Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the Dead Until Dark True Blood book I just brought. Everything Buffy related belongs to the wonderful Joss Whedon.


Battlefield.

Chapter Twelve: Hidden desires.


Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes.- Maggie Kuhn.

I held my sleeping baby in my arms.

I knew Spikes intention was never to hurt Evelyn, though he had been given the chance. What if it had been someone who took her, someone who didn't want to hurt me, and took their chance in eliminating her? I swore on my life that I would never again give someone the opportunity to let their dirty hands on my baby. I knew that Angel would destroy them if they did, just as I knew that he was intending on getting revenge on Spike for the harm he had caused to our family. This time I didn't even try to talk him out of his payback because I knew that Angel wouldn't listen, no matter how much I protested against his actions. Spike had abducted our child and put me in the hospital – how did someone like that not deserve at least some sort of punishment? Even Willow, who would never lay a hand on anyone, had expressed that she wouldn't turn down the offer to punch Spike.

'Buffy, she isn't going anywhere,' I heard Angel whisper.

I looked up to see him towering over me from behind the sofa, his palms resting lightly on my shoulders, as he gave me a firm look. After picking me up from the hospital, a few hours earlier than intended as I had begged the doctor to let me go, I had came through the front door and had been cradling Evelyn ever since. Hell, I hadn't even looked in a mirror yet, despite the curiosity that was welled up inside of me. I just wanted to feast my eyes on my baby, my precious baby.

'I know. And I know getting out of that accident alive-'

'Alive? Buffy, you're a survivor. Even if it had been worse than that, you would have survived. It wouldn't have even surprised me if you came back from the dead,' interrupted Angel.

The softness of his hands escaped my exposed shoulder as he walked around and took a seat beside me on the sofa. I released one of my hands from Evelyn's body, balancing her on my knee and cradling her with my other arm, and let Angel wrap his fingers around my own. I felt him give me a soft, reassuring squeeze.

'I don't think I'm that strong,' I said, smiling slightly.

'Hey, you are. You're strong, you're beautiful, you're determined. You're my girl,' Angel whispered, pressing his smooth lips to the skin of my hand. 'And we'll get through this, I promise you.'

'I believe you,' I said.

I leant my head on his shoulder, letting him wrap his arms around my waist, and fell into a gentle, peaceful slumber.


I let the tips of my fingers slide across the coolness of the mirror.

My face was covered in varied colours, shades of deep purple and a sickish yellow mingled together, with red-rimmed cuts littered across my sun-kissed skin. My face was barely recognizable, except my eyes – they still shined with a newly found determination. Because last night, when I fell asleep with my daughter and soul mate on the sofa, my mind had wandered into my subconscious to have a peek at what I wanted but would never consciously admit. And I found, after a very desiring dream, that I wanted to move out of Sunnydale. I wanted to start a new life away from this place that, like Michigan, had now been tainted with the darkness of my past that I had been forever running from. I had been too coward to voice this idea to Angel after he woke up, though, like looking in the mirror at the stranger staring back, I would work up the courage soon.

'You okay?'

I hadn't even heard Willow enter the house, never mind the bathroom. I looked at her in the mirror and gave her a reassuring smile, easing her tensed face. Sky held onto her hand, a lollypop clutched in her hand, as she started up at me, her red hair tied up in two amazingly adorable ponytails. Every time I saw Sky it seemed like she had aged wildly, evolving more into a mixture of her mother and father, except with her own unique smile.

'Aunty Buff Buff, why you're face so many colours?' she asked innocently.

Willow's eyes widened as she turned to her daughter. 'Sky! You do not –'

'No, Willow, its okay,' I said, noticing the tears pooling in Sky's eyes already. 'I was in an accident, honey, and I got a boo-boo. I'm fine, don't worry,' I smiled to Sky, crouching down to her level.

Sky nodded tearfully, before flinging herself on me, her arms fastening tightly around my neck, too tightly for an average toddler. I chuckled and rubbed her back. I met Willow's eyes and waved off the apology that she mouthed guiltily. Sky was just a curious young girl, who had barely seen the world, and how could I be angry at her for questioning everything around her?

'Sky, would you like to go watch Cartoons downstairs?' questioned Willow, patting her daughter's red head.

Sky released me slowly and looked up at her Mom in glee, almost dropping her lolly. 'Can I mommy?! Please!'

'If Aunty Buff doesn't mind,' Willow smiled.

'Course you can, Sky,' I answered before Sky could even turn around. 'Go ask Grandma Joyce to put it on downstairs.'

Sky nodded, squealed loudly, before running out of the room as fast as she could, shouting out for "Grandma Joy!"

I couldn't help but laugh at my god-daughter.

'How are you?' Willow asked, taking a seat on the edge of the bath tub.

My laughter ceased as I leant against the wall, studying my best friend. It still seemed so unreal that a single person could make you feel so strong, that a single person could stand by your side through everything, and that you could never be more proud of that single person to call them your best friend.

'I'm fine, Will,' I said nonchalantly.

'What possessed you to look in the mirror?'

'Knowing that I've seen worse. I've seen my face in the same condition before, Will, and … it doesn't scare me anymore,' I replied, letting the tips of my fingers graze against my cheek.

Willow's eyes were glazed with a sympathetic look. Before I could turn even an inch back towards the mirror, she had rose to her feet and pulled me into a tight hug, burying her face into the crook of my neck. It had been a long time since we had last hugged like this, probably all the way back to Graduation Day when I hugged her, knowing I was leaving Sunnydale with Spike.

And now I was going to leave Sunnydale behind again. I was going to leave Willow, Xander, Giles, Faith, Cordelia and my Mom all behind once again. Except, unlike last time, I was trying to protect my daughter, to get her away from a place that held too much conflict for me to ever live peacefully again. It was unfair – especially on Angel – though I felt like it was something that needed to be done. For the sake of our family.

As I released myself from Willow's grasp, I found myself scanning her face.

She looked slightly paler than usual, a greenish tint to her skin, though her face blossomed with a secret shine of glee. There was something she wasn't telling me, I could tell …

However, before I could question her, I noticed she too was searching my face. And if she could read me like I could read her, she too would know that I was hiding something as well. I was just glad that she didn't know what. I wasn't prepared to tell Willow yet that I was leaving Sunnydale for the second time, leaving her and her family behind, and I knew it would kill me when the time did come, no matter how hard I tried to prolong it.

'I'm so glad you're home, Buffy. Don't worry, we'll get through this,' comforted Willow.

How long would I be able to call this my home though?


That night Angel sat downstairs, watching a movie on the television, whilst I listened to Faith's version of how she found Evelyn. Apparently Angel had called her shortly after he heard the accident and told Faith to go search for Evelyn, claiming that Spike had taken her and something horrible had obviously happened to me. Just as Faith had swung open the door and was about to march out, she found Evelyn on the doorstep, peacefully asleep without a single scratch on her. She brought Evelyn in and rung Angel immediately, letting him know that she had found his daughter safe and sound. It was then whilst on the phone that she first saw the piece of paper in Evelyn's car seat. In fact, she had been so enthralled by the words printed on the paper that she had barely heard Angel tell her I had been in a car accident.

'And then I rushed to the hospital with Evelyn,' finished Faith, clapping her hands together and leaning against the wall.

I nodded my head.

'Listen, B, I'm going to head down to The Bronze to blow off some steam, want to join?' she asked.

She jumped up and grabbed her leather jacket off the end of her bed, shrugging into it. I too rose to my feet, stretching my arms above my head to relieve some of the stiffness.

'I'm good, thanks. I think I'm going to join Angel downstairs,' I said.

Faith pulled a face, as though to say I was boring and needed some fun, but didn't say anything. We both stepped out of her room and descended the stairs. Evelyn was put to bed, the baby monitor by her side with the other one securely besides Angel. We were taking no risks now. I could not afford to let Evelyn get in the hands of that monster again. And my Mom was happily ironing in her guest room, deciding that she was tired of not having anything to do. I knew that she missed her own home, even if she visited it occasionally to get the post and some laundry, and I felt immensely guilty for keeping her trapped here like an animal, though I only had her safety in mind. And as soon as Spike was caught, she would be able to return to her home and hopefully never have to be parted from it again under the circumstances of Spike.

'Who are you going to the Bronze with?' I asked as we reached the final step.

'I think I will drag Cordelia and Xander with me,' she grinned.

I wished her good luck, knowing full well that Cordelia was out visiting her father tonight and Xander would refuse the invitation instantly, and watched as she left the house, shouting goodbye to Angel as she went. The door slammed behind her a few moments later.

I shuffled over to Angel and sprawled out on the sofa next to him, my eyes never leaving his face. As soon as the adverts came on, his eyes flashed to mine. Instantly he smirked.

'What do you want, Buffy? You have that look on your face that means you want something,' said Angel.

'Geez, Mom! Sorry, forgot I was sixteen again.' I stuck my tongue out.

His lips pulled up at the corners slightly, a hint of his dazzling smile shining through. 'No, seriously … what do you want?'

I bit down hard on my bottom lip. I had decided to come clean with my proposal on moving, even if for the first time in years I felt butterflies in my stomach, but all the courage I had mustered up seemed to vanish as Angel x-rayed me with his deep brown orbs. I took a deep breath. What if he didn't want to move? Would he tell me to go without him? Could I cope as a single mother? All these worries had me blurting out my request in a second.

'A new house.'

Unexpectedly, Angel didn't look as surprised as I had thought. His brows furrowed for a moment before straightening out, a look of resolve on his face.

'Okay, I guess we could get a new house … it makes sense. I saw this house up for sale near Willow's and –'

And I suddenly understood why he hadn't looked surprised. Okay, I had to admit that I hadn't expressed what I wanted very clearly; therefore I could understand why he thought I meant a new house here in Sunnydale. I gave him a weak smile, shaking my head softly.

'Not in Sunnydale, Angel,' I interrupted.

His face dropped. The surprise I had been looking for from the start fell on his face.

'Oh. Where?' Angel questioned.

His brow furrowed once more.

'Los Angeles… maybe somewhere else. I don't know, just somewhere away from here,' I answered, capturing the flesh of my lip between my top teeth.

His face twisted between emotions: surprised, confused, and worried … before finally resting on understanding.

'You don't want to stay here after everything that has happened?' he guessed.

I nodded. 'I want to get away from here, somewhere that won't haunt me. I want to give Evelyn a proper childhood,' I said.

'But wouldn't she get a decent childhood here? Come on, I mean, Sky will probably be her friend … and her grandma is here and her aunts and godparents … everyone she needs is here,' Angel said, shaking his head.

'I know it's selfish, I do, but I don't want to be here anymore. Believe me when I say that I wouldn't be asking for this if I wasn't serious.'

'I need to sleep on it,' declared Angel.

He rose from his seat and headed immediately to the stairs.

'Angel, please I-'

'I'll see you in the morning.'

And a few moments later, the door slammed shut.


I sat on the bench outside school, my eyes scanning the yard, as the many students rushed past me, heading towards their cars.

It was the end of the day. Another school day over. However, for the third time that week, I was waiting for Spike again. Most of my friends had left by now, so I was forced to spend the time waiting alone. I never knew what kept Spike so long, never did I want to ask, but I found that whatever he was doing that was keeping him so long … it was pissing me off. But I loved him, so I waited.

As the cars pulled out of the school car park and sped away, I realised that only a handful of students now remained on school grounds. I jumped up off the bench and began to pace, my eyes repeatedly glancing at the watch on my right wrist. Every minute or so I would sigh in frustration. My head began to throb as the hot California sun shone down on my face. Suddenly, a hand rested on my shoulder.

I gave a sigh of relief. Thank god, Spike was here now.

I spun around to find not Spike stood there, but Angel.

I couldn't help but return his grin. Angel was a close friend of mine. He was someone who always protected me, flirted with me, and made me feel happy. He had this warm personality that could immediately brighten up someone's day. I was proud to call this handsome boy one of my closest friends.

'Hey Buff, what you still doing here?' he asked, eyeing me in surprise.

'Waiting for Spike. Have you seen him?' I replied, letting the anger colour my tone.

Angel instantly bit down on his lip, averting his gaze from mine.

'Just tell me, Angel,' I sighed, placing my hands on my hips. 'I'm already in a pissy mood, it doesn't matter. Has he got an hour's detention or something?'

Angel frowned sympathetically. 'No, he left like fifteen minutes ago.'

My hands screwed up into tights fists, my knuckles whitening, as my teeth gritted together. HE HAD LEFT ALREADY? If it had been anyone but Angel, I would have knocked their two front teeth down their throat. And, to make matters worse, we had been supposed to be getting a ride from one of his friends, so seen as only Angel's car was left in the parking lot … I guess that left me to walk home.

Angel too seemed to draw to this conclusion as his eyes continued to drink me in. 'I can give you a ride home, Buffy. It's not safe for a pretty girl like you to be walking the streets.'

I snorted and punched him in the shoulder. 'Do I look like one of those weak, blondes who are the first to get killed in horror movies? Nope, I do not!'

Angel laughed as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders, dragging me towards his car.

I owed Angel a lot. He was always there to catch me when I fall.

I awoke with a smile on my face.

I remembered that day of High School. Spike had left without me, though he had apologised heart-heartedly later, and Angel had been the one to make sure I had arrived home safely. It was always like Angel to protect me, even if it was more of Spike's job than his. I guess I had been blind back then to not realise my soul mate was right in front of me the whole time.

As I sat up on the sofa, massaging my stiff neck, I realised something …

I would always be with Angel, wherever he was. So if moving was something that he didn't want then I would remain in Sunnydale right by his side.

Because that is what soul mates do.


THANKS SOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS! IT MEANS SUCH A LOT TO ME!

I know some of you were probably expecting drama – I understand. But can you blame me for wanting to prolong this story? I really don't want it to end.

Yes, Buffy wants to move. Will Angel agree & will they move? Or will he disagree & will they stay? What is Willow hiding? And has Spike really just vanished into thin air?

By the way – another one shot of mine for you to read if you want – it is called Your Girl Always. Check it out and let me know what you think!

Thanks again!

Your writer always,

Beth x