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Disclaimer: I only own Liss.
When I arrive Eric quickly pulls me into the room.
"Hey."
"Hey," he says. "Do you want me to show you how to clean your tattoo now or later?"
"Now's good," I answer and he leads me into the bathroom.
The bathroom itself is small and clean. A couple of different products are lined up on the counter. He grabs a washcloth and turns on the sink before wetting it down.
"You're going to want to wash your tattoo a couple times a day for the first week," he tells me as he squeezes some soap onto the washcloth. "Make sure you use unscented antibacterial soap on it."
He wrings some of the water out from the towel so it's not dripping before approaching me. He lifts part of my shirt up and he presses it against my skin. He takes his time cleaning the slightly red tattoo. His hands linger in some areas while he washes the tattoo.
"If you don't take care of it properly, it will become irritated and infected," he tells me as his hands roam across my skin.
I nod and when he finishes, he sets the cloth aside. He then puts lotion on his hands before turning back to me. He places his hands on my waist and starts rubbing it in. I watch as his hands move up and down and my breath hitches when I realize how close we are.
"You'll want to continuously put unscented lotion on it for the next month."
His hands have stopped moving and they now rest on my hips.
"So, is that it?" I ask, lifting my eyes to meet his.
He nods and takes a step back, allowing his hands to fall off of me.
"Do I get to see yours now?" I question.
"Sure."
He lifts off his shirt and I catch a glimpse at his tan stomach before he turns around. A cross stretches across the majority of his back, while the Erudite and Dauntless symbol are near the top of his right shoulder. I take a step closer and run my fingers over the swirling black ink.
"They're amazing."
"So, you like them?" he asks, turning back towards me.
My eyes collide with his. "Yeah."
We're standing close enough that his stomach is almost touching mine. My eyes fall to his lips before returning back to his eyes. I don't know who leans in first, but then our lips are touching.
I stiffen for a moment, unsure what to do before leaning into the kiss. He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me closer. My arms slide up around his neck and I bury one of my hands into his hair and pull him closer. When we part after a few moments my mind feels fuzzy.
"I wanted to do that for a while now," Eric says his arm still wrapped around me.
"So have I."
I stay at his room for another hour before he walks me back to the dorm.
When I wake up the next morning, I can still remember the feeling of Eric's lips against mine. I smile at the thought before heading down to breakfast. Upon entering the cafeteria, I grab a muffin before sitting down next to Tobias.
"Morning," I chirp.
"Why are you so happy?" he questions.
"Is there a reason why I shouldn't be?"
"No," he answers, sparing me a wary glance.
"Nothing bad has happened and I'm being careful, promise. There's nothing for you to be worried about."
He still looks dubious, but he doesn't question me further on the subject. We continue to talk while having our breakfast. On the way out of the cafeteria, he asks,
"Are you ready for stage two?"
"As ready as I can be, seeing as I don't know what stage two is exactly."
He looks as if he wants to tell me something. Instead he says, "Just be careful, alright?"
I nod.
When we reach the hallway where we're supposed to meet for stage two I see that most of the other initiates are already there. The transfers sit on one side of the wall while the Dauntless-born sit on the other. I go over to where Will is and sit between him and Tris as Tobias disappears behind a door at the end of the hallway. Silence hangs in the air between us for a couple minutes before a girl with a shaved head says,
"So, which one of you is ranked first, huh?"
We're all quiet before Peter clears his throat and replies, "Me."
"Bet I could take you," she challenges, turning over her eyebrow piercing. "I'm second, but I bet any of us could take you, transfer."
"I wouldn't be so sure about that, if I were you," Peter retorts.
"Yeah, he'd probably stab you in the eye with a butter knife when he realizes that you're better than him," I say before I can stop myself.
"Liss," Will warns.
"What? Everyone already knows." My gaze lands on Peter and he fidgets slightly. "He's a coward for doing it and he'll be even more of a coward if he denies it.
The tension hangs between all of us.
"So, uh, who's first in your group?" Peter questions after a moment.
"Uriah. And I am sure, even if you do use a butter knife. You know how many years we've spent preparing for this?" the girl says.
Before Peter can retort, Tobias swings the door open and says,
"Lynn."
The girl from before stands up and follows Tobias behind the door.
"So you're first," Will says to Uriah, once the door closes.
Uriah shrugs. "Yeah. And?"
"And you don't think it's a little unfair that you've spent your entire life getting ready for this, and we're expected to learn it all in a few weeks?"
"Not really. Stage one was about skill, sure, but no one can prepare for stage two. At least, so I'm told," Uriah responds.
We sit in silence for almost a half hour after that before Tobias opens the door and says,
"Peter."
The process continues, and after a while I rest my head on Will's shoulder and close my eyes. I don't sleep, instead I think of what stage two could be. Tobias had said at the beginning of initiation that stage two was primarily emotional and he had told me that it was a simulation. My mind feels too jumbled and I feel a slight amount of anxiety begin to build in my stomach.
"Liss," I hear Eric call around two hours later.
I jerk upwards and open my eyes. Eric stands at the end of the hall, and he appears to be glaring at Will. As I stand Will shoots me a small smile and says,
"Good luck."
"Thanks. Good luck to you too."
When I reach Eric he places his hand on my lower back and ushers me into the room. It's small and in the middle is a reclining metal chair, a computer screen is on the corner of a desk, and a machine that's used for simulations is next to the chair.
"Take a seat," Eric instructs and I comply.
"What kind of simulation is this?"
"You're going to be facing your fears."
"Great," I say sarcastically.
He grabs a syringe filled with a tinted orange liquid and moves my hair out of the way. I tilt my head to the side, in order to give him better access. Once I feel the pinch from the injection he begins to speak.
"The simulation will start in about sixty seconds. It has a transmitter so I'll be able to see what's going on. In addition the simulation stimulates the amygdala, the part of the brain that process negative emotions, and it will then induce a hallucination. The brain's electrical activity is then transmitted to our computer, which will translate your hallucination into a simulated image that I can see and monitor. You'll stay in the hallucination until you lower your heart rate and control your breathing."
I nod.
"You'll do fine, Liss," he reassures me as I close my eyes.
When I open my eyes I see that I'm no longer in the room with Eric, instead I am at my home in Abnegation. I stand in the middle of my old living room and Marcus stands before me. I know that none of this is real, but it sure feels like it is.
"Where have you been?"
My mouth feels dry. "I, uh, I went for a walk."
"Don't lie to me," he says, seizing my arm.
"I'm not," I insist, and wiggle my arm slightly.
It's the wrong move to make, his grip tightens and he pulls me closer to him.
"Where have you been?" he repeats.
"I already told you, I went for a walk."
He releases my arm and I stumble back. I don't get the chance to feel relieved because he swings his hand back and slaps me across the face. When he pushes me against the wall, I don't fight back instead I allow myself to crumple to the floor. All of a sudden he's holding a belt and he brings it down on my back. I bite down on my lip to stop from crying out as he repeats that action over and over. I don't scream, instead I continue to bite on my lip even after blood begins to spill from it. The belt pounds against my back and I can feel the skin breaking. When the blood finally spills from my back, it's a relief for a moment; it feels cool and soothing against my stinging back. But that feeling quickly disappears as he brings the belt down again, it hurts more this time. After a minute he turns me over with his foot and kicks my stomach before saying,
"You're going to thank me one day for getting rid of your selfishness. Now, Get up."
The words "I'm sorry" spill from my mouth as I struggle on my hands and knees in a puddle of my own blood. I move to slow and he grabs my left arm and pulls me up before shoving me against the wall. Then it clicks, my cast is gone. This isn't real, I tell myself. It's then that I notice that it feels different. The pain feels different, it's not as sharp. Instead it's dull and fuzzy as if it's not real. When he brings his hands up to my neck, I don't fight back. I force all of my muscles to relax and slow my breathing. It's hard; his fingers dig into my neck cutting off some of my oxygen, as if the blood filling my mouth wasn't making breathing difficult enough. Marcus' voice begins to fade slightly and I close my eyes.
I jerk forward in the metal chair, opening my eyes. My lips feel wet and when I lick them, I taste blood. I bring my hand up and wipe away the blood. Then I look down at the ground, hoping that I can avoid Eric's gaze. He isn't going to want me anymore, I'm broken, damaged. I can't rid myself of the past; he deserves someone better, I tell myself. I hear a couple clicks, and then I see Eric's shoes.
"Liss," he says.
Reluctantly, I look up. He doesn't look at me with pity though, but I can see rage swirling in his eyes. He lifts his hand towards me; for a moment I think he's going to hit me, and I flinch. His hand falters and then he lets it drop.
"I'm sorry," I say.
"You haven't done anything."
I swallow and say nothing.
"Liss, I'm not angry at you; I'm never angry at you. Your father, however, well I can see why you wanted to shove him into the chasm. Personally, I think he deserves worse."
A part of me thinks he's lying, and I'm tempted to say that I deserved everything that I got. Even in the simulation Marcus believed that he was doing the right thing, and who was to say that he wasn't. I push those thoughts away and nod at Eric. He grabs my hand and pulls me up.
"Can we not talk about him?" I ask.
"Okay."
"How long was I in there for? Half an hour?"
"Not even, you were in there for almost five minutes. That's twice as fast as most people."
"Really?"
"You're doing really well, Liss. I'm proud of you."
I feel a smile spread across my face. No one has ever told me that they were proud of me before but it feels nice. I stand on my tip toes and kiss his cheek. After I pull away, he swoops down and catches my lips. It's a short kiss and as we're breaking apart the door opens.
Tobias stands frozen in the doorway, his hands clenched into fist and his jaw tightens. I pull fully away from Eric. We all stare at each other and I can't think of the right thing to say.
"If you're finished, other initiates need to use the room," Tobias announces, his voice is tight and quiet.
I shouldn't feel bad, but I can tell that Tobias sees this as a betrayal. Instead I walk out the door, but before I make it all the way out he stops me.
"We can talk about this in the morning."
I nod and see that Eric is smirking behind Tobias.
Eric walks beside me down the hall, but we don't say anything.
"I've got to get back to work, but I'll see you tonight."
For a moment I'm able to forget about seeing Marcus again and the look on Tobias' face.
"Yeah, I'll see you tonight."
I return to the dorm and lie down on my bed. When Will arrives looking shaken I scoot over and he lies down next to me.
"That bad?" I ask.
"Yeah, how was yours?"
I'm silent for a moment before saying, "It could have been worse."
"Are you and Eric still sort of friends? He looked a bit pissed when he called you into the room."
I smile at the sound of Eric's name and turn to lie on my side so that I'm now facing Will.
"Can you keep a secret?" I ask while checking to see if anyone's watching us.
He sends me a wary glance before saying, "Of course."
"I kissed him. Well I mean he kissed me, but I reciprocated. But, oh, you know I just really like him. It sounds stupid, I know, but I do like him." I pause. "Did I just say reciprocated? Your leftover Erudite is rubbing off on me."
Will wears a poker face and when I notice I stop talking.
"You're sure you like him?" he asks. "He isn't exactly the best guy, if you've noticed."
I nod.
"Then I'm okay with it, but if he hurts you I'll kill him."
"Well, isn't someone feeling stereotypical," I joke.
He smiles at me and then we're both silent. I watch his eyes move over to the left of me and he crinkles his nose up.
"What?"
"Peter and Molly look a bit too pleased for having just faced their fears."
I roll over and see the two of them smirking at a newspaper. Then I turn back to Will.
"I don't read the paper, do you?"
He shakes his head.
We're silent and when Christina arrives, we both scoot farther down so that she can lie next to us. Al walks in a half hour after Christina, his hands shake and he immediately gets into his bed. When Christina asks if he's alright, he claims to be fine, but doesn't say much else. Not soon after, Peter clears his throat. My eyes drift over to where he's standing as he begins to read off the newspaper.
"The mass exodus of the children of Abnegation leaders cannot be ignored or attributed to coincidence." I hear the door open and see Tris walk in. "The recent transfer of Beatrice and Caleb Prior, the children of Andrew Prior, along with the transfer of Alyssa Eaton, daughter of Marcus Eaton, calls into question the soundness of Abnegation's values and teachings."
Most of the initiates are now crowded around Peter; Christina and Al stand near the edge of the circle while Will stands next to my bed. I, however, remain seated.
"Why else would the children of such important men decide that the lifestyle they have set out for them is not an admirable one?" Peter continues. "Marcus Eaton has been previously accused of bringing his children up in an abusive environment two years ago when his son, Tobias Eaton, first transferred. There has not been any confirmation of these accusations, but several Dauntless members claimed that his daughter, Alyssa, is unstable and has violent tendencies. Molly Atwood, a fellow Dauntless transfer, suggests a disturbed and abusive upbringing might be to blame for the Prior's transfer. 'I heard Tris talking in her sleep once,' Molly says. "She was telling her father to stop doing something. I don't know what it was, but it gave her nightmares."
Molly smirks and Tris clenches her jaw.
"What?" Tris says. "What?"
Peter stops reading and smirks at Tris. Some of the transfers turn and stare at Tris in a pitying way before giving me the same glance. I don't get angry like Tris does, instead I glare at Peter.
"Give me that," demands Tris.
"But I'm not done reading," Peter mocks. "However, perhaps the answer lies not in a morally bereft man, but in the corrupted ideals of an entire faction. Perhaps the answer is that we have entrusted our city to a group of proselytizing tyrants who do not know how to lead us out of poverty and into prosperity."
Tris marches up to Peter and attempts to snatch the paper away. Peter, however, lifts the paper up above his head and looks down on Tris, who proceeds to stomp on his foot and when he drops the paper she grabs it before lunging at Molly. Will grabs her from around the waist and pulls her back; I quickly get up and help pull her back.
"That's my father! My father, you coward!" Tris shouts.
As Will and I pull her out of the room, she clutches at the paper in her hand and glares at it. Her fingernails dig into my skin and once we're out of the dorm, I immediately let go of her and she shoves Will and I away.
"What? Did you think I couldn't defend myself against that piece of Candor trash?" Tris spits.
"No, I figured I'd stop you from starting a brawl in the dormitory. Calm down," Will says.
I shake my head, telling someone to calm down is the best way to make sure that they don't calm down.
Tris laughs. "Calm down? Calm down? That's my family they're talking about, that's my faction!" She turns towards me. "That's your family, they're talking about too. Your faction."
"No, it's not," Will cuts in. "It's your old faction, and there's nothing you can do about what they say, so you might as well ignore it."
"Besides," I say, "nothing will happen. They're just making a fuss, nobody actually listens to what the Erudite say. They're not exactly known for their honesty."
"Were you even listening?" Tris continues ignoring me. "Your stupid ex-faction isn't just insulting Abnegation anymore. They're calling for an overthrow of the entire government."
Will laughs. "No, they're not. They're arrogant and dull, and that's why I left them, but they aren't revolutionaries. They just want more say, and they resent Abnegation for refusing to listen to them."
"They don't want people to listen, they want people to agree," Tris argues. "And you shouldn't bully people into agreeing with you. I can't believe my brother joined them."
"Hey. They're not all bad," Will defends.
Tris nods, but doesn't look convinced.
The door swings open, and Christina and Al walk out.
"It's my turn to get tattooed," Christina announces. "Want to come with us?"
We all agree, then head towards the Pit.
