while Collins needed a break and would walk out into the hall while Angel slept. As guilty as he felt he just needed to leave the room for a few minutes. For the last three days the doctors have told him Angel has less than 24 hours to live. But he was still here.
Collins was torn from his thoughts when he saw Mark hurry pass him to the door.
"Hey,"He said quickly before the scrawny boy could run inside.
"Collins? What are you doing out here? I didn't think you left his side anymore." Mark asked.
"No, I just.. I wanted him to rest. He, uh, is settling back down."
Mark nodded in understanding, though he hadn't seen Angel in a few days. He had no idea what was on the other side of that door.
"Well, can I join you out here until he's rested up a bit?"
Neither of the men could bring themselves to say Angel's name, to them he was already gone.
Collins half smiled beginning to cry, "You know they said that hearing is the last to go."
"That's amazing," Mark smiled through his tears that were forming.
He nodded, "The last thing he said to me was 'I'll cover you.' Well, he said I love you but you know how his voice is."
He broke down crying Mark sat down next to him. He pat his tired friends back trying to help the best he could.
"Um, I'm glad you're still here though, some people aren't strong enough to make it this far."
"I'm trying, I really am, it's so hard, it's so hard to watch someone die."
Mark nodded one more time, the hall fell silent and still before Collins let out an eerie chuckle.
"Part of me just wants him to go, is that bad?"
"No, no, no not at all, he needs to stop suffering."
"Yeah, I stay with him all day everyday, I love him but, I just want to be done. I want him to get better, or go this lingering is killing me."
Mark heart skipped a beat, did Collins not love Angel anymore? Who wouldn't want more time with the love of their life? Then again Mark only visits when it's convenient for him. He couldn't imagine waiting and living in the hospital to see your lover struggle for their last breath.
"I'm sorry," Collins said. "I'm so just tired."
"I understand."
"I wish you did.." With that Collins stood up. "I should get back in there."
"Oh, ok well, I'll join you" Mark jumped up.
"Are you sure? 'Cause he's not the same anymore."
"It's ok I haven't seen him in a while."
He nodded and opened the door and Marks jaw almost hit the floor, the skeleton that laid in the bed looked more like the crypt keeper than the beautiful drag queen he knew, lesions littered his skin. He looked like a fish trying to breathe out of water, each breath was a struggle. But he was fighting to kick the blanket off again.
Collins laughed weakly and hurried to his side, "Hey baby, where you going?" he pulled the blanket off. "Too heavy for you?"
Mark crept closer, "Um, he, uh looks cold."
He motions to Angel's purple feet, Collins looked and covered them up.
"Oh, no it's 'rigor mortis of the limbs' it, it means they're dead."
To Mark the room suddenly felt too small, too hot. He wanted to scream, cry, and run, this wasn't real, when he came the other week or so ago Angel could still talk somewhat.
"Hey, baby" Collins said softly. "Mark's here to visit with you. Mark say hi."
"H-hey Angel..."
It looked like he was going to say something but instead he cried out in pain.
"The morphine's wearing off, hey honey do you want some water."
Angel violently shook his head yes. Mark watched as Collins brought the straw to his mouth. The weak man took a sip and they watch as it dripped down the corners of his lips.
"He can't swallow anymore... he hasn't eaten in 2 days. I think that's why he's been so vocal today those hunger pains must be kicking in. But I better get him more morphine it helps, and he gets to sleep that way."
the words echoed in his head how could someone live like this? He couldn't take it anymore he inched his way back towards the door. As bad as he felt for leaving Collins alone, but he couldn't handle it.
"I'm going to, uhhh, go pick up Roger's AZT I'll see you tomorrow?"
"I wish I could leave too, Mark you don't realize how lucky you are."
"And you don't know how lucky you are I would give anything for a love even close to what you two had."
"In my head, My Angel died four days ago, when she said 'I'll cover you' and her breathing stopped for 13 seconds. It's ok if you want to go you don't have to see this, we understand. I'll call you... Okay?"
Mark looked down at his feet tears filling his eyes, he was so ashamed but it's what he wants he doesn't want to see Angel like this.
"Thank you," he said and left.
What did you think?
I cant believe this year first my Grammy now Carrie fisher what the hell?
oh BTW My boyfriend got me RENT tickets for christmas! he knew i couldnt afford them so he got us tickets we're gonna sit in the orchestra section. He's my Collins!
the 20th anniversary is gonna get me through these last few days
