Disclaimer: The great Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I'm just using her amazing characters to tell you a story.
Warning: "Life in the Balance" is the story of Bella facing the consequences of the way she chose to end the vicious cycle of an abusive relationship. The telling of such a story requires the retelling of the events that led to her choice, many of which contains acts of domestic violence and abuse in all its incarnations. If you are uncomfortable with reading these types of depictions, please do not read the flashbacks as they will tell her story as it happened.
Thanks as always to Loulabelle and AgoodWITCH, my most awesome pre-reader and beta. I love you two so very much. I can't forget all my WC girls for all the encouragement. Ladies, you are the best. Love ya tons.
Chapter 12 –Making Plans
Counselor
December 29, 2009
On my way back to the car, I checked my watch; three hours to get back to the office. I had a few errands to run but I would be done and back in plenty of time. I pulled out of the lot and made my way back to the city. As the distance grew, the ache in my chest got harder to ignore. I felt it every time I left her there and went back to my empty house. When this was all over, I wanted her in my life.
I couldn't wait for the day I would watch her walk through those gates as a free woman. This time she would truly be free…free from a life in prison, free from the prison that James turned her life into and, hopefully, free to love again.
I prayed for that day to come. The day she would be able to look at me and, if there was a God, she would have the same feelings for me that I did for her. She could fill the gaping hole in my life that I never cared about until I met her.
My phone ringing ended my musings and I tapped the button on the earpiece to answer.
"Hey boss. How long until you get back?" Alice asked.
"I'll be there around six-thirty."
"Good. They should be here around that time too. I ordered Italian, so stop in and pick it up on your way back."
"Consider it done. Is there anything else?" I asked.
"Nothing that we can't talk about after you get back."
"Thanks, Alice. I'll see you in a few hours." I tapped the earpiece again to hang up the phone.
~..~..~..~..~..~
By 6pm I walked into the restaurant to pick up our dinner. Alice knew how much I loved this place and she also knew that when I found something I liked, I stuck with it. We were regulars here, constantly picking up take out or sitting down to eat after a long day in court or meeting with clients.
The hostess, Jessica, smiled as I approached her. Alice told me once that she had a thing for me but I wasn't the least bit interested in her. I took her for coffee one time and politely explained that my work kept me too busy to even consider dating and I wouldn't want her to wait around for me. Thankfully, she accepted that and our association since had been comfortable.
"Hey you, we don't see you in here much anymore." She stepped from behind her podium and gave me a light hug.
I pulled away and smiled. "Sorry Jessica, I've been working on a big case and it's taking all of my time."
"Right the Swan case. I remember Alice talking about that last week. How's it going?" she asked.
"We're working really hard and with any luck, we'll win and she can go free." I felt my pulse speed up like it always did when I thought of Bella.
"No offense, but she killed someone, prison is exactly where she needs to be."
The attitude she used when she spoke triggered my protective side.
"How can you even say that? You don't know anything about her," I snapped at her.
Her eyes grew wide at my tone. I'd never spoken so harshly to her or anyone else for that matter.
"Murder is murder, right? You take a life, you belong in prison." Her answer was simple, but she spoke with a haughty attitude.
"You have no idea what that girl went through. Sometimes life doesn't give us another choice." I knew my voice was growing in volume and I tried to bring it down to keep from causing a scene. "If you were in her shoes, what would you do?"
I turned away from her, not wanting to continue the conversation.
"Gah, you don't have to get so defensive about it. If that man had killed her, he would be spending the rest of his life in prison or worse. Why should she get off so easily?"
I turned toward her and her cocked eyebrow showed me how uncaring this girl really was. She passed judgment on Bella even though she knew nothing of the horrible past she had to endure. I had to control my temper and get out of there before I gave this girl a piece of my mind.
"Is my food ready yet?" I said, every word dripping with disdain.
Her face fell slightly and I was sure my tone hurt her feelings, but in that moment I didn't care. She turned and grabbed two bags off a table behind her and handed them to me. After signing the credit card slip, I grabbed the bags and stormed out without so much as a thank you.
"Damn narrow minded people," I mumbled to myself as I got in the car. "I'd like to see her go through that and then maybe she would understand."
As soon as the words left my mouth, I was instantly guilty. How could I ever wish that on someone? It was wrong and evil and vindictive and it hurt to think I could ever wish that kind of harm on someone…even if I didn't truly mean it.
I drove back to the office, silently chastising myself for the argument with Jessica. I knew this case was going to be a sore spot with many people and I told myself not to take it personally when they expressed their views, but that was months ago, before Bella would talk to me. Now that I was getting to know more about her and her life, everything about this case was personal.
I pulled the car in front of my office and was pulling the food out of the back when a voice startled me, causing me to hit my head.
"Son of a bitch. Who…" I rubbed my head, stood up and turned to see who was behind me...laughing.
"I'm sorry." He tried to control himself, but wasn't doing a very good job.
"Here." I handed him the food. "I'll get the rest and meet you inside."
I pulled some bags out of the trunk and grabbed the twelve pack of beer before closing it. I walked towards the door and it opened for me before I got there. Alice eyed me when she saw the beer in my hand but she would end up drinking one too so I knew she wouldn't be too mad.
"I'll get those," she said as she took the bags and put them into our supply room.
Alice already had our dinner set up in my office where we could sit comfortably and eat while we talked. The door behind me opened and closed and Alice poked her head out of my office with a smile on her face. She skipped past me and threw herself at her boyfriend.
"Jasper!" She kissed his cheek as soon as he had her in his arms. "You're late."
"Sorry, darlin'. I got off a little late." He nodded at me before scanning the office. "Where's Paul?"
"It's about time." Paul stepped out of my office. "You act like we have all night to wait for you or something."
Jasper set Alice on her feet again and stepped up to shake my hand. We had a lot to go over tonight, so I motioned for them to step into my office.
"Well, since we're all here, let's get started."
~..~..~..~..~..~
We spent the first half hour talking, laughing and hanging out like normal friends. Since Alice and I worked so closely together over the past several years, I had gotten to know Jasper quite well and we'd become friends. It was because of that friendship that I went along with Alice's idea of having him keep an eye on Bella and help to keep her out of trouble.
Paul, however, was a different story. I was all for Jasper keeping an eye on her because a couple of the other inmates had it in for Bella and would attack her any chance they got. In the first month, she had come to several of our meetings with bruises from fights she had gotten into with the two women. I realized that there was a whole block of time after Jasper was off duty that Bella was left on her own.
I talked to Jasper one night when he came to see Alice and asked if there was someone else that he could trust to help watch over Bella at night. He didn't hesitate to bring Paul in to see me. I knew if Jasper trusted him, I didn't have to worry about his character, but I still wanted to get to know him little before I asked him for his help. He stepped up without a problem and, over the past several months, had actually become more of an asset to me than Jasper was.
Jasper worked the day shift with more guards around and had to keep up appearances, so his contact with Bella was limited. He watched her from a distance and stepped in to help her when it was necessary, but he never got personally involved with her. Paul, on the other hand, worked the night shift with considerably less guards on duty, giving him a chance to actually get to know Bella. He had found a way to become her friend and from what I know of her, if she considered someone a friend, they had her full trust and she was an open book with them.
I knew they talked about a number of different things because he knew so much about her that I didn't, but he would never tell me what they talked about. He would never betray her or their friendship that way and it was because of that, that I was able to fully place my trust in him. We were extremely lucky to have two great men on the inside, one to help keep her safe and one to help bring her out of her shell and help me return her to the girl she used to be.
As much as I liked relaxing and having fun with them, I knew we had business to discuss and it was time to get back to it. I cleared my throat and three sets of eyes all focused on me.
"First, let me say thank you for stepping up and taking care of Bella the way you did while I was gone. Jasper, I know you had to reveal your intentions a little, do you think she caught on?"
"Come on," he laughed and took a drink. "You saw her today. Don't you think she would be a little nicer to me if she knew?"
"Good point. So we're safe there." I looked to Paul but he was looking at Jasper.
"Jasper," Paul was laughing now, "do you even know how much Bella hates you right now?"
Jasper almost choked on the drink he just took and we all laughed.
"I have a feeling after today," he said. "I think I'd be sporting a black eye today if she wasn't worried about going to solitary."
"Why was she so pissed off at you today? I've never seen her like that with you before."
Remembering how she was when he brought her to the room today, I was shocked when Bella screamed at him as he was walking out.
"She's pissed 'cause I wouldn't let her out of the room yesterday when you were fighting." He laughed again.
"Well thank you for that." I was embarrassed by my behavior. "I tried so hard not to fight with her, but I just couldn't get a handle on my temper. I've told her so many times to be careful but she just won't listen."
"Yeah, but she forgave you for that," Paul said. "So, don't worry about it."
"What?" His comment surprised me. I never realized that I would be a topic of discussion between them.
"Nothing. Never mind." He tried to turn back to Jasper again, but I needed to know what he meant.
"No, I want to know what she said."
"Look, all you need to know is that she realized some things last night that made her see things a little differently."
His attention went back to Jasper and I knew he wasn't going to say another word about it. It aggravated me beyond belief that he would keep what she said about me to himself, but that was exactly how he gained her trust so I couldn't complain too much. If I was being honest with myself, I was more than a little jealous that he was able to get her to open up in a way that I only dreamed of. But in the end, I didn't care which one of us did it; I was just glad that someone could.
"Speaking of last night, what were you doing awake at 2am anyway?" Paul asked.
"I didn't have a chance to tell you about today," Jasper answered.
Paul took a one drink of his beer and was laughing as he put his empty bottle on the table.
"Let me just say this, if you keep interrupting her conversations, whatever attitude she gave you today is going to be nothing. I can almost guarantee that she's not going to be so concerned about solitary the next time."
When he spoke of interrupted conversations, my mind flashed to yesterday when I had Bella up against that wall. The urge to kiss her was so strong and if Jasper hadn't interrupted when he did, I would have lost the fight and gave in to my desires.
"You better watch out, baby." Alice spoke up. "I don't know if I could handle my boyfriend being beaten up by a girl."
Laughter erupted around the room and Paul almost fell out of his chair from laughing so hard. After a few minutes, everyone was able to calm down enough so I could get back to what I really brought them here for. Things were going to be changing and we all needed to be prepared for it.
"Now that we got all of that out of the way, I need to go over a few things with both of you." I took my last drink and set the bottle down. "So far, Bella has given me just enough to finally decide on a proper defense, but she's been hesitant; afraid to give me too much and, frankly, we don't have time to wait."
Jasper and Alice waited to hear what I had to say, but Paul shifted in his seat and I knew that he knew what I was talking about.
"Over the weekend, I went to Colorado to see two of Bella's old friends but as luck would have it, they're still really close and I was able to sit down with all four of them instead. I hoped they would give me the details I need to help her, but when I got them all in the same room together, I realized that she's been holding back an immense amount of information."
"So what does that have to do with us?" Jasper interrupted.
"I'm going to need your help. This trial is coming fast and as much as I hate to do it, I'm going to have to push her hard for information. I'm going to use the details I got from her friends to get the information I need out of her and I can promise you now that there is going to be a lot of fighting going on between us."
Paul opened his mouth to say something, but I held my hand up to stop him. I sat forward in my chair to address each one of them.
"Jasper, I'm sorry but you and I are going to bear the full weight of her anger. She's going to fight me at every turn, but I'm going to need to keep her in that room and she is going to hate you for that. I don't mean to put this on you, but no matter what you hear or how much she begs, you cannot let her leave."
"I can do that." Jasper nodded, agreeing with my plan.
"You're going to force her to do this!" Paul yelled. "She's barely holding on as it is and you want to push her to the edge before she's ready? Do you have any idea what that will do to her?"
"Paul…" Jasper started.
"No Jasper, you can't do this to her. Neither one of you saw how she was the night before she got hurt. She was a wreck and if you do this, she'll lose it completely!"
"I'm sorry, but I have to agree with Paul here," Alice interjected. "The two of you have seen, felt and heard how much anger she's holding inside, and I know it's bothered you both on more than one occasion. Paul is the only one who sees the pain that she allows herself to feel when no one else is around. He's been the one to help her through it and he's been the one encouraging her to talk. Don't you think he knows better than anyone what your plan will do to her? How it will affect her?"
Paul looked me right in the eye and spoke with a quiet, but serious, tone. "You do this to her and you will lose her."
He wasn't just talking about my plan to get her to talk anymore. There was more to his statement than he was willing to say out loud.
"Alice…Jasper, can the two of you excuse us for a minute?"
The two of them left quietly, giving me and Paul a chance to talk freely and I hoped, for once, he would open up to me. When the door clicked closed, I continued with the argument I wanted to make before Alice interrupted.
"Paul, I really am sorry, but I don't have any other choice here. She's still hiding so many secrets and if I don't get to them soon, it may be too late." I took a deep breath. "I know how much you care about her, which is why I need you the most."
"You don't know shit and I couldn't give a fuck what you need." He had calmed down, but his voice still had a hard edge to it. "I'm not in this for you. I care about Bella, and I refuse to let you hurt her more than she's already been hurt."
"But I have to know everything, and right now I don't. This trial is three months away and we haven't even scratched the surface yet. It's going to make this so much harder for me if I don't get all the details from her." I had to make him realize the depth of the problem we're facing.
"Has she ever told you about her friends?" I asked.
"She's mentioned them."
"Has she ever told you what happened to them?"
"No."
"There is a whole world of pain and guilt eating away at her that even you don't know about."
I took the time to explain to him exactly what I found out over the weekend and how it affected Bella's decisions to not only leave Colorado, leaving them behind, but how what happened played a part in what she did. By the time I was done, he looked angry, hurt and sick all at the same time.
"She feels responsible for all of that, and she believes she still needs to protect them. They don't need her protection; they need her. I've promised all of them that I will do whatever it takes to get her out of there and I will."
"But isn't there another way?" he asked. "Can't you give me a chance to talk to her and ease her into it? You're there everyday. There has to be enough time to do this without going to the extreme."
I could feel how much he wanted to protect her from this and his feelings weren't that far off from my own. I had gone over and over this to see if there was a better way of doing it but after six days, I was coming up with nothing.
"Two hours a day is nowhere near enough. This isn't a spur of the moment decision, Paul. I've tried to think of every possible way of doing it slowly, giving her time. Unfortunately, time is something we just don't have."
His head dropped, his hands clasped around the back of his neck and I could see the strain in his arms as he pulled, relieving some of the pressure caused by the guilt I was sure he was feeling for going along with this. I could sympathize with him because I was feeling that very same guilt for having to intentionally hurt Bella. I took advantage of his silence to take a few calming breaths before speaking.
"I know what you're going through; I don't want to hurt her either. At least you have one advantage, she already h-hates me," I couldn't help the slight slip in my words, "but she cares about you and you're going to be the one she turns to for support."
I tried to keep the emotion out of my voice as I realized that after this, she wasn't going to want anything to do with me. In the past couple of weeks, I'd had slivers of hope that she might feel something for me already but this was going to ruin any chance I ever hoped to have.
"She doesn't hate you," he mumbled. "She's afraid to trust you," he picked up his head and anger distorted his features, "and now I see why."
"Paul, I don't have a choice." I couldn't lose his trust now.
He shook his head. "Choosing to hurt someone you love on purpose is wrong. Your intentions don't matter."
"What?" His words didn't escape my notice. "I don't…"
"You can try to lie to yourself all you want to, but you can't lie to me. I know more than you think I do." He got out of his chair, moving towards the door. "I've gotta get out of here."
He stopped with his hand on the doorknob before turning back to me.
"One more thing before I go."
His stress over this was displayed on his face for the world to see, and I couldn't help but hate myself for what I was about to do because it was going to end up hurting all of us in the end.
"She knows or at least I think she knows how you feel about her and if you ask me, she feels it too. She just doesn't realize it yet. I don't expect to change your mind, but think long and hard about what you're planning to do because once it's done, it can't be undone and you could lose her."
He opened the door, telling Alice and Jasper they could come back in now. He took a step to leave.
"Goodnight Mr. Cullen."
The door clicked behind him as he left.
Thanks for reading. My poor Paul, he is going to have such a hard time when the Counselor moves forward with this plan. I just hope it doesn't hurt Bella the way he thinks it will. Only time will tell.
As always, I want to take the time to give a few quick recs of some great stories I'm reading. This week, I'm going to focus all my choices on the one and only…Carlisle Cullen.
The first story is a great o/s about the love you can find in unexpected places: Bridging the Gap written by my awesome beta, AgoodWITCH.
Summary: After having her heart broken, Bella meets her sister Esme's best friend, the handsome and caring Dr. Carlisle Cullen. Can they find in the other what they've been searching for?
http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/6872768/1/Bridging_the_Gap
The second story has completely owned me from the beginning. It's an absolutely powerful story of two souls finding each other in a love so right that it transcends all logic: There Once Was A King by Brits23
Summary: Bella relies on pen and paper to inspire her in a monotonous world, but the written word is nothing without the right melody. She finds that melody in a man who breathes life into an endless sea of grey. He's everything - everything she can't have.
http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/6127359/1/There_Once_Was_a_King
And finally, I can't forget my boys. Another amazing o/s (and hopefully more someday) about how a common love can bring two people together, but that same love can also tear them apart: Shifting Gears by Tkegl
Summary: Edward shows up in Carlisle's driveway, drawn in by his gorgeous Pontiac GTO. Carlisle thinks they just share a love for classic cars…but soon realizes that what Edward wants is to get under HIS hood.
http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/6752389/1/Shifting_Gears
