Thank you for the reviews! I love you so much guys, you have no idea how much I enjoy reading your comments. I'm nervously posting this new chapter. I've been working on this one for DAYS and HOURS. I wrote, erased, and wrote again. I had a lot of trouble getting to the end but here we are! I hope you won't be disappointed.
It's a very long chapter (for me anyway, hehe) because I slightly wanted to make it up to you in advance for the lack of updates in the coming weeks. I'm taking the plane for Vancouver on Saturday, and I will stay there for about two weeks. So I won't be able to write during that period. And by the time I get home, get my marks back, etc. I'm not sure when I will be able to write again. But I promise you, the sooner I can, the sooner you will know!
And who knows, maybe I will be hit by a wave of inspiration and post a short one before I leave!
Thank you again for sticking around. Have fun reading! ;)
(Sorry for all the eventual mistakes. My brain is a mess.)
He didn't expect to see her outside his apartment. They stood there for a moment, facing each other before he finally took a step back and let her in. She walked until she was standing at the middle of the kitchen and turned around to face him again. She didn't seem to intend to stay. She had kept her coat on and put her hands deep in her pockets. She looked tormented, and didn't know how to say what was on her mind. Peter immediately felt her discomfort. Everything used to be so easy between them before all this mess. He didn't know how to react anymore, scared to say or do something wrong again. The last thing he wanted was to mess it all up again.
"How's Mila?" Peter asked, breaking the awkward silence.
"It's gonna be a long road to recovery, but she has a lot of support. She'll do fine."
Peter nodded, and they fell into a heavy silence again.
"Peter, I-" Olivia sighed.
"Liv, I get it." He cut her off. "You don't need to say anything." Here they were. It was the moment they both feared.
"I'm sorry." She replied anyway. "I really am. I still don't put up with the way you handled it, but… I refused to listen to you. I should have given you a chance to explain yourself."
"If anyone in this room should apologize, it's only me." He sighed. "I deserved it. I didn't want to talk about the evidence at the hearing. I didn't mean to trap the victim. I never thought she'd be able to fool me that much, but I should have known better with her." He paused, but Olivia let him talk.
"Listen, after Pamela's death…" He swallowed hard, still having trouble to cope with her loss. "The only reason I didn't go down is the job. I'm not sure I have enough strength left to stay in this city except for the unit, or for you... There's nothing else keeping me in this town. I'm utterly sorry that I broke your trust. So if you've made your decision, I'll respect it and go back to Chicago."
Olivia closed her eyes for a moment trying to control her emotions. Her heart clenched at his words. She couldn't believe what he just said. Of course she didn't want him to leave. She had lost far too many friends, too many people she cared about. She felt like she was living the same scene over and over again.
"Peter, I didn't mean what I said." She locked his eyes with hers, and fought hard against the tears that threatened to fall. "I felt hurt, I was mad at you."
He walked slowly towards her, her heartbeat increasing with each dangerous step he was taking. He was afraid to scare her and make her shutting him out. She looked down, not having the strength to look him in the eye anymore. He raised his hand and gently cupped her face. She sighed, and leaned in his touch. Despite the little inner voice shouting at her to leave, she couldn't help but savor the contact she had so long craved with him.
"I never meant to hurt you, Olivia." He whispered and rested his forehead against hers. Their mouths were inches apart. She took her hands out of her coat. The tension in her shoulders loosened a bit, and she brought one of her hands near his face. She was scared to touch him, scared to let go. Shyly, she finally rested it on his shoulder and slid it up to the back of his neck. She clenched his shirt with her other one, above his hip. She was torn between her fears and her desires. She had pushed him away. She had told him they couldn't work this out. But deep inside, she was dying to feel his arms around her. What if this time she was willing to let him in?
"I need you to stay." She mumbled to him, in a small broken voice as if she was almost scared to speak her feelings out loud. She slid her nose against his and their mouths were hesitantly searching for each other. This was all the consent he needed, and he finally closed the gap. His lips found hers in a slow and gentle kiss. It lasted a few seconds before he pulled away to catch her gaze. He wanted to be sure she was with him. The last time he had kissed her, she left without giving him any hope. But this time, he found a glimpse in her eyes. It was different. There was a thing that flinched in the air, and silently they both agreed on each other needs.
He tangled his right hand in her hair, and pulled her face towards his again. He crashed his lips against hers and deepened the kiss. The moan that escaped her throat aroused him and he groaned feeling her tongue slowly brushing his lower lip, asking for permission. He let her in and things escalated quickly. He grabbed the lapels of her coat, and pulled it down her shoulders until it was thrown carelessly over the couch. His muscles arms encircled her waist, pulling her even closer to him. She cupped his face and slid her other arm around his broad shoulders. Their tongues were dancing in each other's mouths. They were losing themselves in the scent and heat of their bodies. This need to feel the other in the depths of its intimacy had almost become vital. Adrenaline was rushing through their veins, and had taken them away from all reality and reason.
He pushed her slightly, making her walk backwards. His hands were everywhere on her back as they were blindly walking to the other room. She clumsily hit the wall with her back, and they broke the kiss as they almost tripped over. He quickly steadied them by leaning his hand against the doorframe. They were both breathless and their hearts were drumming frantically against their ribcages. He nestled his head in the crook of her neck and inhaled her scent through his nose, in need of air. She tilted her head instinctively and closed her eyes, thinking of nothing but the pleasure Peter was giving her. She scratched the top of his head with her fingers as he dropped a kiss on the spot under her ear, then along her jaw up to her mouth again. He guided her to the bedroom, without releasing his grip or taking his lips off hers.
His hands slipped over her hips, fingers grazing over the silk blouse. Hers were working on his shirt, blindly seeking out the buttons, popping them open, one after the other. They kept kissing like two magnets with opposite poles. He tugged her blouse of her pants and his hands made their way up to her sides. Feeling his fingers brushing her skin warmed her lower abdomen. At this right moment, Olivia's brain was disconnected to all kind of reality. She didn't care if they were rushing into things. She didn't care about his age anymore, or what would happen next. All that mattered was his hands on her body, his mouth making love to hers.
A second later, his shirt hit the floor, leaving him bare-chested and even more desperate to feel her skin against his. He grabbed the hem of her top and pulled it up. She helped him, raising her arms and they had to break their kiss as he finally took if off. They took a minute to admire each other body. Their breathing were erratic, their pupils dilated and darken with desire.
She carelessly slipped out of her boots, and immediately looked smaller in front of Peter. His broad chest and shoulders looked powerful. She let her hands wandering on his sculpted body down his abdomen. He helped her unbuckled his belt and in no time he stepped out of his pants.
He slightly crouched to wrap one arm around her waist, the other one grabbing her thigh and wrapped it around his hip. She tightened her grip on his shoulders to steady herself as he lifted her. He gently laid her down the mattress and they crawled up the bed. Soon it was his turn to unbuttoning her pants. She arched her body to help him as he grabbed the hems and pushed it down her legs. He was propped on his knees, and he caressed her body with a look so eager that she felt her cheeks turned red. She felt suddenly shy, her skin and scars totally exposed to him. But her doubts faded away with the smile he offered her. It'd been a long time since a man's simple look had made her feel so beautiful and desirable. Even in his wildest dreams, she had never been as magnificent as she was at this very moment. There, lying in front of him in a black lacy set, panting heavily.
"Come here." She whispered, stretching out her hand. He immediately grabbed it, lacing their fingers as he bent down above her. He was holding his weight on his powerful forearms, and she ran her hands up his muscled biceps. She parted her legs to welcome him and she could easily feel his growing arousing through the fabric of their underwear.
"You're so beautiful." He murmured to her ear and his words sent shivers through her spine. He kissed her temple, her cheekbone, her nose and finally her mouth again. The kiss was slower and tender. He slipped his hand behind her back and unclasped her bra with an ease that would have surprised her if she wasn't so focused on the way he was worshipping her body. He threw the piece of lingerie behind him and Olivia whimpered when his right hand cupped her breast, his thumb teasing the nipple. Her hands were wandering down his back and she slid them in his underwear, firmly pressing his buttocks. He let out a deep groan in her mouth as he slowly grinned against her. Her body was eagerly responding to his and it was getting more and more difficult to take things slow.
"Peter." She broke the kiss, in a demanding moan and he lost his mind. Without warning, he pulled back and she was already missing the warmness of his presence. He removed his boxer and she licked her lips appreciating the view while she was also getting rid of her own panties. As he climbed on top of her again, he noticed the goosebumps and immediately pulled the cover above them. Once they were both nestled warmly, he stretched out his hand and clumsily opened the drawer to grab a condom. In no time he tore it off with his teeth and pulled it down his length.
As he settled down in her arms, he kissed her parted lips. He couldn't get enough of her, as if she was sending oxygen straight down his lungs. He positioned himself at her entrance, and pulled back his head to look straight into her eyes.
"You okay?" Their closeness had something comforting and warm. They couldn't go back, and neither she nor he wanted to. But he made sure she was okay with this. Things had slipped out of their control, but he wanted her to feel confident and give her the choice until the last second.
"I want this. I want you." She said breathless.
No more words needed, he entered her in a swift motion and all the tension built from day one, the doubts, the fears vanished suddenly as he hushed her moan with a heated kiss. He gave her time to adjust to his size and then started moving. She crossed her legs behind his rears as he was slowly building their rhythm.
"God, Liv." He mumbled against her neck, where he was busy leaving hot open-mouthed kisses against her skin. She tugged at his hair and was digging her fingernails in his shoulder blade with her other hand. He didn't know how long he would be able to hold it as the tension was too much to bear. Soon his thrusts were deep and strong, and the feeling of him inside her made her back arching. He dropped wet kisses on her jaw then down her throat, feeling the vibration of her moanings. His fingers intermingled with her hair as his other hand made its way down between her legs. He sensed she was close as he brushed her with his thumb. He could feel her walls tighten around him and her breathing speed up.
"That's it. Let it go." He soothed her in a seductive tone. She met him thrust for thrust, as they were both over the edge of exploding. He quickened the pace, and she closed her eyes. He nestled his face in the crook of her neck and she turned her head, nudging his temple with her nose. It felt as if the time had stopped. They were in their own little bubble, just the two of them with nothing mattering anymore. It wasn't just sex. It was a deeper connection. She could feel it with the way he was kissing her, touching her skin. He kept going with his smooth thrusts, in and out, again and again. She was losing it all like never a man had made her lose it before. She could feel the heat growing in her body, the blood rushing through her veins, the dizziness invading all her senses.
"Fuck, yes." She moaned in his ear and these two words were his undoing. In one last thrust they both came in sync and reached their climax together, filling the room with grunt and whimper. He kept moving gently inside her, savoring the feeling until the very last wave of pleasure. Finally Peter pulled out and collapsed next to her, their sweaty bodies tangled in each other.
"That was…" Olivia breathed out, looking at the ceiling.
"Yeah…" Peter replied, his heartbeat slowly getting its normal rhythm back. He wanted this moment to last forever. They laid still for a moment, catching their breath. A few minutes later she felt him move against her and he planted a kiss on her shoulder before getting out of the sheets.
"I'll be right back." He told her and disappeared into the bathroom. Olivia found herself alone with her own thoughts and as she just got her breath back, her subconscious became aware of what had just happened. Her first reaction would have been to run away, to build her walls up again. But probably thanks to the action of serotonin and endorphin on her brain, she felt serene and soothed. For now, she was just enjoying the good feeling it was providing her.
When he finally came back from the bathroom, she had switched to her side, her back to his and seemed to have fallen asleep. He didn't even try to hide the soft smile growing on his face as he walked to the bed. Carefully, he slipped under the cover and reached for her. As soon as she had felt him hugging her from behind, her whole body relaxed and instinctively snuggled closer to him. He was happy to find out she wasn't sleeping as he had thought.
One of his legs sneaked in between hers, and his arm was possessively holding her. She didn't mind the closeness. Not with him. She felt safe and loved wrapped up in his arms, two feelings she hadn't felt in a long time. It was a stolen moment in their chaotic lives and she wouldn't have wished to share it with anyone else. They laid silently in the dark for long minutes. Olivia could feel his warm breath against her neck and she closed her eyes. Her brain automatically brought her the past few hours memories. She hadn't planned anything when she knocked on his door. But here she was, in his bed, in his arms. However, there was something upsetting her mind. She didn't know if it was the time or the place to talk about it, but if she didn't ask it now, she would never do it again.
Once she felt confident enough, she broke the silence.
"So, you were married?" The question didn't surprise Peter. He knew they would eventually end up talking about it, although he wasn't really sure he wanted to think back of that part of his life in this particular moment. But he knew that he owed Olivia an explanation somehow.
"Almost. But yes, it was a long time ago."
"You were happy?"
"I was, or I thought." He paused. "I believed for a long time that it was how things were supposed to be: studying, having a job, finding a nice girl and marrying her, having a family."
"And what happened?" Her fingers started playing randomly with his and he opened his hand, letting free access to her caresses. She lazily brushed his knuckles with her fingertips, then the inner of his palm.
"Life, I guess. I thought we were meant to be, because it felt right. It was after my sportive career. We met at the university, her family was wealthy, on good terms with mine, she was beautiful,... But with time I realized we were completely different. We didn't want the same things."
"What did you want?"
"She wanted notoriety, success and money. While I just wanted to be… happy, and feel useful. So one day, after an umpteenth argument I broke up with her. I think she never really forgave me." He felt her nod, and he stopped her soft tickles by lacing their fingers together.
"What about you?" He mumbled against her skin, dropping light kisses on her neck and down her shoulder.
"Me?" She snorted softly, not really getting the point of his question.
"Have you ever been in love?" Her heart skipped a beat. She stayed quiet for a while, not really knowing how to respond to that. She hesitated for a moment, not knowing what to say. But she thought that being honest with herself was probably the best to do.
"There'd been someone, a long time ago." She paused. "The longest relationship I've ever had with a man." She recalled her own words she said years ago. "But we weren't- nothing ever happened between us."
"But you loved him." There was a heavy silence again, and Peter didn't know if she was taking her time thinking about the question or if she didn't want to answer him.
"He was my partner, for 13 years. And he was married."
"What happened?"
"There was a rough case. It's a- a long story, but there was a shooting at the precinct. A teenage girl literally lost it in front of her mother's killers and rappers. She- she was completely distraught. He tried to reason with her but she started shooting at everyone." She sighed. "He shot her down." There was a long silence, once again, before she kept talking. "He put his papers in and disappeared, just like that. I never heard from him again."
"It must have been hard for you." He tightened his grip on her, trying to comfort her. His heart clenched, imagining the hurt she had probably felt.
"I thought we'd get through this together. I would have been there for him. I would never have let him down. He knew it." Peter could feel the bitterness through the way she spoke, and he felt her tensed in his arms. It was the first time she'd ever told anyone how she truly felt at that time.
"You're still mad at him?" He softly asked.
"I don't know." She sighed. "I guess a part of me will always hate him for the way he left. But I get it, the guilt, the pressure. I just hope he has found the peace he was looking for somewhere and that he's happy the way it is."
Of course, there had been a few other men who had also meant a lot to her. But Elliot, he was special. She felt a tug at her heart, finally putting words on her feelings. She had never really talked openly about it with anyone on her team, always shutting him out everyone who dared asking her about it. She wouldn't have been able to say why Peter was the one she finally talked freely to. Maybe because the scars were less open now than years ago. Still there, but less deep. She had mourned this chapter of her life, although she would never forget it.
She sighed, as silence propped over the room once again. Peter had quietly given her his support, and she appreciated it. They'd never really needed words to understand each other. She could hear his breathing becoming more regular and deeper. She knew he had somehow fallen asleep, and she closed her eyes at her turn.
A few hours later, as the night was already largely consumed, Olivia started to shift in the bed. She hardly came out of her sleep, but she could feel something was off. She slightly frowned, and rolled on her back. She stretched out her hand, but all she found was an empty place. Peter wasn't there. As she straightened in a sitting position, an unknown noise came up from the room next door. She turned around and switched the lamp on, trying to calm the sudden wave of panic that seized her. She got out of bed, and noticed Peter's shirt lying on the floor. She picked it up and put it on.
"Peter?" She entered the kitchen, crossing her arms on her chest. She let her eyes adjust to the darkness of the room, as she finally found him standing behind the kitchen island.
"Uh, Liv. I didn't want to wake you." He was slightly startled to see her there. His voice was shaking, and he tried to compose himself, clearing his throat.
"Is everything okay?" She asked, tilting her head to catch his eyes.
"Ye-Yeah. I'm good." He was leaning on the counter with both of his hands and was avoiding her gaze. He didn't want her to see him like this, that's why he had isolated himself in the kitchen to get a grip on himself. But Olivia kept walking forward, and quickly found herself at his side. Even turning his head away from hers, he couldn't fool her. She knew better than anyone.
"You want to talk about it?" Her voice was so soft that he just wanted to collapse into her arms. But he was far too proud to show himself so weakened. He didn't mind crying in front of her. She'd already seen him devastated the day Pamela died. But what was happening right now, he hadn't told anyone about it. He had managed to hide his demons until now, and he was fighting hard against the urge to tell her about everything. He closed his eyes firmly, and shook his head. But suddenly feeling Olivia's hand resting on his broke all the walls he'd had tried to keep high. He tilted his head back and took a deep shaking breath. He tried to hold the tears, but the pain was so unbearable he couldn't longer fight them. He broke down and she pulled his arm aside to snuggle against his body.
"Peter…" She breathed out his name, heartbroken. He let her wrap her arms around him, as he did the same. He rested his lips against the top of her head, humming the intoxicating scent of her hair as the tears were silently streaming down his cheeks. She was holding tightly onto him, trying to comfort him as best as she could. He sniffled, and then breathed out heavily.
"I've been experiencing some violent nightmares, and I'm not handling them very well." He snorted ironically between two sobs. Olivia raised her head from his chest and looked at him.
"I didn't know, Peter. I'm sorry."
"I didn't tell anyone." He shook his head, and seemed to be miles away as he was looking straight ahead. "I keep seeing her." The words hardly escaped his mouth. Despite the darkness of the room, Olivia could see all the pain and sadness in his eyes. She laid her hand on his cheek, trying to catch his gaze.
"Talk to me." She whispered, desperately. He suddenly came to his senses, and cleared his throat. His face was still wet by the tears but she could tell he was trying hard to get a hold on himself. Olivia felt he wasn't ready to share anything with her yet, and she totally respected it.
"We should go back to bed." He slightly smiled, but it wasn't convincing at all. She let him believe it was as he grabbed her hand and pulled her with him.
She knew that his sister's death had left a terrible mark on him. But she had no idea of the depth of the trauma and psychological wounds he had been struggling with. She herself understood better than anyone else the damages nightmares could cause. She still had some, and will always have. It was something inevitable, something you could never escape from again. And she was hoping some days Peter would learn how to live with his own demons.
Reviews are always welcomed!
