Hey guys *chuckles nervously* I'm really sorry I took so long to update. I know you guys are probably extremely pissed about that but I've had writers block and couldn't think of anything. But after watching the new episode of Uta Pri, inspiration struck me. I don't know how but it did. Remember how C.J self harms, there will be talks about that. Also there will be some self harm scenes. Not in this chapter but coming up. I don't want to trigger anyone so please don't read it unless you can handle it. Now please excuse my rant and on with the story.

Me: A little heads up, this chapter could be triggering. Kyoya, would you like to do the honors?

Kyoya: Avengerslover101 only owns the Oc's.

Chapter 12

C.J's P.O.V

I shut my book and let out a small sigh. The bell had just rang which means classes are over for the day. I looked to Claire at my left and saw her smile slightly at Kaoru who was having a small conversation with Hikaru. I smiled a little but it wasn't there for even a second before it dropped. Talking with Honey and Mori about Addi made me think that night. It made me think of Jason. It made think of my mom. Of all the people we lost. It feels like its my fault. After all that's what dad said. And Fathers don't lie to their daughters. I was so lost in thought I didn't realize I was frowning. I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around to see the twins, Claire, and Haruhi with a worried look on their faces.

"What's wrong sissy?" Claire took a step closer and put a hand on my shoulder. I didn't want any physical contact at the moment but I didn't push her away.

I forced a smile. "I'm fine, just plotting revenge." I gave her a wink to which she just rolled her eyes.

"I'm gonna get you back, blondie. I promise you that."

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "Yeah, okay."

She just chuckled a bit and kissed me on the cheek. I almost cringed but I held it in. I pulled back and grabbed Hikaru and Haruhi's arms and pulled them along with me to the door. Before I pulled them out of the room, I looked back at Kaoru and Claire standing next to each other. 'They would make such a cute couple.' I gave them a teasing smirk.

"You know you're gonna enjoy this." I raised an eyebrow and gave them a little smile.

Kaoru just looked confused. "What do you mean?"

I looked at Hikaru on my left and said in an innocent voice, "Do you understand what I mean, Hikaru?"

He looked confused for a moment before a look of realization crossed his face. He returned the smile and said, "Why yes, I do C.J."

I looked to my left at Haruhi. "What about you, Haruhi?"

She gave me a blank look and said "No, not really."

I looked back at the confused couple. "Bye lovebirds~." I sing-songed and left the room with a smirking Hikaru and an oblivious Haruhi in tow.

As soon as we were a few steps away from the classroom. I let them go and skipped a few steps forward. I then let my face drop. I can only fake a smile for so long before it becomes too hard. I started walking normally with Hikaru and Haruhi chatting behind me.

'It's your fucking fault. If you hadn't of run into the street none of this would've happened. You deserve all the pain in life. You deserve the pain, the blood, the scars. ALL OF IT!'

I looked down at the ground and tried to hold the tears back. 'I didn't mean for it to happen. But my stupid mistake caused my loved ones pain. Claire didn't have a happy childhood. Dad was filled with grief. Jason lost ... his life... because of me.'

I felt a tear fall from my eye. I gave an exaggerated yawn and sneakily wiped it off when I stretched my arms in the air. I put my hands on my hips and spun on the balls of my feet to face the pair chatting behind me. They stopped and looked at me.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom." I put my nose in the air as if I'm making a declaration.

"Do you want us to wait for you?" Haruhi asked me.

"Mhm." I shook my head and closed my eyes. "I won't be long." I gave her a small smile.

"Well you better be quick about it or the shadow king won't be happy." Hikaru said with a pointed finger in my face.

I nipped at it and he pulled it away and held his hand to his chest. His eyes were widened slightly. I giggled a bit and shook my head. "It won't be long. Girls pee fast." I said in a innocent voice. I skipped around them. I skipped down the hall until I was around the corner. That was when I let everything fall. My smile was gone, my shoulders fell, and a few tears escaped. I didn't bother to wipe them away. I knew more were going to come so it would be pointless.

I kept my eyes down in case anyone were to see. I don't like when people see me cry. I felt weak crying in front of Honey and Mori. But I couldn't hold them back. I'm never doing that again. I'll stick to crying behind closed doors. No one can see me.

I saw the door to the restroom out of the corner of my eye and made a bee-line towards the door. I rushed in and closed it behind me dropping my bag in the process. I took a quick glance in the mirror. I didn't like what I saw. A broken little girl with no light in her eyes. And the thing is, I deserve it. I deserve all the pain because it's my fault. A sob almost left my throat. I held it back as I looked under the stall doors. No ones in here.

As soon as I realized this, I fell to my knees and let the tears escape me. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry..." I kept repeating as I wrapped my arms around me and just...fell apart.

Claire deserves all the joy in the world. All I did was cause everyone I love pain. Mom died because of me, Jason died because of me, Dad died because of me. "Everything is my fault." I whispered with my hands over my eyes. I rubbed my eyes so hard, I started to see stars. All I do is cause pain.

I did this. Everything. All the pain and tears and blood. It's all on me. I started hyperventilating. I couldn't stop. Then my body started shaking. I wanted to stop but it's like my body has a mind of it's own. Then all of a sudden I felt a sudden pain in my head. Then I realized it was me. I was punching myself in the head. I willed my arm to stop but I can't. WHY?! WHY CAN'T I STOP?!

I started breathing deeply. I gripped my hair so hard that I saw white. Tears were streaming down my face as I fell onto my side. I tried to even out my breathing. "Calm down, calm down, calm down..." I whispered repeatedly. After my breathing evened out, I just laid there. A few small tears streaming down my face with my hands over my ears. I don't know how long I laid there but I knew I couldn't stay here for long. I sighed as slowly got to my feet. I walked to the sink and leaned on it. My body was still kind of shaky and my breathing wasn't all there yet.

I risked a glance in the mirror and what I saw didn't even surprise me. I was a mess. My mascara were black lines trailing down my face. My lipstick was all across my cheek. My whole face and eyes were red. My hair was sticking out at odd angles. The bow in my hair was still hanging in my hair by a strand. I sighed and got to fixing myself up.

After about three minutes, I looked presentable. At first glance, you wouldn't be able to tell I've had a mental breakdown. Which is good, I don't want any questions. But they probably will ask what took so long. I can just say, I was touching up on my makeup. It's believable. I'm a perfectionist at times. Claire even says I take too long doing my makeup.

I smoothed down my shirt and wiped imaginary dust off my shorts. I looked into the mirror one more time and sighed. "Get ready for a show, Charlotte. It's what you're good at." With that said, I left the restroom.

I was halfway to the club room when I saw Mori coming towards me. I guess he really did send someone for me. I smiled at Mori as we met in the middle.

"I'm sorry I took so long."

"Hm." He nodded.

We started our walk back to the club room in silence. It was comfortable though. I like being with Mori like this. It calms me. He doesn't even say anything and it's calming me down. Some people would think it's intimidating but it comforts me. He keeps quiet but it doesn't matter. I feel at ease with him. He's like a brother to me.

"C.J."

I looked up at him but he was looking forward. "Yes?"

"Are you okay?" he asked me. 'No.'

"Yes, I'm fine why?" I gave him a confused look.

He stopped and stood in front of me. Towering over me. He put his hand on my head and bet down to my height and looked me in the eye. He ran his hand through my hair mindful of the bow. And those simple gestures both calmed me and made me want to cry. I felt the familiar sting in my eyes but I closed my eyes and held them at bay. I opened my eyes and smiled softly at him. "Thank you for asking, but I'm fine."

"Remember what we promised?"

I nodded.

"Call us if you need to." He kept his face passive but his eyes showed his sincerity. My face crumbled slightly, and I hugged him. I know I didn't want to be touched earlier but I really did need a hug right now. He wrapped his arms around me and rubbed my back. We stayed that way for a few moments. I exhaled and showed him a grin.

"Seriously, Thank you. You don't know how much I needed that." I smiled. A real smile. I hate how he can see through me but I also love it.

He smiled a small smile at me. With that said and done we walked to the club room. I don't feel as ashamed as I did before. But it's still there. It's never gonna leave me. But moments like these make me feel like I have a reason to be here. I'm glad I have friends like him. They make everything worthwhile.