Teaching Respect.
By C S Sinclair.
Chapter Twelve.
"I still don't really understand the point of all this, Sir. If you don't tell him what you expect of him..."
"He'll work it out" Genaro replied stubbornly into the mouthpiece, handing his sword to the clerk. "You know how it goes – my station brings certain obligations. Even a creature like him has to have his chance, and I have to be prepared to listen. There's too much at stake for this to be about one man's vengeance. But I'm not prompting him – if he's got something to say, it'll come out."
"But what if he doesn't understand? He might not know who you are or what this is all about!" the Colonel's voice insisted in crackling static.
"Then that's the way it goes - you only get one chance in this life..." Genaro answered bitterly , holding a hand up to the clerk. "I have to turn this in anyway... I'll contact you shortly."
Reaching the end of the street, one of the huge inner city plazas stretched out before them. As they walked up, the music and happy cheers grew louder and louder, emanating they could now see, from an impressive open air dance floor that had been erected in the middle of the square. Amid a glare of spotlights and lamps strung overhead, people twirled and jigged merrily, the band playing with raucous enthusiasm.
Fujin looked over at Xu and saw she was grinning with delight to see so many people enjoying themselves. She was looking very pointedly at the dance floor with an expectant look on her face. Fujin's heart was pounding like her very own drum, but underneath the fear, she was excited too. She'd prepared for this... there was no need to panic...
The air felt electric with a feeling of... joy; there was no other way to explain it. People from Galbadia, Trabia, Balamb, even the odd Shumi could be seen getting its knees up! Fujin could almost feel it, a breeze pulling at them to join in – not of the kind she could summon, but the pull of life; a life that wanted the both of them.
"HAVE THIS DANCE?" she enquired with as much reverence as she could muster, holding out her hand.
Fujin could feel the happy energy in her partner's hand as she led her forward. She couldn't let her down. She could do this – she'd gone over it a thousand times... in her head. Apparently her nerves had showed however, as Xu stopped her at the edge of the dance floor, sliding an arm round her in concern.
"We'll just take a few turns" she called over the racket. "We can stop anytime if you feel uncomfortable – I might have to anyway, because of my side..." she offered, graciously giving Fujin a way out if she needed it.
Fujin's response was to nonchalantly unbutton her jacket and throw it on a side rail: "CONCERN SWEET BUT UNNECESSARY. DANCING SKILLS LEGENDARY – UNMATCHED PROWESS!" she insisted, standing aside politely to help her partner onto the dance floor.
As Xu glided past her, giggling at her formality and looking about in awe, Fujin swallowed hard, trying desperately not to panic. Arm so... leg movement forward and to the side... out... around...
He wasn't moving a muscle, though the tension in his body was obvious. All these months incarcerated, but he'd clearly been taking care of himself. Not a trace of flab or excess weight anywhere... he was honed and ready. Eyes locked forward, he was staring ahead, straight through him. Not in challenge, but in studied ignorance of him.
And yet at any moment, the slightest wrong move and not even this glass would stop either of them...
Joining in the crush of dancers, they took hold of each other and joined in as best they could. After some extremely clumsy false starts (thankfully taken in good humour by all), Fujin found to her great relief that enthusiasm was considered more valuable here than fine technique. Swaying and leaping this way and that, bumping and colliding, they were (like everyone else) hilariously bad... but that didn't matter in the slightest – Xu was clearly enjoying herself.
Enraptured by the happiness on Xu's face, Fujin felt herself let go for the first time in years, losing all track of what she was doing and just going with her instincts. To feel Xu brush against her, the press of her body and hear her cry with laughter as they messed up their moves yet again... Seeing all the people pointing with delight at them enjoying themselves so carefree... the music seemed to surround them all, knitting them together into the soul of the city.
Perhaps she should have just let it go – stayed in this moment. But she'd planned for this and a large part of her still believed in order and preparation. She should have ignored it, but she wasn't strong enough yet – she had to stick to her plan. A completely uncertain future was just too frightening right now.
"Wow! Hey, come and see this – it's amazing!"
Gasps rose from the crowd, accompanied by a cry of surprised delight from Xu. Throwing her to arm's length, drums pounding and trumpets blaring around them, Fujin had waited for a gap before making her move. Timed to perfection... just like always.
Pushing out gently, she sent Xu gliding back from her on a gust of wind, savouring the look of innocent amazement on her partner's face as she was assisted in executing a long, slow, graceful backwards skip. As Xu landed on a cushion of air facing her, she manipulated the air currents expertly, taking great care not to drop her. Huge applause sounded from around them.
But they were lost to each other now. Recovering from her initial shock, Xu looked about at where she was hovering inches above the ground, before meeting Fujin's eyes and nodding her willingness to play this game.
Her heart leaping at receiving her approval, Fujin looped an air current around her partner and snapping it back, launched her back towards her. She soared majestically through the air, Fujin moved in to catch her... and stopped her just inches away, almost but not quite touching. With the air from her fingertips gently but firmly supporting her however, it was just as if they were in physical contact. And she was so much more skilled with this than with using her body anyway.
Suddenly, he reached up and pressed his palm against the glass. Just about reining himself in from the shock of this abrupt action, Genaro looked him in the eye... then pressed his own hand against the glass. His reflection was superimposed over Almasy's, so that his face seemed to acquire its own scar, ugly and hateful.
"Maybe so..." he admitted, "...but if that's how I have to be to beat you, you can count on it."
A curling, cruel smile spread Almasy's face, just as an identical crazed grin seemed to erupt across his reflection's visage.
"In that case..." Seifer smirked," I'll be waiting for your call..."
One hand drawing patterns in the air, the other maintaining and manipulating the existing currents, they waltzed around, eyes fixed on each other. Xu's face was so full of love, trusting completely that Fujin wouldn't hurt her. And though such a feat was incredibly difficult, especially with such fine manipulation needed (as Fujin didn't want to irritate Xu's waist injury), she felt so confident, like it was simply out of the realm of possibility that she should fail.
Finally she was ready – ready to show everyone what a precious treasure she had. With an extravagant twirl, she pushed up. Further gasps were heard as Xu was lifted with arms outstretched up over their heads. She hung there, gazing down at Fujin, like the angel she had always been, watching over her. Fujin blinked hard to make sure she knew – she did, of course. This was the happiest she had ever been; she'd been waiting all her life for this. She wanted everyone to know how wonderful her Xu was.
And then slowly she descended, coming back to her. It had to have a happy ending after all – she hated those tales where the lovers got separated! Pushing up she hopped on a current towards her lover, catching her lightly round the waist. Speechless with wonder, Xu just held Fujin, stroking her hair and running her palm lovingly across her cheek as they twirled languidly to the ground. As they landed in a hush of silence, Fujin felt hot and embarrassed suddenly under Xu's adoring gaze and shrugged with a smile to try and indicate it hadn't been anything that special...
But the crowd disagreed, exploding into a raucous storm of claps, cheers, stomps and calls. Looking about in alarm at all these people who had suddenly appeared, Fujin felt the need to explain herself, to try to make Xu understand she had done this for her – the last thing she wanted was to make a spectacle of herself!
She felt faint among all this clapping and calling; she couldn't believe she had just done that! Xu had a reputation to uphold – what would these people think and say when they found out? Swallowing hard and trying to breathe, she clung fast to Xu, unable to meet her gaze. Gently coaxing her out of her shell however, Xu lifted her face gently. She was beaming with such joy, clasping her hands in hers, unafraid of what people thought...
But then Xu took her by the shoulders, seemingly about to turn her about to receive the applause of the crowd. She was gripped with fresh panic, convinced as soon as turned around, the bubble would burst. The crowd would turn on her, Xu would vanish – she'd be alone again. But she was too drained from the spiritual and mental exertion, so relieved that it had worked and... so happy!
Xu cupped her hands to her face, ceasing her struggles with soft strokes and mouthed through the racket: "So proud of you! I love you!" grinning as she returned Fujin's compliment. She was proud of her! She... she... what was... that music?
Hearing the band start up again, she looked about in confusion, barely registering the echoing roar of the crowd. As she stumbled forward they seemed to melt away even as they surged forward to congratulate her. She felt a brief sensation of force pushing into her, but it... the music. It was... it had been playing when... the siege of Balamb. She could hear it again, the cries... the screams!
"Jin! Jinny, talk to me! What's the matter?! Please, give her some room! I'm with her, let me through!"
From somewhere far off, a horrific, wailing scream sounded. Dazed, Fujin looked down to see Xu was no longer with her and an icy terror took hold of her. Desperately, she tried to call out for her, but could find no voice - the music was boring into her skull, drowning everything out, pushing her lover away! Frantically, she grabbed for her but found only the burning air of the past, full of smoke and the stench of death. All around her, faces and bodies blocked her, muttering and exchanging glances.
"What's the matter with her?"
"She just stopped dead... pretty odd if you ask me..."
"No! No, please don't! Please don't kill me! Please!"
Pushing her hands to her face, she tried to compose herself, get control... get control...
"Is she having some kind of seizure? Should we get a doctor?"
"Let me through! Jinny, I'm here, give me your hand! Hey, let me go! She is not dangerous..."
"Help me! Somebody help me! She's bleeding; please, just stop, don't do this to us... please stop..."
"MUSIC... STOP..." she stammered weakly, thrashing out with her hands, desperately trying to find Xu.
Genaro stood, clenching his fists, trying to breathe. He felt sick inside, tainted... he wanted to take the chair and bludgeon him, wipe that sick smile off his face. It was a face that knew it had finally gotten what it wanted. It was the face of pure, crazed evil...
A tear rolled down his cheek as he focused on Almasy's recently vacated chair... anything to avoid his own terrible reflection.
People were pressing in, their faces grotesque with looks of concern, pity, fear, contempt. Pressing and barging into her... Xu...where was Xu?! She tried to call for her, but couldn't find any breath. She felt she was choking on the smoke, the taste of blood in her mouth.
"She's crazy! Get her out of here!"
"No, leave her alone! She's scared – you're frightening her! Get off of me – she's my girlfriend!"
"Yeah, leave her alone – she might be ill. Are you alright, ma'am! Can you hear me?"
"I'm not going to tell you again – I'm an official representative of Garden! Let – me - through! "
"Home again, home again... Didn't I promise you the greatest adventure of your lives, guys?! Come out Squall – you're not so tough now are you?! Guys – where are you going?! The fun's just getting started...!"
A moment's lapse had been all it took – she could still hear the screams, see the blood. An image of Xu lying in a pool of blood flashed before her eyes. What if she... she had to get away in case... she had to get away!
"Oh, I'm sorry to intrude sir – I thought someone else was in here."
"I often get that. Now you are here though, another bottle of Trabia '87 would hit the spot."
"As you wish, Sir. Hmm, there seems to be some commotion down there – would you like to come inside? Disgraceful... and that song they were just playing was so beautiful too..."
"Yes... yes it was. I went off for a few years, but I think I rather like it again now..."
"EXTREMELY RARE... WHERE...?" she asked, turning the small device over in her palm, marvelling at how small, yet intricately worked it was. Feeling Xu constrict slightly firmer around her as she spoke, she looked up at her partner's guilt stricken face.
"NOT ANGRY- HAPPY!" she reassured her partner, sighing peacefully as Xu hugged her anew.
"I took it from the confiscatory" Xu explained at last, stroking her hand over Fujin's and rolling the device about in her palm. "You know about the Trepies - Quis' fan club, right? Well, they have ex-members everywhere...and you know what they say about the Trepies – they never really leave!"
She smiled at this, but even Fujin's feeble social skills told her that her partner was deeply ashamed of herself. She nuzzled against her in reassuring support, urging her to go on.
"So anyway, they used to use these trackers to keep tabs on 'undesirables', see? You know, make sure certain people weren't bothering Quis or trying to ask her out, that sort of thing... That is, until she and Headmaster Cid made them hand them all over, anyway!" she finished, with a slight chuckle that died in her throat.
Xu looked down at her with obvious shame: "I, er... I know what it looks like – your crazy stalker girlfriend keeping electronic surveillance on you... But you're too precious to me, for me to take any chances, 'Jin. I had to know if anything did happen, I'd be able to find you."
She delivered this last part with with a note of 'And I was right, wasn't I?' defiance in her voice. This soon faded however, replaced once again with geniune guilt and contrition.
"I wanted to tell you, really I did... but I didn't want you to worry" she explained. "I wanted you to enjoy yourself tonight... I mean, it's not like it picks up sound or anything, just your location and... Oh, listen to me - I sound just like one of the Trepies, don't I? I'm one of those psycho girlfriends that you read about…"
Fujin giggled and consoled her poor, guilt stricken partner, kissing her hand with greatest affection: "TREPIES VERY... COMMITTED. THAT XU FEELS LIKE THEM ABOUT ME... HONOURED!" she replied.
They stared at each other for a few seconds, then burst into a fit of giggling. Xu leaned down over her, tucking her in close; Fujin clinging tightly to her, showing she meant every word.
"I'm just so glad I got you back. Don't scare me like that again..." Xu whispered.
As they embraced, Fujin could feel the tension falling away in both of them. She was tired and aching, Xu's feet were blackened and bruised from running barefoot through the city after her; they were perched unceremoniously on a park bench of all places... But despite all this, everything just seemed so right with the world now.
"Did he say anything? Sir, can you hear me? Is this thing working?"
Of course, she should indeed be shouting herself hoarse at Xu for planting the device on her; taking such liberties with her trust etc. But she couldn't, because she honestly didn't feel angry in the slightest – she felt loved.
Knowing that someone cared so much about her to want that level of security... Despite everything that was going on, Xu's only concern had been for her safety. And besides, she couldn't help but be impressed - Xu was like a sorceress; always something new and incredible to show her.
"CRAZY STALKING GIRLFRIEND FORGIVEN!" she declared with mock severity, after they had composed themselves. After another loving embrace, she settled down in her partner's arms, gazing idly at the nearby fountain.
A truly magnificent specimen, it sprinkled glittering water in glorious, dazzling sheets, pulsing and radiant in the moonlight. It was a breathtaking sight... but it seemed so lonely here on its own. Thinking of the solitude that her flight could easily have sent her back to, Fujin couldn't suppress a shiver.
"Are you cold?" Xu asked with concern. "We should get up from here..."
Fujin shook her head and leaned down against her, pinning her in place to indicate she wanted to stay a bit longer. Everything was so simple here... she was scared of leaving it behind. But that was just more cowardice, she realized with a pang of guilt - she had to face up to what she'd put Xu through, try and explain it to her...
"SO, SO SORRY" she started, rolling to lie on her back in Xu's lap.
Xu shook her head in dismay and tried to cut her off, making soothing noises and stroking her hair. Her partner was always so understanding, but she deserved an explanation.
"HEARD MUSIC... PANICKED... RAN" was all she could manage, however. Touching a hand to Xu's face, she felt like an utter disgrace to her partner.
"Shh... It's okay!" Xu soothed, cradling her and stroking her. "Whatever it was, you're safe now. Don't rush it, baby - you can tell me when you're ready."
"SURE YOU ARE WELL?" Fujin asked again miserably, rubbing Xu's side gently with concern.
"It's okay – just a bit of an ache, I told you" Xu replied, head resting against Fujin's, arching protectively over her as she cuddled her. "Never mind about me though; are you feeling better now?"
Xu shamed her with her patience and consideration. It made Fujin wince to think she had made her wounded partner run all over the city, chasing after her. She'd hurt her and humiliated her in front of the people of the city... a fine girlfriend she was turning out to be!
With these thoughts weighing on her mind, she nodded sadly, before blurting out: "IDIOT FOR RUNNING... WORRIED YOU... SO STUPID!"
Xu constricted about her rather sharply at this: "Hey, that's enough of that! We both knew this wasn't going to be easy. It's as much my fault as anyone's - I shouldn't have let you push yourself so hard."
"NO! ARE BLAMELESS! TAKE SOLE RESPONSIBILITY!" Fujin insisted firmly, trying to sit up.
Xu attempted to placate her, as she squirmed: "Will you… calm… Baby, you're being much too hard on yourself! You were wonderful tonight - you have nothing to be ashamed about!" she insisted, cradling her in her arms. "But me… well, you were right about me - I have been standing off, not fulfilling my responsibilities..."
Fujin shook her head wildly at this, renewing her efforts to sit up: "NO! DID NOT MEAN... WAS NOT COMPLAINING ABOUT US! WAS NOT COMPLAINING AT ALL! ONLY WANTED XU TO TAKE CREDIT SHE DESERVES!"
Struggling up, she turned angrily to Xu, raging and complaining at her partner's comments about herself. Shaking her head in apology, Xu grabbed her hands and massaged them softly.
"Hey, hey; calm down! It's okay – I know that's all you meant… But the truth is that I have been standing back..." she admitted sadly. "Jinny, your happiness is everything to me. I look at everything you've been through and all I can think of is holding you and making sure nothing ever hurts you again."
Saying this, Xu laced her fingers lovingly through hers.
"But baby, I get so scared that you think I'm smothering you. I've tried to give you space… didn't want to push things too fast. I didn't want to… well I didn't want to appear like I did just now! Tracking devices indeed!" she lamented, sounding thoroughly disgusted with herself.
Faced with this despair in her partner, Fujin forgot all her indignation. She pressed Xu's hand to her cheek, desperate to show her partner that she had no complaints over her conduct. She had to reassure her that it was okay to take charge of their relationship.
"XU'S CONCERNS UNWARRANTED" she insisted. "YOU CARE – ALL THAT MATTERS TO ME!"
Getting all this off their chests like this was very cathartic, but very tiring also. With greater understanding of what the other wanted and was hoping for, they allowed themselves a break to just enjoy being together. Listening to the rushing of the fountain, they pawed at each other wearily but happily. With all that happened over the previous year, they both knew that they couldn't take moments like this for granted.
"I, ah… this is going to sound awful, but this really is all like a dream to me," Xu managed eventually, stroking her hand so tenderly against her cheek, she could think of no time it hadn't been thus. "I don't care if it sounds clichéd - it's the second chance that I never thought I... we'd have" she continued.
Sensing that Xu was feeling nervous again, Fujin sat in as close as she could to her partner, leg hitched up so she could sit facing her properly.
"When we were training to be SEEDS... all that time, I knew you were the one, I knew" Xu insisted. "Your first day there, we met; do you remember?"
"REMEMBER - BUMPED INTO, KNOCKED YOU OVER..." Fujin nodded, flushing red with embarrassment. Xu just giggled however and kissed her on the forehead. "WOULD ORDINARILY LEAVE PERSON LYING... BUT FELT SO GUILTY FOR HURTING YOU."
"Oh you were so charming and kind - I couldn't wait to see you again after that!" Xu recalled with an affectionate smile. "We were split up into separate classes most of the time though, so I was always having to drag Quis all over the place, trying to bump into you - without it looking odd, you know?"
Her voice was so far away now, lost in the past. "Of course, you had Seifer and Raijin by that time... I used to be so jealous of them" Xu breathed, her voice heavy with nostalgic, sorrowful regret.
"DID NOT KNOW WHO I WAS, WHAT I WANTED..." Fujin explained, running her hands apologetically along Xu's arms. "LOVED BEING WITH YOU, BUT SO CONFUSED. SEIFER AND RAIJIN – FAMILY. WAS COMFORTABLE WITH THEM; KNEW WHERE I WAS..." she explained.
Xu nodded sadly: "I know... but it used to really get to me, seeing you with them. They had this gang thing going on and I was just such a... a golden girl. I loved the structure of school; the tests and the targets. Having all that helped take my mind off what to do about you... well, a little anyway!"
She hung her head suddenly, looking at the fountain, no longer making eye contact: "But it's much harder being at the top. I didn't understand that until I made Prefect. That was… that was when I decided to try and win you back from them..."
Fujin stared at her curiously – what was that she was saying? Xu continued to look away, staring off into the falling water, her eyes sparkling with an old pain.
"Prefects get to help make the scheduling, you see?" she said in a low, shamed voice. "It wasn't an accident you had so many tutorials with me, took the SEED test with me. I wanted you close, away from them - but it didn't work…"
Fujin looked at her in shocked surprise. Xu had done all that for her?! Xu looked back, stroking her arms and hair urgently, seemingly afraid that Fujin may be angry at this revelation. She quickly assured her that this was not the case - not in the slightest!
"WENT TO SUCH TROUBLE? HAD NO IDEA!" she stammered, unable to quite believe it - it was still such a new and outrageous suggestion to her to think that anyone cared for her in that way, let alone Xu.
"BUT XU IS INCORRECT... PLAN DID WORK - HAD STARTED TO CARE GREATLY ABOUT YOU!" she managed to respond at length.
This was true, although she'd been far too confused back then to know what it had all meant. She always known that she greatly valued being with Xu; she'd just needed that extra shove to put the pieces together. She quietly lamented that Xu hadn't given her that shove back then... but it was as much her fault. Xu had after all given them the chance to be together, had opened the door...
She cursed herself for not seizing such an opportunity - if she'd only interrogated her feelings back then… made herself see it. How much more time could they have had? How much of the sadness and horror could have been prevented?
"SHOULD HAVE BEEN BRAVER!" she lamented, as Xu was taking in this new information. "WAS CONFUSED... THOUGHT... ALL IN MY HEAD MAYBE; MIGHT HAVE MISUNDERSTOOD XU'S INTENTIONS... DIDN'T UNDERSTAND" she finished miserably.
Seized with anger over her social incompetence, she slammed her fist into the back of the bench to Xu's considerable alarm: "SHOULD HAVE... WISH SO HARD I HAD..."
"Stop that – you'll hurt yourself!" Xu cried, restraining her from further violence by pulling her into a comforting embrace. Fujin accepted her partner's attentions gratefully, even if she still felt like such an utterly ignorant creature.
"It's – not - your - fault!" insisted Xu. "I waited too long. We'd grown so close... I was terrified of losing that." She nuzzled and kissed her hair, speaking in a strained voice at the pain of the memory: "I'd planned to ask you out at the graduation dinner. But then Seifer and Raijin failed their SEED exam and you..."
"WITHDREW RESULTS... TO STAY WITH THEM..." Fujin finished, flopping wearily down to sit leaning against Xu in her arms again. She understood it all finally, the full misery of missed chances and tragic errors in judgment…
"AFTER THAT, WOULDN'T SPEAK TO ME. PASSED ME IN CORRIDORS... THOUGHT YOU MUST BE ANGRY, LET DOWN..."
"Oh, as if I cared about the exam!" Xu clucked irritably, clinging possessively around her stomach and waist. There was a definite note of awkward shame in her voice however as she admitted: "I guess I felt like you'd chosen them – Seifer and Raijin - over me... It was always so easy for me to think you wouldn't want me. And I just couldn't handle thinking that you didn't care about me, the way I did for you..."
Fujin looked back and rubbed against her partner with loving insistence, mortified that she could ever think such things. She took firm hold of Xu's encircling arms, stroking and caressing them. They were pressing so tightly to each other now – each terrified of letting go; now they finally were together, where they'd always belonged.
"OF COURSE CARED FOR YOU! WHEN XU STOPPED SPEAKING – DESOLATION!" Fujin stated defiantly. "MISSED YOU SO MUCH! BUT DIDN'T... COULDN'T IMAGINE..." Her hand twitched as she contemplated punching the bench in anger again.
The city seemed deserted now as they clung to each other in the cool night air. There was just the two of them, alone with the truth at last...
"I was a fool… I pushed you away, because of a choice I never should have asked you to make…" Xu rebuked herself sorrowfully, rocking her slowly with gentlest care in her arms, before choking back a bitter laugh. "Well actually, I didn't even tell you that there was a choice to be made... I just punished you for making the 'wrong' one!"
Fujin nudged her crossly; Xu was being far too hard on herself – there had been a lack of communication and courage on both their parts. Still, she couldn't help but think… what if Xu had told her, had given her such an ultimatum? Raijin and Seifer were the only proper family she had ever had, worthy of the name. If she had known, could she have chosen between Xu and them?
"I was a disgrace" Xu finished sadly. "I tried to separate you from your friends, I pushed you away and I wasn't there when you needed me most – I failed you..."
Now she was going too far... Fujin sat up, turning to look at her partner sternly, unable to bear hearing Xu talk about herself so, any further. "NO – ENOUGH! EYES WERE OPEN – WHAT HAPPENED, NOT XU'S FAULT! FUJIN, RAIJIN, SEIFER – BLAME IS OURS!" she insisted.
Xu shook her head wearily: "Jinny, we belong together – I should have made sure of that. We had no business being apart this long, no business at all!" Reaching out with her free hand, she stroked Fujin's hair, before cupping it to her cheek. "You were in trouble and where was I? What if Quis and the others hadn't been around? I'd have lost you for good..."
Reaching down, she threaded her fingers through Fujin's and lifted them up to kiss them softly, but earnestly. "Us being here, out on a date... I dreamed about this for so long. When I heard you were coming back to me, my feet didn't touch the ground! I swore that this time, things would be different."
She fixed Fujin with a look of determination: "I don't want to lose you again, Jinny. I want to protect you… look after you. I just can't bear the thought of smothering you..."
"ARE NOT - XU'S SUPPORT, EVERYTHING!" Fujin insisted. "AT DANCE TONIGHT, TERRIFIED – AWFUL MEMORIES, PAIN, GUILT... BUT XU CAME AND FOUND... SAVED AGAIN!"
She couldn't contain herself anymore; Xu had given her the shove she needed before – it was time to return the favour. "AM YOURS! – WHEN WILL XU UNDERSTAND?!" she cried passionately. It was the truth – the sooner they accepted it, the better for both of them.
Xu shook her head stubbornly however and tried to free herself. "Jinny, you don't have to... We don't need to do it like that!" she argued. "We're doing fine as we are; we just need to work on it a bit is all! I mean I… I ruined us first time round, before we even got started! And now I'm checking up on your files, planting tracking devices on you! How you can say that makes me responsible enough to..."
That did it – it was the final straw! Without waiting for any more, Fujin leapt forward and kissed her, deeply and passionately. A brief muffled protest from Xu soon faded as she suddenly pushed back with the force of her own love. Possessed of such raw, powerful emotion, she quickly overwhelmed Fujin's kiss and took command. Just as Fujin felt she would melt under this sensual counter-assault however, Xu pulled back, a look of confusion and guilt on her face.
Fujin sobbed in frustration – she was still holding back! With insolent defiance, she tried again, but Xu shied away. Undeterred, Fujin moved for a third attempt, but Xu rounded on her:
"Stop! It can't just be about what I want!" Xu protested. "You're stronger than you think – you don't need me to take charge of you like that."
"NOT NEED – WANT!" Fujin interrupted. "XU WANTS SAME – ADMIT!" she challenged.
Xu tried to look away, but Fujin caught her gaze: "ADMIT!" she pleaded again. Why was Xu fighting this, when they both wanted it?
Xu hesitated – she seemed to nod slightly, before she blurted: "I... no! We're partners! With all I've done, what gives me the right to..."
"HAVE EVERY RIGHT - AM YOURS!" Fujin repeated hotly. "BOTH MADE MISTAKES IN PAST! BUT TOGETHER NOW - ALL THAT MATTERS!" she declared, rubbing a hand along her partner's arm. "FEEL SAFE, LOVED – XU RESPONSIBLE!" She closed her eyes – this was it... "SCARED WITHOUT YOU – REQUEST… DEMAND XU LOOKS AFTER!"
Saying this, she thrust herself into Xu's arms and cuddled up to her before she could protest. Utter silence followed. Fujin lay still, trying desperately to control her wildly pounding heart. Had she overdone it? Xu hadn't made a sound or moved a muscle – was she shocked, outraged?
Fujin wished she'd stroke her hair or cuddle her or something... anything to let her know how she was feeling. She just wanted things cleared up – Xu wanted to take care of her and she wanted her to... what was wrong with admitting that?
"Sir please, if you can hear me, please respond. Mathias... well, he got drunk and provoked the Fujin girl. Played her some music he knew would set her off or something... I don't think our plans are seriously compromised but you have to talk to him. Sir, we need your orders – are we on?!"
With a sudden movement, Xu disentangled herself, lifting Fujin slightly and rising from the bench. Desperately alarmed, Fujin sat up, her stomach turning to ice. This couldn't be happening! She had to think of something... she had to stop...
As she started to rise, babbling incoherent apologies however, Xu's hand appeared in front of her face. Looking up, she saw her partner standing over her, offering her hand with an expression of such proud, loving determination. She reached out, lost in euphoric relief.
Xu pulled her up and swung her about into an extravagant sweeping kiss. The world obliterated and time fled as her partner became all she could see or feel... She felt wrapped in pure love, shielded and protected from any and all harm. The memories of the awful past were forgotten, eclipsed with this glorious feeling. She had no idea how much time had passed when she finally regained her senses.
Her arms circled gently but protectively around Fujin's waist, Xu was watching her with an expression of polite and affectionate wonder. Fujin likewise felt completely paralysed, able to do little but simply return her partner's gaze of mute adoration. It was like a huge weight had been taken off their shoulders.
Finally, Xu made to speak, but her mouth spread into a delighted grin and she hung her head in embarrassed joy. Fujin leant in to touch her forehead gently against hers, her arms ringed tenderly about her partner. Xu responded to this, pressing against her and firming her hold. They were both shaking with nervous excitement – their bodies yearning to get ever closer, to be as one.
"And you're sure? Really?" Xu asked quietly, squeezing her slightly to show there was only one acceptable answer.
"REALLY!" Fujin replied joyously.
Xu lunged forward, kissing her deeply on the forehead. Fujin closed her eyes, welcoming her partner's kiss as it washed through her, comforting her and claiming her. Leaning back, Xu bit back a sob of overjoyed relief, tears rolling down her face. Slowly and reverently, she took Fujin's hands in her own and held them to her lips, kissing them softly. Fujin felt her body numb as Xu's warm breath slid through her fingers, cooling the warm tears splashing silently across them.
"Then with your permission thus given…" Xu breathed, "…I hereby take you in hand, to love and protect, forever and ever." Fujin blinked hard, tears flowing fast from her own eyes now. She tried to speak, but could find no words. Xu placed her finger against Fujin's lips, shushing her quietly and relieving her from her awkward obligation to speak. Lifting the hair from Fujin's eyes with studious care, she wiped her tears away with such delicate, patient care. She looked so serene and content…
"Shh, don't cry! There's no need for you to worry about anything anymore" she whispered. "I'll be taking care of both of us from now on, okay?" Replacing Fujin's arms around her waist, she smiled with proud courage – a defiant smile that said they were going to make it this time!
They leaned together, embracing deeply. Finally it was all clicking into place. Clasping her tightly, Xu rubbed her cheek slowly and passionately against hers.
"I love you, so, so much!" she murmured, trembling with the effort to remain strong.
Fujin fought to find the right words… 'I love you' didn't even begin to cover it! She felt… oh, she didn't know how to explain it - it was just too perfect... and it was real; it was actually real! Shaking her head angrily that she couldn't articulate her feelings, she received a consoling squeeze.
"It's okay; I know…" Xu assured her. "Don't worry yourself about it, just relax… we've got all the time in the world now…"
Fujin clung to her partner, wanting to relax into her arms, never to rise. But Xu deserved more from her – she had a responsibility not to be a burden to her and that started right now. Somehow, she had to tell her partner how much this meant to her.
Nuzzling against Xu's cheek, she tried to explain it to her partner, how complete she felt at last: "NEVER FELT SMOTHERED BY XU – FEEL..." She took a deep breath, forcing herself to relax her voice, to show her lover what strength she gave her.
"I... I feel loved... and... and special. All because of you, Xu..."
Xu seemed momentarily lost for words, caught between a sigh of relief and a delighted cry of pride at Fujin's words. "I... oh that's so sweet; what are you trying to do to me, make me cry again?! Come here..."
She leaned her forehead gently against hers again, her arms about her shoulders and neck. "Just don't ever feel you need to suffer alone again, okay? Your problems are my problems." Xu whispered earnestly. "And don't worry about causing me trouble – you're exactly the kind of trouble I want!"
They were rapidly becoming in danger of remaining here in silent adoration forever, until Xu finally piped up. "So basically, leave everything to me, but if you feel that I'm out of line... I expect you to stand up to me. Is that clear, young lady?!" she asked, waving her finger with mock severity.
Giggling happily, they swung contentedly in each other's arms. With a shiver, she felt Xu's heart beating against hers, her hair tickling her neck... Where did they go from here? She couldn't wait to find out: the things they'd see together, say together, all the times they would share like this...
She wanted it all now, she mused with nervous ecstasy: she didn't want to have to wait – they'd lost enough time already. She wanted it all now!
"Are you feeling okay?" Xu asked, peering at her in concern.
Fujin nodded happily. "HUNGRY...!" she answered.
"I hear you Colonel. I am returning now. Monitor the situation as planned and have Mathias sent to meet me when I arrive. I'm ready...
And Colonel... you have a green light. Repeat, you have the go."
