For the prompt: prompt if you're interested: merlin/anyone you like, with his partner exploring gender expression and merlin being supportive
I switched it up a bit. This story does have Merlahad (as well as Percilot), but they're background elements. I decided instead to make the focus on Merlin and Roxy–that is, in a mentoring sort of relationship.
"I'm fine, really," Roxy says again. "Just wore myself a little thin."
"You fainted, Rox," Eggsy is quick to remind her. "Lucky thing you didn't crack your skull wide open."
Merlin watches quietly from the edge of the gathering as Roxy is fussed over by everyone present. Barring those out on assignment at the moment, her little mishap has drawn all of them here to the medical wing. And how could they not? What with the way Eggsy had been throwing a fit you'd have thought she'd been about to breathe her last.
"A bit of dehydration and too much sun is all," Morgana declares, cutting through the chatter. Roxy seems relieved that she's chosen to step in and offers the older woman a look of immense gratitude. Just as quickly, however, Morgana's stern gaze is turned on Lancelot. "And it won't happen again, will it?"
"No, ma'am, it won't," Roxy assures her, shaking her head.
Although Merlin is content to sit and watch James continue to fuss over his niece while Martin attempts to rein him in, apparently Morgana has other ideas. She appears at his side, clipboard held formally in front of her as she addresses him.
"Merlin, I'd like to have a word with you in my office," she tells him. Her voice pitches lower as she adds, "About your medication."
He doesn't need to look up to confirm that Harry's eyes are on him. Morgana had spoken quietly, but not quietly enough for her words to escape Harry's ears. If he didn't know any better, he'd say she'd done this on purpose. But he nods all the same, following after her as she leads him towards her office. She closes the door behind them and, to his great surprise, locks it.
"Mags?" he intones questioningly.
"I didn't want the others to be suspicious of my pulling you away," she says, motioning for him to take a seat by the coffee table.
He does so, settling his own clipboard across his lap as he watches her put a kettle on. It was as good an excuse as any—if she needed to get him alone, mentioning it had to do with his medication would be the thing to do it. He feels a bit cross with himself for that brief moment of hope at her words, thinking that perhaps she'd had some sort of breakthrough. Really, he should have known better. Rhodes will not leave him so easily. After all these years, he's grown used to his condition, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't jump at the opportunity to be cured of it.
"I'm sorry if you thought I had some sort of news for you," Morgana admits as she settles into her seat, pushing a plate full of biscuits towards him. "Perhaps that was a bit cruel of me."
He waves a hand, dismissing the idea. "It had barely crossed my mind."
She eyes him disbelievingly and, as always, he withers under her gaze.
"It's fine," he says instead.
"Mm. How are your pain levels recently?" she asks.
"Fine. The medication does its work," Merlin answers.
"You're due for an examination soon," she reminds him.
"What was it you needed to see me about?" Merlin asks, eager to change the subject.
Morgana sighs, the look on her face telling him this conversation isn't over. But for the time being, it seems she'll put it aside in favor of answering his question. Just not until he takes a biscuit. Rolling his eyes with a smile, he plucks one off the plate and waits.
"I wanted to speak to you about Roxanne," Morgana says.
"About the incident today?" Merlin queries.
"That's part of it, yes," Morgana tells him. "I've told them all it was dehydration and sun, but that's not the whole truth of it."
Her words send a jolt of fear shooting up his spine. Immediately, his imagination begins conjuring any number of unpleasant scenarios and he feels his worry for Roxy suddenly increase tenfold. He leans forward in his seat expectantly, giving Morgana his full attention.
"I've noticed as of late that the supplies in my store room haven't been matching up with my inventory," Morgana informs him. "I've come up short every month."
"And what supplies have you been short on, exactly?" Merlin asks, his tone heavy.
"ACE bandages," Morgana says pointedly.
Merlin frowns, knowing he's meant to understand something here. After a moment of quiet contemplation, his eyebrows shoot above the rims of his glasses in surprise. He's embarrassed it had taken him even that long to understand.
"Oh. Oh," Merlin murmurs.
"Mmhmm," Morgana hums in agreement.
The kettle chooses that exact moment to begin shrieking, leaving him alone with his thoughts as she rises to see to it. His mind is wrought with questions, not least of which is why Morgana had specifically chosen to pull him aside in regards to this matter. James and Martin are Roxy's uncles, her family. They're as open minded as any of them. So why not tell them?
A steaming cup of tea enters his vision, pulling him from his musings. He offers his thanks as she resumes her seat, cradling her own mug and watching him carefully.
"So Roxy has been binding with ACE bandages," Merlin declares. "And I'm assuming she was doing so during her jog and that's the reason she fainted."
"Indeed," Morgana confirms. "Clearly she's not keen on anyone finding out, so I've elected to keep the matter between her and myself."
Merlin quirks an eyebrow at that, prompting Morgana to roll her eyes.
"And you," she adds on impatiently.
"And you've opted to include me because…?"
"If Roxy chooses to keep this to herself, she is entirely entitled to do so," Morgana says slowly. "However, as her physician, I consider it my duty to see to it that, in the future, if she's going to be binding that she's doing it properly. That's why I've asked you here."
The more Morgana says, the more Merlin understands, and by the time they've finished off their tea, he knows exactly what needs to be done.
Merlin takes his time. He waits until all the others have cleared out, until the quiet shroud of night has descended upon the medical wing, before he approaches their young Lancelot. He knocks on the door, waiting patiently until he receives a call to enter. Though she greets him with a smile, he can see that Roxy's eyes are red and puffy. The thought that the situation had driven her to tears tugs at something in his chest, claws at an old, familiar wound. Not the same as hers, perhaps. But similar enough.
"How are you feeling?" he asks, lingering by the door.
"Fine," she says, a little too quickly. "Morgana's keeping me overnight as a precaution, but she says I should be fine to leave come morning."
He nods at her response before gesturing to the vacant chair by her bed. "May I?"
Roxy hesitates, seeming curious about the question and perhaps wary of what it will bring, but she nods all the same. Merlin crosses the room in languid, long-legged strides and settles himself into the chair, watching her all the while. Only Roxy isn't watching him. Her eyes remain focused on her hands as she plucks at stray threads on the blanket which covers her.
"I was wondering if we might have a talk, you and I," Merlin says conversationally.
"I don't see why not," she answers, though her gaze remains decidedly anywhere but him.
"I'd like to talk about what happened today," he continues.
She doesn't answer. He takes a slow, deep breath and continues on.
"I know the reason why you collapsed on the track this morning," he says, his voice pitched low despite the fact that he knows no one is around to hear them. "And I know why Morgana's stock of ACE bandages has been low every month."
Her head is bowed forward, but he can see her lower lip trembling. He doesn't say anything more, thinking she might like to say something herself, but instead he hears a quiet sniff just as he sees wet droplets beginning to appear on the blanket.
"Oh, no, no, Roxy, I didn't mean it like that," he says gently, mortified that he'd made her cry. "You've nothing to be ashamed of. I'm not here to accuse you of anything or reprimand you in any way. Morgana and I are simply concerned."
"She promised she wouldn't tell anyone," Roxy says, swiping a hand over her eyes. "What would everyone think if they knew? I'm supposed be to be a Kingsman and I'm…"
"Perfectly normal," Merlin assures her. She looks up at him questioningly, eyes wet. Eggsy and Roxy are both young, yes, but it's not often that Merlin thinks of them as being as young as they are. "Try not to be too cross with Morgana. She only told me because she thought I might be of some help."
"…help," Roxy echoes.
"Yes," Merlin affirms. He shifts in his seat, hands folded as they hang between his knees. "Our situations may be different, but I remember very well what it was like being young and queer and terrified of both those things. I remember what it was like to be those things when it wasn't safe to be them."
"You're, um…"
"Gay."
"I mean, with Harry, I knew you had to at least be bisexual… Uncle James and Uncle Martin both are… but I didn't want to assume," Roxy stammers, rubbing at her eyes. "To be honest, I don't know precisely what I am."
"And that is perfectly alright," Merlin says reassuringly. "Genders, sexualities, these things can change."
"I know. I know that, I do, it's just… difficult," Roxy says haltingly.
"Which is why, if you'll allow me, I'd like to take you to meet with some people," Merlin says. "People I've known since before I joined Kingsman whom I've kept in touch with over the years."
"What sort of people?" Roxy wants to know.
"All sorts," Merlin chuckles. "The thing of it is, how I grew up, you tended to find safety in numbers. You just sort of… drifted towards each other."
Roxy nods her head, but falls silent once more. It's a lot to process, he knows. Today has likely been one of the more difficult days in her recent memory—and that's including her Kingsman training and V-Day. Not wanting to overstep his boundaries but still feeling compelled to comfort her in some way, he reaches out and rests a hand on her shoulder, squeezing fondly. Roxy may have graduated from her Kingsman training and earned herself the title of Lancelot, but he still very much considers her his charge. As he does Eggsy and James and Martin. He'd trained them all and regardless of how far they've come or how long it's been since, he will always think of them as such.
"I've made some phone calls and cleared up some schedules and they've agreed to meet with us tomorrow, if you'd like," Merlin tells her. "The choice is entirely yours, but at the very least I'd like to see to it that we get you a proper binder and that you're aware of the correct ways to use one. There are so very many ways you can hurt yourself by binding improperly and I don't want to see a repeat of today. Or worse."
"I understand," she responds. "Only, Merlin? Do you suppose you might keep this to yourself?"
He leans back in his seat, drawing his hand away. "Of course. This is yours to tell. If and when you want to is up to you."
"Then I think I'd like to take you up on your offer," Roxy says slowly.
"I'm glad to hear you say that," Merlin says.
And he is. But more than anything, he's glad that when he offers her a smile, Roxy smiles back.
"Merlin? Are you busy?"
Merlin looks up from his desk to see Roxy standing in the doorway. He pushes away from his work station, motioning for her to come in.
"I think I can afford to take a short break," he says as he locks his monitors and rises from his seat, stretching. "What can I do for you?"
"I wondered if you'd eaten yet and whether or not you might join me for a late lunch," Roxy says, approaching him.
"Late lunch? What time is it?"
"It's nearly half past two, Merlin."
Merlin looks to his watch in surprise, only to find she's entirely right. He rubs the back of his neck, embarrassed that he'd let time get away from him like this yet again. Sometimes he has to wonder who is looking after who, given the frequency with which one of them has to come remind him that he should do things like, say, eat or sleep.
"So it is," he declares.
She laughs at his expression. "I thought you might have forgotten. You've been terribly engaged with that MP3 player of yours."
"I've nearly worked out how to house a grenade and a taser in one without blowing up the user."
"Please don't blow yourself up."
"If I do, it will have been in the pursuit of improving our arsenal and bettering my own skills. Superior to one's former self, Lancelot."
"I don't consider a pile of ashes superior to yourself at present," Roxy says with a smile as they depart.
It's been weeks since they'd spent that day out together and he finds that, since then, he's seen a marked improvement in her mood. They haven't talked much of it since, but perhaps a simple bit of reassurance that there was nothing at all the matter with her had been what she truly needed. He's given her space, not wanting to pry or hover, but if he's being honest with himself, he's been concerned. Still, they haven't had any incidents like the day on the track, so he should be thankful for that, at least.
"I've been talking to some of the others," Roxy says, interrupting his thoughts.
"Oh?"
"Yes," she says with a nod, walking slowly beside him. "You know… it feels strange. The first thing Eggsy did was apologize if he had used the wrong pronouns and ask which ones I'd like and to ask why I hadn't said anything because he's apparently got plenty of friends back home who are trans and genderqueer and apparently very much like the people you introduced me to."
Merlin smiles.
"My uncles were… Well, Uncle James immediately started pulling up articles on gender expression like he'd been waiting his whole life to do so and Uncle Martin seemed a bit mortified by that, but said if I ever needed anything specially tailored that there would be no shame in asking. They said they just wanted me to be comfortable as myself."
Merlin's smile grows wider.
"Harry assured me that, as he's now Arthur, any sort of intolerance or harassment would not be tolerated within Kingsman and that if anyone ever made me feel uncomfortable, I should report it to him straight away. He said he would deal with any such matters personally."
Merlin's smile grows wide enough that he's certain he must be running out of room for it on his face.
"And now I feel a bit foolish for having hid it at all," Roxy admits.
"In a perfect world, Roxy, you wouldn't have to," Merlin says. "But given that it's not, and given that intolerance is alive and well, you've no need to feel foolish. You were scared of being hurt by the people closest to you—that's a fear we can all relate with, even if we all experience it in different ways."
"And Merlin?"
"Mm?"
He barely has time to prepare before he suddenly finds Roxy's arms wrapped tightly about his middle as she attempts to squeeze the life out of him. Her face is buried in his jumper but he doesn't believe she's crying. Slowly, he returns her embrace, patting her back lightly.
"Thank you," comes her muffled voice. "I don't think I ever properly said it. I needed help and I didn't know where to turn for it and you were brilliant. I've never been so comfortable in my own skin and I don't think this could have happened if you hadn't taken me out that day."
Merlin stares down at the top of her head as she hugs him tightly. No, she's not a child. But she is young. Still so very, very young. He remembers himself at that age, remembers his friends, remembers how lost they'd all been. She may thank him, but Roxy has done this all on her own. She's come through this by her own strength. If they'd simply managed to point her in the right direction, well, he could be happy with that much. He hugs her back every bit as tightly as she hugs him.
"It's my duty to see to it that all our Knights are taken care of. I consider that my personal and professional responsibility and I take it very seriously," Merlin tells her. "If you ever have a problem, Roxanne, you can come to me. I can't guarantee that I can fix it, but you can come to me all the same."
What should be a very tender moment is suddenly interrupted by his stomach growling loudly. Roxy's shoulders quiver as she laughs into his jumper before pulling back to look up at him, grinning broadly. She brushes away a few stray tears as clears his throat.
"Merlin, do you ever remember to feed yourself?" she asks him with a chuckle.
"No, he doesn't."
They both glance up at the sound of Harry's voice, though Merlin groans when the man places a smug kiss on his cheek.
"Wizards require regular feedings, no matter how much work they have," Harry declares. "Lancelot, excellent work on prying him away from his desk."
"Happy to help, sir," Roxy answers, smiling.
"Everything else going smoothly?" Harry asks her.
The way he leans in towards her, seriousness in his features despite his pleasant smile, tells Merlin precisely what he's referring to. The exchange brings a subtle warmth to his chest; a happy little ember at seeing the progress Roxy has made herself and the progress Kingsman has made in moving forward.
"Yes, it is, sir. Thank you," she says.
"Excellent. We'll be sure it stays that way," Harry says, patting her shoulder. "Now, is this a private engagement or might I be permitted to join both of you?"
"I'm tempted to go eat alone," Merlin grumbles.
They tease him the rest of the way, but for the price of seeing the smile firmly in place on Roxy's face, Merlin decides it's well worth it.
